A frank and funny first-person account of living with
obsessive-compulsive disorder. Colas, a young woman obsessed with
the notion of being poisoned by drugs slipped into her food or
contaminated by germs from ground-up hypodermic needles or diseased
blood, tells of her life as a neurotic. At first she shares her
fears with her husband, requiring him to taste the food on her
plate before she will eat it, to question waiters about possible
nicks and cuts on their hands, and to remove his shoes before
entering the house. He complies with her demands, even performing
extraordinarily complicated rituals when disposing of the kitchen
garbage. After the birth of her second child, with her husband's
patience wearing thin, she begins trying to conceal her fears from
him while still compulsively checking everything from the soles of
shoes to breakfast cereal. The power of her obsessions can be seen
in her totally irrational belief that simply viewing a bleeding man
on television could cause her to become infected with his germs.
Not surprisingly, the marriage eventually fails, and Colas goes to
a therapist who prescribes Prozac, which frees her from the grip of
her obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. In outline, the
story sounds bleak if not dull, but Colas has a sure comic touch
and a mocking self-awareness that makes her memoir a delight. She
tells her story in brief scenes, not necessarily in chronological
order, from her childhood at summer camp, where a compulsive
neatness was already evident, to her post-divorce job as a bar
waitress, where she can "smoke, drink, and be sarcastic, all while
earning an honest living." With its unique patient's-eye viewpoint
and perceptive honesty, a valuable contribution to the literature
on obsessive-compulsive disorder. (Kirkus Reviews)
As my friend the heroin addict says, "You're only as sick as your secrets."
Emily Colas -- young, intelligent, well-educated wife and mother of two -- had a secret that was getting in the way of certain activities. Like touching people. Having a normal relationship with her husband. Socializing. Getting a job. Eating out. Like leaving the house. Soon there was no interval in her life when she was not
just checking
This raw, darkly comic series of astonishing vignettes is Emily Colas' achingly honest chronicle of her twisted journey through the obsessive-compulsive disorder that came to dominate her world. In the beginning it was germs and food. By the time she faced the fact that she was really "losing it," Colas had become a slave to her own "hobbies" -- from the daily hair cutting to incessant inspections of her children's clothing for bloodstains.
A shocking, hilarious, enormously appealing account of a young woman struggling to gain control of her life, this is Emily Colas' exposé of a soul tormented, but balanced by a buoyance of spirit and a piercing sense of humor that may be her saving grace.
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