A rare collection of comedy sketches suitable for stage, television or film. Think: ants, fish and other unlikely creatures satirizing everything we consider normal and acceptable. Other spoofs in the collection parody many of the sacred icons of our everyday life. These super-funny sketches are short, incisive and certain to challenge any audience. Actors have the chance to perform as wildly different character-types in off-the-wall situations. A supernova of fun for classroom actors or for a repertory group of performers.

With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please.

These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless f*ckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless f*ckwit... Vicar'.

Other gems include: It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short'. What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now. The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet. Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal sh*t on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced f*cking nipples. Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.

As suggested in the title, the content of this book offers little in the way of insight into the life and times of the notorious Edinburgh City Councillor Deacon Brodie 1741-1788. Just enough perhaps, to justify his rather colourful image on the front cover. However it does contain a healthy dose of Edinburgh and Leith references and is more a collection of personal thoughts, less well known facts, reminiscences, observations and verse. Some of the facts included here are partly accurate and have a degree of authenticity to them. Others less so, but a bit of fun nonetheless.

One of the crucial factors which kept Tommy going on the Western Front was his facility to see what was comic in the horror, deprivation and discomfort of trench warfare, an attitude which blossomed further in the rest areas behind the lines. The nature of the comedy ranged from gentle irony to a rougher hilarity that produced on belly laughs. Such laughter could arise from extreme physical pain and discomfort, from the provision of sustenance and from matters relating to dress, equipment and weapons. A further source of fun was bizarre events not dissimilar to situation comedy and pantomime. Moreover, a whole culture of humour surrounded Tommy's words and songs, and many trench pets - cats, dogs, horses, goats, even rats - were in on the joke in one way or another. Nor was it only the British soldiers who managed to find something to laugh about in the trenches - the Germans could sometimes see the funny side as well. A Bloody Picnic provides an unusual perspective on how soliders coped with the grim realities of the First World War.

Uplifting, inspiring and humorous, On The Plus Side is a veritable treasure trove of reasons to be cheerful as we journey through later life.. Proclamations of positivity, morsels of mischief and great ways to grow old disgracefully ...all with a sprinkling of realism and plenty of humour thrown in for good measure. With over 50 brilliantly illustrated rhymes to make you smile, it is a must for everyone who acknowledges that age is not a number ... but an attitude.

Ever since Mrs Malaprop first took to the stage in 1775 and described a gentleman as 'the very pineapple of politeness', some famous figures have become better known for their slips of the tongue than for anything they said intentionally. In particular, the careers of a number of broadcasters, sporting figures and politicians have become defined by their verbal blunders. Former US Vice-President Dan Quayle is remembered solely for making unfortunate remarks such as 'Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.' Welsh naturalist Iolo Williams sent Twitter into meltdown when, discussing diving sea birds on Springwatch 2016, he asked a female conservationist: 'Is that the deepest shag you've ever had?' Even respected sports broadcaster Harry Carpenter was probably haunted forever by his seemingly innocent comment at the end of the 1977 Boat Race: 'Ah, isn't that nice? The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.' I Wish I Hadn't Said That is a collection of over 3,000 spoken and written blunders - including unintentional double entendres, spoonerisms, mixed metaphors, malapropisms, jaw-dropping remarks, misguided quiz show answers, embarrassing newspaper misprints, and foreign signs and notices that have sadly become lost in translation.

While cats may hide their self-doubt behind dismissive 'you bore me' and 'I just sprayed the couch' smirks, underneath they are desperate to introduce meaning into their nine lives. This parody, based on classic self-help texts, has the answers. Has your cat been moping around in that patch of sunlight for more than 23 hours a day? Has kitty been overindulging in Whiskas in order to fill the vast emptiness within? While humans have plenty of self-help books to aid us in times of existential crisis, our feline friends have had to go it alone. Until now. This personal-growth book for cats (and their humans) uses the framework of classic self-help tomes to shed light on universal kitty questions. With chapters like 'A Cat's Conversations with God' and 'The Fur Agreements', this guide will empower cats to make the 20 minutes they're awake each day the best 20 minutes of their lives.

There's nothing quite like a quick fire question, the pressure of a countdown, or the expectant stare of Jeremy Paxman for making even the most intelligent quiz show contestants (as well as the not so clever) come out with the most unbelievably stupid answers. Universally Challenged is a collection of slip-ups, blunders and misunderstandings from contestants who really are the weakest link. Includes these priceless examples from Family Fortunes: . Les Dennis: Name something that could be useful to a blind man. Contestant: A sword. . Les Dennis: Name a bird with a long neck. Contestant: Naomi Campbell. . Les Dennis: Name something people might be allergic to. Contestant: Skiing. This hilarious compendium of stupidity is guaranteed to have readers of any age howling in disbelief.

A return to the wit and wisdom of Boris Johnson - Brexiteer, Foreign Secretary, Prime Minister. New and updated edition. 2019 - the year that Boris took on the 'lingering gloomadon-poppers', pledged to steer the UK between the 'Scylla and Charybdis of Corbyn and Farage' and into the calmer waters of political freedom. Of course there was always bound to be 'a bit of plaster coming off the ceilings of Europe's Chanceries'. Harry Mount has updated his edited collection of the Prime Minister's wit and wisdom with three new chapters dealing with Boris's time as Brexiteer-in-chief; Foreign Secretary and 'On the Threshold of Downing Street'. He describes Boris's Brexit campaign, his leadership breakdown in 2016, his ups and downs as Foreign Secretary, his time outside the political establishment, his turbulent private life and how Boris felt it was his manifest destiny to become the prime minister. So buckle up for a riotous tour of the million-pound NHS funder, golden wonder, pro-having, pro-eating blond behemoth. This is the Wit and Wisdom of Boris Johnson.

Jack is back, and blacker than black. With hysterical reports of people around the globe dying whilst idly reading his previous books, curiously both of them men, and with countless women complaining of uncomfortably close shaves, the Vatican, the World Health Organisation, and the #MeToo bandwagon, are now locked in a three-legged race to ban this book and prevent another pandemic. Or to use today's parlance, to stop it going viral. So, why not buy a few extra copies for your family and friends, and even your enemies, while you still can, and spread the word...

"Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain-which is to say, all of it."

After nearly two decades spent on British soil, Bill Bryson-bestsellingauthor of The Mother Tongue and Made in America-decided to returnto the United States. ("I had recently read," Bryson writes, "that 3.7 million Americans believed that they had been abducted by aliens at one time or another,so it was clear that my people needed me.") But before departing, he set out ona grand farewell tour of the green and kindly island that had so long been his home.

Veering from the ludicrous to the endearing and back again, Notes from a Small Island is a delightfully irreverent jaunt around the unparalleled floating nation that has produced zebra crossings, Shakespeare, Twiggie Winkie's Farm, and places with names like Farleigh Wallop and Titsey. The result is an uproarious social commentary that conveys the true glory of Britain, from the satiric pen of an unapologetic Anglophile.

"Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain-which is to say, all of it."

After nearly two decades spent on British soil, Bill Bryson-bestselling author of The Mother Tongue and Made in America-decided to return to the United States. ("I had recently read," Bryson writes, "that 3.7 million Americans believed that they had been abducted by aliens at one time or another, so it was clear that my people needed me.") But before departing, he set out on a grand farewell tour of the green and kindly island that had so long been his home.

Veering from the ludicrous to the endearing and back again, Notes from a Small Island is a delightfully irreverent jaunt around the unparalleled floating nation that has produced zebra crossings, Shakespeare, Twiggie Winkie's Farm, and places with names like Farleigh Wallop and Titsey. The result is an uproarious social commentary that conveys the true glory of Britain, from the satiric pen of an unapologetic Anglophile.

Edited by his children, Giles and Victoria, Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks is an anthology of humorous writing from the former editor of Punch and Radio 4 national treasure Alan Coren, who died in October 2007. In a prolific forty-year career Alan Coren wrote for The Times, Observer, Tatler, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, Listener, Punch and the New Yorker, and published over 20 books including The Sanity Inspector, Golfing for Cats and The Collected Bulletins of Idi Amin (he turned down an invitation from Amin to visit Uganda saying, 'I'll probably end up as a sandwich'). Even twenty years ago he estimated that he had published six million words, or ten copies of War and Peace. Coren was one of Britain's most prolific and now much-missed humourists, finding the comedy of life all around him and rendering it, hilariously and compellingly, in polished and witty prose which will be eagerly devoured by his loyal fanbase.

With the trademark twisted humor and outlandish puns that have made Pearls Before Swine one of the funniest comic strips being published today, each page of this daily calendar features a full-color Pearls Before Swine comic strip with your favorite characters like Rat, Pig, Goat, or the Crocs. Features include: 5.25" x 4.375" page size Easel backer for desk or tabletop display Printed on FSC certified paper with soy-based ink Full-color tear-off pages Includes Daily Extra! Bonus content on the back of each day's page Day/Date reference on each page 365 daily pages Official major world holidays and observations Features a new comic each day that will make you laugh no matter how terrible the morning news is