"His use of language, his ability to twist the narrative and turn the obscure into the profound is outstanding." - "The Stage"
Looking for a creative writing guide out there that will tell you how to write better? A book to tell you how to structure a perfect plot, create great characters, use language in a powerful and poetic way? This is not that book.
"100 Ways to Write Badly Well" is an adventure in drivel. It will teach you how to botch a plot, how to create characters that no one in their right mind would identify with and how to reduce the beauty of the English language to an incoherent mush.
Using one hundred practical examples, each awful in its own unique way, blogger and creative writing tutor Joel Stickley will lead you methodically up the creek and carefully remove your paddle before running off and leaving you stranded. The route is lined with mixed metaphors, terrible plot twists, piles of adjectives and characters staring at themselves in mirrors for no apparent reason.
Based on the popular blog and live comedy show How To Write Badly Well, this book is an invaluable guide to the art of awful writing that no would-be author should be without. Remember - if a thing's worth doing badly, it's worth doing badly well.

From Beverly Hills mansions to Irish country lanes, super-yachts to side-alleys, howling cougars to psychotic nutters, stand-up spotlights to police helicopter searchlights, superstar highs to inner demon woes, along with so much more, Mark Hayes takes us on quite an adventure in RanDumb-er, the random but hardly dumb tales of an Irish chancer. From one side of the world to the other, in and out of the fantasy of Mark's reality, all with a smile and a belly-aching laugh, RanDumb-er will draw you in and make you believe in the spirit of your inner five year old once more Go ahead - Open a Guinness, take off your pants (comfort is key here), sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Fast pace, quicker wit, time for you to join Mark as he tells his story of two cities and one dream. Ran. Dumb. Er. On About The Author: Mark Hayes is an Irish guy who now lives in L.A. Chancer. Prancer. Midnight. Dancer. Bestselling author of RanDumb: The Adventures of an Irish Guy in L.A which has been rated #1 on Amazon Humor. Praise For RanDumb: 'RanDumb is an intelligently put-together, often satirical analysis of the times we live in... a thoroughly entertaining read that will make you 'LOL' -laugh out loud - as so many have done on Mark Hayes' blog.' 'With his unique style, phrasing and word coinage, Mark Hayes introduced himself to us in his first book RanDumb as a kind of hard drinking, half-slacker, half German technical translator, carefree globetrotter finding his way in Hollywood. Very funny and a great read.' 'I've always wanted to give up the mundane day job, pack my bags and head for the promised land, but circumstances have conspired against me. So, when I heard of this book, it was a must read... I wasn't disappointed in the least. It was just how I would have imagined and more... Mark Hayes has shared his experiences of chasing the American Dream and I love it.'

My Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm A Son of a Gun is a special memoir, an unabashed confession of a man's love for his father, told as only humorist Lewis Grizzard can. Grizzard's father was a man of tremendous contradictions, of lusty appetites, of rare warmth. He was a charmer of men and women and a consummate con artist. A certified war hero and a shameless passer of bad checks. An overpowering personality and a man of great courage. Finally the self-described mah-velous Major Grizzard was a drinker, capable of going off on a bender that could wreak havoc even for those he loved most. If the Major is the soul of this book, Lewis Grizzard is the heart, flashing back and forth in time. Grizzard offers his trademark hilarious and touching recollections of eccentric aunts, compassionate teachers, sagacious bosses; of being kidnapped and traveling with his daddy by bus to small towns all over the South; of learning to tell jokes; and of understanding how to laugh—and cry—at life. Grizzard's My Daddy Was a Pistol will entertain as well as surprise his legion of established fans as well as those just discovering Grizzard for the first time.

The "New York Times" bestseller--now in paperback. Award-winning actress Shirley MacLaine pens the most funny, accessible, and timely book of her career, detailing all the things she's over...and a few she's not.
At a certain time in life, we all come to realize what is truly important to us and what just doesn't matter. For Shirley MacLaine, that time is now. In this wise, witty, and fearless collection of small observations and big-picture questions, she shares with readers all those things that she is over dealing with in life, in love, at home, and in the larger world...as well as the things she will "never"" "get over, no matter how long she lives.
Among the things that Shirley is over: people who repeat themselves; conservatives "and"" "liberals; ill-mannered young people; the poison of celebrity; being polite to boring people; and getting older in Hollywood.
As frank and personal as Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck"--which, incidentally, Shirley doesn't since she knows the secrets of good lighting--"I'm Over All That "is MacLaine at her acerbic and irreverent best.

'Matt is an Adorable Genius' Jilly Cooper The last twelve months seen through the eyes of the brilliantly funny cartoonist Matt - the perfect Christmas gift. 'No one can be funny every time - except Matt' John Humphrys 'So much greater than his nearest rivals it's almost embarrassing' Stephen Fry 'That rare thing - a daily cartoonist who never fails' THE TIMES There is no doubt: award-winning Matt definitely makes the world a happier place!

From the bestselling author of The Book of Awesome, You Are Awesome, and the award-winning, multimillion-hit blog 1000 Awesome Things comes even more of the little things that make us smile every day! Neil Pasricha is back with a collection of hundreds more awesome things from the website, as well as never-before-seen extraordinary moments that deserve celebration: * Letting go of the gas pump perfectly so you end on a round number * When a baby falls asleep on you * When your pet notices you're in a bad mood and comes to see you * Pulling a weed and getting all the roots with it * When your windshield wipers match the beat of the song you're listening to * When the hiccups stop * The smooth feeling on your teeth when you get your braces off * Driving from a rough road onto a smooth one * When the person you're meeting is even later than you are * That guy who helps you parallel park There's even space for you to write your very own Awesome Things in the back. Because couldn't we all use (even more) awesome?

Gilbert Gottfried on "Rubber Balls and Liquor" Nobody ever reads this part of the book. Somebody at the publishing house explained to me that it's actually called jacket copy. It says in my contract that I have to write something over here in this tiny space, even though I don't think anyone will notice. In fact, I'll bet anything that you're not reading this part now. And if it turns out that you are . . . well, the guy in the bookstore is probably staring at you, saying, "Stop reading that book " I guess there's a reason bookstores are going out of business, left and right. Cheap bastards like you think it's okay to stand in the aisles and read to your heart's content. So for the sake of bookstores everywhere, buy this book. I myself don't care. I only care about the poor working man. Oh, and the sanctity of the written word. I care about that, too. And in my case, those written words, of course, include dick and pussy.

Graham Norton is best known as a television presenter, chat show host and comedian. His warm demeanour and dry wit has endeared him to the nation and he is well on his way to securing the status of a national treasure. But as well as presenting and acting, Graham also fulfils another professional role: that of agony uncle to readers of The Daily Telegraph. Every week, scores of people write to Graham with their problems, hoping that his wise words will ease their worries or at least point them in the direction of a solution to their particular concern. The woes about which Graham is asked to offer adive are wide-ranging and include topics such as ungrateful spouses, errant partners, failing relationships, problems in the workplace and social etiquette. Each perfectly-pitched response includes just the right mixture of sound advice, humour and, occasionally, reprimand. We are, after all, fascinated with other people's problems and the winning combination of a glimpse into another's life coupled with a wise and witty reply makes for fascinating reading. This entertaining and often poignant book is a collection of the very best responses to a selection of problems from the man who is rapidly becoming the nation's favourite agony uncle.

It's still the Wild West in Colleen's Durango. Colleen Miller grew up in her parents' motel in Durango, Colorado, during the 1950s and 1960s. A tourist town in the southwestern corner of the state, alive with people from all over the world during the summer, Durango became an isolated, typical small town the rest of the year. These are the stories of her childhood, filled with the hilarious, larger-than-life characters that populated her family and the town around them. Told in the words of a precocious child who doesn't miss a thing, Colleen has the courage to name it all for what it is, telling anyone who will listen. Inside are her stories and more... "I laughed out loud so many times Colleen is a brilliant storyteller and a compassionate coach with fresh and unique ideas for uncovering those parts of our past we've buried while integrating them into the person we want to be today." Chicken Soup for the Soul series and other books "What I love about Colleen's writing is that the stories come alive and draw me in. They make me cry and laugh, and help me to see the truth of my own authentic self." -Sally Bonkrude, MA, LPC, MT-BC, author of Conscious Performing...from fear to freedom

Warbling sopranos, bellowing basses, someone in the back row at least a line ahead of everyone else, fusty robes, intransigent organists and temperamental clergy - welcome to the world of the local church choir. There is no better observer of the volatile relations between the clergy, the choir, the organist and the congregation than Reg Frary who has seen it all in over seventy years' first hand experience of sitting in the choir stalls Sunday by Sunday and at weddings, funerals, carol services, festivals and other occasions. Here are 23 new stories, written with characteristic affection and wit, which will greatly entertain Reg's loyal and eager readers.

Readers have followed Jen Lancaster through job loss, sucky city living, weight loss attempts, and 1980s nostalgia. Now Jen chronicles her efforts to achieve cultural enlightenment, with some hilarious missteps and genuine moments of inspiration along the way. And she does so by any means necessary: reading canonical literature, viewing classic films, attending the opera, researching artisan cheeses, and even enrolling in etiquette classes to improve her social graces.
In Jen's corner is a crack team of experts, including Page Six socialites, gourmet chefs, an opera aficionado, and a master sommelier. She may discover that well-regarded, high-priced stinky cheese tastes exactly as bad as it smells, and that her love for Kraft American Singles is forever. But one thing's for certain: Eliza Doolittle's got nothing on Jen Lancaster-and failure "is" an option.

No matter what they say, sixty will never be the new forty. But sixty-five-year-old author Virginia Ironside is determined to convince people that getting old is really not so bad -- even for a Baby Boomer who interviewed the Rolling Stones and Jimi Hendrix early in her career. Here, Virginia Ironside explores the many unsung benefits of aging. There are ailments, but there are also fabulous meds. There are grandchildren -- your reward for not killing your own children. And then there's "wisdom," that random accumulated knowledge you can label as such just because you're old. You're Old, I'm Old . . . Get Used to It! celebrates scattered memory, frequent naps, and mercifully lowered expectations.

The incomparable Lisa Scottoline, along with Daughter Francesca, is back with more wild and wonderful wit and wisdom.

"New York Times" bestselling author Lisa Scottoline struck a chord with readers, book clubs, and critics with her smash-hit essay collection, "Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog." This time, Lisa teams up with Daughter Francesca to give their mother-daughter perspective on everything from blind dates to empty calories, as well as life with the feistiest octogenarian on the planet, Mother Mary, who won't part with her thirty-year-old bra. Three generations of women, triple the laughs---and the love.

Inspired by their weekly "Chick Wit" column for "The Philadelphia Inquirer"," " Lisa and Francesca spill all their family secrets---which will sound a lot like yours. And you'll have to put this book down, just to stop laughing.

LISA ON DIETING I'm backsliding with carbohydrates, which is the food version of ex-sex.

FRANCESCA ON CUTTING THE CORD I thought I said, "I am going to see my cousin's new apartment," but in Mom-speak that translates to: "I am going to meet certain death in the New York City subway tunnels that are soon to be my tomb."

LISA ON MOTHER MARY: Most people have a list of Things To Do, but Mother Mary has a list of Things Not To Do. At the top is Don't Go to the Movies. Other entries include Don't Eat Outside With The Bugs and Don't Walk All Over This Cockamamie Mall.

FRANCESCA ON BEING SINGLE: I'm addicted to the wedding announcements. Worse, I find myself subtracting my age from the bride's. I thought I was a modern woman, turns out I'm a Cathy cartoon.

LISA ON AGING GRACEFULLY Today I noticed my first gray hair. On my chin.

And so much more

Comic verse by poet, award winning mime artist and former TV presenter, Jason Maverick delves into the surreal and absurd, and squeezes humour out of the ordinary until the pips squeak.

Lewis Grizzard got his first newspaper job when he was ten years old. Thirty-odd years later (thirty-very-odd years) he's still in the newspaper business-and he's still infuriated by it, still tickled by it, and still very much in love with it. If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground is all about that anger, that great humor and that even greater passion for something that affects every single one of us: the daily newspaper. Grizzard begins with his first writing job (covering a Boy's Church League team in Newman, Georgia), and continues through his college years in Athens, Georgia, where he learned how to do such things as prepare a front-page headline and layout in case Jesus Christ ever returned to earth. (Headline: HE'S BACK!) He examines the great Atlanta years and the cold Chicago winters-as sports editor of the Sun-Times, during which Grizzard lost his second wife, his cool, and very nearly his sanity, but also learned an awful lot about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This is Grizzard's funniest-and his best-book yet.

In our current global political climate, we are exposed daily to horrible images of war and pain. Then sometimes, mercifully, we are thrown a lifeline. The viral Instagram account Tiny Gentle Asians is precisely one such lifeline. It's a suite of fun and uplifting images, showcasing adorable pictures of babies - often chubby to the point of absurd - taken by doting mothers across Asia. "It's the best site," says Chelsea Handler, American comedian and TV royalty. "Every morning there's a new fat nugget." The sassy captions which accompany each image are written by Melissa Kenny, the mastermind behind TGA. Lately, though, she's been busy... Melissa has just undertaken her most ambitious project yet: Tiny Gentle Asians, the book! Loaded with exclusive cute content, this book finally brings TGA into the physical world. Each page is a new adventure in newborns. Expect plenty fat rolls, screwed up cheeks, dimples on dimples, implausible costumes and plenty of crying bubs. With the success of her Instagram, Melissa's life has been flooded by the endless submissions from photo-obsessed mums. This book is a careful curation of these submissions, as well as the fruits of her own searches. This book is sure to bring light and joy to any reader with a pulse. We thank Melissa for her noble work in bringing these tots the attention they deserve.

Welcome to Pearl's Feed and Seed Most coming-of-age stories are fraught with symbolism, hidden metaphors, and a heaping mound of other literary devices. Not this one. Not mine. You see, I came of age while working at a dusty Texas feedstore. A place where To Kill a Mockingbird involved a twelve-year-old and a BB gun. Of Mice and Men was a problem easily solved with rat poison. And David Copperfield was nothing more than a dude that made shit disappear. In the spring of 1989, I went to work at Pearl's Feed and Seed for a man named Doyle Suggs. On the surface Doyle and I had little in common: I was a rosy-cheeked boy of sixteen; he was a twice-divorced, thirty-year-old high school dropout. I had yet to go on my first date; he was trading sex for horse feed in the back room. Sure, Doyle was a lout, a liar, and a lecherous derelict. To this day, he remains the most morally bankrupt man I've ever met, yet my life wouldn't be half as blessed, had I missed out on his misguided education. The Feedstore Chronicles is a mostly true account of those days and when murderous ex-wives, well-hung bulldogs, and feed room fornication were all part of a normal day at Pearl's.

From the bestselling, award-winning author of "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning," comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere

In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as:

• Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey
• I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long
• Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character
• Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid
• Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube

And much more For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

Now the star of NBC's Perfect Couples, Olivia Munn's hilarious first collection of essays, Suck It Wonder Woman, offers up such stories like "Thought's About My First Agent's Girlfriend's Vagina," wherein Olivia skewers life in Hollywood. In "Sex: What You Can Do to Help Yourself Have More of It," she frankly gets down to the business of getting it on, including advice on how to appropriately wrap it and bag it. In "What to Do When the Robots Invade (Yes, When!)," Olivia offers valuable information on. . .what to do when the robots invade! This book also includes such handy treasures as a timeline of great moments in Geek history, a flip book, and an unofficial FAQ section. "Suck It, Wonder Woman! "brings Olivia Munn's incredible wit, and lightning-fast costume changes to a world that needs more scrapbooking, sea monkeys, and a freakin' hoverboard!

Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, is a collection of humorous essays by Jerome K. Jerome. It was the author's second published book and it helped establish him as a leading English humorist.

Wondering if science could explain how he survived his 40-year avalanche of drugs and alcohol, Ozzy Osbourne became one of a handful of people in the world to have his entire DNA mapped in 2010. It was a highly complex, $65,000 process, but the results were conclusive: Ozzy is a genetic anomaly. The "Full Ozzy Genome" contained variants that scientists had never before encountered and the findings were presented at the prestigious TEDMED Conference in San Diego-making headlines around the world. The procedure was in part sponsored by "The Sunday Times" of London, which had already caused an international fururoe by appointing Ozzy Osbourne its star health advice columnist. The newpaper argued that Ozzy's mutliple near-death experiences, 40-year history of drug abuse, and extreme hypocondria qualified him more than any other for the job. The column was an overnight hit, being quickly picked up by "Rolling Stone" to give it a global audience of millions. In TRUST ME, I'M DR. OZZY, Ozzy answers reader's questions with his outrageous wit and surprising wisdom, digging deep into his past to tell the memoir-style survival stories never published before-and offer guidance that no sane human being should follow. Part humor, part memoir, and part bad advice, TRUST ME, I'M DR. OZZY will include some of the best material from his published columns, answers to celebrities' medical questions, charts, sidebars, and more.

Ever wondered what waffle like 'accountability', 'site of contestation' or 'The National Democratic Revolution' really means? Here, in an irreverent nutshell, is your answer. The Ranter's Guide to South Africa pinpoints and defines some of the most overused and abused words, acronyms, piffle and jargon that noisily bamboozle our daily life. It is a satirical dictionary for our times, encompassing politics, business, culture, sport, history and that relentless, buzzing swarm of cliches that assault us every day. At last, comic relief is at hand in this indispensible A-Z digest with its short and sharp definitions that will puncture the bombast, bias and rampant populism circulating on all sides. Keep this subversive manual close by, it could save your sanity ...

The 1950s were simple times to grow up. For Lewis Grizzard and his buddies, gallivanting meant hanging out at the local store, eating Zagnut candy bars and drinking "Big Orange bellywashers." About the worst thing a kid ever did was smoke rabbit tobacco rolled in paper torn from a brown grocery sack, or maybe slick back his hair into a ducktail and try gyrating his hips like Elvis. But then assassinations, war, civil rights, free love, and drugs rocked the old order. And as they did, Grizzard frequently felt lost and confused. In place of Elvis, the Pied Piper of his generation, Grizzard now found wormy-looking, long-haired English kids who performed either half-naked or dressed like Zasu Pitts. Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself is the witty, satiric, nostalgic account of Grizzard's efforts to survive in a changing world. Sex, music, clothes, entertainment, and life itself receive the Grizzard treatment. In this, his sixth book, Grizzard was never funnier or more in tune with his readers. He might not have felt so good himself, but his social commentary and humor can still make the rest of us feel just fine.

Suid-Afrikaners is dol oor rugby en hulle hou daarvan om lekker te lag. Hier kommie Bokke! kombineer twee van Suid-Afrika se gunsteling-tydverdrywe in een skreeusnaakse boek wat gewaarborg is om die lagspiere te prikkel. Daar is gevatte kwinkslae, klassieke segoed van toeka se dae en die heel jongste Super 15-grappe. Daar is geen heilige koeie in Hier Kommie Bokke! nie, en almal – van die voorry en agterlyn tot rugby-poppies, skeidsregters, ondersteuners en afrigters – loop deur. Gewaarborg om lesers te laat skaterlag.