A moment comes for every addict when the consequences are so
great or the pain is so bad that the addict's life becomes out of
control because of his or her behavior. Some are news making
moments, such as the public censure when a congressman, minister,
general, or professional athlete is cited for unacceptable sexual
behavior. For most people those moments are followed by resolves to
"never do it again," but somehow after the promise is made, they
often find themselves in the exact same location doing something
they vowed to never do again. That is addiction.
And for some, this addiction is more difficult to diagnose than in
others. Such is the case for gay men. For some gay men fully
committed to open sexual choices and experiences, modifying their
sexual behavior and restricting their sexual freedoms is like going
back in time and surrendering to homophobic attitudes often found
in conservative culture. It just doesn't feel right. After all, the
urban gay male culture surrounding him fully supports his sexual
exploits as long as the sex is safe. And since gay male sex addicts
may not discuss their sexual behavior even with good friends,
nobody challenges them on their late-night exploits in unsafe
places, their arrest record or brushes with the law, or potential
health risks because of their behavior.
The truth is gay male sex addicts are not compulsively sexual
because of their sexual orientation, but rather as a consequence of
their individual psychological issues and biological predisposition
toward addiction. This is exactly the same set of risk factors
presented by straight male sex addicts.
Unfortunately, for the gay (sex) addict, his increasingly
destructive patterns of behavior take place against a cultural
background of dramatically greater sexual and social freedoms than
those enjoyed by his heterosexual peers. The single urban gay man
who has problems with sex, alcohol, or drugs is in some ways a
prisoner of his own freedoms, having fewer cultural opportunities
for self-examination and less cultural support for behavior change
than does an average heterosexual male.
Finally, there is a resource that can help gay men determine if
they are indeed a sex addict and whether or not they are willing to
explore behavior change because of their sexual behavior.
Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, is director of sexual disorders
services for Elements Behavioral Health and founding director of
The Sexual Recovery Institute, an outpatient sexual addiction
treatment center in Los Angeles, California. His media appearances
include ESPN, The Discovery Channel, the "Today "show, "The Oprah
Winfrey Show," "Anderson Cooper 360," and "Dateline NBC."
General
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