Primary intimacy is the innate capacity to fall in love and stay in
love. Infants seek it with their parents. Lovers seek it. Parents
feel it for their children. During infancy, it can be defined as
positive "primary intersubjectivity" (Trevarthen, 1979), during
which infant and parent engage in mutual mindreading and establish
a blissful mutual understanding of one another. Legerstee (2005)
distinguished between optimal and dysfunctional forms of primary
intersubjectivity. Optimal primary intersubjectivity is primary
intimacy and true bliss. Dysfunctional intersubjectivity develops
into insecure attachment (Ainsworth et al, 1978) and the inability
to establish and maintain primary intimacy in adult relationships.
In adults, primary intimacy is called "limerence" (Tennov, 1979)
and is mistakenly viewed by some as an "addiction" (Alcoholics
Anonymous) or a sexual instinct (Freud). Properly understood,
primary intimacy is the foundation of real love and friendship and
will eventually provide the basis of a new social order.
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