'The iceberg always blinks at the last minute.' - @BorderIrish 'I was living the quiet life, watching the traffic and the sheep go by and then Brexit came along and I listened to people dismissing my importance. I could see the danger coming in the distance, like a cold front on the Tyrone skyline. So I thought, how can an invisible border be heard?' 97 years young, the Irish Border may be a late adopter of Twitter, but with more than 82k followers including Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, Piers Morgan and Alastair Campbell, the Border isn't so invisible anymore.

*The perfect stocking filler for the cat lover in your life!*

Please Stop Touching Me
Every time you do
I have to lick everywhere
It's so exhausting

From the author of What I Lick Before Your Face comes this hilarious companion, Please Stop Touching Me ... and Other Haikus by Cats.

Jamie Coleman returns with this brilliant collection of feline flights of fancy. His hilarious haikus take us inside the minds of our most popular pets revealing their inner-most secrets, their disdain for their owners and the poetry that is common to all cats.

Featuring over 50 haikus complete with glorious images, this is a hysterical gift for cat lovers, cat haters, and poetry enthusiasts alike.

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit? It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature... Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat. Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea? Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . . Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

You may take my balls
But I will lick what remains
And then, dear, your face

Imagine if your dog could talk to you. Better still, imagine if it could express its innermost feelings in poetic form.

This hilarious, insightful book confirms what we've all long suspected - that inside every dog is the soul of a poet. From retrieving sticks to rivalry with cats; from cold winter walks to endlessly chasing tennis balls, no stone of a dog's life is left unturned.

With a delightful photo alongside every haiku, this is the perfect gift for any dog lover.

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology is adult literature that satirizes twenty-one classic mythology stories into more mature presentations featuring adult language, content and humor. Author Jay Dubya goes right to work retelling adult renditions of female myths Pandora, Ceres Goes Against the Grain and Echo's Cursing Curse. Other famous adventure myths that are thoroughly pulverized and clobbered are Bellerophon's Marathon Adventure, Theseus and the Minotaur, Perseus and Medusa, Osysseus and the Cyclops and Jason and the Golden Fleecers. Male hero and vanity/punishment myths are also imaginatively assaulted and mercilessly converted into adult versions as in the cases of Prometheus and Fire, The Three Golden Apples, Oedipus, King Midas and Orpheus. Other stories that are not saved from degeneration are the author's humorous original tales Olympus Lives and also Colliding Myths, where Jay Dubya combines the popular stories of Phaethon and the classic Daedalus and Icarus. Love myths are also hammered with novel presentations of Baucis and Philemon, Psyche and Stupid Cupid along with Atalanta's Last Race. Finally, Norse mythology is not spared from total degeneration with a very amusing retelling of Beowulf and Arabian literature is also assaulted with a creative presentation of The Fourth Voyage of Sindbad. Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology is exclusively adult satirical literature that is definitely not written for or to be read by children.

'This book has the biggest sales numbers ever. No other book comes close, period.' Sean Spicer 'Psst, want a copy of the Trumpedia audiobook? I taped the whole thing.' Michael Cohen 'The pages have good people on both sides.' Steve Bannon 'The president misspoke-he meant that he wouldn't like to read this book.' Sarah Huckabee Sanders ' ' Jared Kushner 'Every word is a lie, it's all true, and Trump should be locked up because he's innocent.' Rudy Giuliani 'Trumpedia makes me proud to be the wife of the first African-American president. Be best!' Melania Trump Covering Trumpian essentials like Mar-a-Lago, Kim Jong-Un, The Mooch, 'covfefe', Miss Universe, fast food and of course Vladimir Putin, among other trending topics, Trumpedia is packed with the 45th president's least favourite things - facts and jokes. Featuring his unlikely successes in television, wrestling and politics, along with disasters like Trump Vodka, Trump 'University' and Trump Child Incarceration, Trumpedia is a roller coaster ride from the absurd to the ridiculous to the genuinely disturbing. It's just like following Trump on Twitter.

Raising kids can sometimes feel like society has ended, so why not go one further, and actually plan for it? From James Breakwell, who BuzzFeed called 'the funniest dad on Twitter', this hilarious book will help you through the rise of the undead, with helpful hints and tips on raising healthy, entirely human, offspring. So, hunker down, stock up on supplies (alcohol, primarily) and get ready for the long haul. Or alternatively, take the more proactive approach. Ransack your kid's toy chest/weapons locker for zombie lacerating objects, bear arms with a terrorising lightweight buggy, or (not recommended) use your baby as a human missile. With kids and with zombies, the possibilities are truly endless. And with parenting in a zombie apocalypse, the rules change. Bursting with twisted logic, questionable data, badly drawn cartoons and frank parenting advice, this is the witty book that everyone will be talking about this year. And who knows? It may even help you survive everyday life as well. Reviews for James Breakwell Hilarious! - The Sun VERY funny Twitter feed - The Daily Mail The most hilarious man on Twitter - The Telegraph The funniest dad on Twitter - BuzzFeed

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?