Dreams of pregnancy include the expectation that nine months of
waiting will end with a joyous event. But, each year, a "shattered
dream" occurs for thousands of couples who receive the news that
their child will have a disabling condition severe enough that they
may question if they are the best parents for their child. Societal
expectation is that parents will raise their child or, if the
condition of the child is detected prenatally, abortion is offered
as an alternative. Parents who explore other options face scrutiny
and, sometimes, condemnation--"lonely choices." Joanne Finnegan
shares her personal experience and that of several families she
interviewed who, like herself, explored options other than raising
their child with a disability. Parents express with candor the
overwhelming pain they felt when receiving "the news," the
frustration when searching for options, the "no-win" feeling of
decision making, the resolve with a final decision, and finally,
life after the decision. Parent quotes also address issues such as
spiritual dilemmas and interactions with friends, family, their
other children, and medical professionals. Words of advice for new
parents include how to build support systems and gather
information, how to search for an adoptive family, and arranging
the details of communication between adoptive and birth parents.
Interviews with adoptive parents, poetry, and extensive resource
lists complete the book. Written as a gift for other parents to
help them cope with the pain and loneliness of decision making,
this book will also be a valuable resource for medical
professionals, adoption and social workers, counselors and
spiritual advisors, and friends and family of theparents. It is a
helpful as well as a deeply therapeutic book, providing a strong
lesson in how to manage during this stressful time, from receiving
"the news" about the baby's condition and prognosis, to weighing
the factors involved in the various decisions. Should one take the
baby home from the hospital? If not home, then where? Foster care,
respite care, guardianship, and other forms of substitute care are
mentioned. The author also examines decisions about finances and
support services, family issues, finalizing an adoption plan,
living with the decision, regrets, and future pregnancies.
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