A compilation of Jokes, One-liners and Poems guaranteed to be the funniest material ever stolen/borrowed from the internet. You will hear such jokes as: A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. You can't have everything, where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. Pick up lines overheard from men to women: Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Man: So, wanna go back to my place ? Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? Things you should not say to a cop: 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? YOU'RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN... The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people." Think about this, Not That.... I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Slogan's ..............................WHAT? On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." At a Proctologist's door "To expedite your visit please back in." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." Some Men Jokes.... What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. What is the thinnest book in the world? "What Men Know About Women" How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One ... men will screw anything. Just Sayin: The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" "I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast." I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately "Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive." Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom. "If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?" Welcome To Shit Creek Sorry, We're Out of Paddles Rules of life so to speak: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape . 3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right." Lawyer stuff: These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down & now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. and so much more...... This will be the funniest 90 minute read ever.

Tongue Twisters for Kids is a book of Tongue Twisters, that are age appropriate and guaranteed to be clean. Tongue Twisters for Kids is a part of the Best Joke book for Kids series by Peter MacDonald. Tongue Twisters are great fun and are a great source of laughter with a bunch of friends, as well as being educational and exercises for good Diction. Kids Jokes, jokes for kids of all ages but the adults will get them too Tongue twisters are a real challenge to say for any kid( and most adults). They use similar sounding syllables, words and sounds repetitively, making it easy for anyone to trip over the words. While tongue twisters for kids can be a whole lot of fun, they also have many practical benefits to offer. Best Joke book for kids are styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate.

D is for depressing, D is for dejected, D is for devastating and difficult...

Bursting with jokes that will make you laugh till you cry--or perhaps cry till you laugh--The Totally Lame Joke Book covers a wide range of topics, including everything from rednecks to farm animals, aliens to frogs, and old ladies to proctologists. It's a truly hilarious, fresh line up of original riddles that anyone of any age will enjoy.

Back by popular demand: another rib-tickling collection of 1001 original jokes and one-liners - only this time even worse Like its hugely entertaining big sister, this addictive little gem will have you in stitches from the word go. Plumbed from the innermost depths and far-out corridors of an extremely vivid imagination, there isn't a swear word in sight, appealing to kids and grandmas, whilst still supplying ample ammunition to bombard your mates into submission. Just like the first time, all you need to do to become immersed in this barrage of off-the-wall buffoonery is find a quiet spot somewhere then slowly turn the page, revealing ream upon ream of good, clean fun jokes like these:

ET's been caught shoplifting. I always said he was light fingered.

Animal rights activists are currently camped outside United's training ground after it was announced Wayne Rooney had injured a calf.

I staggered out of the pub and straight into a fracas with a rag and bone man. I was charged with junk and disorderly.

The wife asked if I fancied a trip to the Arctic Circle. I said, sounds cool.

I took my car back to the garage. I said, every time it rains, I get this awful hissing noise. The mechanic said, I wouldn't worry too much. It's probably just the windscreen vipers.

Ghosts: they need to get a life.

I bought an imitation American motorcycle. It was a Hardly Davidson.

My job at the glue factory, I've told them to stick it.

I went in HMV. I said, what do you think to the Pet Shop Boys? The assistant said, they've a good selection of dog biscuits but the prices are a bit steep.

Tardis for sale. No time wasters.

I took my new DAB radio back to the shop. I said, the volume button is stuck on low and I don't know what to do. He said, try playing it by ear.

The cat o' nine tails I inherited: I've flogged it.

101 Silly Tongue Twisters For Kids is all about having fun and being silly with your children, grandchildren, friends, or anyone who likes to laugh. Children's laughter is a special thing. I can't tell you how much fun I have had through the years telling jokes and doing tongue twisters with my children. This book is meant to cheer you up, help make friends, or just be downright silly. I hope this book helps you to share the joy of laughter with your kids and puts a smile on yours and theirs faces. -Charlie Chestnut

Let's face it. We've come to a point in our society where we can't say or do anything without offending someone or another. This joke book is full of jokes that ignore the rules of polite society and take advantage of many well-known stereotypes. Jokes about race, ethnicity, religion, and nationality are all bound to offend someone, and they're right here in this book.

The Professional way to insult somebody. WARNING: THIS IS AN EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE BOOK. It contains 99 insults using foul language. On the first page there's a table with 99 page numbers that you can tick after you've chosen the particular insults that apply to the recipient of the book. This is the kind of book you'd send to an employer who fired you, someone who swindled you or a cheating partner to tell them what you think of them. There are insults to give to fat people, dumb people, males and females, cheating partners, swindlers, someone who's dumped you, the person who divorced you, the landlord who kicked you out etc. etc. It's a very inexpensive way to insult somebody and they won't forget it. When you've ticked the boxes you can mail it out, put it in someone's mailbox, leave it in your boss's desk drawer or just carry it around with you until you see the person you want to insult sitting in a restaurant and throw it at them. Just imagine your own reaction if you received one of these books.

Quite simply a little booklet of 50 lists of 50 things, to do or not to do, to say or not to say, to think or not to think, etc., etc.,.....

Let's have fun with this witty and insulting "Yo Mamma Jokes.'' This collection of Yo Mamma Jokes is hilarious and will have you and your friends laughing so hard. This joke book features: Yo Mamma's SO FAT Yo Mamma's TEETH ARE SO YELLOW Yo Mamma's SO UGLY Yo Mamma's SO LONELY Yo Mamma's SO STUPID Yo Mamma's SO DIRTY Yo Mamma's SO SKINNY Yo Mamma's BREATH SMELLS SO BAD Yo Mamma's SO OLD Yo Mamma's SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO SHORT Yo Mamma's SO CHEAP Yo Mamma's SO HAIRY Yo Mamma's SO SMELLY Yo Mamma's SO LAZY Yo Mamma's SO FLAT Yo Mamma's SO GROUCHY Yo Mamma's SO FAKE Yo Mamma's EARS ARE SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO SLOW Yo Mamma's SO GREASY Yo Mamma's HEAD IS SO BIG Yo Mamma's SO DARK Yo Mamma's SO MEAN Yo Mamma's SO TALL Yo Mamma's SO BORING Yo Mamma IS LIKE More Yo Mamma Insults Have a copy of this book and enjoy these Yo Mamma Jokes today