301 Funny Holiday Jokes For Kids
Who cuts Santa's grass? Frosty the Mow man
What music do pilgrims like? Plymouth rock
Why couldn't Dracula get a girlfriend? Cause he is a pain in the neck
The Funniest Collection of Knock Knock Jokes Made For Children
In Lizzy's Burbank's 4th Jokes for Kids Book, get ready to laugh out loud to over 301 hilarious, Holiday Jokes and Riddles. As a mother and jokester extraordinaire, Lizzy knows what it takes to write a good joke; how to keep her children entertained enough to not cause any trouble.
Jokes for Every Major Holiday - Never Miss a Holiday Joke Again Christmas Jokes Halloween Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Independence Day Jokes Valentines Day Jokes Hanukkah Jokes New Years Day Jokes

The book is a Joke book comprising short snappy jokes and a story joke that I have created.All jokes are original.

Asked by a group of Middle Easterners why they were a target of good-natured jokes, a popular Hispanic comedian recently said, "Because it's your turn." The hypersensitive political-correct crowd would have us believe that there is currently some kind of unprecedented assault on immigrants and immigration. But ours is a country of newcomers, none of whom were welcomed with open arms. The Irish, Jewish and Italians, for instance, were not cosseted as they might be today. They were subjected to mockery as well as employment and housing discrimination. Thankfully, none were so brittle, nor their accomplishments so superficial or their pride so hollow that a cartoon or joke could take it all away. This historic reprint of a 1909 joke book is not remarkable for its wit but as evidence of the bias that plagued nearly all ethnicities in this country. Contained here within are mostly standard jokes of the day with an exaggerated Italian accent added; occasional use of the "D" word is unfortunate but a reality of the time. None of the jokes are spiteful. Handier than the free PDFs on the web, this you can hold, bookmark, highlight and shelve. An inexpensive imperative for any history buff or comedy aficionado.

Knock, knock jokes are the classic jokes No one remembers when the first knock, knock joke made its appearance. It seems like they have been around forever. Everyone knows at least one knock, knock joke which is what makes them so great They can be ironic, amusing and downright hilarious Maybe it isn't clear what makes a knock, knock joke so funny but, it is clear that everyone loves to hear them. "100 Knock, Knock Jokes" is a collection of 100 of the funniest knock, knock jokes that you can use to make other people laugh. Get a copy of this book today, if you are interested in making your friends and family laugh. Make sure to memorize these knock, knock jokes and have a fun and wonderful time with your family and friends.

Best Joke Book for Kids is a book of short jokes, that are guaranteed age appropriate. Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes. Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles. Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.

"It's the perfect present for that rich granny with a heart condition."
"This book will give you the best chat in the pub, dazzle dates in fancy restaurants, and provide endless family entertainment at Christmas."
"Just what the doctor ordered. Funny as hell from start to finish."
This book is a selection of some of the best jokes which have been hand picked from a collection of over 300,000 jokes from Sickipedia - the world's top joke website. The jokes contained within these pages are sick, rude, politically incorrect, offensive, obscene and in some cases Just Wrong, but the end results are Funny and Hilarious.
All of the jokes are submitted by the general public to Sickipedia. Every time there is a big story - say a murder or a disaster, following the news comes the jokes. Psychologists probably have something to say about this, but not us, we just want to be the number one place for finding, recording and disseminating this material.
WARNING: The content of this book is packed full of inappropriate material. It is definitely NOT suitable for children or the easily offended. Within these pages are jokes about religion, racism, crime and illegal sex acts. Remember what you read are not points of view; they are just jokes - nothing more
Here's a selection of what topics to expect
Some Top Jokes
The Sickipedia 10 Commandments
Crime
The Police
Sex Crimes
Drink & Drugs
Theft
Murder
Other Crimes
What Not to Say on a First Date
Illness and Mortality
Cancer
AIDS & Other STD's
Alzheimer/Dementia
Disabilities
Death
The Sickipedians Guide to Britishness
Racism
The British
Chavs, Pikeys and Gypsies
The Scottish
The Welsh
The Irish
Europe
Americans
Asian
Indians & Pakistanis
Black
Excuses for being late
Religion
Christianity
Catholics
Jewish
Other Religions
Good news. Bad News
Sex and Shit
Sex
The Wife
Blondes
The Rules
Other
Football
Wordplay
One-Liners
Misunderstandings
Limericks

Finally, a collection of witty one liners, inspirational quotes, clever sayings, funny short jokes and pithy insults for every occasion. Here's a collection you can turn to when you want to add a little humor or common sense to your speeches or writing or just when you want something to browse through that will give you a good laugh or two....

The first joke book of its kind to put an entire generation in the comedy crosshairs. Also known as Generation Y, the Millennials - people born between 1979 and 1996 - are the natural target for this volume of Millennial-sized jokes. Just as important are the marketers who dream up these labels in the first place.

This is a one-of-a-kind illustrated knock knock jokes book, by the #1 children's books bestselling author and illustrator of Tongue Twisters for Kids. Each Knock Knock joke features two illustrations; one as if you are looking through a peep hole on a door with someone (or something) knocking, and the other illustration featuring the punch line. Kids will find this book hilarious with the unique colorful cartoony illustrations and the silly knock knock jokes. Find out 'Who's there' behind each door, in this book of humor that features over 50 silly illustrated pages filled with funny knock knock jokes for kids.

"Can I," Dirty Johnny asked his mother, "have some money for candy?" "What happened to the five-dollar allowance I give you every Saturday?" asked mom. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Mom is so proud of her son. His charity and giving spirit; his humanity. She opens her wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm very proud of you Johnny, sharing the way you have been. But this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving money to the homeless they'll never get a job." "But this homeless guy has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "does anybody know what this is?" Dirty Johnny stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Dirty Johnny up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea, asshole," said Johnny. "Why don't you remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Dirty Johnny calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Johnny," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Johnny, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" "Okay class," says the teacher, "I'm going through the alphabet and I'm going to call on someone for the letters a, b, c, and so on. When called upon, say a word that starts with that letter then use that word in a sentence." Immediately, Dirty Johnny's hand is in the air but the teacher can't call on him because he'll say ass, then bitch, cunt, damn, excrement, fuck, goddam, horseshit, intercourse, jackin' off etc. Finally she gets to z. There's no swear word that starts with z. so she calls on Dirty Johnny who says, "Z. Zoo. Last summer I went to the zoo and saw an elephant that had the biggest fucking cock I have ever seen." The civics teacher said, "Class, I am going to tell you every attribute you need to have in order to be elected president of the United States." "Fucking liar," said Dirty Johnny. "That, ironically, is number one on the list." Dirty Johnny got an electric train for Christmas. He quickly assembled the train and began playing conductor: "All aboard, you assholes. All whores sit in the aisle seats. That will facilitate all the cock sucking you'll be doing today." "Johnny," said his mother, rushing in from the kitchen, "you turn that train off and sit in the corner for a half hour. Using language like that " A half hour later Johnny switches his train back on and says, "Good day and welcome to DFJ railways. I hope you enjoy your journey; if there are any complaints about the delay in service you can talk to the fucking bitch in the kitchen." A behavioral psychologist devised an experiment to test how quickly children can associate color with taste. The experiment consisted of placing a bowl of Life Savers in front of a group of second graders. After a few tries the kids would say: "Red tastes just like cherry. Yellow tastes just like pineapple. Green...Lime, Orange...Orange." Then he gave them a honey Life Saver, but none of them could identify it. He said, "I'll give you a hint. This flavor is something your mommy calls your daddy." Dirty Johnny said, "Spit them out He's feeding us assholes." Dirty Johnny says to his neighbor, "Mom's sick and I need $100 to check her into the hospital." "How do I know," says the neighbor, "that you won't spend the money on drugs?" "Fuck you," says Johnny. "I've got drug money." Many many many more sick and twisted Dirty Johnny jokes inside...

"Can I," Little Rodney Redneck asked his father, "have some money for some Red Man?" "What happened to the five-dollars I gave you Saturday for shoveling horseshit?" asked dad. "I've been giving it to the old homeless man in the park." Dad is so proud of Rodney. His kindness and Christian charity. He opens his wallet and hands him a five dollar bill. "I'm proud of you Johnny, but this money you keep for yourself. If you continue giving them money, the lazy-ass homeless will never get a job." "But this homeless guy already has a job." "Really? What does he do?" "Every Saturday morning, for five dollars, he sucks my cock." A redneck woman walks into a gun shop and says, "I'd like to buy a shotgun for my husband." "What does he like: .10 gauge, .12 gauge, .14 gauge?" "Doesn't matter. The dumbshit doesn't even know that I am going to shoot him." What's a nine year old redneck girl say the first time she has sex? "Hey Pa, you're crushing my smokes." How can you tell the redneck Amish in your neighborhood? They have a dead horse up on blocks in their front yard. How do you circumcise a redneck? Punch his sister in the jaw. Two redneck gals are gossiping while walking through the Piggly Wiggly. "How was your date with Billy last night?" "We sat on the couch and immediately he started groping my ass. So I slapped him as hard as I could right across the face. But I regretted it as soon as I hit him." "You have feelings for him?" "No. He was chewing tobacco." A redneck came to work one day and started passing cigars out to celebrate the birth of his son. "Congratulations Billy Bob," said his boss. "How much did the little 'un weigh?" "5 lbs. 7 oz." "That's kind of small isn't it?" "It's not bad," said Billy Bob. "Considering we've only been married two months." What do you call a dozen rednecks at an orgy? A family reunion. How we know that Adam and Eve were from West Virginia? Because they had no house, no car, no job-but still thought they were living in paradise. Why did 18 rednecks go to the same movie? Because of the sign: 17 and Under Not Allowed A southern football coach, determined to teach his team about the evils of alcohol, took a worm and dropped it into a bottle of vodka. The worm shriveled and died. "What," said the coach, "have you learned from this?" His star linebacker said, "I learned that if I drink enough vodka I'll never have the problems with worms that my momma has." A redneck's definition of a perfect woman? A blind, dumb, deaf, nymphomaniac who owns a chain of liquor stores. What is XX? A redneck cosigning for his brother. The sex-education teacher drew a penis on the blackboard and asked the class, "Does anybody know what this is?" Little Rodney Redneck stands up and says, "It's a cock. My dad has two of them." "Your father has two penises?" asked the teacher. "Yeah. The little one he pisses out of and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth." A pit bull chased Little Rodney Redneck up a tree. The owner came by and said, "Sorry kid. I was bringing him to the vet's to have his balls snipped. The operation will calm him down, this will never happen again." "I have a better idea," said Rodney. "Why don't you take him to a dentist and remove his teeth? I could see from a block away he wasn't going to fuck me." Little Rodney Redneck calls up the principal and says, "I'm sick and can't come to school today." "Rodney," asks the principal, "how sick are you?" "I just," says Rodney, "fucked my grandma up the ass is that sick enough for you?" Many more redneck and Little Rodney jokes inside

Bursting with jokes that will make you laugh till you cry--or perhaps cry till you laugh--The Totally Lame Joke Book covers a wide range of topics, including everything from rednecks to farm animals, aliens to frogs, and old ladies to proctologists. It's a truly hilarious, fresh line up of original riddles that anyone of any age will enjoy.

Looking for fun jokes for your kids? Jokes and riddles are a wonderful way for children to practice their memorization and presentation skills. Sharing jokes with their family, they will gain confidence and have fun Jokes and humorous stories, such as the ones found in this report, will encourage reading and recitation. In addition, the thought involved in joke delivery and comprehension is no laughing matter. To be great at humor, a child must think critically and be able to make the associations drawn by a good joke. Puns, riddles, and knock-knocks aren't just fun, they're important learning and development tools. "Jokes for Kids: 300+ Jokes for Kids to Have Fun and Kill Time" have rib-tickling jokes about: Food School Animals Monsters and Zombies At the Doctor Family Christmas Time Scary Things Pirates Hurry Have a copy of this book and let you and your kids have fun reading the jokes

You asked for it and now you've got it
Volume 2 of the extremely popular S#*t People Text series is HERE and it is serving up even more bigger laughs than its predecessor
So what is this series of books about you ask?
Text messaging is the ultimate form of communication these days and you won't believe how some people abuse the privilege. But no worries, that's exactly why this book exists - to show you the gloriously hilarious things that can happen when modern technology meets modern (yet confounded) humans.
Whether it's clueless parents who don't know how to use their smartphones (comedy gold ), or bored, yet clever teens who want to mess around with their friends, this book does not discriminate. If it is real, if it is bizarre, and most importantly, it s#*t-in-your-pants funny, then this book has it
Here are just some of the many gems you will find inside:
Son: "Mom, stop, you are not funny. You can't make jokes."
Mom: "But, I made you...?"
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Girlfriend: "I hate you. I don't ever want to see you again."
Boyfriend: "Thank god."
Girlfriend: "Your an idiot."
Boyfriend: "**You're"
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Mom: "What does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?
Child: "I dont know, love you, talk to you later."
Mom: "Okay, I'll ask your sister."
So "treat-yo-self" to a good laugh, a good time, and a brighter day right now You deserve it
Parents take caution - this book contains humor that is NOT suitable for children.

***Winner, NFPW 1st place for children's non-fiction (2013) ***Mom's Choice Award (2013) ================= See how fun and science blend together into an easy and informative read for ages 8 and up. This is a full-size, high-quality color printed publication. "Weather Wits & Science Snickers" offers humorous questions and full-color illustrations followed by an understandable description of the science within each joke. The reader will enjoy the real-world images, and numerous resource links provide plenty of opportunity for further exploration. Topics covered range from tornadoes to cold fronts, and even vacuum cleaners on the moon 'Weather Wits & Science Snickers" is authored by a 9-time award winning broadcast meteorologist with 28 years in the field. Austin College alumna Elizabeth Cox created the artwork for this "under the radar" approach to discovery.

I started writing the Chuckle Chuckle More than twenty years ago. One of the many jobs I had being a member of a small church (30 members) was printing the Sunday notices. I was always dismayed by so many sad faces every Sunday morning, so, in order to try and cheer the members up and put a smile on their faces I started to insert a little clean humor at the very end of the notices. I wasn't sure how well it would be received, this being the house of worship. I had always done this with my Sunday School Class, and it worked, and I'm sure that some of you know what I am talking about. You weren't smiling when your folks made you get up and go to Sunday school. The whole church loved it and looked forward to hearing it every week.

Greatest NEW 2014-2015 Series 3 A collection of the best Yo Mama jokes ever made. Please take some time out of your busy day read this e book. New and Fresh Yo mama/ Yo momma jokes. have the best comebacks and real any yo mama Battle. most yo momma jokes are old and not funny, So why not try some new content. over 102 + more updated Yo Mama is so ugly, she won the worlds ugliest dog competition, Got a first place ribbon in special breeds. Yo Mama's Smells so Bad, that the US government locked her up for having a Weapon of Mass Destruction. If you like this book Check out: Greatest NEW Yo Mama's Jokes (Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever Made) Series 2 Yo mama is so dumb she thought, tofu was a Chinese martial art. 1. Yo Mama's so Ugly 2. Yo Mama's so Fat 3. Yo Mama's so Skinny 4. Yo Mama's so Dirty 5. Yo Mama's Breath Smells so Bad 6. Yo Mama's so dumb 7. Yo Mama's so Old 8. Yo Mama's so Tiny 9. Yo Mama's so Poor Comebacks, Putdowns, and Wisecracks Yo Mama's Jokes (Best Yo Mama Jokes Ever Made) Series 3 collection of my Street battle jokes (That's why Yo Mama jokes ever made). Welcome to a new level of Mama Jokes. Please take some time out of your busy day read this e book. New and Fresh That's why Your mom/ that's why Yo momma jokes. have the best comebacks and win any Yo Mama Battle. Most yo momma jokes are old and out dated, So why not try some new content. over 100+ more will be updated. You heard all the yo mama so fat jokes Now Step Up Your Game and take it to the next level. with that's why yo mama got.

Let's face it. We've come to a point in our society where we can't say or do anything without offending someone or another. This joke book is full of jokes that ignore the rules of polite society and take advantage of many well-known stereotypes. Jokes about race, ethnicity, religion, and nationality are all bound to offend someone, and they're right here in this book.

Doris said to her sister, "I have to be extremely careful not to get pregnant." "But I thought Bill got a vasectomy?" "Precisely." What's the best thing to do when you see your wife staggering around on your front lawn? Shoot her again. Why are men smarter when they're making love? They are plugged into a fucking know-it-all. What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They're both fun to ride, but you never want your friends to see you on one. A bride-to-be knows exactly what type of music she wants played at her wedding. She auditions 20 pianists before this musician plays an original composition that is precisely what she was looking for. "That was perfect," she says. "What do you call it?" He says, "Drive Me to Capistrano Baby, Because That's Where You're Gonna Swallow." "Yuck. What a nasty title; but it is a beautiful song, play me another." He does and this one is even better. "That's magnificent. What do you call it?" "Bend Over and Touch Your Ankles Baby-I'm a Backdoor Man." "You're hired," she says, "but for God's sake don't tell anyone the names of your songs." The wedding day comes and the guests at the reception are more than impressed with the music. But the pianist has been drinking an ocean of champagne. He has to go to the bathroom and is so drunk he botches the job. He cleans up as best he can and returns to the piano. Halfway there he's stopped by the bride who says, "Do you know there's shit on your shoes and your zipper's down?" "Know it?" he says. "Bitch, I wrote it." What do you call a couple using the rhythm, will power, or withdrawal methods of birth control? Parents. A woman told her friend, "I just made my ex-husband a millionaire." "What was he before?" "A billionaire." Why do people get married? So they have someone to blame. What's the difference between a wife and mistress? About 45 pounds. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 45 minutes. Samantha discontinued sex to answer the phone. When she returned to bed her partner asked, "Who was that?" "My husband." "What does he want?" "He just wanted to tell me he'll be home late because he went bowling with you." A man propositions a hooker. He offers $10. She insists on $50. That's too steep for him so he decides to go home to his wife. They fuck and then walk down to the local bar for a drink. They pass the hooker who says, "See what a lousy $10 gets you?" A husband said, "I've devised a new sexual position that will save our marriage." The wife said, "What is it?" "Back-to-back." "It's impossible to have sex back-to-back." "Sure we can. I've persuaded the new neighbors to join us." At a divorce recovery workshop a man stands up and says, "My ex-wife is a decent, honest person and a great mother to our children. But I'm into kinky sex-I mean the kinkier the better-and she was a straight lay. It put our marriage under so much strain it fell apart." A lady stands up and says, "Same with me. And I live around the corner." So they leave and go to her place. They do some kissy-face and get naked on the couch and she says, "I'm ready." "Me too." She runs to her bedroom and assembles all her gear: leather bra and thong, whip and handcuffs, nipple clips and a battery powered dildo that could propel a bass boat. She returns to the living room and sees him dressed and leaving. "Hey Where are you going? I thought you liked it kinky?" He says, "Lady, I just fucked your cat and shit in your purse, what the hell do you want?" Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. After making love the bride slapped her husband's face. "What was that for?" he asked. "For being a lousy fucking lover." He slapped her back. "What was that for?" she asked. "For knowing the difference." What's the definition of confidence? Your wife finds you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next bitch." Many more tasteless and filthy love and marriage jokes inside.

The Professional way to insult somebody. WARNING: THIS IS AN EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE BOOK. It contains 99 insults using foul language. On the first page there's a table with 99 page numbers that you can tick after you've chosen the particular insults that apply to the recipient of the book. This is the kind of book you'd send to an employer who fired you, someone who swindled you or a cheating partner to tell them what you think of them. There are insults to give to fat people, dumb people, males and females, cheating partners, swindlers, someone who's dumped you, the person who divorced you, the landlord who kicked you out etc. etc. It's a very inexpensive way to insult somebody and they won't forget it. When you've ticked the boxes you can mail it out, put it in someone's mailbox, leave it in your boss's desk drawer or just carry it around with you until you see the person you want to insult sitting in a restaurant and throw it at them. Just imagine your own reaction if you received one of these books.

Ever feeling down or do you just want to get that smile on your face? Well this book is guaranteed to do it. With pages upon pages of hilarious jokes, you'll have your stomach aching from too much laughter
With jokes appropriate for any age like:
What does a clock do when it's still hungry?
Go back "four" seconds
and...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Wooden shoe
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
you'll be sure to have anyone rolling on the floor after reading it