It begins harmlessly. Parents chatting on the playground compare
their babies' first milestones: "Has Erin started talking? Addy's
already using five-word sentences!" Inevitably, Erin's mom and dad
feel anxious. Later, as report cards, standardized tests, tryouts,
playoffs, auditions and social cliques fill their child's world,
parents' anxiety intensifies. The older kids get, the more
competition they face, whether in sports, academics or the arts.
Hovering in the background is the race for admission to a top-tier
college. To help panicky parents deal with the torrential emotions
stirred up by our competitive society, and to give them scientific
knowledge about their children's growing years, leading child
researcher Wendy Grolnick and educational and parenting journalist
Kathy Seal offer this illuminating and accessible guide to
channeling competitive anxiety into positive parenting. While
evolution has given parents a genetic predisposition toward this
protective anxiety whenever their children face today's heightened
competition, the authors guide parents to avoid pushing and
pressuring, turning their fear instead into calm guidance.
Distilling the results of thirty years of research in child
psychology, the authors focus on three essential feelings-autonomy,
competence, and connectedness-which parents can foster in their
children to maximize the child's chances of success and minimize
family conflict. They explain that granting kids autonomy lets them
feel that they can solve their own problems and are responsible for
their own actions. At the same time, providing structure gives kids
the guidelines, information, limits, and consequences that they
need to act in the world, instilling them with a feeling of
competence. Finally, support from adults in the form of time and
other resources provides children with a necessary feeling of
connection and helps them internalize the ideas and values of their
caring parents. Reassuring and empathic, Grolnick and Seal show
parents how to avoid the burn-out-in both parents and children-that
afflicts so many in our highly competitive society, while raising
children who thrive and excel.
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