Sometimes a person emerges from American suburbia wild and a bit
crazed and ready to do great and interesting things. Phil Irwin-
iconoclastic musician, writer, and competitive chess player-is one
of these people. He's written a "bad childhood" memoir that is
sardonic, funny, sad, and unique. It is a coming-of-age story that
paints a unique and compelling picture of post-hippie suburban
America. The book is told in two parts. The first half is about
Phil's life growing up as a brilliant but alienated youth trying to
find his place in society; the second details his triumphant
transformation into misanthropic rebel and affirmed alcoholic. In
the first chapters Phil details his childhood as a self-described
"egghead" and describes the various indignities he suffers in
school and at the hands of his well-meaning but heavy-handed
parents, religious fanatics for whom "Spare the Rod, Spoil the
Child" is a favorite motto. In his early years Phil is a chess
prodigy, and he describes that world-the various characters, the
chess player's culture, his own arrogance as he begins to win, his
idolization of Bobby Fischer, and his eventual triumph in adult
tournaments. Being brilliant is more a curse than a blessing,
however. He's so alienated at school that by the seventh grade he's
already considering suicide. Discussing modern tragedies such as
the Columbine shooting, Phil says: "If I had access to a gun, some
kids would have possibly died...including me." When Phil's parents
send him to Christian Camp in an attempt to bring him around to
their way of thinking, he decides he's had enough. Contrary to
their wishes, he returns home an avowed atheist. The second part of
the book begins with a school-sponsored trip to Europe, one which
solidifies Phil's antisocial leanings. He is immersed in a world
completely alien to his experience, a world where one can drink
every day and where intellectual prowess is not considered a
shortcoming. When he returns home he has decided to live life on
his own terms, parents and society be damned. The final chapters
detail Phil's humorous adventures in petty crime, wanton vandalism,
cruel pranks, and massive imbibing in parks and graveyards with a
number of fellow malcontents. The book ends with Phil about to
graduate high school. He has mixed feelings: coming of age has left
a bitter taste, but at least he's escaped the clutches of a wasted
youth spent in COOKIELAND. It's an ending that is wistful,
bittersweet, and optimistic.
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