If you know a pearfect numpty who needs a bit of sage advice, chia them up with this little book of upbeat and adorkable fruit puns. #youokalehun? About the series This cute and colourful series of fruit-pun-filled gift books are the perfect pick-me-ups for you, your friend or your partner in crime. Do you need to avocuddle, or are you grapeful for someone who's a bit of a melon? Then share the clove with these little books: AvoCuddle, WhataMelon, You are my Raisin for Living, Don't Give a Fig, I am Grapeful, You are 24 Carrot Gold. *veg, nuts and seeds are fair game

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound? The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies. Written (for real) by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, co-authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl.

Inspired by the wit and wisdom of the Right Honourable John Bercow MP, arguably the only MP to come out of Westminster's handling of Brexit with a shred of dignity, Be More Bercow will help you declare orr-derrr in your life. Every day we are faced with a multitude of polarized views: at home, at work and on social media. But how should we navigate these choppy and socially precarious waters? Who is going to put some order and structure to this crazy upside-down world we have found ourselves in? The answer is YOU! Comprising witty quotes from the man himself ('I don't want to crawl over the entrails of past disputes'), fun self-improving activities (sort elements of your life into the 'noes' and 'ayes' lobbies, unlock and declare a winner) and inspiring stories from the Speaker (in 1996 to enable himself to attend selection meetings for two safe Conservative seats almost simultaneously, he chartered a helicopter and duly won the nomination for Buckingham). Be More Bercow is the only companion you need for your journey through the Brexit process and beyond.

'Her first words were "shoes" and "brioche".' 'There's no nicer way to put this, but frankly anyone can afford to go skiing these days.' 'Of course I said "no". A trampoline in the garden gives out entirely the wrong message.' Based on the popular Twitter account @Highgatemums, this hilarious collection brings together the most outrageous snippets of conversation that have been overheard in the shops and cafes of this gentrified North London suburb. Highgate Mums also includes confessions from mothers dismayed by their own upper-middle-class offspring and submissions from fathers making fun of themselves with the hashtag #lattedads, revealing day-to-day life among Britain's chattering classes as never before.

'It's a funny old game.' - JIMMY GREAVES From golden balls to golden balls-ups, this kit bag of double entendres, outrageous quips and quotes is guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. A must for all Man Utd fans. 'SIMPLY RED captures many of the laughs associated with Manchester United.' - KEN DOHERTY 'A must-read not just for United fans, but for every football fan out there!' - SIMON DELANEY

This title looks not only at some of the delights of growing older but also at what Lord Byron called 'the woes that wait on age'. With his trademark combination of funny stories and thoughtful insights, the author has produced a book on the ageing process that will appeal to old and young alike.

A New York Times bestselling feminist author's sparkling memoir of gender transition (among many other things). Reasons for Transitioning: Want to impress good-looking ex; Want to upset good-looking ex; Bored of existing wardrobe, looking for excuse to buy all-new clothes that don't fit in a new way; Younger siblings getting too much attention; Neoliberalism??; Want to sing both parts of a duet at karaoke; Something about upper-body strength; Excited to reinforce a different set of sexist stereotypes; Cheaper haircuts; Just love layering shirts ... From the beloved writer behind The Toast and Slate's 'Dear Prudence' column comes a personal essay collection exploring popular culture, literature, religion, and sexuality. With wit and compassion, Daniel Mallory Ortberg revisits beloved cultural and literary figures in the light of his transition.

A year's worth of marine-life amusement with the cast and crew of Sherman's Lagoon. The sharks, turtles, and crabs of Sherman’s Lagoon enjoy a complex society below the ocean’s surface, with a local government, school system, and even their own radio station. And like all advanced cultures, there’s no lack of drama. A visiting shark oil salesman shows up to hock a strange new elixir, and later, a consultant arrives to help the laconic locals hone their killer instincts. When Kahuna feels his powers wane, Sherman and Hawthorne help the ancient stone deity get his groove back. And after Sherman and friends hop a flight to see a rocket launch at the Kennedy Space Center, Hawthorne accidentally goes from spectator to passenger. Once you dip into these Adventures in Aquaculture, you’ll want to stay awhile.

A collection of essays spanning politics, criticism, and feminism from one of the most-watched young cultural observers of her generation, Roxane Gay.

"Pink is my favorite color. I used to say my favorite color was black to be cool, but it is pink--all shades of pink. If I have an accessory, it is probably pink. I read Vogue, and I'm not doing it ironically, though it might seem that way. I once live-tweeted the September issue."

In these funny and insightful essays, Roxane Gay takes us through the journey of her evolution as a woman (Sweet Valley High) of color (The Help) while also taking readers on a ride through culture of the last few years (Girls, Django in Chains) and commenting on the state of feminism today (abortion, Chris Brown). The portrait that emerges is not only one of an incredibly insightful woman continually growing to understand herself and our society, but also one of our culture.

Bad Feminist is a sharp, funny, and spot-on look at the ways in which the culture we consume becomes who we are, and an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better.

The Personals reveals how classified ads are not just a few commercial lines of text in print or online - they can be a treasure trove of fascinating human stories; stories of love, loss, loneliness, redemption and hope. Some people do Sudoku, others watch Netflix. Brian O'Connell loves the classified ads. In an era of spin doctors and press releases, celebrities and social influencers, the classified ads can open a door into the lives of ordinary people with extraordinary stories. What draws Brian to the classified ads are the intriguing human stories he finds there, the unexpected twists and turns, the personalities, the curious objects and the range of human experience waiting to be discovered. The Personals is a diverse collection of compelling stories about the people and the lives behind the small ads.

LONGLISTED FOR THE RATHBONES FOLIO PRIZE 2021 'One of the year's funniest books' i Paper 'Funny, smart, soulful and sometimes devastating ... It made me laugh and cry' EMILIE PINE, author of Notes to Self _______________ Patrick Freyne has tried a lot of stupid ideas in his life. Now, he is here to tell you about them: like the time (aged 5) he opened a gate and let a horse out of its field, just to see what would happen; or the time (aged 19) he jumped out of a plane for charity, even though he didn't much care about the charity and was sure he'd end up dead; or the time (aged old enough to know better) he used a magazine as a funnel for fuel when the petrol cap on his band's van broke. He has also learned a few things: about the power of group song; about the beauty of physically caring for another human being; about childlessness; about losing friends far too young. Life as seen through the eyes of Patrick Freyne is stranger, funnier and a lot more interesting than life as we generally know it. Like David Sedaris or Nora Ephron, he creates an environment all his own - fundamentally comic, sometimes moving, always deeply humane. OK, Let's Do Your Stupid Idea is a joyous reading experience from an instantly essential new writer. ______________ 'Patrick Freyne is a comic genius' MARIAN KEYES 'Clever, lovely and great, great fun' RODDY DOYLE 'Funny and adorable' NINA STIBBE 'The most gorgeous and heartbreaking book about humans and why we need each other' DAISY BUCHANAN 'Hilariously, painfully, Freynefully brilliant' JOSEPH O'CONNOR 'Wonderful ... One of my books of the year' RYAN TUBRIDY 'Full of humour and tenderness, this book is an absolute JOY' SINEAD GLEESON 'F*cking fantastic. Patrick is a brilliant writer' BLINDBOY BOATCLUB 'A cracking, sad, funny, honest, brave and hilarious read' LIZ NUGENT 'Guffaw-out-loud funny' Business Post 'A writer of rare humour, depth, and humanity. These essays are a delight' MARK O'CONNELL, author of To Be a Machine 'Goosebumps! Guffaws! It's got it all. I love this book' DOIREANN NI GHRIOFA

One of the funniest writers of his generation, Michael Frayn has been writing humorous newspaper columns since 1959, principally for the "Guardian" and "Observer", and originally came to prominence as the thrice weekly purveyor of these short, surreal, razor-sharp explorations of human foibles, sex, politics, manners, and the events of the day. This volume brings together 110 of his finest and funniest pieces from over the years, selected and introduced by Michael Frayn himself, and is an unmissable treat for the many fans of his unique comic voice, as well as a revelation for fans of the award-winning literary novels and plays of his later career.

Girl: 'Giz a kiss.' Bloke: 'Let me swally me phlegm first.' - Two aul dears queuing for the no. 27 bus. Just caught the end of the conversation: Old dear #1: 'Sure whoaya tellin. De kids dees days is terrible bold.' Old dear #2: 'And ye know it's not de parents I blame, it's the mudders an fadders.' - Country girl gets on no. 16 bus and asks driver how much is the fare. Driver replies, 'Where are you going?' Country girl says, 'To get my hair done!' - While visiting the Mater Hospital, hearing an old man complaining about the current conditions in hospital and being kept in a unisex environment: Old Man (to his daughter): 'I'm 92 years old and here I am being left on a bed in a corridor with all these other patients, and to make it worst it's bisexual!' - Heard a girl answer her phone in the waiting room of Holles Street Maternity Hospital: 'Well, tell me, am I an Auntie or an Uncle?' - D4 girl at Lansdowne Road for the All Blacks match. Just as the All Blacks begin the Haka, one girl says, 'Oh, my God, are they doing a dance?'

In THE MYSTERIUM David Bramwell and Jo Keeling (authors of THE ODDITORIUM), present a user guide to the strange and unexplained corners of modern life. THE MYSTERIUM catalogues a host of bizarre, funny and intriguing stories for a post-Nessie generation still fascinated by the unknowable. Drawing on contemporary folklore, unsolved mysteries, and unsettling phenomena from the dark corners of the internet, this book celebrates the joy of asking questions and the thrill of finding answers which stop you dead in your tracks. Featuring a group of men who scared themselves to death, Space's version of the Bermuda Triangle, a cat who can sniff out the dying and the tale of Slender Man, the monster who stepped out of Photoshop and into our nightmares, this fascinating book is a catalogue of the extraordinary, the strange, the mysterious and the downright creepy.

The Texanist, Texas Monthly's perennially popular back-page column, has become the magazine's most-read feature. With an inimitable style and an unassailable wholesomeness, columnist David Courtney has counseled many a well-intentioned Texan, native or wannabe, on how to properly conduct him- or herself. Until the July 2016 issue, an original illustration by the late award-winning artist Jack Unruh, depicting the Texanist in a situation described in the column, accompanied the Texanist's sage wisdom. Unruh's peerless illustrations displayed a sly wit that paired perfectly with Courtney's humorous ripostes. The Texanist gathers several dozen of Unruh's most unforgettable illustrations, along with the fascinating, perplexing, and even downright weird questions that inspired them. Curing the curious, exorcizing bedevilment, and orienting the disoriented, the Texanist advises on such things as: Is it wrong to wear your football team's jersey to church? When out at a dancehall, do you need to stick with the one that brung ya? Is it real Tex-Mex if it's served with a side of black beans? Can one have too many Texas-themed tattoos? The Texanist addresses all of these important subjects and more. Whether you heed the good guidance, or just enjoy the whimsical illustrations, The Texanist will both entertain and educate you.

Cheer Up, Mate! is a compilation of comical tales and anecdotes from World War Two. Between 1939 and 1945 the world witnessed what is generally agreed to be the most horrific war in history. Millions died and millions more were physically or psychologically wounded by the conflict. Yet amidst the pain and devastation, people were not only able to survive, they also managed to maintain a sense of humour. For some, it was precisely this ability to laugh at their misfortunes (and those of the other side) that enabled them to solider on. This was especially true of the British, a nation whose reaction to more or less anything, up to and including someone's house being bombed to rubble, tended to be, 'never mind, have a cup of tea'. This 'Blitz Spirit' is perhaps best summed up by Mona Lott, one of the characters in Tommy Handley's radio show It's That Man Again (the show's title itself being a comical reference to Hitler): 'it's being so cheerful as keeps me going.' In this collection of stories, which covers the armed forces and civilians from both sides, Alan Weeks demonstrates how humour can survive even in the most unlikely of circumstances.

A Sunday Times Best Humour Book of the Year 2017 How can you tell if your neighbour is speaking Muslim? Is a mosque a kind of hedgehog? Can I get fries with that burka? You can't trust the media any longer, but there's no need to fret: Don't Panic, I'm Islamic: Words and Pictures on How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Alien Next Door provides you with the answers. Read this book to learn how you too can spot an elusive Islamist. Discover how Arabs (even 21-year-old, largely innocuous and totally adorable ones) plant bombs and get tips about how to interact with Homeland Security, which may or may not involve funny discussions about your sexuality. Commissioned in response to the US travel ban, Don't Panic, I'm Islamic includes cartoons, graffiti, photography, colouring in pages, memoir, short stories and more by 34 contributors from around the world. Provocative and at times laugh-out-loud funny, these subversive pieces are an explosion of expression, creativity and colour. Contributors: Hassan Abdulrazzak, Leila Aboulela, Amrou Al-Kadhi, Shadi Alzaqzouq, Chant Avedissian, Tammam Azzam, Bidisha, Chaza Charafeddine, Molly Crabapple, Carol Ann Duffy, Moris Farhi, Negin Farsad, Joumana Haddad, Saleem Haddad, Hassan Hajjaj, Omar Hamdi, Jennifer Jajeh, Sayed Kashua, Mazen Kerbaj, Arwa Mahdawi, Sabrina Mahfouz, Alberto Manguel, Esther Manito, Aisha Mirza, James Nunn, Chris Riddell, Hazem Saghieh, Rana Salam, Karl Sharro, Laila Shawa, Bahia Shehab, Sjon, Eli Valley, Alex Wheatle.

Lawyers have long been known as master storytellers, and those from Tennessee are certainly no exception. Veteran oral historian and folklorist William Lynwood Montell has collected tales from dozens of lawyers and judges from throughout the Volunteer State, ranging from stories of a custody battle over a family dog that garnered national media attention to the self-proclaimed "smartest man in Clay County." Recorded exactly as the lawyers tell them, these stories are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes raw and harrowing, but always remarkable. Far more than a collection of lawyer jokes, Tales from Tennessee Lawyers recounts the most insightful, entertaining, and occasionally heartbreaking stories ever told by and about Tennessee lawyers and their clients, covering the spectrum from arson to homicide, domestic disagreements to sexual abuse, and everything in between. Tales from Tennessee Lawyers is a valuable resource for folklorists as well as a vivid account of the often-surprising legal world.

A selection of more than 150 of the best daily strips from Brian Crane's hugely popular cartoon Pickles.

It's everyone's favorite form of insult comedy (as seen on MTV )--hundreds of crushingly funny one-liners about "yo' mama"--and all yo' other relatives--sure to shut people's mouths or make them howl with laughter.
Yo' mama is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
Yo' mama is so old that when she was young, rainbows were black and white.
Yo' mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo' mama is so dumb that when she saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
Yo' mama's so short you can see her feet on her driver's license.
So dumb, so fat, so ugly, and so old have never been SO FUNNY, thanks to this exhaustive and inventive assortment of laugh-out-loud one-line jokes sure to cause a sensation. Hundreds of quotable and easy-to-remember quips have been gathered here by a comedy master, and the result is a relentless collection of wholesome, all-in-good-fun nastiness for every occasion. Divided into handy categories (in case you happen to need a boatload of fat jokes, skinny jokes, or whatever) Yo' Mama Is So... is an essential addition to the humor shelf of any self-respecting smart aleck.
Hey...what did you call my mama

YouTube is the world's most-visited video sharing site, with more than one billion hours of content watched daily by almost 2 billion users. It contains a host of amazing clips, many documenting incredible feats of human endeavour and endurance. This new edition of YouTube World Records is a glorious interactive celebration of these heroic and often jaw-dropping efforts. Super-powered with on-the-page links to over 250 amazing videos, YouTube World Records celebrates the greatest feats ever recorded on the file-sharing website. From the tallest and smallest to the greatest and maddest, YouTube World Records has it covered. This unique collection contains a host of amazing feats, stunts and tricks, from the worlds of sport, science, nature and beyond, and is the ultimate celebration of the world's greatest records.

Some call it weird. Others, eclectic, creative, hilarious, laugh-out-loud funny, and good old-fashioned snort-milk-out-your-nose humor. Whatever adjective you apply to "Close to Home," it has become one of the most popular comic panels in the funny pages today.

" Close to Home" has devout fans that range from elementary students to octogenarians. As one fan put it, "I feel like you have been looking in my window and are drawing my life!" Though by no means a Peeping Tom, John McPherson does have the unique skill of being able to take those idiosyncrasies of daily life that drive us all nuts and infuse them with razor-sharp wit.

In "When Bad Things Happen to Stupid People" John features angry letters from readers, cartoons that were killed by the editor, a glimpse inside his creative process, and never-before-seen photos of his erasers, quill pens, and his lucky drawing slippers. Who could resist it?