While Ireland (like much of the rest of the world) was in lockdown in Spring and Summer 2020, we scratched our heads and wondered what to do to help lift people's spirits. We decided to join forces with Irish Pensions & Finance and run a competition celebrating Irish people's love of a good story – and a good laugh. There were only two requirements: make it funny, and make it (fairly) short. We were overwhelmed by the response: we received hundreds of entries, from all over the island and points beyond, by people from all walks of life. There were only three winners - but we decided to gather the best stories into a book. And here they are – from the sublime to the ridiculous. Think Graham Norton's Big Red Chair to Samuel Beckett's dark humor – and all points in between. The result is: Brevity is the Soul: Wit from Locked-Down Ireland.

The PERFECT GIFT for Mum would be to let her take the day off while you do everything for her. Why not get her this book instead? ---------------- This is mum. A mum has two very important jobs to do. One is to look after her children. The other is to do everything else as well. ---------------- Now Lyndsay's little boy is at nursery, she is looking for a job. At this interview, the lady asks Lyndsay all sorts of questions, which Lyndsay has trouble answering because she has the Octonauts theme going round her head. Lyndsay hopes she is not singing out loud. ---------------- This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

In THE MYSTERIUM David Bramwell and Jo Keeling (authors of THE ODDITORIUM), present a user guide to the strange and unexplained corners of modern life. THE MYSTERIUM catalogues a host of bizarre, funny and intriguing stories for a post-Nessie generation still fascinated by the unknowable. Drawing on contemporary folklore, unsolved mysteries, and unsettling phenomena from the dark corners of the internet, this book celebrates the joy of asking questions and the thrill of finding answers which stop you dead in your tracks. Featuring a group of men who scared themselves to death, Space's version of the Bermuda Triangle, a cat who can sniff out the dying and the tale of Slender Man, the monster who stepped out of Photoshop and into our nightmares, this fascinating book is a catalogue of the extraordinary, the strange, the mysterious and the downright creepy.

Bake a cake in a mug; take part in a people-watching challenge; create a time capsule; diarise a week of your life and learn to make origami. Fully illustrated and packed with a host of games, activities and pranks, Alfie invites you to join his online following as he challenges you to complete your journal of pointlessness and do virtually nothing with pride.

Edited by his children, Giles and Victoria, Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks is an anthology of humorous writing from the former editor of Punch and Radio 4 national treasure Alan Coren, who died in October 2007. In a prolific forty-year career Alan Coren wrote for The Times, Observer, Tatler, Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, Listener, Punch and the New Yorker, and published over 20 books including The Sanity Inspector, Golfing for Cats and The Collected Bulletins of Idi Amin (he turned down an invitation from Amin to visit Uganda saying, 'I'll probably end up as a sandwich'). Even twenty years ago he estimated that he had published six million words, or ten copies of War and Peace. Coren was one of Britain's most prolific and now much-missed humourists, finding the comedy of life all around him and rendering it, hilariously and compellingly, in polished and witty prose which will be eagerly devoured by his loyal fanbase.

THE THIRD COLLECTION FROM THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLERS @DADSAYSJOKES The most followed dad jokes page on Instagram, @DadSaysJokes, returns with another collection of hilariously cringe-inducing gags for you to share with friends and family. @DadSaysJokes is a community-run Dad jokes network on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, with over 5 million followers, inspired by the daily jokes of author Kit Chilvers' dad, Andrew. Every day, followers submit their jokes and the team picks their favourites - or Dad just drops in his own zinger! Kit, a young social networking influencer, started his career at the tender age of 14 when he created his original platform, Football.Newz. He has since added another fourteen platforms, including @PubityPets and monster meme page @Pubity with its 31 million followers. This is his third book. I TOLD MY WIFE SHE SHOULD EMBRACE HER MISTAKES. SHE GAVE ME A HUG.

Lawyers have long been known as master storytellers, and those from Tennessee are certainly no exception. Veteran oral historian and folklorist William Lynwood Montell has collected tales from dozens of lawyers and judges from throughout the Volunteer State, ranging from stories of a custody battle over a family dog that garnered national media attention to the self-proclaimed "smartest man in Clay County." Recorded exactly as the lawyers tell them, these stories are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes raw and harrowing, but always remarkable. Far more than a collection of lawyer jokes, Tales from Tennessee Lawyers recounts the most insightful, entertaining, and occasionally heartbreaking stories ever told by and about Tennessee lawyers and their clients, covering the spectrum from arson to homicide, domestic disagreements to sexual abuse, and everything in between. Tales from Tennessee Lawyers is a valuable resource for folklorists as well as a vivid account of the often-surprising legal world.

With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please.

These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless f*ckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless f*ckwit... Vicar'.

Other gems include: It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short'. What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now. The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet. Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal sh*t on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced f*cking nipples. Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.

*** 365 JOY-FILLED TASKS TO MAKE LIFE MORE ENGAGING, FUN, CARING AND JOLLY! *** There are little things we can all do that can make a huge difference to our lives and to the lives of those around us. Doing something jolly every day that you can look back on with a smile and be grateful for, knowing it has also brought kindness to others, can gently help replace old negative thought patterns with more positive ones. The tasks included in this little book are designed to be universal and free (or as cheap as possible). And all the ideas here, however silly they may seem, offer genuine and healthy ways to change the way we feel for the better. Now is the time to have some childish fun and break the monotony of adult life and all its stresses. I hope some of the ideas do this for you, that you have SUCH FUN doing them and that day by day you can begin to lead a calmer and happier life!

'I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.' The most quotable writer of our time, Terry Pratchett's unique brand of wit made him both a bestseller and an enduring, endearing source of modern wisdom. This collection is filled with his funniest and most memorable words about life, the universe and snoring.

A selection of more than 150 of the best daily strips from Brian Crane's hugely popular cartoon Pickles.

Mooch the cat desperately wants to find a gift for his friend - Earl the Dog. 'But what do you give the guy who has everything?' Mooch wonders. The answer, of course, is nothing! This simple story features characters from one of the world's most successful comic strips - Patrick McDonnell's Mutts. With the same warmth and charm that he brings to the daily cartoon McDonnell's delightfully spare illustrations and simple text have created a book with the makings of a classic - perfect for gift-giving all year round.

Ever feel like you are pedalling in the choucroute? Been caught with your beard in the mailbox again? Or maybe you just wish everyone would stop ironing your head? Speaking in Tongues brings the weird, wonderful and surprising nuanced beauty of language to life with over fifty gorgeous watercolour and ink illustrations. Here you will find the perfect romantic expression, such as the Spanish tu eres mi media naranja, or 'you are the love of my life, my soulmate', and the bizarre, including dancing bears and broken pots, feeding donkeys sponge cake, a head full of crickets, and clouds and radishes. All encourage new ways of thinking about the world around us, and breathe magnificent life into the everyday. These phrases from across the world are ageless and endlessly enchanting, passed down through generations. Now they are yours.

A gang of Hells Angels rips through the village bringing mayhem and a generational shift to traditional enmities between Don Camillo and Peppone. The year is 1966, a time ripe for rebellion, for overturning conventions - a time, above all, to be young. Meanwhile, beset by the third young progressive leftwing priest with a mandate to steer him into the modern world, Don Camillo digs in and finds a surprise ally in Peppone as he fights to save the three-metre high figure of il Cristo through which he conducts his famous conversations with God. ; 'Guareschi's was one of the most prescient and perceptive voices of the twentieth century.' Tobias Jones, author of The Dark Heart of Italy. ; 'Guareschi's tales are absolutely delightful in their satirical swipes at human weakness.' Paul Merton

A side-splitting collection of the most earnest and mangled attempts at the English language made by generations of schoolchildren. Be they funny, irreverent or just plain silly, Mr McGreevy's Absolute Howlers are guaranteed to have you weeping with laughter. Four separate editions cover howlers in Science, History, English and Geography. Includes, amongst hundreds of others, the following howlers: Coal is decayed vegetarians. Socrates died of an overdose of wedlock. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak. The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin. In the middle of the 18th Century all the morons moved to Utah. The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the English. The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxis. Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string. In biology today we digested a frog. The seventh commandment is 'Thou shall not admit adultery'. Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population. Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.

Calvin and Hobbes are back in another thrilling adventure involving escapes from girls, parents, and snow goon monsters.

In Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons, Calvin suffers a host of hardships. He gets attacked by his new two-wheeler bike. Hobbes gets kidnapped by Susie, a slimy girl. His father cancels Calvin's personal TV network. Self-multiplying deranged mutant killer monster snow goons threaten to take over the yard. And if that wasn't enough, the ethicated duplicate of Calvin's good side wreaks havoc with his reputation by doing good deeds.

Yet Calvin conquers all with his irrepressible spirit and a little help from alter-egos Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer Bullet, private eye. Readers are delighted by Calvin's resourceful wit, which applies to everything from philosophical speculations to attempts to outsmart his parents.

Many authors have traveled and explored the out-of-doors, both in life and then in their books, proving themselves stalwart, audacious, even heroic; Andrew Farkas is not among them. He is brave enough to admit that the outdoors isn't for him. Instead, in these essays Farkas reports on his bold explorations of a very different territory: the in-of-doors, the waiting rooms, kitchens, malls, bars, theaters, roadside motel rooms, and other places that feature temperature control, protection from rampaging predators, and a higher degree of comfort than can be found outside. Farkas discovers that, just as the mannered and wonderfully (gloriously) artificial indoors influences us greatly, our lives are also controlled much more by fiction than by anything "real." So come in out of the weather (it's always terrible) and join the Great Indoorsman on his adventures, where he makes fun of pretty much everything, most of all himself.

From marital bliss to man flu, husbands are jolly good fellows, and this tip-top collection of retro photos and frightfully funny captions capture everything to love about marriage. The Wit and Wisdom of... is a series of terrifically humorous books brought to you by the rip-roaringly funny folks behind the best-selling On-the-Ceiling greetings cards. Perfect as a birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day or Father's Day gift for long-suffering husbands everywhere. Also available: The Wit and Wisdom of Dad, The Wit and Wisdom of Mum and The Wit and Wisdom of the Wife.

"Nothing is certain but death and taxes. And laundry." --"Baby Blues" proverb

When the recipe box has more pizza coupons than recipes, or for those parenting days when all you seem to accomplish is brushing your hair and making a tray of ice cubes, "Baby Blues" offers parental fatigue redemption. The brainchild of Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, this "Baby Blues" treasury features cartoons from "Briefcase Full of Baby Blues" and "Night Shift,"

From prophetic "Baby Blues" proverbs like, "The grass is always greener on the knees of your kid's new white pants," to Dinner Table Olympics where Synchronized Whining is the main event, young parents Darryl and Wanda keep pace with energetic children Zoe, Hammie, and baby Wren, as Kirkman and Scott expertly navigate the daily nuances of newborns, nocturnal diaper changes, and the nirvana of family life.

With over 3,500 entries, arranged by topic, fully indexed and up-to-date for the twenty-first century, here is a bumper new collection of witticisms and wisecracks. If you're looking for a quick quip to get the crowd on your side, struggling to put the finishing touches to a wedding speech or just want to cheer yourself and your mates up, this marvellous mammoth book provides all you'll ever need. Entries range from insults, put-downs, gags and one-liners to homespun philosophy, witty proverbs, movie quotes and graffiti. Among the contributors featured are Ricky Gervais, Sir Terry Pratchett, Tina Fey, Milton Jones, Russell Brand, Bill Bryson, Armando Iannucci, Stephen Fry, Jeremy Clarkson, Larry David, Grayson Perry, Germaine Greer, Will Ferrell and many more. Never be stuck for a good line again! 'Al Gore met with Donald Trump to discuss climate change. To try to explain it in terms Trump would understand, Gore said, "The planet is getting hotter than your daughter Ivanka."' Conan O'Brien 'The only time it's cool to yell, "I have diarrhoea!" is when you're playing Scrabble.' Zach Galifianakis

THE HILARIOUS, FEEL-GOOD BOOK FROM BBC RADIO 2 PRESENTER LIZA TARBUCK I am genuinely distracted by everything, and I don't think I'm alone in this. I consider my love of distraction a thing to be cherished. Like the annuals of my youth, this book is filled with puzzles, activities and mental musings. I hope that every page tickles your fancy. This book might be a perfect conversation starter at a dinner table, or the last thing you're flipping through before bed. I promise that you'll laugh at least once. So here we go. I am passing my distractions on to you. Praise for Liza Tarbuck 'Liza Tarbuck is in my top five women in the world' Dawn French 'If anyone can get the nation to squeal along with delight, it's Liza Tarbuck' Radio Times 'Liza Tarbuck is the kind of best friend every girl wishes she had' Observer 'A national treasure' Sue Perkins

Ripley's is back with another compendium of mind-boggling facts that will delight anyone drawn to the weirder side of life on Earth. Read about the scariest, grossest and funniest stories from around the world, including: EEK! The huge spider that spins webs that are stronger than steel. WOW! The woman who can smash 920 roof tiles every minute - with her bare hands. YUCK! The Japanese crab that grows as much as six metres long. . . . and much, much more. Crammed with incredible photos and fascinating stories, and complete with an out-of-this-world 3D-effect cover, Ripley's Believe It or Not! 2019 is the perfect Christmas gift for kids who are fascinated by the disgusting, the scary and the peculiar.

Letts Exercise Banks have been written specifically to match the Framework for Teaching Mathematics for Key Stage 3. Each book contains exercises focused on topic-specific Framework objectives and can be used alongside any Scheme of Work. Each title is divided into Year 7, 8 and 9 and every unit has a range of exercises covering National Curriculum levels 3 to 8. Progression and differentiation are built into the books by providing essential exercises, consolidation exercises and challenging exercises. Books in the series include Solving Problems, Numbers, Algebra, Shape, Space and Measures and Handling Data.