THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER AND WATERSTONES BEST BOOK OF 2022 'Sparklingly sardonic ... There really is no one like Bennett' Independent 'Filled with elegiac memories and literary gossip ... a major National Treasure' Lynn Barber 4 March. HMQ pictured in the paper at an investiture wearing gloves, presumably as a precaution against Coronavirus. But not just gloves; these are almost gauntlets. I hope they're not the thin end of a precautionary wedge lest Her Majesty end up swathed in protective get-up such as is worn at the average crime scene. 20 March. With Rupert now working from home my life is much easier, as I get regular cups of tea and a lovely hot lunch. A year in and out of lockdown as experienced by Alan Bennett. The diary takes us from the filming of Talking Heads to thoughts on Boris Johnson, from his father's short-lived craze for family fishing trips, to stair lifts, junk shops of old, having a haircut, and encounters on the local park bench. A lyrical afterword describes the journey home to Yorkshire from King's Cross station via fish and chips on Quebec Street, past childhood landmarks of Leeds, through Coniston Cold, over the infant River Aire, and on.

Collected wisdom from the internet’s best-loved advice columnist. I recently learned from one of my co-workers that my boss gathered everyone together after I was hired and told them that I was nonbinary and used they/them pronouns, which isn’t true — I’d been very clear that I’m a trans man who uses male pronouns. How should I handle this? My husband keeps leaving his toenail clippings around the house. I’ve started slipping them into his coffee cup. Is there a better solution? I think I’m in love with my brother’s wife. What should I do? A collection of the weirdest and wildest questions sent to Slate’s longtime agony aunt, internet darling Daniel M. Lavery, whose sympathetic, thoughtful, good-humoured advice is read by millions. Featuring new material as well as fan favourites, this is a must-have for Dear Prudence fans and a dose of good sense, compassion, and understanding in an increasingly fractured world.

'Absorbing, funny and oh-so-romantic. I loved every page!'When Lily's husband dies, she moves to the edge of a tiny village, settling into a solitary life, her only real company her brother and his family. A quiet life becomes her safe space, with no risk of getting hurt. When her brother offers her spare room to his oldest friend, Jack, Lily's reluctant - but knowing how much she owes her family, can't say no. A lodger takes some getting used to but to her surprise, Lily begins to enjoy Jack's company. Slowly but surely, Jack encourages Lily to step outside her comfort zone. But taking risks means facing the consequences, and telling people how she really feels, means Lily might have to face losing them. But as the saying goes - you only live once - and being brave could mean Lily gets a second chance at love... 'Read yourself happy' with Maxine Morrey's latest feel-good, unforgettable and utterly uplifting love story, guaranteed to make you smile. Perfect for fans of Mhairi McFarlane and Sophie Kinsella. Praise for Maxine Morrey: 'An uplifting read that stops you in your tracks and makes you wonder "....but what if?" Absorbing, funny and oh-so-romantic, I loved every page!' Rachel Burton 'A super sweet read, guaranteed to warm any winter evening' Samantha Tonge 'A lovely story that kept me turning the pages' Jules Wake 'A stunning, perfect novel - it literally took my breath away.' The Writing Garnet, 5 stars 'A warm hug of a book.' Rachel's Random Reads, 5 stars

Humorist and wordsmith extraordinaire Matthew Goldberg shares over two hundred and fifty fake words for others to learn and use as they attempt to heal themselves from "carpool tunnel syndrome, " battle strange hankerings for good old-fashioned "Talibanjo" music, and watch helplessly as their dogs conk out from "barkolepsy."Goldberg was unintentionally born into a family that has always used words creatively and he relies on his internal artistic fire to share both one-word and multiple-word entries, called wordapods. While introducing such words and phrases as "boredello, anthropomurphic, " and "hit-and-shun" accident, Goldberg includes definitions, sample sentences, ways to master the word, and trivia that will both entertain and inform. Goldberg interviews dozens of fascinating characters that help define the words including Vegestarian Mars Greenman, Pastafari Scholar Tosh Kingsmon, and baseball fan and original "boob bird" Clara Heatley.Meant for the creative word enthusiast, the budding "semantician, " and for anyone with a good sense of humor, "Wordapodia: Volume One" provides a unique compilation of new words, fun facts, and observations. So, hold your breath, grab on to your "caribooster seat, " and get ready for a wild ride through one man's imagination.

The line began forming after eight o'clock. Sal, short and heavy-set, kept everyone busy. Neat, in a white shirt and sports jacket, with his grey fedora cocked to the side, his crooked grin made you smile. Without warning the heavy door would swing open and the waiters would come outside to join him. They were dressed in pajamas or prison garb, with hats and horns, and were there to warm up the crowd. Some in line expected this, others were shocked.

The pink polka dot building should have been a warning. Complete strangers in line became chummy, exchanging stories they had heard; toilet seat covers to serve drinks on, microphones in the ladies room, toilet paper for napkins. Most had brought their friends there to be roasted. The line of people varied in age. They all dressed casually because they'd heard you could get a pie in the face or a squirt in the eye. The club's routines were blue in color, but harmless. If you were lucky you might see a "Balls for the Queen" or a "Singing beer." The price was always right for a good time and Warm Beer and Lousy Food was the place to be.

What is the one true secret to weight loss? What is the correct way to make a grilled cheese sandwich? Is the designated hitter rule the salvation of baseball or its undoing? Is it rational to be an optimist? And-the question that haunts us all- should toilet paper unwind over the top of the roll or from underneath?

In his first collection of essays, author Brian Kenneth Swain tackles hundreds of life's questions while exploring a vast array of subjects-from tubas to two year-olds, from field goals to child labor laws, and from high school shop class to the worst round of golf ever played. With an acerbic wit and an honest approach, Swain shares his perspective on such pivotal matters as how to ski without losing a limb or your self-esteem, how to correctly prepare and consume lobster according to Maine standards, and whether marketing ploys hypnotically convince consumers to replace perfectly functioning items without a second thought. Swain encourages a kind of tongue-in-cheek thinking that prompts us to take a second look at the world around us.

"The Curious Habits of Man" shares an amusing glimpse at life as one man contemplates many of our greatest-and smallest-questions.

Every woman has either dated a jerk, or knows a friend that has dated one. But avoiding the jerks and attracting a decent man is actually a lot easier than you think. Forget watching reruns of "Sex and the City" or chatting with your girlfriends late at night. In this guidebook, a self-professed jerk comes straight out, speaks the truth, and systematically explains how to spot, avoid, and say goodbye to jerks; tell if a guy is wasting your time; deal with players hunt for "good" men (and where to hunt for them). You'll also learn how to avoid common mistakes, such as overrating initial chemistry, inadvertently hurting a man's ego, losing a good guy's interest and much more. Full of witty satire and sarcasm. Get ready to laugh out loud with this hilarious "anti-game." What people had to say about this book: "Hey Willie, this is so entertaining Ha ha you have a great sense of humor, and your statements are so true " - Denise "We all know no one likes a tattletale. Hate the game, not the player. Every girl Tiger slept with knew he was married. Who is worse?" - Steve the player "That was such an enjoyable and enlightening read. I mean it's well written, witty, and one would think some of it is common sense, but sometimes people (i.e. me ) need common sense to slap them in the face " - Cheryl "Willie whistle blower has a nice ring to it. You know someone's going to kick your butt one day? Good work " - A guy Willie no longer parties with "I don't understand you. You go through university, build a promising career. Now you quit your job and write this book? Why would you tell the whole world you're an asshole?" - Willie's mom

A selection of essay columns on a variety of subjects from whimsy to political, as the name "Grimm" might suggest. Serious to tongue-in-cheek, written by an acknowledged activist, to be read by all ages. Sometimes shocking in content-labeled as opinionated as that produced by an opinion writer should be, and therefore offensive to certain people-without all the usual four-letter-words so often used to attract attention by the semi-literate or less skilled writer.

In the whimsical tradition he is known for, humorist Dennis Ford once again embarks on an amusing exploration into the captivating worlds of science, literature, history, and popular culture-all without ever leaving the comfy air-conditioned interior of his Saturn Ion.

In the style of his previous work, "Thinking About Everything," Ford shares a medley of new musings on the worries of the world and the unique friendliness of San Antonio as he plays peek-a-boo with a spider, attempts to climb a rainbow, and captures a leprechaun. Ever the helpful humorist, Ford continues on a journey of thoughtful adventures through the mundane and esoteric as he explains how the postal service can mail itself into a profitable future, why fantastical lies can make elections more interesting, and a way through which one can acquire a window seat on the ferry to the Great Beyond. Included are "Excellent Groaners," a compilation of puns, and "Professor Fawcett's Notorious Lecture on Test-Irrelevant Thoughts," a learned presentation on the psychological perils of test anxiety told partly in acronyms.

"Miles of Thoughts" offers an amusing glimpse into one man's upside-down world as he commutes through the beautiful scenery of the New Jersey Pine Barrens and contemplates life.

To comedians, 'material'--their jokes--has always been precious, worthy of protecting and preserving. On stage, a good vaudeville routine could last years as it was performed on tour across the country. On radio, a year's vaudeville material might be fodder for one week's broadcast. Bob Hope used new material not only for his weekly radio series, but also for the several live charity appearances he made each week.
Organized by the stages of his life, accompanied by black-and-white photographs, this book gives readers a chance to enjoy the very best of Hope's jokes, from his early years in vaudeville, his top-rated radio show in the '30s and '40s, his legendary television appearances, and much more.