A woman's excrutiatingly painful and explicit account of 14 years
of incestuous abuse. With great courage and startling compassion,
Silverman tells the story of how her father, once chief counsel to
the secretary of the Interior and later an international banker,
made her his sexual companion. Beginning when she was four years
old, the incest escalated from fondling in the bathtub to oral and
finally full-fledged and frequent vaginal intercourse. With her
mother's unspoken acquiesence ("I was a present to her husband")
Silverman became a willing instrument in calming her beloved
father's frequent rages. Extraordinarily frank ("It feels good,
yes. I discover its pleasure before its shame"), Silverman is able
to recreate the emotional trail that leads from terror to pleasure,
from confusion and fear to disassociation. Two new personalities
emerge to take the brunt of her father's sexual forays. One is
Dina, passive and wanting only to please; the other is Celeste,
angry, challenging, and hungry. But even with these guardian
personae, the little girl Sue remains acutely vulnerable. As a
second-grader, she felt so unprotected that she dropped out of
school for a year; a few years later, during an especially
traumatic period, she spent most of three months sleeping. As
Silverman enters adolescence, she struggles to break away, but not
until she leaves for college does her father abruptly stop his
sexual marauding. Silverman spends the next 30 years trying to
understand and control both her sexual aggressiveness and her
self-starvation - an attempt, in essence, to make her abused body
disappear. With therapy and a loving husband, she succeeds and,
almost unbelievably, comes to terms with her parents as well.
Harrowing in its depiction of savage violation and profoundly
moving in its portrait of a child's fear, confusion, and desperate
search for a safe place. (Kirkus Reviews)
"Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You" destroys our
complacency about who among us can commit unspeakable atrocities,
who is subjected to them, and who can stop them. From age four to
eighteen, Sue William Silverman was repeatedly sexually abused by
her father, an influential government official and successful
banker. Through her eyes, we see an outwardly normal family built
on a foundation of horrifying secrets that long went unreported,
undetected, and unconfessed.
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