From growing their children, parents grow themselves, learning the
lessons their children teach. "Growing up", then, is as much a
developmental process of parenthood as it is of childhood. While
countless books have been written about the challenges of
parenting, nearly all of them position the parent as instructor and
support-giver, the child as learner and in need of direction. But
the parent-child relationship is more complicated and reciprocal;
over time it transforms in remarkable, surprising ways. As our
children grow up, and we grow older, what used to be a one-way flow
of instruction and support, from parent to child, becomes instead
an exchange. We begin to learn from them. The lessons parents learn
from their offspring voluntarily and involuntarily, with intention
and serendipity, often through resistance and struggle are embedded
in their evolving relationships and shaped by the rapidly
transforming world around them. With Growing Each Other Up,
Macarthur Prize winning sociologist and educator Sara
Lawrence-Lightfoot offers an intimately detailed, emotionally
powerful account of that experience. Building her book on a series
of in-depth interviews with parents around the country, she offers
a counterpoint to the usual parental development literature that
mostly concerns the adjustment of parents to their babies' rhythms
and the ways parents weather the storms of their teenage progeny.
The focus here is on the lessons emerging adult children, ages 15
to 35, teach their parents. How are our perspectives as parents
shaped by our children? What lessons do we take from them and
incorporate into our worldviews? Just how much do we learn often
despite our own emotionally fraught resistance from what they have
seen of life that we, perhaps, never experienced? From these parent
portraits emerges the shape of an education composed by young adult
children an education built on witness, growing, intimacy, and
acceptance. Growing Each Other Up is rich in the voices of actual
parents telling their own stories of raising children and their
children raising them; watching that fundamental connection shift
over time. Parents and children of all ages will recognize
themselves in these evocative and moving accounts and look at their
own growing up in a revelatory new light.
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