Two years after the discovery that Earth Prime 4-6-4-0-8-9 dash Omega is in imminent danger of collapse, the Transdimensional Authority has helped hundreds of millions... well, millions... okay, a lot of aliens immigrate to Earth Prime. How's that working out? Rodney Pendleton, the first alien to make the move, is now a tech millionaire (hover technology is wildly popular - who knew?). Wainwright Walsh, lead singer for The Occidental Tourists (ask your parents... or, maybe your grandparents), puts together an all-star band to raise funds for a foundation to help the aliens adjust to their new home. But all is not beat yas and scream on Earth Prime. An investigation into the first murder of an alien being leads to an anti-alien protest group, revealing a dark, speciesist strain of human emotion. And a different investigation into the disappearance of aliens in Latin America reveals a dark, greedy strain of human emotion. It turns out, some problems cannot be solved by the swift, unexpected application of pie!

The story opens with newly married protagonists, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy, defending their village from an army of flesh-eating unmentionables. But the honeymoon has barely begun when poor Mr. Darcy is nipped by a raging dreadful. Elizabeth knows the only acceptable course of action is to promptly behead her husband (and then burn the corpse, just to be safe). But when she hears rumours of a miracle antidote being developed in London, she realizes there may be one last chance to save her true love - and for everyone to live happily ever after.