When John Lennon declared in 1966 that the Beatles were more
popular than Jesus Christ, teenagers and twentysomethings of the
baby boomer generation nodded in agreement and turned a cynical eye
toward their parents, who believed otherwise, of course. Scott
Stone, in his book, It's a YAD, YAD, YAD, YAD World, suggests that
this breach contributed to the infamous "Generation Gap" which
resulted in many boomers viewing with cynicism the opinions and
practices of their parents. This moved boomers to later adopt a
"helicopter" parenting style with their own children, a pattern of
micromanagement that valued love and honesty above all else, while
trying to protect their offspring from the frailties and evils of
the world. Fast forward to today, where recent economic conditions
and other social circumstances have driven those children to return
home to live with their parents as young adult dependents-or YADs,
an apt coinage by the author. Many have moved back to the sanctuary
of their childhood bedrooms, emerging only to clean out the family
cupboards and camp out on the living room sofa, playing video
games, texting, and hogging the flat-screen TV instead of making
their way in the real world. Stone explains why boomers must accept
partial responsibility for what he calls the infestation of YADs in
their homes. Their doting parental style contributed to their
children's dependence, and the technology-dominated society in
which they've been immersed since birth has further isolated them
from the world's realities, making many of them poor communicators.
They certainly aren't listening to their parents' message to get on
with their lives outside of their childhood homes. Through
scholarly investigation as well as historical and personal
anecdotes and pop culture references, Stone shares with his fellow
boomers both relevant context and useful recommendations for
dealing with the YADs in their homes, all presented in a sharp,
tongue-in-cheek writing style. Note his three cardinal rules for
dealing with YADs: Don't Ignore. Stone believes that ignoring these
young adults will create a situation in which no one feels
comfortable speaking about the larger issue of dependence, thus
creating bigger problems in the future. Don't Force. The author
quotes Newton's third law of motion: "For every action, there is an
equal and opposite reaction." He puts forth that pressing YADs in
one direction will likely result in them going in the other.
Alternative communication tactics include the use of leading with
noncontroversial statements, conceding as many points as possible
if the argument is not working, and saying nothing to get the
reluctant YAD to say something. Don't Give In. Stone admits this is
the hardest rule to follow, but warns that if parents don't, they
face losing control over their households. Here he paraphrases Sun
Tzu, the famous Chinese general and author of The Art of War: "The
clever parent imposes his will on his children, but does not allow
the children's will to be imposed on him." Those who find
themselves in the same position that the author once did will
appreciate his advice on how to gently but firmly get rid of YADs
before it's too late-and parents become reliant on seeing life
through their children's non-cynical eyes and open-minded
perspectives. Readers will also find interesting his look into the
future of how millennials in general may approach parenthood. Will
9/11 be their Pearl Harbor, as some believe, resulting in their
parenting style resembling that of their 'Greatest Generation"
grandparents more than that of their boomer parents? And whom will
their children take after?
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