Wondering if science could explain how he survived his 40-year avalanche of drugs and alcohol, Ozzy Osbourne became one of a handful of people in the world to have his entire DNA mapped in 2010. It was a highly complex, $65,000 process, but the results were conclusive: Ozzy is a genetic anomaly. The "Full Ozzy Genome" contained variants that scientists had never before encountered and the findings were presented at the prestigious TEDMED Conference in San Diego-making headlines around the world. The procedure was in part sponsored by "The Sunday Times" of London, which had already caused an international fururoe by appointing Ozzy Osbourne its star health advice columnist. The newpaper argued that Ozzy's mutliple near-death experiences, 40-year history of drug abuse, and extreme hypocondria qualified him more than any other for the job. The column was an overnight hit, being quickly picked up by "Rolling Stone" to give it a global audience of millions. In TRUST ME, I'M DR. OZZY, Ozzy answers reader's questions with his outrageous wit and surprising wisdom, digging deep into his past to tell the memoir-style survival stories never published before-and offer guidance that no sane human being should follow. Part humor, part memoir, and part bad advice, TRUST ME, I'M DR. OZZY will include some of the best material from his published columns, answers to celebrities' medical questions, charts, sidebars, and more.

Nora Ephron returns with her first book since the astounding success of "I Feel Bad About My Neck, "taking a hilarious look at the past, the present, and the future, bemoaning the vicissitudes of modern life, and recalling with her signature clarity and wisdom everything she hasn't (yet) forgotten.
Filled with insights and observations that instantly ring true--and could have come only from Nora Ephron--"I Remember Nothing" is pure joy.

A collection of comic strips following the adventures of Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes.

In "Ant Farm," former Harvard Lampoon president Simon Rich finds humor in some very surprising places. Armed with a sharp eye for the absurd and an overwhelming sense of doom, Rich explores the ridiculousness of our everyday lives. The world, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place-with endless comic potential.
-If your girlfriend gives you some "love coupons" and then breaks up with you, are the coupons still valid?
-What kind of performance pressure does an endangered male panda feel when his captors bring the last remaining female panda to his cage?
-If murderers can get into heaven by accepting Jesus, just how awkward is it when they run into their victims?
Join Simon Rich as he explores the extraordinary and hilarious desperation that resides in ordinary life, from cradle to grave.
"Hilarious." -Jon Stewart

In this refreshingly candid memoir, Kal Penn recounts why he rejected the advice of his aunties and guidance counselors and, instead of becoming a doctor or "something practical," embarked on a surprising journey that has included acting, writing, working as a farmhand, teaching Ivy League University courses, and smoking fake weed with a fake President of the United States, before serving the country and advising a real one. You Can't Be Serious is a series of funny, consequential, awkward, and ridiculous stories from Kal's idiosyncratic life. It's about being the grandson of Gandhian freedom fighters, and the son of immigrant parents: people who came to this country with very little and went very far-and whose vision of the American dream probably never included their son sliding off an oiled-up naked woman in a raunchy Ryan Reynolds movie...or getting a phone call from Air Force One as Kal flew with the country's first Black president. With intelligence, humor, and charm on every page, Kal reflects on the most exasperating and rewarding moments from his journey so far. He pulls back the curtain on the nuances of opportunity and racism in the entertainment industry and recounts how he built allies, found encouragement, and dealt with early reminders that he might never fit in. And of course, he reveals how, after a decade and a half of fighting for and enjoying successes in Hollywood, he made the terrifying but rewarding decision to take a sabbatical from a fulfilling acting career for an opportunity to serve his country as a White House aide. Above all, You Can't Be Serious shows that everyone can have more than one life story. Kal demonstrates by example that no matter who you are and where you come from, you have many more choices than those presented to you. It's a story about struggle, triumph, and learning how to keep your head up. And okay, yes, it's also about how he accidentally (and very stupidly) accepted an invitation to take the entire White House Office of Public Engagement to a strip club-because, let's be honest, that's the kind of stuff you really want to hear about.

Machinese whispers are familiar English poems, quotations, proverbs, nursery rhymes, jokes and speeches rendered to and from other languages via Internet translation programs. This book features the resulting travesties, leading the reader into agreeable musings on the delicacy of language and the limits of the machine.

Animal lovers everywhere adore Patrick McDonnell's charming but pointed Mutts. The strip strikes a delicate balance between lighthearted fun and social commentary-on the human condition as well as the animal world.

The deceptively simple comic follows the adventures of Earl the dog and Mooch the cat, an unlikely best-friend team, and Shtinky Puddin', Sourpuss, Guard Dog, and Crabby.

Patrick's distinctive cartooning style effectively relays the all-too-real concerns of his characters with entertaining, clever, laugh-out-loud banter.

Infodad.com describes Mutts as "humane and funny and gentle and caring and heartfelt and-did we mention funny?" The site goes on to say that the strip "includes enough hijinks and outstanding art (yes, art!) to please anyone with a taste for animals and amusement."

Mutts has been syndicated by King Features since 1994 and enjoys a circulation of more than 500 daily newspapers. Muttscomics.com, the strip's official Web site, has experienced great popularity since its launch in 2003.

All the family fun, pandemonium, and childhood chaos that fans of "Baby Blues" enjoy in the strip's daily newspaper appearances swirl about this collection.

Imagine three hurricanes converging on one household and you get an idea of what Darryl and Wanda MacPherson experience each delightful day of parenting Zoe, Hammie, and Baby Wren. It's a perfect storm of flying foodstuffs, off-the-scale emotional outbursts, and enough offspring energy to make veteran storm chasers duck for cover.........and that's before any little friends come over to play!

"Playdate: Category 5" captures all this and more. This "Baby Blues" collection is packed with hilarious family situations and childhood challenges anyone can appreciate, whether it's fellow parents riding out their own "storms," empty-nesters reveling in their calms, or parents-to-be wondering what all the fuss is about. Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott are right on target in episode after episode. Their witty observations and insights-such as "I think screaming is the primary form of communication for girls," "We've gotta learn to travel lighter, or just put some wheels on the house," and "Sometimes being the dad is like being the weird kid in the neighborhood"-always hit the mark.

"Playdate: Category 5" will be treasured by "Baby Blues" fans everywhere. "Playdate" allows readers to experience the full fury of the MacPherson family tempest time and time again.

Now in paperback, the beloved humorist’s latest and funniest collection of essays ever—“McManus at his curmudgeonly best” (Spokane Spokesman-Review)

Patrick F. McManus’s wry wit has made him an American classic, his trademark outdoorsman’s humor endearing him not only to fellow wilderness enthusiasts but to anyone who enjoys a good laugh. In his newest collection of hilarious essays, he ponders the strange allure of the RV, a thirtieth-century hunting trip, the art of wrestling toads, the existential implications of being lost, the baffling tendency of animals to outsmart hunters, the singular pleasure of doubling the size of every fish that gets away, and what happens when a bear named Pooky decides to hibernate in the attic.

Combining the curmudgeonly voice of Dave Barry and the clever insights of Garrison Keillor with his own keen sense of the absurd, McManus brilliantly captures the funny and strange in our everyday existence, while managing to evoke a childlike wonder at the natural world.

In many ways, Sherman is a guy's guy. He eats everything in sight. His so-called smooth moves with his girlfriend sink like a stone. And his happy-go-lucky manner endears him to all of his friends. What makes Sherman atypical is the fact that he's a great white shark whose pals include a smart-aleck hermit crab named Hawthorne, an intellectual fish called Earnest, and a sensible sea turtle known as Fillmore. For more than a decade, the daily adventures of Sherman and his coral companions have delighted readers of Sherman's Lagoon across the globe. Now Sherman and his sea urchin buddies take us for another swim down memory lane with Surf's Up, bringing together Sherman's Lagoon strips from 1994 and 1995, many of which have never before been published in book form.This roll-back-the-clock collection picks up where the successful Greetings from Sherman's Lagoon collection left off, offering the strip's loyal longtime readers the opportunity to catch up on classic Sherman tales of yesteryear. Whether you are a faithful follower of the silly yet sophisticated strip or new to Sherman's underwater world, Surf's Up will be a book you can't put down. Once you've seen the world through the eyes of Sherman, you'll never look at marine life the same way again.

In these one-liners, practical jokes, and funny stories, Tom Brennan shares hilarious and engaging tales of people, animals, and politicians of the Far North.

Once upon a time I was falling apart. Now I'm always falling in love.

When Rob Sheffield moved to New York City in 2001, he was a young widower trying to start a new life in a new town. One night, some friends dragged him to a karaoke bar--and that night turned into many nights in many karaoke bars. Karaoke became a way to be someone else if only for the span of a three-minute song, and through the sublime ridiculousness of karaoke, Rob began to find his voice.

And then the unexpected happened. A voice on the radio got Rob's attention. And the voice came attached to a woman who could name every constellation in the sky, every Depeche Mode B side, and could belt out a mean Bonnie Tyler. Turn Around Bright Eyes is a journey of hilarity and heartbreak with a karaoke soundtrack. It's about finding the courage to move on, clearing your throat, and letting it rip--and how songs get tangled up in our deepest emotions.

Why is bureaucracy known as red, not yellow or blue tape? What is haywire and why do we go it? Why is a yawn infection? Who was Parker and why is he so Nosy? These are just some of the burning issues that have been exercising the minds of Daily Mail readers in recent years, and 1001 of the most entertaining have been reproduced in this bumper collection. Not all of the questions featured will have been nagging away at you for years - the scrap metal value of the Eiffel Tower, for example; and some of the answers throw up intriguing alternatives (does the expression "peg out" have its origins in the game of cribbage or in grave digging practices?); but for those who are inveterate devourers of trivia teasers and fascinating facts, The Daily Mail's Answers to Correspondents is a veritable feast.

The follow-up to Caitlin Moran's breakout hit, How to Be a Woman--A hilarious collection of award-winning columns, available to American readers for the first time ever.

Possibly the only drawback to the bestselling How to Be a Woman was that its author, Caitlin Moran, was limited to pretty much one subject: being a woman. Moranthology is proof that Caitlin can actually be "quite chatty" about many other things, including cultural, social, and political issues that are usually the province of learned professors or hot-shot wonks--and not of a woman who once, as an experiment, put a wasp in a jar and got it stoned. Caitlin ruminates on--and sometimes interviews--subjects as varied as caffeine, Keith Richards, Ghostbusters, Twitter, transsexuals, the welfare state, the royal wedding, Lady Gaga, and her own mortality, to name just a few. With her unique voice, Caitlin brings insight and humor to everything she writes.

Fitting in. Being different. Growing up. Staying a kid.A "Zits" is a comic strip about the funniest, most painfully emotionally charged, physically demanding, mentally challenging, and colorful times of our livesa "adolescence. Those who are living it can relate. And those who have been through it cannot remember the time without smiling, or at least wincing at the arrogance and ignorance we all mistook as maturity during those few eternal years.
"Zits: Sketchbook #1" is an inside look at life from the point of view of Jeremy, a private 15-year-old who is desperately hacking his way out of childhood and into maturity. He labors in the shadow of Chad, his perfect older brother who is away at college. Jeremy is a freshman in high school whose main pastimes are hanging out with his best friend, Hector Garcia, forming a garage band, and being amazed at his parents' spectacular ignorance about almost everything. Impatient, self-absorbed, emotional, and bored silly, Jeremy is the essence of adolescence. "Zits" resonates with its fans because the strip contains so much truth and insight, wrapped in an uproarious context that's all too familiar to everyone who's been 15 or has parented a teenager.

Going to the bank. Leaving voicemails. Using encyclopedias. Wallpapering bathrooms. There are dozens of ridiculously antiquated items, activities, and phrases that Baby Boomers love-and don't realize were outdated more than a decade ago. And for some reason, no matter how hard Millennials and Gen Zers try to bring Boomers into the 21st century, they still don't seem to get it. They just can't let go of eating meatloaf, going on cruises, or buying fuzzy toilet seat covers. So rather than try to explain something to the Baby Boomers in your life, it might be time to just say, "OK, Boomer." Containing more than fifty of the most common, cliched, and cringe-worthy Boomer-isms, OK, Boomer is perfect for any exasperated Millennial or any Boomer willing to poke fun at themselves.

How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.

A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
"In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks" is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past--Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

Ronnie Barker has long been known as one of Britain's greatest comedy performers. But he was also responsible for writing much of the material he performed, often hiding the fact from the public by using a number of pen names. Showcasing the complete work of a true comic icon, All I Ever Wrote is a laugh-out-loud collection of sketches, monologues, songs, poems and scripts from every strand of Ronnie's long and brilliant career. With gems like 'Fork Handle's,' Three Classes' and 'Pismonouncers Unanimous', Ronnie's clever writing, double entendres and spoonerisms will bring a smile to your face, as you rediscover some of the twentieth century's finest comedy moments.

When Tusko the Elephant woke in his pen at the Lincoln Park Zoo on the morning of August 3, 1962, little did he know that he was about to become the test subject in an experiment to determine what happens to an elephant given a massive dose of LSD. In "Elephants on Acid", Alex Boese reveals to readers the results of not only this scientific trial but of scores of other outrageous, amusing, and provocative experiments found in the files of modern science.Why can't people tickle themselves? Would the average dog summon help in an emergency? Will babies instinctually pick a well-balanced diet? Is it possible to restore life to the dead? Read "Elephants on Acid" and find out!

LONGLISTED FOR THE RATHBONES FOLIO PRIZE 2021 'One of the year's funniest books' i Paper 'Funny, smart, soulful and sometimes devastating ... It made me laugh and cry' EMILIE PINE, author of Notes to Self _______________ Patrick Freyne has tried a lot of stupid ideas in his life. Now, he is here to tell you about them: like the time (aged 5) he opened a gate and let a horse out of its field, just to see what would happen; or the time (aged 19) he jumped out of a plane for charity, even though he didn't much care about the charity and was sure he'd end up dead; or the time (aged old enough to know better) he used a magazine as a funnel for fuel when the petrol cap on his band's van broke. He has also learned a few things: about the power of group song; about the beauty of physically caring for another human being; about childlessness; about losing friends far too young. Life as seen through the eyes of Patrick Freyne is stranger, funnier and a lot more interesting than life as we generally know it. Like David Sedaris or Nora Ephron, he creates an environment all his own - fundamentally comic, sometimes moving, always deeply humane. OK, Let's Do Your Stupid Idea is a joyous reading experience from an instantly essential new writer. ______________ 'Patrick Freyne is a comic genius' MARIAN KEYES 'Clever, lovely and great, great fun' RODDY DOYLE 'Funny and adorable' NINA STIBBE 'The most gorgeous and heartbreaking book about humans and why we need each other' DAISY BUCHANAN 'Hilariously, painfully, Freynefully brilliant' JOSEPH O'CONNOR 'Wonderful ... One of my books of the year' RYAN TUBRIDY 'Full of humour and tenderness, this book is an absolute JOY' SINEAD GLEESON 'F*cking fantastic. Patrick is a brilliant writer' BLINDBOY BOATCLUB 'A cracking, sad, funny, honest, brave and hilarious read' LIZ NUGENT 'Guffaw-out-loud funny' Business Post 'A writer of rare humour, depth, and humanity. These essays are a delight' MARK O'CONNELL, author of To Be a Machine 'Goosebumps! Guffaws! It's got it all. I love this book' DOIREANN NI GHRIOFA

In these nineteen whip-smart essays, Jon Stewart takes on politics, religion, and celebrity with a seethingly irreverent wit, a brilliantsense of timming, and a palate for the obsurd -- and these one-of-a-kind forays into his hilarious world will expose you to all its wickedly naked truths.

In his first book, he translates that unique talent to the page, with humorous forays into a vast array of subjects: fashion, urban life, fast cars, cocktail culture, modern Jewishness, politics, and dating.

A seethingly irreverent wit, Stewart has a genius for language and brilliant timing that makes his up-to-the-minute collection a must-have for humor lovers in search of a Woody Allen for the 90s.He's the MTV generation's master of modern humor, a star of film, TV, and the comedy stage. This sultan of savvy serves up a whip-smart, utterly original collection of comic essays in Naked Pictures of Famous People. And as of January 11, 1999, you can enjoy the intelligence and self-deprecating charm he brings to contemporary comedy on Comedy Central's "The Daily Show."

In his first book, he translates that unique talent to the page, with humorous forays into a vast array of subjects: fashion, urban life, fast cars, cocktail culture, modern Jewishness, politics, and dating.

A seethingly irreverent wit, Stewart has a genius for language and brilliant timing that makes his up-to-the-minute collection a must-have for humor lovers in search of a Woody Allen for the 90s.