While national awareness of the issue of battering has increased in
recent years, certain myths regarding abusive relationships still
endure, including the idea that all batterers are alike. But as
Neil S. Jacobson, Ph.D., and John Gottman, Ph.D., explain, this is
not the case. Drawing on the authors' own research, "When Men
Batter Women" offers a significant breakthrough in our
understanding of the men who become batterers--and how to put a
stop to the cycle of relationship violence.
After their decade of research with more than 200 couples, the
authors conclude that not all batterers are alike, nor is the
progression of their violence always predictable. But they have
found that batterers tend to fall into one of two categories, which
they call "Pit Bulls" and "Cobras." Pit Bulls, men whose emotions
quickly boil over, are driven by deep insecurity and an unhealthy
dependence on the mates whom they abuse. Pit Bulls also tend to
become stalkers, unable to let go of relationships that have
ended.
Cobras, on the other hand, are cool and methodical as they
inflict pain and humiliation on their spouses or lovers; in one
chilling discovery, the authors found that during violent arguments
and physical beatings the heart rate of Cobras actually "declines."
Cobras have often been physically or sexually abused themselves,
frequently in childhood, and tend to see violence as an unavoidable
part of life.
Knowing which type a batterer is can be crucial to gauging
whether an abusive relationship is salvageable (Pit Bulls can
sometimes be helped through therapy) or whether the situation is
beyond repair. Using the stories of several couples in their study,
Jacobson and Gottman look at the dynamics of abusive relationships,
refuting prevalent myths ("battering often stops on its own" or
"battered women could stop the battering by changing their own
behavior"). Never underestimating the inherent risk or danger
involved, the authors discuss how women in their study group
prepared themselves to leave an abusive relationship, where a
battered woman can get help, and how she can keep herself safe.
Written with compassion and insight, "When Men Batter Women"
offers invaluable advice and support to women in abusive
relationships, as well as to friends, relatives, and caregivers who
want to help.
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