A scathingly funny reinterpretation of the Ten Commandments from the larger, louder half of world-famous magic duo Penn and Teller reveals an atheist's experience in the world: from performing on the Vegas strip with Siegfried and Roy to children and fatherhood to his ongoing dialogue with proselytizers of the Christian Right and the joys of sex while scuba-diving, Penn has an outrageous sense of humor and a brilliantly entertaining opinion on, well, anything you care to think of.

They Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat, first published in 1982, has sold more than 100,000 copies. Without skipping a beat, one of America's favorite humorists, the late Lewis Grizzard, tells of the early stirrings of his wayward heart in the backseat of a '57 Chevy and the ominous murmurings that led him at age thirty-five to major surgery and the real answer to his question, "How much is this going to hurt?" In the process, he discovers all the ways a heart can break. Young love. Three marriages. His father's death. And why his entire future suddenly depended on a little pig. He tells the truth-the whole truth-the kind that has readers laughing through their tears. United Press International said, "It makes you feel good to know a person can face the tubes, wires, knives, and needles of major heart surgery and make you laugh about it-hilarious!

This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere It's time for seriously hilarious girl-talk with "New York Times" bestselling author Lisa Scottoline. She's shared this collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours . . . if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. Pick up this book--you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll swear off pantyhose. Here are some examples of Lisa's wit and wisdom:

"Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads."

"We'll get universal health care before we get beauty salons open on Mondays, and that's backwards. Ask any woman if she'd rather have a haircut or a mammogram, and you'll see what I mean."

"Mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel."

"Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. Where is the religion that allows a woman to have as many husbands as she pleases?"

"I have never been in an accident, if you don't count my two marriages."

"My mother taught us that if you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you'll die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you'll look young."

Inspired by her wildly popular column in "The Philadelphia Inquirer" entitled "Chick Wit," "Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog" is a book you'll have to put down--just to stop laughing.

An unabridged edition of Swift's 18th century, satirical classic

A collection of the best moments from the ‘Ricky Gervais Show’ with further musings from Karl Pilkington, star of Sky 1’s ‘An Idiot Abroad’. Karl Pilkington’s is a brilliant mind, locked inside a perfectly round head and uncluttered by the unhelpful constraints of logic or common sense. He both baffles and enlightens with his take on topics as diverse as population control, the rights of monkeys and how long you can stay alive with your head chopped off. Featuring the best conversations from ‘The Ricky Gervais Show’ podcasts and original illustrations and scribblings by Karl Pilkington, this is a unique trip into the mind of our most innovative visionary – or, as Gervais and Merchant know him, ‘the funniest man alive in Britain today’.

The prevaricating pros who helped students glide through seven years of college in "The CollegeHumor Guide to College" are back to show post-grads how to turn life into an "Easy A" by, well, faking it. From sounding like an MBA to bribing the ma?tre d' to acting sensitive post-sex, here is everything aspiring equivocators need to know to B.S. their way to success in the real world. As the authors remind readers: "The important thing isn't who you are; it's who other people think you are." With this poseur's bible in hand, a generation is poised to go forth and fake it.

DEVIL IN THE DETAILS announces Jennifer Traig as one of the most hilarious writers to emerge in recent years - and one of the strangest! Recalling the agony of growing up as an obsessive- compulsive religious fanatic, Traig fearlesslessly confesses the most peculiar behaviour - like scrubbing her hands for a full half-hour before meals, feeding her stuffed animals before herself and washing everything she owned because she thought it was contaminated by pork fumes! The result is a book so relentlessly funny and frank that it's totally refreshing.

Now that Boris Johnson has left Downing Street to spend more time with his families, you can celebrate/lament his departure with this multiple-choice adventure where you take back control. Packed with 350 million* endings, this is the perfect stocking filler this Christmas. (* - this figure may be misleading). Yes, you are Boris Johnson, about to embark on a quest to fulfil your childhood ambition to be World King, a position so important that you will have to invent it first. It's not going to be easy. You will be entranced by a monster called Trump, bewitched by a sorceress called Carrie, captivated by your backbench Orcs - and royally shafted by a little hobgoblin called Michael Gove. Not everyone wants you to be World King. So watch out for those false turns which see you begging Prince Harry for a job, rotting in a Dubai jail, recruited by the KGB, wandering round Kabul trying to find 150 dogs to rescue, starting WWIII or mistaking wine, cheese, vomit and karaoke for a work event. And try instead to use your magical powers to become the Emperor of this land; the star of the hit musical "Boris on Broadway"; or even the PM who leads Britain back into the EU in 2024. Yes, you are The Neverending Tory. And this is your story. Kids of all ages love The Neverending Tory: "I read the endings where he doesn't become Prime Minister again and again" T. May, age 65, Maidenhead "I have never been Prime Minister, but this book gave me the chance to see what it might be like" J. Corbyn, age 73, The Allotment, North London

There are many monologues books on the market but very few provide rich material for comedy. This collection from up and coming comedian & actress Katy Wix plugs that gap and provides female performers with the kind of wonderfully warm and interesting characters that they need – and deserve. A comedian and writer, Wix has for the past few years been writing audition speeches for students at drama schools including RADA, LAMDA, Drama Centre and The Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama. A book of contemporary comedy monologues does not exist for today's actor or indeed a book comprising solely of showcase speeches. This is a collection of very funny and original audition speeches filling a significant gap in the market: made up of monologues for various age ranges, each with a running time of two to three minutes. The brevity in length makes these ideal for auditions or showcases and the variety in age and style encompasses different comedic approaches; from the very quirky to the more traditional – perfect for every type of performer.

In her first-ever (sort of) memoir, the beloved actor and YouTube sensation gets personal about everything from mental health to drunken debaucheries with this "brave, behind-the-webcam look at self-discovery" (Kirkus Reviews). As an only child raised in a town of less than 8,000 people and without a Starbucks in sight, Meghan Rienks has always been pretty good at entertaining herself. Then one day-cue the dramatic voiceover-her life changed forever. In 2010, Meghan was diagnosed with mononucleosis. Mono is basically just a really bad case of the flu, right? Wrong. To a party crazed sixteen-year-old, mono is social suicide. More than anything, it's just plain boring. So, Meghan opened up her MacBook, used the webcam for something other than a bad Andy Warhol-style photobooth session, and recorded her first YouTube video. Since then, Meghan has shared the ups and downs of her life with the internet, documenting her teenage years for the whole world to see. Now that she's (mostly) through her awkward stage, Meghan's here to tell you that it gets better. You're not alone in the thoughts you think. Sometimes a bad hair day feels worse than a punch in the gut and asking a boy out seems about as difficult as achieving that perfect dewy glow. But despite what you've been told, your problems are not unique, and somebody else has felt the way you feel right at this very moment. You're not special. But you're also not alone on the bumpy road to adulthood.

How unbelievably dull my life was. I did everything I was supposed to. I was such a good girl. I lived in the house he chose and cleaned a dead woman's furniture. I bought hats, who the hell wears a hat? And all the time I wanted to scream because I was so bored. On one dark and stormy night in the upper day room of the Silver Retirement Home, five elderly women are trading stories of their remarkable (or sometimes unremarkable) lives. With the storm floods rising and no rescue team in sight, the ladies are faced with the sudden realisation that in order to survive they are going to have to do what they have done for their entire lives - do it themselves! Silver Lining is a hilarious comedy by Sandi Toksvig. It tells the tale of a group of extraordinary yet forgotten women, who come together one treacherous night to recreate The Great Escape - senior-citizen style. It received its world premiere at the Rose Theatre, Kingston, on 3 February 2017 in a production by English Touring Theatre and Rose Theatre, Kingston.

With Love...is a glorious collection of more than 300 quotes dedicated to this most joyous of emotions. Affairs of the heart have attracted thousands of amazing quotes, thoughts and observations and this unique anthology features contributions from the deeply philosophical to the wonderfully humorous, and is the perfect present for that special someone in your life. With witty and wonderful quotes from the stars of stage, screen and literature, the worlds of music, comedy and politics, With Love...makes for a delightful book and when gifted is a wonderful way to say "I love you!".

Grandma - You're the Best! is a glorious collection of more than 300 quotes celebrating grandmothers and grannies everywhere. Grandmas have deservedly attracted thousands of amazing quotes, thoughts and observations and this unique anthology features contributions from the deeply philosophical to the wonderfully humorous, and is the perfect present to say thank you for all your grandma's love, kindness and compassion. With witty and wonderful quotes from the stars of stage, screen and literature, the worlds of music, comedy and politics, Grandma - You're the Best! makes for a delightful book and gift.

Ronnie Barker has long been known as one of Britain's greatest comedy performers. But he was also responsible for writing much of the material he performed, often hiding the fact from the public by using a number of pen names. Showcasing the complete work of a true comic icon, All I Ever Wrote is a laugh-out-loud collection of sketches, monologues, songs, poems and scripts from every strand of Ronnie's long and brilliant career. With gems like 'Fork Handle's,' Three Classes' and 'Pismonouncers Unanimous', Ronnie's clever writing, double entendres and spoonerisms will bring a smile to your face, as you rediscover some of the twentieth century's finest comedy moments.

'The English aristocrat John 'Mad Jack' Mytton died a bloated, paralysed and penniless debtor in prison. His premature demise was partly due to injuries sustained while setting fire to his own night-shirt to try to cure hiccups. Just before the horribly burned Mytton slumped into unconsciousness he said, "Well, the hiccups is gone, by God."' An 18th-century French scholar attributed the British talent for eccentricity to a 'mixture of fogs, beef and beer...aggravated by the tedium of the English Sunday'. Whatever the reason, the British Isles do seem to have thrown up more than their fair share of magnificent oddballs, the finest of which are profiled in this fast, funny celebration of over 200 aristocrats, inventors, artists and the just plain weird... * Dr Samuel Johnson is said to have shaved off all of his bodily hair, just to see how long it would take to grow back * Spencer Cavendish, 8th Duke of Devonshire, once related an experience he had at Westminster: 'I had a horrid nightmare. I dreamed I was making a speech in the House of Lords, and woke up to find I actually was.' * Percy Bysshe Shelley once tied a cat to a kite in a thunder storm to see if it would be electrocuted

How do you apologise when you're not sorry? Where can you make a fortune out of pretending to know the future? What's the best way to steal credit and avoid blame? These are the vital life skills that people need if they're going to make their way in the world. And they all involve one ingredient: flannel, the art of not saying what you mean. It's not exactly lying, but it's definitely not telling the truth. In Romps, Tots and Boffins, Robert Hutton brilliantly 'laid bare' the true meanings of the words we read in the papers. Following popular demand, he now turns his razor-sharp eye to the best, worst and most outlandish examples of waffle, fudging, obscurity, blame-shifting and point-scoring. In areas from politics to sports, academia, religion and self-help, it seems that glory, money and power flow far more freely to those who sidestep bald, ugly realities. You can steer a truck through the gap between a lie and the simple truth. This book tells you how to load the truck.

We've seen the future. And it's shit. From the authors of the mega-selling Is It Just Me or Is Everything Shit? Once, we were promised a sci-fi future that never arrived. But what if it really is on its way now? The Shape of Shit to Come takes a funny tour of the future taking shape before our eyes - a future of sex robots, hotels in space, kids making their own pets with gene-splicing kits and people planning, for real, how they can turn themselves into hyper-intelligent genetically enriched cyborg immortals of the future. Because these things are happening. As of yet only the geeks are talking about this stuff. But is that wise? Shouldn't we all be getting with the programme? Otherwise we're leaving the future of humanity in the hands of people who ride scooters indoors.

Follow the adventures of Charlie, an urban three-year-old on the fast track, and his slow-track mommy. In this hilarious volume, Charlie gets a haircut like Sting’s, runs up a tab at a baseball game, and prefers the garlic press to any of his expensive “educational” toys. Charlie is a kid learning to be a consumer. His mommy reveals important secrets, like which stroller is “in,” which is the “right” playgroup, and how to throw a fabulous fourth birthday party. Moms and dads alike will find these anecdotes of parenting at the end of the century to be truly priceless.

A humorous and insightful guide to what the British really mean when they speak. In every walk of life, from relationships, to work, to politics, sport and the news, our everyday use of English harbours duplicities of meaning. We say 'I'm sorry' when we mean 'absolute nonsense', and write 'Yours faithfully' when we're thinking 'Sod you!' Jealousy, rage, love, affection - we're equally good at disguising them all. Leaves on the Line compiles this secret language - this 'double English' - in a hilarious and forthright volume exposing the doublespeak of the British language. For the first time, everyday terms which we casually deploy to loved ones and total strangers, and have been thrown at us from the radio or TV will be 'glossed' (yes, we really mean 'stripped') to reveal the unadorned, raw truth below. The book will be over 200 hilarious phrases of common doublespeak and will be essential reading for everyone from puzzled foreigners to young people to whom the dark art of linguistic dissembling are not yet second nature. The book includes phrases and the truths behind them, such as: Transport: 'This service is delayed because of leaves on the track...' Social: 'I'm not being racist but...' Weather: 'Nice weather we're having...' Sport: 'We're taking each game as it comes...' Relationships: 'I've never met anyone like you before...' Polititcs: 'Spending on health has increased in real terms, year on year, since we were elected...' Word count: 30,000

From the sublime to the ridiculous, Just My Typo is a hilarious collection of typographical errors, slips of the pen and embarrassing misprints which, like any typo of any kind, should never have happened, cannot be excused, and must not in any way be glorified. Enjoy. You'll travel back in time to meet great figures from history: Sir Francis Drake (who circumcised the world in a small ship), Queen Victoria (who pissed graciously over the Menai Bridge), and Rambo (the famous French poet). You'll find moral instruction ('Blessed are the meek, for they shall irrigate the earth') and pearls of wisdom ('love is just a passing fanny'). You'll be outraged by politicians who exploit disasters to boost their pubic profiles; entranced by lambs that gamble in the fields; concerned for a man who was admitted to hospital suffering from severe buns; and appalled to meet 11-year-old twins Helen and Ugh.

A self-help guide to convert failures into success - Is Empowering and Motivating - Provides practical tips and techniques - Is a reserve of true failure-success stories - Is not a quick fix! - Has author's personal experiences and examples - Gives practical ways to convert Failures into Success