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In this explosive first-person account of swapping the White House
for the Big House, Donald Trump aims to Make Prison Great Again.
MARCH 31 It's been two weeks since they put me in The Hole. Very
unfair! No-one is treated as unfairly as Trump. Many people say
that solitary confinement is a kind of torture. I'm not so sure.
I'm getting to spend a lot of time with my favourite person in the
world. I say to him: "Mr President, remember when you met Bo Derek
at the PGA Tour Championship? She had the hots for you, believe
me." And he'll reply: "I agree, Mr President. Also, I was a better
golfer than anyone in the tournament. And that's without cheating,
which I would never do, believe me." So I'm doing amazing.
Incredibly well. Some would say I'm the best Hole Guy ever. Not
like those losers who go nuts... Of course the verdict was VERY
UNFAIR - they were meant to be a jury of his peers, but none of
them were billionaires. Still, the trial got AMAZING ratings. Now
locked up in Smallhand State Prison, our presidential protagonist
goes full Samuel Pepys and attempts the first BESTSELLER to be
written entirely on toilet paper. Life inside is tough for Trump:
he experiences withdrawal symptoms from social media and is no
longer able to watch Fox News all day. But he soon realises that
incarceration isn't a punishment, it's an OPPORTUNITY, and attempts
to conquer the clink as he once conquered AMERICA. Can Donald rise
to become prison kingpin, smuggling McDonald's Filet-O-Fish and
tutoring fellow inmates in the Art of the Deal? Interspersed with
reports from Smallhand's resident psychologist, Trump: The Prison
Diaries is a satirical riot - The Apprentice meets The Shawshank
Redemption. So brace yourself, because orange is the new orange.
'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw FEATURES
ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy
shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic.
Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the
hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership.
Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from
the man... ___ 'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary, What
ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment),
Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted
diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on
glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at
Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I
outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and
snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I
only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that
fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'
*The memoirs of Boris Johnson, complete and unabridged, including
all the great material he had to take out for being either too
incendiary or too obviously made up* Ghostwritten by Lucien Young,
while Boris was sunbathing on a donor's private island. Offering a
comprehensive account of his meteoric rise (and even more meteoric
fall) we follow Boris from Eton and the Bullingdon club, via stints
in journalism and as London mayor, before finally making it into
Number 10 via slick and sophisticated campaign tactics such as
lying and hiding in a fridge. It will outline in bonce-combusting
detail the up and downs - but mostly ups! - of his tenure in
Downing Street, from Getting Brexit Done and battling the Wizards
of Woke, to nearly dying because he shook too many hands. This is
BoJo as you've never seen him before.
The world's richest man faces the galaxy's deadliest threat!
Everyone's favourite billionaire makes his pulse-pounding debut in
this rip-roaring sci-fi adventure, from the bestselling author of
The Secret Diary of Boris Johnson Aged 13Âź. When an ALIEN ARMADA
menaces our planet, Earth's governments and armed forces find
themselves powerless to resist. In desperation, humanity turns to
one man: billionaire, futurist and Twitter addict ELON MUSK. Elon
has long styled himself as the real-life Tony Stark, but can
everyone's favourite genius step up and become a hero? Or is he
just an egotistical man-child whose only actual talent is
self-promotion? Whatever happens, us non-plutocrats are in for a
wild ride! Board the electric space vehicle ICARUS 1 with Elon,
alien princess Grimes and arch-rival Jeff Bezos, as the oldest man
alive, President Joe Biden, tasks them with saving the planet. ELON
MUSK! SAVIOUR OF SPACE! LORD OF THE FUTURE! MASTER OF MEMES!
Humanity's fate is in his hands... if only he could stop Tweeting.
Lying on a riverbank on a lazy summer's afternoon - 23rd June 2016,
to be precise - Alice spots a flustered-looking white rabbit called
Dave calling for a referendum. Following him down a rabbit-hole,
she emerges into a strange new land, where up is down, black is
white, experts are fools and fools are experts... She meets such
characters as the Corbynpillar, who sits on a toadstool smoking his
hookah and being no help to anyone; Humpty Trumpty, perched on a
wall he wants the Mexicans to pay for; the Cheshire Twat, who likes
to disappear leaving only his grin, a pint, and the smell of scotch
eggs remaining; and the terrifying Queen of Heartlessness, who'll
take off your head if you dare question her plan for Brexit. Will
Alice ever be able to find anyone who speaks sense?
**STRICTLY UNOFFICIAL** 'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' -
Jon Culshaw The newly discovered diary of Boris Alexander de
Pfeffel Johnson, aged 131/4, provides a fascinating glimpse into
how Boris, a lazy, bumptious and overweening child, comes to
believe he should be Prime Minister. Along the way, we see him hone
the techniques and persona that will one day hoodwink a nation. ***
Extract from 13-year-old Boris's TEN RULES FOR LIFE: It's not lying
if you don't bother to learn the truth. Many people - politicians,
for instance - make the mistake of going about laden with facts and
statistics. However, when studiously ignorant of the
aforementioned, one may argue one's case with total conviction. A
friend is just an enemy you haven't yet made. Some say there's no
'I' in 'team'. Well, I say you can't spell 'friend' without
'fiend'. No matter how dear your chum, you never know what sort of
treachery they harbour inside. After all, there are many people who
consider me a friend!
This scarce antiquarian book is a selection from Kessinger
Publishing's Legacy Reprint Series. Due to its age, it may contain
imperfections such as marks, notations, marginalia and flawed
pages. Because we believe this work is culturally important, we
have made it available as part of our commitment to protecting,
preserving, and promoting the world's literature. Kessinger
Publishing is the place to find hundreds of thousands of rare and
hard-to-find books with something of interest for everyone
This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy
Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive
selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to
reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional
imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor
pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues
beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we
have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting,
preserving and promoting the world's literature.
This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy
Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive
selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to
reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional
imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor
pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues
beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we
have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting,
preserving and promoting the world's literature.
This is an EXACT reproduction of a book published before 1923. This
IS NOT an OCR'd book with strange characters, introduced
typographical errors, and jumbled words. This book may have
occasional imperfections such as missing or blurred pages, poor
pictures, errant marks, etc. that were either part of the original
artifact, or were introduced by the scanning process. We believe
this work is culturally important, and despite the imperfections,
have elected to bring it back into print as part of our continuing
commitment to the preservation of printed works worldwide. We
appreciate your understanding of the imperfections in the
preservation process, and hope you enjoy this valuable book.
This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy
Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive
selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to
reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional
imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor
pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues
beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we
have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting,
preserving and promoting the world's literature.
This scarce antiquarian book is included in our special Legacy
Reprint Series. In the interest of creating a more extensive
selection of rare historical book reprints, we have chosen to
reproduce this title even though it may possibly have occasional
imperfections such as missing and blurred pages, missing text, poor
pictures, markings, dark backgrounds and other reproduction issues
beyond our control. Because this work is culturally important, we
have made it available as a part of our commitment to protecting,
preserving and promoting the world's literature.
'I have the best ghosts, everyone says so' President Ebenezer Trump
is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose
words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by
three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton,
the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared
Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas
Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off
Tiny Tim... 'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'
In the grand tradition of The Diary of a Nobody comes the secret
diary of the twenty-first century's most unlikely leader: Jeremy
Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn is a committed allotment holder, expert jam
maker, dedicated manhole cover inspector... oh, and occasional
Leader of Her Majesty's Opposition. When not cycling around his
beloved Islington or tending to his courgettes, he spends his time
frantically dodging MPs, spin doctors and vicious journalists
craving his opinion on Brexit. In these tumultuous times, everyone
wants a piece of the beardy firebrand. So who is the man behind the
corduroy? The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn plunges readers into a
world of dizzying highs, crushing lows, fervent loyalty and bitter
treachery - and that's just the section about the Highbury Pottery
Club. Readers will be moved, amused and astonished by the wit and
insight of politics' greatest outsider: the man, the legend, Jeremy
Corbyn.
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