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Books > Sport & Leisure > Humour
A hilarious, fully illustrated book full of tongue-in-cheek advice for surviving life as a dog parent – the perfect gift for any dog lover You have the best dog in the world, it’s true. But there’s no avoiding the fact that, perfect and adorable as they may be, there are certain elements of being a pup owner that you could do without. That smell they bring in when they’ve rolled in fox poo. The nibble-marks on your furniture. Their fur stuck to absolutely every black item of clothing you own. Luckily, this no-nonsense guide is here to teach you all the tricks you’ll ever need to help you navigate life with your furry friend, so you can focus on the positives – like giving them head-scritches and nose-boops every time they prove they’re a good doggo at heart. With pearls of wisdom like these, you’ll be a pro dog parent in no time: Remember to check the dog is in the room before blaming it for your fart It is a truth universally acknowledged that a dog in possession of a healthy libido must be in want of a leg Start working on your mental toughness – those puppy-dog eyes are enough to break even the iciest of hearts
Like Twain -- or more contemporary humorists Dave Barry and Garrison Keillor -- Patrick McManus shares the belief that life's eternal verities exist primarily to be overturned. In McManus's world, all steaks should be chicken-fried, strong coffee is drunk by the light of a campfire, and fishing trips consist of men acting like boys and boys behaving like the small animals we've always assumed they were. In this, the tenth hilarious collection of his adventures, wry observations, and curmudgeonly calls for bigger and bigger fish stories, McManus takes on everything from an Idaho crime wave to his friend Dolph's atomic-powered huckleberry picker to the uncertain joys of standing waist-deep in icy water, watching the fish go by.
Chicken Little is BACK! But this time, someone new is in town. Chicken Little meets the BIG. BAD. WOLF! Chicken Little is NOT afraid of anything, not even a wolf. No matter how big or bad he is! In fact, she's never even seen a wolf. And this wolf is VEGAN! So when a real wolf shows up and ruffles her feathers, what's a fretful fowl to do? Join the frenzied flock and fly the coop? Or find out if this newcomer is as bad as his reputation? The plucky star of Chicken Little: The Real and Totally True Tale goes toe-to-toe with literature's most famous villain in this brilliant comedy spun with sly wisdom. A Sunday Times One to Watch Out For A brilliantly funny follow-up to Chicken Little: The Real and Totally True Tale. With a message at its core of acceptance and welcoming new friends, this is a witty twist on the traditional 'big bad wolf' trope. Another witty picture book from Sam Wedelich. Praise for Chicken Little and the Big Bad Wolf"Plenty of humor... and the message about difference and acceptance is entertainingly delivered." -- Kirkus Reviews
With his inimitable sense of humor and storytelling talent, New York Times bestselling author Michael Korda brings us this charming, hilarious, self-deprecating memoir of a city couple's new life in the country. At once entertaining, canny, and moving, Country Matters does for Dutchess County, New York, what Under the Tuscan Sun did for Tuscany. This witty memoir, replete with Korda's own line drawings, reads like a novel, as it chronicles the author's transformation from city slicker to full-time country gentleman, complete with tractors, horses, and a leaking roof. When he decides to take up residence in an eighteenth-century farmhouse in Dutchess County, ninety miles north of New York City, Korda discovers what country life is really like:
The locals are not particularly quick to accept these outsiders, and the couple's earliest interactions with their new neighbors provide constant entertainment, particularly when the Kordas discover that hunting season is a year-round event -- right on their own land! From their closest neighbors, mostly dairy farmers, to their unforgettable caretaker Harold Roe -- whose motto regarding the local flora is "Whack it all back! " -- the residents of Pleasant Valley eventually come to realize that the Kordas are more than mere weekenders. Sure to have readers in stitches, this is a book that has universal appeal for all who have ever dreamed of owning that perfect little place to escape to up in the country, or, more boldly, have done it.
When "New York Times" bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton isn't paying for massages with happy endings, or pretending to be fooled by transsexuals he picks up, he spends his time wondering what certain people would look like on fire... What do Heather Mills, the Reverend Al Sharpton, and Dr. Phil have in common? Jim Norton hates their guts. And he probably hates yours, too, especially if you're a New York Yankee, Starbucks employee, or Steve Martin. In thirty-five hilarious essays, "New York Times" bestselling author and comedian Jim Norton spews bile on the people he loathes. Enjoy his blistering attacks on Derek Jeter, Hillary Clinton, fatso Al Roker, and mush-mouthed Jesse Jackson. It's utterly hilarious -- and utterly relatable if you've ever bitten a stranger's face or thrown a bottle through the TV screen while watching the news. But don't think Jim just dishes loads of shit on his self-proclaimed enemies; he is equally atrocious to himself. He savages himself for his humiliating days as a white homeboy, his balletlike spins in the outfield during a little league game, and his embarrassingly botched attempt at a celebrity shout-out while taping his new HBO stand-up series. Uncomfortably honest, "I Hate Your Guts" is probably the best example of emotional vomiting you'll ever read. But there is hope; at the end of each essay, Jim generously offers helpful suggestions as to how the offender can make things right again: Eliot Spitzer: If you run for re-election, instead of shaking hands with voters, let them smell your fingers. Reverend Al Sharpton: The next time you feel the need to protest, do so dressed as an elk in Ted Nugent's backyard. Hillary Clinton: When you absolutely must make a point of laughing publicly, don't fake it. Just think of something that genuinely makes you laugh, like lowering taxes or any random male having his penis cut off. For the legions of devoted fans who know Jim Norton for his raw, sometimes brutal comedy, "I Hate Your Guts" is what you've been waiting for. But even more important -- it's a great book to read while taking a shit.
Great for any child who likes to stand out from the crowd, this is a unicorn picture book with a difference! Everyone's favourite unicorn is back, and he's got a lot to say! I do NOT love pink. Nope! No flowers or hearts. I'm not a big fan of bright unicorn farts. I really hate rainbows (I've said it before), but there are somethings I dislike EVEN MORE... Unicorn likes a lot to things. The only problem is that the things he likes aren't exactly the same as everyone else. Sparkles? He HATES them! Balloons? No, thanks! Cake? Yak! But soon it will be Unicorn's birthday, and - oh no! That means ALL of the things Unicorn hates will be smushed together and squeezed into the same day. This is a DISASTER! What on earth is Unicorn going to do? The brilliant stand-alone follow-up to the bestselling Unicorns Don't Love Rainbows Bestselling author Lucy Rowland joins forces with star illustrator Mike Byrne for this laugh-out-loud picture book with bright illustrations full of personality With themes of understanding, empathy and kindness, this picture book will resonate with children and adults alike Perfect for children who love unicorns... and perfect for children who don't, this really is a unicorn book with a difference!
You know you're having a senior moment when you decide it's time to pull up your socks - and realize you forgot to put any on! Age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel, but if you're heading into your golden years and you're certifiably "no spring chicken", you might benefit from browsing through the pages of this tongue-in-cheek book to help you decide if your marbles just need a polish or you've well and truly lost them! Inside you'll find examples of classic "senior moments", such as: Ringing a friend to ask them for their phone number. Getting annoyed at the fact that your all-in-one remote won't open your garage door. Going to the store for milk and coming home with a new dog collar, rawl plugs, some plant pots that were on special offer... but no milk. Feeling frustrated by your computer's instructions to "press any key", when there's no "Any" key on your keyboard. With a sprinkling of reassuring quotes from fellow old-timers, this collection will help you see the funny side of getting older (but not necessarily wiser).
Brain Candy for expectant parents
In these candidly witty and poignant essays, comedienne and writer Julia Sweeney muses on the complex blessings of motherhood: deciding to adopt her daughter, a Chinese girl named Mulan ("After the movie?"); nannies (including the Chinese Pat); being adopted by a dog; and meeting Mr. Right through an email from a complete stranger who wrote, "Desperately Seeking Sweeney-in-Law." She recounts how she explained the facts of life to nine-year-old Mulan, a story that became a wildly popular TED talk and YouTube video. But no matter what the topic, Julia always writes with elegant precision, pinning her jokes with razor-sharp observations while articulating feelings that we all share.
Everyone can use a daily wake-up call.
Cartoonist Martin Baxendale's on-going series of spoof manuals have sold millions of copies worldwide. The latest range of survival guides now include 'Life After 50' and combine Martin's famous blend of slightly naughty cartoons and off-beat comments.
With over 420k followers on Twitter, The Didn't Happen of the Year Awards exposes, celebrates and ridicules social media users who, shall we say, are prone to a little lying exaggeration. Whether it's Chris Eubank telling the world that aged 18, he should have won $100k on the American lottery but got diddled out of it by the grocery store guy only to use it as motivation to win a world title six years later, or Britney Spears claiming to have run the 100m in a little over five seconds, the DIDN'T HAPPEN OF THE YEAR AWARDS OFFICIAL BOOK is full of hyperbole, embellishment and embroidery from a whole host of online exaggerators. The book is filled with exclusive content including the real story behind Tom Zanetti and his supposed helicopter ride which was featured in The Mirror, as well as how the DHOTYA got brought up in UK Parliament.
From the bestselling author of "The Year of Living Biblically "and
"The Know-It-All "comes the truly hilarious story of one person's
quest to become the healthiest man in the world.
For more than twenty years, Tony Hawks has been mistaken for Tony Hawk, the American skateboarder. Even though it is abundantly clear on his website that he is an English comedian and author, people still write to him asking the best way to do a kickflip or land a melon. One mischievous day he started writing back in a pompous tone, goading his correspondents for their spelling mistakes and poor grammar, while offering bogus or downright silly advice on how to improve their skateboarding. Featuring entries on parents' pain, disappointment, underachievers, Quorn and the Vatican, this is his A to Z guide to the world of skateboarding, as seen through the eyes of someone who knows absolutely nothing about it.
'So funny it will make you sick' TIME OUT 'Cooper's letters are absurd, pointless and very, very funny' RICKY GERVAIS 'The funniest book you'll read' THE GUARDIAN _______________ The massive bestselling book featuring the wonderfully silly letters of Robin Cooper (aka Friday Night Dinner creator Robert Popper). For several years, Robin Cooper has been plaguing department stores, hotels, associations, fan clubs and a certain children's book publisher with his letters. So who is Robin Cooper? Architect, thimble designer, trampoline tester and wasp expert, he is all of these things - it just depends on who he is writing to... This cult hit is a collection of Robin's mad-cap letters to everyone from Prince Charles to the Peanut Council, Harrods to the British Halibut Association - no one is safe. The resulting replies, as well as Cooper's replies-to-these-replies, will have you in hysterics. Letter writing will never be the same again.
You've created a human alarm clock without a snooze button! Welcome to the life-upending, sleep-thieving, crazy old business known as parenthood. The hours are long and the pay is non-existent, but the rewards are priceless. They better be. You're in for quite a ride, but this hilarious gift book is here to tell it like it is, respect the struggle and help you see the funny side. A blend of real talk, hard-won wisdom and relatable observations, this is the perfect antidote to all those well-meaning myths about the unbelievable journey that you and your little one have just begun. The realizations that are going to dawn on you pretty fast include: Just think, in a couple of years that little angel will be calling you a poo-head. Despite all the boundaries you set, sometimes you are going to have to let the baby win. Your biggest daily achievement is now getting another human to burp. This is the perfect gift for anyone with a new baby and a sense of humour.
*Please note this is not a novel, but a companion book for Reacher fans* NOW UPDATED TO INCLUDE A Q&A WITH LEE CHILD AND ALAN RITCHSON, STAR OF PRIME TV'S HIT SERIES, REACHER My name is Jack Reacher. No middle name, no address. I'm a man with a rule. People leave me alone, I leave them alone. If they don't, I don't. As every Reacher fan knows, you don't have to break the rules if you make the rules. Rule 1. NEVER VOLUNTEER FOR ANYTHING Rule 2: BE ON YOUR FEET AND READY Rule 3. SHOW THEM WHAT THEY'RE MESSING WITH Rule 4: DON'T BREAK THE FURNITURE Rule 5: IF IN DOUBT, DRINK COFFEE 'There's only one Jack Reacher. Accept no substitutes' MICK HERRON
Narwhal is a happy-go-lucky narwhal. Jelly is a no-nonsense jellyfish. The two might not have a lot in common, but they do love waffles, parties and adventures. Join Narwhal and Jelly as they discover the whole wide ocean together in the hilarious seventh book of this blockbuster graphic novel series! The perfect first book for young 5 year-old, 6 year-old, 7 year old and 8 year-old readers looking for funny, high interest books that are an accessible read, where they'll discover the joys of friendship, working together and the power of imagination. Featuring three short stories and a super fun ocean fact page - and joke page too!
Named One of the Most Anticipated Books of 2022 by Vogue, BuzzFeed, Bustle, Marie Claire, Harper's Bazaar, Electric Lit, Thrillist, Glamour, CNN, and Shondaland "Wickedly funny and heartstoppingly vulnerable...every page twinkles with brilliance." -Refinery29 Perfect for fans of Samantha Irby and Trick Mirror, a funny, whip-smart collection of personal essays exploring the intersection of queerness, relationships, pop culture, the internet, and identity, introducing one of the most undeniably original new voices today. Jill Gutowitz's life-for better and worse-has always been on a collision course with pop culture. There's the time the FBI showed up at her door because of something she tweeted about Game of Thrones. The pop songs that have been the soundtrack to the worst moments of her life. And of course, the pivotal day when Orange Is the New Black hit the airwaves and broke down the door to Jill's own sexuality. In these honest examinations of identity, desire, and self-worth, Jill explores perhaps the most monumental cultural shift of our lifetimes: the mainstreaming of lesbian culture. Dusting off her own personal traumas and artifacts of her not-so-distant youth she examines how pop culture acts as a fun house mirror reflecting and refracting our values-always teaching, distracting, disappointing, and revealing us. Girls Can Kiss Now is a fresh and intoxicating blend of personal stories, sharp observations, and laugh-out-loud humor. This timely collection of essays helps us make sense of our collective pop-culture past even as it points the way toward a joyous, uproarious, near-and very queer-future.
My mate was selling a television cheap because the volume was broken. I couldn't turn it down. What's black and white and bad all over? These jokes! Groaning with silly gags, classic crap wisecracks, naff knock-knocks, poor puns and lame one-liners, this book will make you cry until you laugh.
488 Rules for Life is Kitty Flanagan's way of making the world a more pleasant place to live. Providing you with the antidote to every annoying little thing, these rules are not made to be broken. 488 Rules for Life is not a self-help book, because it's not you who needs help, it's other people. Whether they're walking and texting, asphyxiating you on public transport with their noxious perfume cloud, or leaving one useless square of toilet paper on the roll, a lot of people just don't know the rules. But thanks to Kitty Flanagan's comprehensive guide to modern behaviour, our world will soon be a much better place. A place where people don't ruin the fruit salad by putting banana in it ... where your co-workers respect your olfactory system and don't reheat their fish curry in the office microwave ... where middle aged men don't have ponytails ... Other rules to live by include: 1. Men must wear shorts over leggings The gym is no place for people to discover whether or not you are circumcised. That's a private discussion for another place and time. 2. Team bonding activities should be optional Some people love it when management decides that an afternoon of bowling or paintballing or (god forbid) karaoke will help everyone work better as a team. Others would rather be dead. 3. Don't ever mention your 'happy place' To me, this sounds less like a pleasant, fun state of mind and more like some kind of utopian wank palace you've had built in the basement. What started as a personal joke is now a quintessential reference book with the power to change society. (Or, at least, make it a bit less irritating.) What people are (Kitty Flanagan is) saying about this book: 'You're welcome everyone.' 'Thank god for me.' 'I'd rather be sad and lonely, but right.' 'There's not actually 488 rules in here but it sure feels like it'.
This second edition of Nicholas T. Parsons' The Joy of Bad Verse is accompanied by a new and expanded Introduction that considers the remarkable literary phenomenon of bad poetry down the ages and the remarkable chutzpah of its practitioners. It brings the theme up to date with the current eruption of "instapoetry" on Instagram, poetry happenings and other whimsical contributions to the tsunami of verse now washing over social media. This book celebrates such remarkable poets as Julia A. Moore, who was known as "The Sweet Singer of Michigan"; or Solyman Brown, the Laureate of American dentistry; or the Rev. E.E. Bradford whose wonderfully innocent raptures on (preferably naked) pubescent boys were praised by the Westminster Review as wholesome and uplifting. Of course the iconic figure of William McGonagall, "the Scottish Homer", is not neglected. To him and several others such as Martin Tupper, a forerunner of "Thought for the Day" and many an Anglican sermon, biographical sketches are dedicated. The chapter on "Limping Laureates" rescues from deserved obscurity several persons such as Alfred Austin who achieved this poorly remunerated, but sought after, status without actually being any good at writing poetry. In this world of wonders, wooden ideological verse (including the brown-nosing of political monsters in verse) jostles with banality, virtue-signalling and unintentional comedy. Not forgetting the contribution of real poets on an off day (Wordsworth's inimitable tribute to a stuffed owl), which, as the author says, lend a distinction to the genre. Auberon Waugh once lambasted modern poetry because it neither rhymed, scanned nor made sense. But here is a treasure trove of stuff to read out loud, stuff which mostly rhymes, if unfortunately, scans if the author was in the mood, and makes the sort of sense that leaves you gasping for more. |
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