Extraordinarily well written popular psychology that dissects the
complex power relations between modern lovers and within their
societies. "I doubt that anyone before our own era...expected
marriage to make up for the pain of history," comments clinical
psychologist Miller. But now, he contends, love is expected to
conquer traumas generated by both personal histories and societal
problems. Under this impossible burden, the social bonds of love
have disintegrated. Lovers, despairing of diplomacy, employ extreme
means in the battle for intimate space and sustenance - the
"intimate terrorism" of the title. Like all good writers in this
genre, Miller draws authority from an awareness of life and thought
that transcends psychology's frameworks. He peppers his text with
judicious citations from classic works of literature, social
science, and philosophy. But there's meaty original thinking, too.
He describes some forms of intimate terrorism in terms of classic
dialectics, like those between scarcity and abundance (initially,
lovers feel flooded with abundance, but later love is valued only
if it is scarce, or withheld); others he analyzes in light of
contemporary fears of failure and epidemics of abuse. Throughout,
Miller sails against prevailing winds of self-help, insisting that
the structure of contemporary society be held responsible for its
contribution to marital misery. (While he explicitly addresses
himself to troubled gay, lesbian, or unmarried couples as well as
to married heterosexuals, it is the latter group that populates his
examples.) Despite his sophistication, the author can't resist
overstating his claim that ours is a fallen time in comparison to a
golden age somewhere in the past. Meanwhile, his closing
prescription for irony and humor rings oddly, given his earnest
tone throughout. Nevertheless, an urgent, transparent style coupled
with important subject matter result in a probing account of
contemporary pain. (Kirkus Reviews)
The Crisis of Love in an Age of Disillusion
"A witty, ironic, poetic, deeply intelligent and iconoclastic book about love . . . serious, wise and ultimately hopeful."--Carol Gilligan
We live in an age when love and power have become virtually interchangeable. Intimate Terrorism is a profound and beautifully written exploration of this condition that draws from psychology, literature, popular culture, current events, and the author's own therapeutic practice to examine the contemporary crisis of intimacy--and suggest what we all might do about it. In doing so it offers one of the most probing readings of the American psyche in years. "This is a serious essay, a thoughtful and thought-provoking meditation on what has gone wrong with love and marriage in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole."--Francine Klagsbrun, Boston Globe
"This is an exciting, troubling and lucid exploration of the ties that bind, even when they shouldn't."--Phillip Lopate
"Extraordinarily well written popular psychology. . . . A probing account of contemporary pain."--Kirkus Reviews
Michael Vincent Miller, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He lectures widely on his ideas about contemporary love and intimacy.
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