For anyone who suffers more anxiety or sadness than is justified by
healthy concern or normal grieving Sticks and stones can break my
bones, but words can never hurt me is an adage we teach our
children to insulate them from the cruel remarks of others. As
adults, however, it's often the words that arise spontaneously from
within-the self-disparagements, disturbing recollections, and
ominous forecasts-that cause us emotional pain and prevent us from
living our fullest and most productive lives. The human brain has
provided us with the technologies that allow us to dominate our
planet, but it is also the source of much unnecessary emotional
distress. Even when we have no good reason to be upset, our brains
can spontaneously flood our minds with disturbing thoughts of past
trauma or future disaster. Much of our unnecessary emotional
distress occurs because our attention is involuntarily drawn to
whatever most angers or frightens us, even when no immediate action
is required and the risk is minimal. Our mood tends to be harmed
much more by each negative thought than it is improved by each
positive one. These two findings constitute what researchers call
the negativity bias, and it's one of the reasons we often struggle
to attain peace of mind: that mental equilibrium in which we accept
both ourselves and our circumstances, without experiencing distress
about something from the past or that might happen in the future.
By becoming more mindful of our thoughts, we can learn to recognize
those that distress and impede us unnecessarily. We can then
respond by identifying, and focusing on, more functional
alternatives. Reviewing, discussing, rehearsing, and roleplaying
functional self-talk can strengthen our ability to reshape both our
mood and our self-image. This focused positivity can serve as the
foundation of our efforts to become more assertive, more relaxed,
healthier, and more connected to the world around us. Focused
Positivity presents a comprehensive and accessible approach to
positive thinking, one that is independent of belief system and
consistent with what science has discovered about negativity bias,
automatic behavior, the impact of self-talk on mood and behavior,
habit change, and even the competition that occurs between the two
hemispheres of our brains. Focused Positivity can provide us with
an accessible strategy that can enhance both success and peace of
mind.
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