Capture all the fun of Halloween with these fun Halloween photo card props. Take some spooky snaps, and pose for ghoulish pictures with the captioned photo cards. Included in the book are photo card props for you to pose with in the pictures, plus some cards are left blank for you to customise yourself with a wipe-clean pen. At the back of the book are some game cards featuring Halloween party games to play. Perfect for a child's Halloween party, or just to capture and remember their trick or treat costumes.

Maine curmudgeon John Gould offers humorous tongue-in-cheek advice for fathers-to-be with a non-medical, non-technical, non-scientific explanation of the masculine side of the matter, with much that is useful and nothing that is wholly useless.

Beginning with the legendary story of a man in Jonesport (or was it Dexter or Waterford or Litchfield?) who raffled off his horse, which incidentally had been dead for some time, these twenty-nine tales cover the length and breadth of Maine and extend back to the sixteenth-century fishing camps that were set up a hundred years before Jamestown and Plymouth. Learn about the origin and history of "schoolmarms," along with other classic tales on Down East thrift, the evils of drink, Maine weather, lumbering folklore, and Paul Bunyan. These yarns often pull your leg, so keep a sharp eye! Such a collection makes for an encyclopedia of the great cultural achievement of Mainers, which has been compared to the Rosetta Stone and the birth of Chaucer. But essentially The Jonesport Raffle is a book of the highest humor that will be a source of infinite enjoyment.

How unbelievably dull my life was. I did everything I was supposed to. I was such a good girl. I lived in the house he chose and cleaned a dead woman's furniture. I bought hats, who the hell wears a hat? And all the time I wanted to scream because I was so bored. On one dark and stormy night in the upper day room of the Silver Retirement Home, five elderly women are trading stories of their remarkable (or sometimes unremarkable) lives. With the storm floods rising and no rescue team in sight, the ladies are faced with the sudden realisation that in order to survive they are going to have to do what they have done for their entire lives - do it themselves! Silver Lining is a hilarious comedy by Sandi Toksvig. It tells the tale of a group of extraordinary yet forgotten women, who come together one treacherous night to recreate The Great Escape - senior-citizen style. It received its world premiere at the Rose Theatre, Kingston, on 3 February 2017 in a production by English Touring Theatre and Rose Theatre, Kingston.

Nowadays, it can be hard to imagine what life was like with no mobile phones. Looking back, we can only wonder how much easier life might have been if people could just send each other a quick text! But what would history's most famous Scots have been texting about? Would Rabbie Burns have been sending love poems to his lady friends? Would David Livingstone have been lost in the jungle for so long if he had Google maps? Perhaps David Hume could have spread his serious words of wisdom alongside some emojis. And William Wallace may well have rallied the troops over instant messaging! This witty little book sets out to discover exactly what these Scots, and many more, might have been saying on their adventures. Scottish history has never been so entertaining, or so modern!

"A woman was sitting on the witness stand, and the lawyer asked her, 'Did you, or did you not, on the night of June 23rd have sex with a hippie on the back of a motorcycle in a peach orchard?' She thought for a few minutes, then said, 'What was that date again?'" -- from the book Lawyers have long been known as master storytellers, and those from Kentucky are certainly no exception. Veteran oral historian and folklorist Lynwood Montell has collected tales from dozens of lawyers and judges from throughout the Bluegrass State, ranging from the story about the tough Jackson County judge who fined himself for being late to court to unwelcome dogs in the courtroom. Recorded just as they have been told for generations, these stories are sometimes funny, sometimes sad or frightening, sometimes raw and harrowing, but always remarkable. Far more than collection of lawyer jokes, Tales from Kentucky Lawyers recounts the most insightful, entertaining, and occasionally heartbreaking stories ever told by and about Kentucky lawyers and their clients, covering the spectrum from arson to homicide, domestic disagreements to sexual abuse, and everything in between. Tales from Kentucky Lawyers is a valuable resource for folklorists as well as an entertaining and vivid account of the often-surprising legal world.

Nasty, Brutish, and Short is a collection of irreverent essays about life overseas. The author no longer has to hold his tongue about his experiences-which means it's payback time. He now speaks his mind about all the strange people and places he has encountered around the world over the last twenty years. And he takes the reader on a funny and endearing jaunt to a dozen countries, from England to Egypt, and Afghanistan to Haiti, answering crucial questions like Why are Pakistani driving ranges so dangerous? And, How long can Bulgarians actually hold a grudge? Unlike other foreign travel books, the author isn't just passing through. He has lived in these dangerous and difficult places, often for years at a time. He knows their people, streets, and customs like the back of his hand. It was part of his job. Sometimes his life depended on it.

With Love...is a glorious collection of more than 300 quotes dedicated to this most joyous of emotions. Affairs of the heart have attracted thousands of amazing quotes, thoughts and observations and this unique anthology features contributions from the deeply philosophical to the wonderfully humorous, and is the perfect present for that special someone in your life. With witty and wonderful quotes from the stars of stage, screen and literature, the worlds of music, comedy and politics, With Love...makes for a delightful book and when gifted is a wonderful way to say "I love you!".

'The English aristocrat John 'Mad Jack' Mytton died a bloated, paralysed and penniless debtor in prison. His premature demise was partly due to injuries sustained while setting fire to his own night-shirt to try to cure hiccups. Just before the horribly burned Mytton slumped into unconsciousness he said, "Well, the hiccups is gone, by God."' An 18th-century French scholar attributed the British talent for eccentricity to a 'mixture of fogs, beef and beer...aggravated by the tedium of the English Sunday'. Whatever the reason, the British Isles do seem to have thrown up more than their fair share of magnificent oddballs, the finest of which are profiled in this fast, funny celebration of over 200 aristocrats, inventors, artists and the just plain weird... * Dr Samuel Johnson is said to have shaved off all of his bodily hair, just to see how long it would take to grow back * Spencer Cavendish, 8th Duke of Devonshire, once related an experience he had at Westminster: 'I had a horrid nightmare. I dreamed I was making a speech in the House of Lords, and woke up to find I actually was.' * Percy Bysshe Shelley once tied a cat to a kite in a thunder storm to see if it would be electrocuted

His wife Margaret was his 'best appointment', he called Malcolm Fraser 'Kerr's cur' after the Dismissal and when Sir Winton Turnbull called out in parliament 'I am a country member', Gough interjected 'I remember'. When it was suggested he was funny, Gough responded: 'Funny! Funny? Witty, yes. Epigrammatic perhaps, but not funny. You make me sound like a clown. 'James Carleton, Radio National presenter and founder of the university club 'The Dewy-Eyed Whitlamites', presents a keepsake of Goughisms that vindicates the Great Man's self-assessment, 'I never said I was immortal, merely eternal.'

Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.

A self-help guide to convert failures into success - Is Empowering and Motivating - Provides practical tips and techniques - Is a reserve of true failure-success stories - Is not a quick fix! - Has author's personal experiences and examples - Gives practical ways to convert Failures into Success

The Spanish Ambassador's Suitcase is a hilarious new collection of diplomatic tales by Matthew Parris and Andrew Bryson Heard the one about the Spanish Ambassador who arrived in the scorching Saharan desert fully suited and with a mysteriously enormous suitcase? Or the horse they gave Prime Minister John Major in Turkmenistan - which hapless embassy officials had to rescue from the clutches of the Moscow railway? These and other 'funnies', as they are known in Whitehall, are included in Matthew Parris and and Andrew Bryson's glorious new volume of not so diplomatic writing, which accompanies a new BBC Radio 4 series is a follow up to their acclaimed collection of ambassadors' final despatches, Parting Shots. Drawn from Freedom of Information requests and previously overlooked Valedictories these startling despatches throw a revealing light on how the British have viewed the world - and, unwittingly perhaps, on how the world has viewed the British. Praise for Parting Shots: 'Parting Shots is unbuttoned, indiscreet and very funny' Yorkshire Post 'Fascinating, if sometimes uncomfortable, reading' Financial Times 'Very funny' Guardian After working in the Foreign Office then serving as a Conservative MP, Matthew Parris joined The Times in 1988. He writes two weekly columns for The Times and one for the Spectator, and in 2011 won the Best Columnist Award at the British Press awards. His acclaimed autobiography Chance Witness was published by Penguin in 2003. He is a frequent broadcaster. Andrew Bryson is a radio journalist working in the BBC's Business and Economic Unit. He frequently works as a producer on Radio 4's Today programme and on Radio 5 Live.

This definitive collection of the Bluegrass State's odd, wacky, and most offbeat people, places, and things is filled with quirky photographs throughout and maps for each region. Kentucky Curiosities includes humorous state facts and amusing stories and serves as a combination almanac, off-the-wall travel guide, and wacky news gazette.

This definitive collection of the Great Lakes State's odd, wacky, and most offbeat people, places, and things is filled with quirky photographs throughout and maps for each region. Michigan Curiosities includes humorous state facts and amusing stories and serves as a combination almanac, off-the-wall travel guide, and wacky news gazette.

My Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm A Son of a Gun is a special memoir, an unabashed confession of a man's love for his father, told as only humorist Lewis Grizzard can. Grizzard's father was a man of tremendous contradictions, of lusty appetites, of rare warmth. He was a charmer of men and women and a consummate con artist. A certified war hero and a shameless passer of bad checks. An overpowering personality and a man of great courage. Finally the self-described mah-velous Major Grizzard was a drinker, capable of going off on a bender that could wreak havoc even for those he loved most. If the Major is the soul of this book, Lewis Grizzard is the heart, flashing back and forth in time. Grizzard offers his trademark hilarious and touching recollections of eccentric aunts, compassionate teachers, sagacious bosses; of being kidnapped and traveling with his daddy by bus to small towns all over the South; of learning to tell jokes; and of understanding how to laugh—and cry—at life. Grizzard's My Daddy Was a Pistol will entertain as well as surprise his legion of established fans as well as those just discovering Grizzard for the first time.

Rising young comedian Moshe Kasher is lucky to be alive. He started using drugs when he was just 12. At that point, he had already in psychoanlysis for 8 years. By the time he was 15, he had been in and out of several mental institutions, drifting from therapy to rehab to arrest to...you get the picture. But KASHER IN THE RYE is not an "eye opener" to the horrors of addiction. It's a hilarious memoir about the absurdity of it all.

When he was a young boy, Kasher's mother took him on a vacation to the West Coast. Well it was more like an abduction. Only not officially. She stole them away from their father and they moved to Oakland, California. That's where the real fun begins, in the war zone of Oakland Public Schools. He was more than just out of control-his mother walked him around on a leash, which he chewed through and ran away.

Those early years read like part Augusten Burroughs, part David Sedaris, with a touch of Jim Carrol...but a lot more Jewish. In fact, Kasher later spends time in a Brooklyn Hasidic community. Then came addicition...

Brutally honest and laugh-out-loud funny, Kasher's first literary endeavor finds humor in even the most horrifying situations.

The hilarious adventures of Harry the Polis, the self-appointed Chief Constable of funny stories, continue with the publication of his ninth book, "It Wisnae Me...Honest"! Follow our laughing polis-man as he tackles the funny side of policing and introduces us to more of his zany characters and incidents. There's the Inspector with second wife syndrome, the woman assaulted by a flying sausage and the dead donkey on the manse lawn. And you can't miss the recollections of getting painfully trapped by the goolies, the private call to Prince Charles, the benefits of drinking organic tea or the terrorist attack on a US Naval ship on the Holy Loch...This title is packed full with funny stories, jokes, anecdotes and tales to have you laughing out loud. "It Wisnae Me...Honest!" is another classic collection of comical capers from behind the uniform...And they're all true, honest.

The 1950s were simple times to grow up. For Lewis Grizzard and his buddies, gallivanting meant hanging out at the local store, eating Zagnut candy bars and drinking "Big Orange bellywashers." About the worst thing a kid ever did was smoke rabbit tobacco rolled in paper torn from a brown grocery sack, or maybe slick back his hair into a ducktail and try gyrating his hips like Elvis. But then assassinations, war, civil rights, free love, and drugs rocked the old order. And as they did, Grizzard frequently felt lost and confused. In place of Elvis, the Pied Piper of his generation, Grizzard now found wormy-looking, long-haired English kids who performed either half-naked or dressed like Zasu Pitts. Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself is the witty, satiric, nostalgic account of Grizzard's efforts to survive in a changing world. Sex, music, clothes, entertainment, and life itself receive the Grizzard treatment. In this, his sixth book, Grizzard was never funnier or more in tune with his readers. He might not have felt so good himself, but his social commentary and humor can still make the rest of us feel just fine.

~b~>With the winning, upbeat candor that has made her show on of the most popular and honored daytime shows on the air, beloved talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres shares her views on life, love, and American Idol."I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?"Seriously... I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more. PRAISE FOR Seriously... I'm Kidding "DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." -- People "Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." - Publishers Weekly "Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." -- Kirkusspan

Foreword by Jim Wight, son of James Herriot and author of The Real James Herriot James Herriot became, through his writing, the most famous veterinarian in the world. Two things, to me, stand out as integral to his worldwide success as an author: his books are not just about vets treating animals, they are about people, and he writes about others, not just himself. Malcolm Welshman's book, Pets in a Pickle, is, too, not just a collection of animals stories. The author paints a vivid picture of many fascinating characters - human and animal - resulting in a most enjoyable and amusing read. The veterinary profession is one enriched by the most interesting and challenging situations, wherein the veterinary surgeon is confronted by a variety of unforgettable characters. MalcolmWelshman's experiences as a young veterinary surgeon, recounted in a most readable way, illustrate this very well. It is often said that vets have little interest in books or TV programmes about other members of their profession. It is regarded as 'old hat', revealing nothing new. I did not find this to be the case with this book. The author describes his early life in practice in a most entertaining way. The book is extremely easy to read and the text gives the reader a most enjoyable insight into the unpredictable but fascinating life of the veterinary surgeon. I wish this book every success. _____________________________________________________________________ When Paul Mitchell arrives for his first day's work at Prospect House Veterinary Hospital, he never expects this...Oh his very first day, he is bitten by a feisty hamster...but this is a mere prelude to a cavalcade of hilarious - and often painful - encounters with fish, flesh and fowl. From stalking a feral cat to rescuing a cow stuck in a gravel pit, life is never short of animal adventures for the newly qualified vet. On top of treating all manner of creatures at the practice, Paul and his girlfriend Lucy, also nurse a host of waifs and strays back to health at their home. Besides six budgerigars, two love birds, a hoard of guinea pigs and three tabby cats, their menagerie includes Gertie the Goose, whose talent for house security saves her from the Christmas Day table, and Nelson, their lovable - and stone deaf - Jack Russell.

For Gervase Phinn, growing old is not about a leisurely walk to the pub for a game of dominoes or snoozing in his favorite armchair. As this sparkling collection of his very best humorous writing shows, he may be "out of the woods" but he is certainly not "over the hill." Looking back over more than 60 years of family life, teaching, inspecting schools, writing, and public speaking, Gervase never fails to unearth humor, character, warmth, and wisdom from the most diverse of experiences, whether they be growing up in Rotherham with the most un-Yorkshirelike of names or describing why loud mobile phone users get his goat.
Brimming with nostalgia, gently mocking life's absurdities, never shy of an opinion, this is Gervase Phinn at his wittiest, twinkly-eyed best.