Psychotherapist Sanford (Silent Children, 1980) eloquently
addresses the question being asked by many researchers: Why do some
abused children emerge as productive, even happy, adults, while
others are consigned to continue their lives in misery? With a
title borrowed from Hemingway, Sanford draws from her own practice,
from lengthy interviews, and from literature to state first that
there are many healthy survivors of unhappy childhoods - that not
all become abusers themselves. She goes on to examine the ways in
which survivors defend themselves both during the period of abuse
and later. Mental games, what Sanford calls "lies of the mind" -
like fantasizing and compartmentalizing feelings and experiences -
are prevalent. So is the "sympathetic witness," the teacher, aunt,
neighbor, employer who offers the child another view of himself (as
lovable and worthwhile) and of the world. Having siblings to
protect can be important. These defenses may serve only to cover
over the emotional wounds, but there is a drive to health among
survivors that enables them eventually to explore and reconcile the
feelings that have shaped their lives. Religion is also often an
important component of the healing process. Sanford's re-creation
of the child's point of view is particularly vivid - and emphasizes
how resilient and brave some children can be in creating a safe
place for themselves. (Kirkus Reviews)
In this moving and authoritative work which combines dedicated
research and interviews with victims of childhood abuse and
neglect, psychotherapist Linda Sanford passionately refutes the
received wisdom that such people are trapped in a vicious circle of
abuse and will probably become perpetrators of violence themselves.
In more than seventeen years of working with victims and survivors,
she discovered that this simplistic formula is far from true. Most
survivors, in her experience, break free from the patterns of
victimization and abuse and go on to lead healthy and fulfilling
lives. And the more than twenty interviewed in depth by Sanford
provide vivid proof that full recovery is possible. As they discuss
key issues, such as self-image, intimacy, work and spirituality, we
come to see what enables them, and countless others like them, to
triumph over trauma and become not only strong, but often strongest
where they've been most injured- strong at the broken places.
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