A young woman enters the confessional and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I made love to a complete stranger seven times." "Go home and squeeze the juice of seven lemons into a small glass and drink it down as quickly as you can." "Will that wash away my sins?" No, but it will take that smile off your face." Why don't Baptists fuck standing up? They're afraid it might lead to dancing. Three men arrive at the Pearly Gates at the same time and St. Peter says, "Religion?" "Methodist." "Door six, but be quiet as you pass door four." To the second man: "Religion?" "Jewish." "Door seven, but be quiet as you pass door four." To the third: "Religion?" "Hindu." "Door two, but be quiet as you pass door four." "Why do you tell everyone to be quiet passing door four?" "That's the Evangelical Christian door and they think they are the only ones up here." On the seventh day God sat back, admiring his creation. "I think it's perfect," he said to the angel Gabriel. "Not quite perfect, my Lord," said Gabriel. "How so?" "Shouldn't the humans have differing sets of genitalia just like the animals?" God pondered for a moment. Then he said, "You're absolutely right. I think I'll give the dumb one a cunt." What's the difference between a circumcision and a crucifixion? With a crucifixion they throw away the entire Jew. What's the best way to make God laugh? Tell her all your plans. During her prayers one night a teacher asked God why there was so much violence in American schools. A light shone into her bedroom and a voice boomed: "I don't know. I'm not allowed in American schools." Why did Mary Magdalene want to have sex with Jesus? She wanted to experience his Second Coming. Why do guys attend church Sunday mornings after sowing their wild oats on Saturday nights? To pray for crop failure. A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of chardonnay. "Here's a new joke," he says to the bartender, "two Jews are walking down the street-" "I'm Jewish," says the bartender, "and I'm tired of hearing Jewish jokes. Pick on some other religion." "Okay. Two Buddhists are walking down the street. One says to the other, 'So there we were, at my nephew's bar mitzvah...'" Sister Donna asked her fifth grade class, what they wanted to be when they grew up. Suzie said, "I'd like to be a doctor." Bobby said, and "I want to be a policeman." Leslie said, "I'm going to be a prostitute." The shocked nun said, "What did you say?" "I'm going to be a prostitute," said Leslie. "Well, thank God," said the nun. "I thought you said you're going to be a Protestant." How do Catholics make money on hot summer days? They freeze Holy Water and sell them as Pope-sickles. A man says to his Rabbi, "I think my wife is trying to serve me poisoned Passover cake." "I'll talk with her," says the Rabbi. "Thank you." The next day the Rabbi calls, "I talked to your wife for three hours and I know exactly what you should do." "What's that?" "Eat the cake." Adolf Hitler asks his astrologer, "When will I die?" "On a Jewish Holiday." "Why a Jewish holiday?" "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday." Father Murphy hears a knock on the door at midnight. He gets up, opens the door, but doesn't see anyone. Then he looks down and sees two little leprechauns. "Good evening Father. I have a question for you." "Fine." "Do you have any leprechaun nuns in the parish?" asks a leprechaun. "No we don't." "How long have you, yourself been a priest?" "Forty years." "In that 40 year time span, have you yourself ever seen or heard of a leprechaun nun?" "No I haven't." One leprechaun turned to the other and says, "We'll just have to face it Clancy. We just fucked a couple of penguins." Adam was so lonely that he asked the Lord for a mate. The Lord said, "For the perfect companion, compatible in every way, it'll cost you an arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for a rib?" Many many more jokes inside

"The man next to me is jacking off," said the blonde to her girlfriend as they sat in the movie theater. "Ignore him." "I can't," said the blonde. "He's using my hand." How do we know that God isn't blonde? If she were, sperm would taste like chocolate. What are Vanna White's favorite consonants? North and South America. What do you call two blondes standing on either side of a friend with a broken leg? Support hos. Why'd the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job Why'd the blond give up moose hunting? The decoys were too heavy. What is gross stupidity? 144 blondes. Why'd the blonde fail Biology? Instead of dissecting frogs she was busy opening flies. "What's the difference," the nun asked the class, "between fornication and adultery?" "I've tried both," said the blonde, "and actually they are pretty similar." "I don't know what you see in him," said the brunette, "he's just an everyday kind of guy." The blonde replied, "What more could you ask for?" Why aren't blondes pharmacists? Because they can't get those little bottles into the typewriters. Did you hear about the blonde admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? Three of his sons drowned digging the grave. The blonde went to the campus clinic and had the intern remove a wad of red wax from her belly button. "How ever," asked the intern, "did you acquire a lump of wax in your belly button?" "My boyfriend eats by candlelight." "What do you take for a sore throat?" one blonde asked a brunette. "I just suck on a Life Saver." "That's easy for you; you live at the beach." A coed reminiscing about her childhood asked her blonde roommate, "Did you play with jacks when you were little?" "Yes. And Paul's, Chuck's, Bobby's..." A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into the women's locker room after a workout. Suddenly an erect cock protruded from a shower stall. The redhead said, "That's not my husband." The brunette said, "That's not my husband or my lover." The blonde said, "He's not even a member of this club." How did the boss know that his new secretary was a blonde? The white-out on the computer screen. Did you hear about the blonde who moved from California to Mississippi? She raised the IQ of both states. How'd the blonde hemophiliac die? She tried acupuncture. A blonde said to her analyst: "Every time I drink I end up in a three-way or a gang-fuck and I feel guilty about it for weeks." "It's obvious that you have to quit drinking." "Can't you just do something about the guilt?" At the New Year's Eve party one blonde said to the other, "If I'm not in bed by midnight I'm going home." A blonde goes to heaven and St. Peter says, "Cause of death?" "Herpes." "You don't die from herpes." "You do when you give it to Big Dave." What do blondes call underwear? Ankle warmers. Why do blondes have two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time. What do you call a blonde pulling off her pantyhose? Foreplay. What do you call a blonde with genital herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and AIDS? An incurable romantic. Did you hear about the blonde who set her pussy on fire on the Fourth of July? She lit the fuse to her tampon. Did you hear about the blonde that went fishing with 14 guys? They all limited out; all she got was a red snapper. Why'd the blonde spend 20 minutes staring at the orange juice carton? Because it said Concentrate. An American blonde in France is raped by a gang of twelve men. The local police chief is shocked and embarrassed and says, "We will, madam, apprehend all twelve suspects." "Don't bother," she says. "Just get number two, number seven and number nine." "Mother?" asked the new bride, "how can I make my new husband happy?" "Love," said the mother, "can be a beautiful bond between two people who respect each other's needs..." I know how to fuck, mom," said the girl. "I want you to teach me how to make meatloaf." Many many more blonde jokes inside.

Jokes are wonderful because they can be shared with everyone. Everyone loves a good joke, especially kids. Here are 101 jokes gathered together especially with kids in mind. They are good clean jokes that will get kids smiling. They can be used to make new friends or cheer up old ones. In this book, there are different types of jokes starting with animal, holiday and music jokes. From there you will find nature, school and sports jokes. Lastly are the classic knock, knock jokes and other silly jokes. Get ready to laugh until your belly hurts as you read through each section. Here are some of the best jokes that will get you thinking... and laughing of course Spend some fun time with a child you know by sharing these with them.

Jokes For Kids: Another 102 Laugh Out Loud Knock-Knock Jokes is the perfect book of hilarious knock-knock jokes that will keep young readers engaged and having tons of fun Perfect for home, on trips or just when you want a laugh, this book is ideal for kids ages 7 - 10 and is a great gift idea. Get your copy today and put a big smile on your face

Jokes For Kids: 102 Laugh Out Loud Knock-Knock Jokes is the perfect book of hilarious knock-knock jokes that will keep young readers engaged and having tons of fun Perfect for home, on trips or just when you want a laugh, this book is ideal for kids ages 7 - 10 and is a great gift idea. Get your copy today and put a big smile on your face

Jokes For Kids: 102 Laugh Out Loud Jokes, Riddles & Tongue Twisters is the perfect book of hilarious jokes and sayings that will keep young readers engaged and having tons of fun Perfect for home, on trips or just when you want a laugh, this book is ideal for kids ages 7 - 10 and is a great gift idea. Get your copy today and put a big smile on your face

treat yourself with the world's funniest book of jokes. brand new jokes never heard before.

This is a small, illustrated jokebook filled with puns (rated for everyone) on film and song titles. It is compiled from Twitter(TM) threads added to by credited contributors from around the world, and the only rule is that they can't be real titles. It's surprising how many people have the same dreadful sense of humour. Here are some examples: #bodypartfilms: "Lobe, Actually," #laundrysongs: "Papa Don't Bleach," #kitchenhorrormovies: "Village Of The Jammed," #furnituresongs: "Deskerado," #poultrymovies: "Buffy, The Vampire Layer," #maternityfilms: "3:10 To You're A Ma," #kitchensongs: "Bake Another Little Piece Of My Tart," #dogsongs: "It Mastiff Been Love," and #scaryclothingmovies: "The Purse of Frankenstein." Threads can be added onto very quickly, but after a few days of neglect they disappear. The ones in this book have been preserved, like figs, the rotten ones discarded, and the good ones set up in jars with judiciously-added cartoons. If you like figs, or figgy pudding, you may find this book to your taste. Any profits from this book will be split between tweeters and artists.

Ever feeling down or do you just want to get that smile on your face? Well this book is guaranteed to do it. With pages upon pages of hilarious jokes, you'll have your stomach aching from too much laughter
With jokes appropriate for any age like:
What does a clock do when it's still hungry?
Go back "four" seconds
and...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Wooden shoe
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
you'll be sure to have anyone rolling on the floor after reading it

The first bilingual (English/Russian) sampling of authentic Soviet underground jokes--mostly political, but also ethnic, and at times erotic--published in the United States at the height of the Cold War. Illustrated.

Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: Och It's no that dark 'Scottish Jokes: A Wee Book of Clean Caledonian Chuckles' is a collection of Scots humour with jokes old and new, and some so old that everyone's forgotten about them and will think they're new again Have fun with this wee book of gentle laughs, with all the usual characters from Scottish funny stories: tight-fisted Highlanders, whisky-loving Glaswegians, pompous Englishmen, confused American tourists, stuck up Edinburghians and pious pillars of the kirk. If you like quick fire Scottish jokes or longer funny stories in the style of Ronnie Corbett's monologues, you'll love this book.

The book is a Joke book comprising short snappy jokes and a story joke that I have created.All jokes are original.

Un libro bilingue de chistes sobre parejas e interrelaciones familiares: el regalo perfecto para el aniversario de casados. A bilingual book of jokes about relationships and family dynamics: the perfect gift for couples celebrating an anniversary