In this explosive first-person account of swapping the White House for the Big House, Donald Trump aims to Make Prison Great Again. MARCH 31 It's been two weeks since they put me in The Hole. Very unfair! No-one is treated as unfairly as Trump. Many people say that solitary confinement is a kind of torture. I'm not so sure. I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my favourite person in the world. I say to him: "Mr President, remember when you met Bo Derek at the PGA Tour Championship? She had the hots for you, believe me." And he'll reply: "I agree, Mr President. Also, I was a better golfer than anyone in the tournament. And that's without cheating, which I would never do, believe me." So I'm doing amazing. Incredibly well. Some would say I'm the best Hole Guy ever. Not like those losers who go nuts... Of course the verdict was VERY UNFAIR - they were meant to be a jury of his peers, but none of them were billionaires. Still, the trial got AMAZING ratings. Now locked up in Smallhand State Prison, our presidential protagonist goes full Samuel Pepys and attempts the first BESTSELLER to be written entirely on toilet paper. Life inside is tough for Trump: he experiences withdrawal symptoms from social media and is no longer able to watch Fox News all day. But he soon realises that incarceration isn't a punishment, it's an OPPORTUNITY, and attempts to conquer the clink as he once conquered AMERICA. Can Donald rise to become prison kingpin, smuggling McDonald's Filet-O-Fish and tutoring fellow inmates in the Art of the Deal? Interspersed with reports from Smallhand's resident psychologist, Trump: The Prison Diaries is a satirical riot - The Apprentice meets The Shawshank Redemption. So brace yourself, because orange is the new orange.

'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw FEATURES ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic. Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership. Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from the man... ___ 'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary, What ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment), Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'

*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including all the great material he had to take out for being either too incendiary or too obviously made up* Ghostwritten by Lucien Young, while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island. Offering a comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is BoJo as you've never seen him before.

The world's richest man faces the galaxy's deadliest threat! Everyone's favourite billionaire makes his pulse-pounding debut in this rip-roaring sci-fi adventure, from the bestselling author of The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 13¼. When an ALIEN ARMADA menaces our planet, Earth's governments and armed forces find themselves powerless to resist. In desperation, humanity turns to one man: billionaire, futurist and Twitter addict ELON MUSK. Elon has long styled himself as the real-life Tony Stark, but can everyone's favourite genius step up and become a hero? Or is he just an egotistical man-child whose only actual talent is self-promotion? Whatever happens, us non-plutocrats are in for a wild ride! Board the electric space vehicle ICARUS 1 with Elon, alien princess Grimes and arch-rival Jeff Bezos, as the oldest man alive, President Joe Biden, tasks them with saving the planet. ELON MUSK! SAVIOUR OF SPACE! LORD OF THE FUTURE! MASTER OF MEMES! Humanity's fate is in his hands... if only he could stop Tweeting.

Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer's afternoon - 23rd June 2016, to be precise - Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole, she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is white, experts are fools and fools are experts... She meets such characters as the Corbynpillar, who sits on a toadstool smoking his hookah and being no help to anyone; Humpty Trumpty, perched on a wall he wants the Mexicans to pay for; the Cheshire Twat, who likes to disappear leaving only his grin, a pint, and the smell of scotch eggs remaining; and the terrifying Queen of Heartlessness, who'll take off your head if you dare question her plan for Brexit. Will Alice ever be able to find anyone who speaks sense?

**STRICTLY UNOFFICIAL** 'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw The newly discovered diary of Boris Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson, aged 131/4, provides a fascinating glimpse into how Boris, a lazy, bumptious and overweening child, comes to believe he should be Prime Minister. Along the way, we see him hone the techniques and persona that will one day hoodwink a nation. *** Extract from 13-year-old Boris's TEN RULES FOR LIFE: It's not lying if you don't bother to learn the truth. Many people - politicians, for instance - make the mistake of going about laden with facts and statistics. However, when studiously ignorant of the aforementioned, one may argue one's case with total conviction. A friend is just an enemy you haven't yet made. Some say there's no 'I' in 'team'. Well, I say you can't spell 'friend' without 'fiend'. No matter how dear your chum, you never know what sort of treachery they harbour inside. After all, there are many people who consider me a friend!

This scarce antiquarian book is a selection from Kessinger Publishing's Legacy Reprint Series. Due to its age, it may contain imperfections such as marks, notations, marginalia and flawed pages. Because we believe this work is culturally important, we have made it available as part of our commitment to protecting, preserving, and promoting the world's literature. Kessinger Publishing is the place to find hundreds of thousands of rare and hard-to-find books with something of interest for everyone

This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting, preserving and promoting the world's literature.

This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting, preserving and promoting the world's literature.

This is an EXACT reproduction of a book published before 1923. This IS NOT an OCR'd book with strange characters, introduced typographical errors, and jumbled words. This book may have occasional imperfections such as missing or blurred pages, poor pictures, errant marks, etc. that were either part of the original artifact, or were introduced by the scanning process. We believe this work is culturally important, and despite the imperfections, have elected to bring it back into print as part of our continuing commitment to the preservation of printed works worldwide. We appreciate your understanding of the imperfections in the preservation process, and hope you enjoy this valuable book.

This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting, preserving and promoting the world's literature.

This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting, preserving and promoting the world's literature.

'I have the best ghosts, everyone says so' President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim... 'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'

In the grand tradition of The Diary of a Nobody comes the secret diary of the twenty-first century's most unlikely leader: Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn is a committed allotment holder, expert jam maker, dedicated manhole cover inspector... oh, and occasional Leader of Her Majesty's Opposition. When not cycling around his beloved Islington or tending to his courgettes, he spends his time frantically dodging MPs, spin doctors and vicious journalists craving his opinion on Brexit. In these tumultuous times, everyone wants a piece of the beardy firebrand. So who is the man behind the corduroy? The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn plunges readers into a world of dizzying highs, crushing lows, fervent loyalty and bitter treachery - and that's just the section about the Highbury Pottery Club. Readers will be moved, amused and astonished by the wit and insight of politics' greatest outsider: the man, the legend, Jeremy Corbyn.