There is only one place in a civilized society where men and women
can see the various ideals about life effectively balanced, and
that is in the intimate relationship of marriage. The path to
matrimony starts with friendship, but an essential mutual
commitment must then occur that deepens the relationship, and takes
it from the merely mundane into the transcendent. The love that
begins in courtship will find completeness in a partnership that is
characterized by devotion, truthfulness, and empathy. Therefore, by
marrying, men and women make the deliberate choice to forego some
aspects of their former life with the hope of achieving greater
happiness by sharing everything with another person. Yet, the
decisions that have to be made on this path are sometimes
difficult, and the individual may be unable to find advantageous
direction and guidance. Liberating Love, by Paul Dennis Sporer, is
a unique book that examines the inspired process of building
relationships from an historical standpoint, with step-by-step
coverage of an ideal marriage, from initial friendship, to weighing
social, economic, and emotional variables, to securing lasting
mutual enhancement. Thus, the stages of relationship construction
are explored, with detailed discussions about the substantive
facets of each stage. From these studies it becomes apparent that
contented, fulfilling relationships were not only common in the age
before the modern era, but expected. In order to understand how
effectively our ancestors carefully and conscientiously built their
marital relationships, information is drawn from numerous events
and lives across history and cultures, demonstrating instances of
expert handling of difficult issues in a variety of environments.
The personal thoughts people had in relation to intimacy are
reconstructed, not only revealing their goals, fears, strengths,
and supports, but clarifying the methods they used to deal with
loneliness, work, travel, and social pressures. From examining the
experiences of others, everyone will find something useful to
integrate into their own life. For example, Sporer reflects on the
marriages of famous persons such as W. A. Mozart, John Donne,
Heinrich Schutz, and St. Elizabeth of Hungary; he analyzes the
intriguing array of relationship practices found in a range of
countries, such as Britain, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Spain,
and Switzerland; he also reviews the guidance offered on marriage
by Roman Catholic and Protestant theologies. These analyses
indicate that past generations found success in marriage, because
they were more disciplined, broad-minded, and solicitous compared
to the people of today. Whatever the individual aspects of a
marriage situation, a foundation was established upon which a
strong relationship could be built. Men and women often proceeded
along a course guided by objective thinking, with a flexible and
innovative use of resources. Emotional closeness could readily be
obtained through the network of family relations, which was
traditionally governed by customs arising from a locally modified
form of the universal European "spirit." In this environment, total
freedom of association was guaranteed, and people could choose
their spouse without interference. It is clear that married couples
were also more contented about their place in society, because
their status was increased through the empowerment of a cooperative
partnership. Indeed, both spouses became stronger than before their
marriage. Only within this framework can the ideal of love truly be
liberated. Individuals today can learn much from the wisdom that
aided the formation of the relationships of our ancestors.
Liberating Love is an invaluable source of ideas that can help
modern men and women comprehend critical aspects of intimate
relationships, for their own benefit and that of others.
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