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Books > Sport & Leisure > Humour > Jokes & riddles
The book is a Joke book comprising short snappy jokes and a story joke that I have created.All jokes are original.
Let's have fun with this witty and insulting "Yo Mamma Jokes.'' This collection of Yo Mamma Jokes is hilarious and will have you and your friends laughing so hard. This joke book features: Yo Mamma's SO FAT Yo Mamma's TEETH ARE SO YELLOW Yo Mamma's SO UGLY Yo Mamma's SO LONELY Yo Mamma's SO STUPID Yo Mamma's SO DIRTY Yo Mamma's SO SKINNY Yo Mamma's BREATH SMELLS SO BAD Yo Mamma's SO OLD Yo Mamma's SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO SHORT Yo Mamma's SO CHEAP Yo Mamma's SO HAIRY Yo Mamma's SO SMELLY Yo Mamma's SO LAZY Yo Mamma's SO FLAT Yo Mamma's SO GROUCHY Yo Mamma's SO FAKE Yo Mamma's EARS ARE SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO SLOW Yo Mamma's SO GREASY Yo Mamma's HEAD IS SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO DARK Yo Mamma's SO MEAN Yo Mamma's SO TALL Yo Mamma's SO BORING Yo Mamma IS LIKE More Yo Mamma Insults Have a copy of this book and enjoy these Yo Mamma Jokes today
Un libro bilingue de chistes sobre parejas e interrelaciones familiares: el regalo perfecto para el aniversario de casados. A bilingual book of jokes about relationships and family dynamics: the perfect gift for couples celebrating an anniversary
Asked by a group of Middle Easterners why they were a target of good-natured jokes, a popular Hispanic comedian recently said, "Because it's your turn." The hypersensitive political-correct crowd would have us believe that there is currently some kind of unprecedented assault on immigrants and immigration. But ours is a country of newcomers, none of whom were welcomed with open arms. The Irish, Jewish and Italians, for instance, were not cosseted as they might be today. They were subjected to mockery as well as employment and housing discrimination. Thankfully, none were so brittle, nor their accomplishments so superficial or their pride so hollow that a cartoon or joke could take it all away. This historic reprint of a 1909 joke book is not remarkable for its wit but as evidence of the bias that plagued nearly all ethnicities in this country. Contained here within are mostly standard jokes of the day with an exaggerated Italian accent added; occasional use of the "D" word is unfortunate but a reality of the time. None of the jokes are spiteful. Handier than the free PDFs on the web, this you can hold, bookmark, highlight and shelve. An inexpensive imperative for any history buff or comedy aficionado.
Best Joke Book for Kids is a book of short jokes, that are guaranteed age appropriate. Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes. Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles. Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.
"It's the perfect present for that rich granny with a heart
condition."
Finally, a collection of witty one liners, inspirational quotes, clever sayings, funny short jokes and pithy insults for every occasion. Here's a collection you can turn to when you want to add a little humor or common sense to your speeches or writing or just when you want something to browse through that will give you a good laugh or two....
Doris said to her sister, "I have to be extremely careful not to get pregnant." "But I thought Bill got a vasectomy?" "Precisely." What's the best thing to do when you see your wife staggering around on your front lawn? Shoot her again. Why are men smarter when they're making love? They are plugged into a fucking know-it-all. What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They're both fun to ride, but you never want your friends to see you on one. A bride-to-be knows exactly what type of music she wants played at her wedding. She auditions 20 pianists before this musician plays an original composition that is precisely what she was looking for. "That was perfect," she says. "What do you call it?" He says, "Drive Me to Capistrano Baby, Because That's Where You're Gonna Swallow." "Yuck. What a nasty title; but it is a beautiful song, play me another." He does and this one is even better. "That's magnificent. What do you call it?" "Bend Over and Touch Your Ankles Baby-I'm a Backdoor Man." "You're hired," she says, "but for God's sake don't tell anyone the names of your songs." The wedding day comes and the guests at the reception are more than impressed with the music. But the pianist has been drinking an ocean of champagne. He has to go to the bathroom and is so drunk he botches the job. He cleans up as best he can and returns to the piano. Halfway there he's stopped by the bride who says, "Do you know there's shit on your shoes and your zipper's down?" "Know it?" he says. "Bitch, I wrote it." What do you call a couple using the rhythm, will power, or withdrawal methods of birth control? Parents. A woman told her friend, "I just made my ex-husband a millionaire." "What was he before?" "A billionaire." Why do people get married? So they have someone to blame. What's the difference between a wife and mistress? About 45 pounds. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 45 minutes. Samantha discontinued sex to answer the phone. When she returned to bed her partner asked, "Who was that?" "My husband." "What does he want?" "He just wanted to tell me he'll be home late because he went bowling with you." A man propositions a hooker. He offers $10. She insists on $50. That's too steep for him so he decides to go home to his wife. They fuck and then walk down to the local bar for a drink. They pass the hooker who says, "See what a lousy $10 gets you?" A husband said, "I've devised a new sexual position that will save our marriage." The wife said, "What is it?" "Back-to-back." "It's impossible to have sex back-to-back." "Sure we can. I've persuaded the new neighbors to join us." At a divorce recovery workshop a man stands up and says, "My ex-wife is a decent, honest person and a great mother to our children. But I'm into kinky sex-I mean the kinkier the better-and she was a straight lay. It put our marriage under so much strain it fell apart." A lady stands up and says, "Same with me. And I live around the corner." So they leave and go to her place. They do some kissy-face and get naked on the couch and she says, "I'm ready." "Me too." She runs to her bedroom and assembles all her gear: leather bra and thong, whip and handcuffs, nipple clips and a battery powered dildo that could propel a bass boat. She returns to the living room and sees him dressed and leaving. "Hey Where are you going? I thought you liked it kinky?" He says, "Lady, I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse, what the hell do you want?" Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. After making love the bride slapped her husband's face. "What was that for?" he asked. "For being a lousy fucking lover." He slapped her back. "What was that for?" she asked. "For knowing the difference." What's the definition of confidence? Your wife finds you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next bitch." Many more tasteless and filthy love and marriage jokes inside.
The first joke book of its kind to put an entire generation in the comedy crosshairs. Also known as Generation Y, the Millennials - people born between 1979 and 1996 - are the natural target for this volume of Millennial-sized jokes. Just as important are the marketers who dream up these labels in the first place.
This is a one-of-a-kind illustrated knock knock jokes book, by the #1 children's books bestselling author and illustrator of Tongue Twisters for Kids. Each Knock Knock joke features two illustrations; one as if you are looking through a peep hole on a door with someone (or something) knocking, and the other illustration featuring the punch line. Kids will find this book hilarious with the unique colorful cartoony illustrations and the silly knock knock jokes. Find out 'Who's there' behind each door, in this book of humor that features over 50 silly illustrated pages filled with funny knock knock jokes for kids.
Dilley One Liners 2 is a collection of all original jokes by Stephen R. Dilley IV. This wonderful book is certain to bring laughs to all readers.
"Can I," Dirty Johnny asked his mother, "have some money for candy?" "What happened to the five-dollar allowance I give you every Saturday?" asked mom. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Mom is so proud of her son. His charity and giving spirit; his humanity. She opens her wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm very proud of you Johnny, sharing the way you have been. But this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving money to the homeless they'll never get a job." "But this homeless guy has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "does anybody know what this is?" Dirty Johnny stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Dirty Johnny up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea, asshole," said Johnny. "Why don't you remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Dirty Johnny calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Johnny," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Johnny, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" "Okay class," says the teacher, "I'm going through the alphabet and I'm going to call on someone for the letters a, b, c, and so on. When called upon, say a word that starts with that letter then use that word in a sentence." Immediately, Dirty Johnny's hand is in the air but the teacher can't call on him because he'll say ass, then bitch, cunt, damn, excrement, fuck, goddam, horseshit, intercourse, jackin' off etc. Finally she gets to z. There's no swear word that starts with z. so she calls on Dirty Johnny who says, "Z. Zoo. Last summer I went to the zoo and saw an elephant that had the biggest fucking cock I have ever seen." The civics teacher said, "Class, I am going to tell you every attribute you need to have in order to be elected president of the United States." "Fucking liar," said Dirty Johnny. "That, ironically, is number one on the list." Dirty Johnny got an electric train for Christmas. He quickly assembled the train and began playing conductor: "All aboard, you assholes. All whores sit in the aisle seats. That will facilitate all the cock sucking you'll be doing today." "Johnny," said his mother, rushing in from the kitchen, "you turn that train off and sit in the corner for a half hour. Using language like that " A half hour later Johnny switches his train back on and says, "Good day and welcome to DFJ railways. I hope you enjoy your journey; if there are any complaints about the delay in service you can talk to the fucking bitch in the kitchen." A behavioral psychologist devised an experiment to test how quickly children can associate color with taste. The experiment consisted of placing a bowl of Life Savers in front of a group of second graders. After a few tries the kids would say: "Red tastes just like cherry. Yellow tastes just like pineapple. Green...Lime, Orange...Orange." Then he gave them a honey Life Saver, but none of them could identify it. He said, "I'll give you a hint. This flavor is something your mommy calls your daddy." Dirty Johnny said, "Spit them out He's feeding us assholes." Dirty Johnny says to his neighbor, "Mom's sick and I need $100 to check her into the hospital." "How do I know," says the neighbor, "that you won't spend the money on drugs?" "Fuck you," says Johnny. "I've got drug money." Many many many more sick and twisted Dirty Johnny jokes inside...
Bursting with jokes that will make you laugh till you cry--or perhaps cry till you laugh--The Totally Lame Joke Book covers a wide range of topics, including everything from rednecks to farm animals, aliens to frogs, and old ladies to proctologists. It's a truly hilarious, fresh line up of original riddles that anyone of any age will enjoy.
Looking for fun jokes for your kids? Jokes and riddles are a wonderful way for children to practice their memorization and presentation skills. Sharing jokes with their family, they will gain confidence and have fun Jokes and humorous stories, such as the ones found in this report, will encourage reading and recitation. In addition, the thought involved in joke delivery and comprehension is no laughing matter. To be great at humor, a child must think critically and be able to make the associations drawn by a good joke. Puns, riddles, and knock-knocks aren't just fun, they're important learning and development tools. "Jokes for Kids: 300+ Jokes for Kids to Have Fun and Kill Time" have rib-tickling jokes about: Food School Animals Monsters and Zombies At the Doctor Family Christmas Time Scary Things Pirates Hurry Have a copy of this book and let you and your kids have fun reading the jokes
You asked for it and now you've got it
Greatest NEW 2014-2015 Series 3 A collection of the best Yo Mama jokes ever made. Please take some time out of your busy day read this e book. New and Fresh Yo mama/ Yo momma jokes. have the best comebacks and real any yo mama Battle. most yo momma jokes are old and not funny, So why not try some new content. over 102 + more updated Yo Mama is so ugly, she won the worlds ugliest dog competition, Got a first place ribbon in special breeds. Yo Mama's Smells so Bad, that the US government locked her up for having a Weapon of Mass Destruction. If you like this book Check out: Greatest NEW Yo Mama's Jokes (Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever Made) Series 2 Yo mama is so dumb she thought, tofu was a Chinese martial art. 1. Yo Mama's so Ugly 2. Yo Mama's so Fat 3. Yo Mama's so Skinny 4. Yo Mama's so Dirty 5. Yo Mama's Breath Smells so Bad 6. Yo Mama's so dumb 7. Yo Mama's so Old 8. Yo Mama's so Tiny 9. Yo Mama's so Poor Comebacks, Putdowns, and Wisecracks Yo Mama's Jokes (Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever Made) Series 3 collection of my Street battle jokes (That's why Yo Mama jokes ever made). Welcome to a new level of Mama Jokes. Please take some time out of your busy day read this e book. New and Fresh That's why Your mom/ that's why Yo momma jokes. have the best comebacks and win any Yo Mama Battle. Most yo momma jokes are old and out dated, So why not try some new content. over 100+ more will be updated. You heard all the yo mama so fat jokes Now Step Up Your Game and take it to the next level. with that's why yo mama got.
"Can I," Little Rodney Redneck asked his father, "have some money for some Red Man?" "What happened to the five-dollars I gave you Saturday for shoveling horseshit?" asked dad. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Dad is so proud of Rodney. His kindness and Christian charity. He opens his wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm proud of you Johnny, but this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving them money, the lazy-ass homeless will never get a job." "But this homeless guy already has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." A redneck woman walks into a gun shop and says, "I'd like to buy a shotgun for my husband." "What does he like: .10 gauge, .12 gauge, .14 gauge?" "Doesn't matter. The dumbshit doesn't even know that I am going to shoot him." What's a nine year old redneck girl say the first time she has sex? "Hey Pa, you're crushing my smokes." How can you tell the redneck Amish in your neighborhood? They have a dead horse up on blocks in their front yard. How do you circumcise a redneck? Punch his sister in the jaw. Two redneck gals are gossiping while walking through the Piggly Wiggly. "How was your date with Billy last night?" "We sat on the couch and immediately he started groping my ass. So I slapped him as hard as I could right across the face. But I regretted it as soon as I hit him." "You have feelings for him?" "No. He was chewing tobacco." A redneck came to work one day and started passing cigars out to celebrate the birth of his son. "Congratulations Billy Bob," said his boss. "How much did the little 'un weigh?" "5 lbs. 7 oz." "That's kind of small isn't it?" "It's not bad," said Billy Bob. "Considering we've only been married two months." What do you call a dozen rednecks at an orgy? A family reunion. How we know that Adam and Eve were from West Virginia? Because they had no house, no car, no job-but still thought they were living in paradise. Why did 18 rednecks go to the same movie? Because of the sign: 17 and Under Not Allowed A southern football coach, determined to teach his team about the evils of alcohol, took a worm and dropped it into a bottle of vodka. The worm shriveled and died. "What," said the coach, "have you learned from this?" His star linebacker said, "I learned that if I drink enough vodka I'll never have the problems with worms that my momma has." A redneck's definition of a perfect woman? A blind, dumb, deaf, nymphomaniac who owns a chain of liquor stores. What is XX? A redneck cosigning for his brother. The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "Does anybody know what this is?" Little Rodney Redneck stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Little Rodney Redneck up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea," said Rodney. "Why don't you take him to a dentist and remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Little Rodney Redneck calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Rodney," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Rodney, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" Many more redneck and Little Rodney jokes inside
Book of Jokes tackling a wide variety of modern topics. Written by a genuine jobhopper while in-between jobs. Extremely pleasurable to read and to spark up your sense of humour
Ever feeling down or do you just want to get that smile on your
face? Well this book is guaranteed to do it. With pages upon pages
of hilarious jokes, you'll have your stomach aching from too much
laughter
I was encouraged to put up these jokes at Amazon by several persons to whom I have sold thousands. The jokes were skillfully designed to reach an international audience by making the language simple and the jokes written in standard English. To write in local language would limit the audience and the jokes would be lost to the widest possible audience I would be trying to reach. The proof of the pudding is in the reading. I guarantee that you will not regret purchasing my book for you or your friends. Relax and de-stress when you want to have some light reading. Looking forward to your support. My happiness in life comes from not making a lot o money but from the smiles and laughter I can evoke from people by stringing words together and stirring emotions in them. Try them
Lil Mr. Funny Man is a Comedy Book that will have you laughing in tears. The Author, Tony E. Brown tells some truth behind the jokes. |
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