Many people are responsible for taking care of an aging parent, an
ailing spouse, or a handicapped child and do so out of love,
devotion, or obligation, and many others have caretaking
occupations in the areas of nursing, social work, counseling, and
so on. But there are other less benign caretakers in our midst.
These people have an excessive need to be needed, and they assume
the caretaking role not out of love, obligation, or choice of
profession but due to unconscious motivations over which they have
little control. This addiction to pleasing others can be as
debilitating as substance addictions. Les Barbanell shows that this
addiction, which he calls "caretaker personality disorder," masks
psychological conflicts and can be a self-destructive force leading
to exhaustion, emptiness, even suicide. Barbanell provides
strategies for learning to say no, retraining one's focus from
others to oneself, gaining freedom from past traumas and abuse, and
learning to express rather than repress feelings in order to find a
balance between kindness and a pathological level of selflessness.
This book is a must-read for those suffering from the addiction to
please, their families, and psychotherapists and counselors who
work with them. Praise for Les Barbanell's Removing the Mask of
Kindness "Barbanell delineates the pathological side of
selflessness and argues, as the title suggests, that kindness can
serve as a psychological mechanism for concealing emotional
problems....The author effectively charts the defining
characteristics of a heretofore-unrecognized diagnostic category:
caretaker personality disorder (CPD). ...Recommended." -CHOICE "Les
Barbanell reveals a new and shocking defense mechanism that
individuals use to hid psychological conflicts. The caretaker
personality disorder helps explain why an accommodating,
sacrificing individual, who is always concerned with others, can
end up miserable and feeling incomplete. A must read for anyone in
the helping professions." -United States Association fo
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