It is strange to find small joys in a book about depression, but
there are many in Manning's tale of her descent into hell. Among a
spate of recent memoirs about depression, what defines Manning's
first book is her own experience as a psychotherapist: She
highlights the strange and humiliating duality of being able to
heal others but not herself. Yet Manning's narrative is never
clinical; the writing is simple and moving and laced with a sly,
self-deprecating wit (she describes herself as a "professional
voyeur"). Depression creeps up on Manning little by little,
disguised as laziness and sloth, and blindsides her, throwing her
overcommitted life (as therapist, teacher, wife and mother,
church-choir member) into disarry; finally, thoughts of suicide
become inescapable. A sympathetic therapist of her own, an
empathetic psychiatrist, and a silver tray full of antidepressants
(her daughter, Keara, cleans out the medicine chest before a party)
fail to end "the slow erosion of the self, as insidious as any
cancer. And, like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience.
A room in hell with only your name on the door." She finally
successfully undergoes electroconvulsive therapy, disturbed to find
herself on a psychiatric ward with a crazy young woman she had
spied in a restaurant a while back. Manning's road back to health
is as long and tortuous as the path that led away from it,
requiring reconciliation with both herself and God, who she
believed had abandoned her. Despite its focus on herself, Manning's
narrative is never claustrophobic; it is full of vibrantly depicted
family and friends who bring love and strife: a depressed
grandmother, an alcoholic sister, a psychotherapist husband who
cannot bear his wife's pain, and independent, spirited Keara
("Mints? Nuts? Antidepressants?" she asks, holding out her tray of
drugs). Admirably honest, beautifully written. (Kirkus Reviews)
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