Best ever Yo Mamma jokes on earth. These are guaranteed to make you roll on the floor laughing. Tell these at parties and get-together's and be the star of the entertainment. Here are a few: 1. Yo mamma's so fat that people raise their hands and shout "Taxi!" when she walks by in a yellow raincoat. 2. Yo mamma's so fat that the elevator can only go down when she rides. 3. Yo mamma's so fat that her pants had to be ironed in the driveway. 4. Yo mamma's so fat that people just had to go around her for a 15-minute exercise. 5. Yo mamma's so fat she has group insurance by herself. 6. Yo mamma's so fat she brought the bridge down when she went bungee jumping. 7. Yo mamma's so fat she is charged for group rates when she went to a buffet. 8. Yo mamma's so fat her feet doesn't get wet when she showers. 9. Yo mamma's so fat she doesn't a tailor, she needs a contractor. Purchase now over 100 more of them!

"Behind the Man Behind the Badge" is a collection of short stories recounting what I did as the wife of a Special Agent in the Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Or, as the world knows it today---NCIS. A special agent's job is not only very demanding but at times the cases are extremely sensitive and secretive. So, as a wife living in this environment, I had to find my own way in each new country where we were assigned. Since, NCIS is attached to various military offices in each country, many of the stories involve activities with both American and foreign military personnel. I also explain how I had to adjust to military life as a civilian, one who had never been exposed to military life before. When my husband retired and we finally returned to the United States, friends and relatives would listen to my husband's intriguing tales of adventure. Then invariably they would turn to me and say, "And what did you do?" Occasionally, I would have the chance to tell one of my favorite stories. But before long they were eagerly asking my husband to tell them another story of intrigue. My own tales of intrigue, though none of them are super-secret types, cover---The Week I Went to War, To Sir With Love, My Nights in the Brothel, One for the Grinch, Modern Conveniences, Titillating Tidbits---just to name a few. The stories are written with subtle humor, compassion, and honesty, and relate my adventures of living in foreign countries. So, now, this is my way of telling what it was really like, "Behind the Man Behind the Badge."

Who wore the first pants? Who painted the first masterpiece? Who first rode the horse? Who invented soap? This madcap adventure across ancient history uses everything from modern genetics to archaeology to uncover the geniuses behind these and other world-changing innovations. Who invented the wheel? Who told the first joke? Who drank the first beer? Who was the murderer in the first murder mystery, who was the first surgeon, who sparked the first fire--and most critically, who was the first to brave the slimy, pale oyster? In this book, writer Cody Cassidy digs deep into the latest research to uncover the untold stories of some of these incredible innovators (or participants in lucky accidents). With a sharp sense of humor and boundless enthusiasm for the wonders of our ancient ancestors, Who Ate the First Oyster? profiles the perpetrators of the greatest firsts and catastrophes of prehistory, using the lives of individuals to provide a glimpse into ancient cultures, show how and why these critical developments occurred, and educate us on a period of time that until recently we've known almost nothing about.

Winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor and an NAACP Image Award. Named one of the best books of the year by The New York Time, USA Today, San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, Esquire, Newsday, and Booklist.

Trevor Noah’s unlikely path from apartheid South Africa to the desk of The Daily Show began with a criminal act: his birth. Trevor was born to a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother at a time when such a union was punishable by five years in prison. Living proof of his parents’ indiscretion, Trevor was kept mostly indoors for the earliest years of his life, bound by the extreme and often absurd measures his mother took to hide him from a government that could, at any moment, steal him away. Finally liberated by the end of South Africa’s tyrannical white rule, Trevor and his mother set forth on a grand adventure, living openly and freely and embracing the opportunities won by a centuries-long struggle.

Born a Crime is the story of a mischievous young boy who grows into a restless young man as he struggles to find himself in a world where he was never supposed to exist. It is also the story of that young man’s relationship with his fearless, rebellious, and fervently religious mother—his teammate, a woman determined to save her son from the cycle of poverty, violence, and abuse that would ultimately threaten her own life.

The stories collected here are by turns hilarious, dramatic, and deeply affecting. Whether subsisting on caterpillars for dinner during hard times, being thrown from a moving car during an attempted kidnapping, or just trying to survive the life-and-death pitfalls of dating in high school, Trevor illuminates his curious world with an incisive wit and unflinching honesty. His stories weave together to form a moving and searingly funny portrait of a boy making his way through a damaged world in a dangerous time, armed only with a keen sense of humor and a mother’s unconventional, unconditional love.

You've seen him at your local car dealership and car wash-now, bring a wacky inflatable tube guy to your office and let the laughs abound

Kit includes:

* An 18-inch waving tube man with fan in base to make him dance, wiggle, and shake just like the real thing (batteries not included)

* 32-page mini book exploring the larger than life (and utterly surprising!) origins of everyone's favorite marketing tool

'P. J. O'Rourke was the funniest writer of his generation, one of the smartest and one of the most prolific. Now that he belongs to the ages, P.J. takes his rightful place along with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain and Dorothy Parker in the Pantheon of Quote Gods.' Christopher Buckley from his introduction When The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations was published in 1994, P. J. O'Rourke had more entries than any living writer. And he kept writing funny stuff for another 28 years. Now, for the first time, the best material is collected in one volume. Edited by his longtime friend Terry McDonell, The Funny Stuff is arranged in six sections, organized by subject in alphabetical order from Agriculture to Xenophobia. Not only did P.J. write memorable one-liners, he also meticulously constructed riffs that built to a crescendo of hilarity and outrage - and are still being quoted years later. His prose has the electric verbal energy of Tom Wolfe or Hunter S. Thompson, but P.J. is more flat-out funny. And through it all comes his clear-eyed take on politics, economics, human nature - and fun. The Funny Stuff is a book for P.J. fans to devour but also a book that will bring new readers and stand as testament to one of the truly original American writers of the last 50 years.

Divorced, dateless and about to become desperate, Roger tries his luck with a dating agency, hoping to find the perfect woman, one with a GSOH - a Great Sense of Humour - only to find someone starts slaughtering the women he meets, making him look more like a serial killer than a lady killer. Forced to go on the run from the police, to try to rescue the ladies still living after a night out with him, and to save his own skin - not necessarily in that order - Roger discovers that, not only does the course of true love never run smooth, sometimes even just dating can be murder. "A terrific comic novel, utterly unputdownable." "A 'laugh out loud' kind of book." (Lulu Readers' reviews.) "I like the characters and I like the jaunty way the story moves along. Clever plot too." (Peter Guttridge, the Observer crime fiction critic.)

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
This year I am six years old.
My parents are delighted.
Today is my first day of school,
But they're the ones excited
They're dancing around the kitchen,
And I would like to know:
Are they happy school is starting,
Or just glad to see me go?
So begins this collection of witty, whimsical verse that anyone who ever covertly shot a spitball in class will love.
The quirky teachers, bizarre events and embarrassing mishaps of Roby School are all wonderfully captured here with only one purpose in mind: to make children laugh and adults giggle. And they do. Chartier's tidy poems bring back the days when reading poetry was fun.
"My First A," "Toilet Problems," "Mean Mrs. Green" and "Ode to a Substitute" are just some of the poems that trigger universal memories of those odd daily events in an elementary school that sometimes seemed only to have been designed to baffle young, otherwise uncomplicated minds.
Karen Gosselin's line drawings provide a perfect and delightful running narrative of their own for each of the amusing "educational" moments captured so richly here by Chartier in Roby School.
Linda Chartier attended Roby School in Saugus, Massachusetts and these verses are a whimsical sojourn back to that place where students and teachers laughed, played and learned. Ms. Chartier lives in Laconia, New Hampshire, where she teaches karate and skiing and enjoys hiking, biking, kayaking...and, of course, writing.
Karen Gosselin lives in the wilds of New Hampshire where vacationers trample the unwary and moose wrestle cars for fun. When she's not trying to keep her daughter from pushing random buttons on her laptop, she's illustrating games and stories for other small companies. She is now creating an on-line comic with her husband, Tom, titled Chaos Express, on her site Chibikarenstudios.com.

This second edition of Nicholas T. Parsons' The Joy of Bad Verse is accompanied by a new and expanded Introduction that considers the remarkable literary phenomenon of bad poetry down the ages and the remarkable chutzpah of its practitioners. It brings the theme up to date with the current eruption of "instapoetry" on Instagram, poetry happenings and other whimsical contributions to the tsunami of verse now washing over social media. This book celebrates such remarkable poets as Julia A. Moore, who was known as "The Sweet Singer of Michigan"; or Solyman Brown, the Laureate of American dentistry; or the Rev. E.E. Bradford whose wonderfully innocent raptures on (preferably naked) pubescent boys were praised by the Westminster Review as wholesome and uplifting. Of course the iconic figure of William McGonagall, "the Scottish Homer", is not neglected. To him and several others such as Martin Tupper, a forerunner of "Thought for the Day" and many an Anglican sermon, biographical sketches are dedicated. The chapter on "Limping Laureates" rescues from deserved obscurity several persons such as Alfred Austin who achieved this poorly remunerated, but sought after, status without actually being any good at writing poetry. In this world of wonders, wooden ideological verse (including the brown-nosing of political monsters in verse) jostles with banality, virtue-signalling and unintentional comedy. Not forgetting the contribution of real poets on an off day (Wordsworth's inimitable tribute to a stuffed owl), which, as the author says, lend a distinction to the genre. Auberon Waugh once lambasted modern poetry because it neither rhymed, scanned nor made sense. But here is a treasure trove of stuff to read out loud, stuff which mostly rhymes, if unfortunately, scans if the author was in the mood, and makes the sort of sense that leaves you gasping for more.

Take a break from the rat race and catch a glimpse of life in Brown County, Illinois. You'll laugh at the crazy antics, and even funnier - these stories are based on actual happenings, but you get to guess which ones are real. Don't underestimate what could really happen if you had a skunk wander into your deer blind, or imagine the insane situation if you were on step number 7 of an 8-step, unbalanced stepladder with a hornet nest in your hands! Now, kick back and enjoy the tails.

Looking through his crystal clear rose colored lenses, Arner examines his boyhood as he searches for the answer to the age old question each of us asks from time to time, "Why am I who I am?" Through his warm, rich, engaging, and humorous style, readers meet and get to know unforgettable characters like The Mastermind, Jerry Yellsalot, and Claude Hopper as they explore and relive hilarious life-altering events told through the eyes of the boy who actually lived them. Hilarious and thought provoking, stories like Fudge? What Fudge?, The Stagecoach, Setting Pins, and Trust Me, This Won't Hurt, lead the reader through the maze we call childhood and the pattern-maker's mold of our teen years through which the die is made and cast that shapes us into the adults we become. Travel back now to a time not so long ago when the world seemed to spin a little slower and life was a lot simpler; a time when dreams were dreamed and adventures were lived and a boy grew into a man.

It was a hot humid day and as Deal looked down at the flower covered coffin he could feel the sweat running down his forehead and temples. All the while wishing the minister would hurry and end the service. Deal hates funerals and does everything he can to avoid them including this one, his mother's funeral. Life didn't turn out the way Deal expected. His life is in shambles. Something in his past is deeply embedded in his soul that makes him unable to cope with everyday life. Most people reminisce about a time when they were young, but Deal is obsessed with it. It's his escape from reality. After the funeral at his mother's home he drifts into a deep sleep. It all comes back, all the adventures he and Benny had the year he turned eleven and Benny turned nine, back when life was so much simpler. The story is an amusing account of Deal and Benny's adventures, trials and tribulations filled with plenty of nostalgia to remind the reader about the simple life of the 1950's before the onslaught of technology.