A heavy dose of pop advice and sympathetic handholding for those
whose anxieties about commitment are messing up their love lives.
Carter and Sokol (What Really Happens in Bed, 1989, etc.) explore
why some men and women have trouble making a commitment, defined
here as a "promise to participate in a well-intentioned,
monogamous, open-minded, responsible, and realistic relationship."
The topic isn't a new one for the authors, who examined
"commitmentphobia" in Men Who Can't Love (1987). But times have
changed, they say, and now women, too, have their doubts and fears
- hence this new look at the problem. Carter and Sokol first
consider the two basic types of commitment conflict - "active" and
"passive," with men predominating in the active role. They
demonstrate how these conflicts play out in relationships, with
plenty of examples garnered from eight years' worth of interviews
with people about their relationships. The authors then ask readers
to take various quizzes to discover significant patterns of
behavior in their relationships with the opposite sex and to
determine what their commitment fears are; here, again, anecdotes
about troubled couples provide ample illustrations. Finally, Carter
and Sokol offer a guide for managing conflicts and changing
relationships. Although they state that they're writers, not
therapists, their advice derives from Carter's experience in
leading support groups for those with commitment anxieties. Of some
initial appeal to those who enjoy taking relationship quizzes - but
unlikely to hold the interest of any but the truly - well,
committed. (Kirkus Reviews)
Available for the first time in paperback, this follow-up to the phenomenally successful Men Who Can't Love tackles the issue of commitmentphobia, that persistent obstacle to truly satisfying contemporary relationships. Authors Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol explore why modern men and women are torn between the desire for intimacy and the equally intense need for independence. Drawing on numerous interviews and real-life scenarios, and written with humor, insight, and the kind of wisdom gained by personal experience, He's Scared, She's Scared offes guidance for all of us who want genuine, sustained intimacy with our romantic partners.
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