The story opens with newly married protagonists, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy, defending their village from an army of flesh-eating unmentionables. But the honeymoon has barely begun when poor Mr. Darcy is nipped by a raging dreadful. Elizabeth knows the only acceptable course of action is to promptly behead her husband (and then burn the corpse, just to be safe). But when she hears rumours of a miracle antidote being developed in London, she realizes there may be one last chance to save her true love - and for everyone to live happily ever after.

A book that celebrates how great--and gross--dogs can be. Do you take your dog to parties so that you know you'll have someone to hang out with? Does your dog eat better than you do? Do you have a doggy daycare report card stuck to your fridge? Do you regularly remove various disgusting things from your dog's mouth and hardly wince? Then this book is for you! I Am About to Lick Your Human is a hilarious collection of doggo sentiments and situations paired with fun and playful illustrations. It includes a catalogue of all the things you'll pull out of your dog's mouth, confessions of a dog lover, and a checklist for the soon-to-be dog owner (number one: no aversion to bodily fluids). This is the ultimate gift for canine lovers that celebrates all that is good (and bad) about dog ownership.

Written by bestselling author Boris Starling, Babies is one of the first titles in the brand new Haynes Explains series. A light-hearted and entertaining take on the classic workshop manual, it contains everything you'd expect to see including exploded views, flow charts, fault diagnosis and the odd wiring diagram. It takes the reader through all stages of baby ownership, giving them all the hints and tips needed to keep them running smoothly.

In 1878 Gustave Flaubert looked on in horror as his publisher picked up a manuscript from the mysterious stage actress Sarah Bernhardt and published it in place of a new edition of his latest work, and watched it go on to become an instant bestseller, achieving international fame. Narrated by a chair in a hot-air balloon, In the Clouds is a light-hearted, humorous tale that follows a character reminiscent of Bernhardt through the skies above Paris. Sadly the story sunk into obscurity, lying out of print in the English language for much of the twentieth century. Featuring the original illustrations by Georges Clairin, and in a fresh edit of the first English translation, this edition seeks to bring the tale to a new generation of readers.

THE PERFECT GIFT FOR MUMS-TO-BE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR. Part diary, part colouring book, and part brutally honest (and hysterically funny) collection of advice, this is for the new mother who wants to chill out, laugh her face off, and realise with every page that she is not alone. Two stars of the lifestyle and parenting blogosphere invoke the mindless fun and nostalgic appeal of an old-school activity book in this irreverent, laugh-out-loud twist on the traditional baby journal, with illustrated activities, lists, essays, and musings on what pregnancy is really like. - Wordsearches: Nope, Sorry (All the Stuff You're Not Allowed to Have Anymore); Bad Baby Names - Mazes: Make it from Your Desk to the Bathroom Without Throwing Up - Lists: How to Baby Shop Without Crying - Advice: Yoga Teachers (Also Your Mum Friends, Your Parents, People on Facebook, All Articles, and Everyone You Meet) Want to Tell You How to Give Birth, But You Don t Have to Listen - Quizzes: Stop: Labour Time!

The Instant New York Times Bestseller From "Family Guy" to his own Instagram account, Janetti has been behind some of his generation's greatest comedy. This book of essays is no exception. -- The New York Times Fans of David Sedaris, Jenny Lawson, and Tina Fey... meet your new friend Gary Janetti. Gary Janetti, the writer and producer for some of the most popular television comedies of all time, and creator of one of the most wickedly funny Instagram accounts there is, now turns his skills to the page in a hilarious, and poignant book chronicling the pains and indignities of everyday life. Gary spends his twenties in New York, dreaming of starring on soap operas while in reality working at a hotel where he lusts after an unattainable colleague and battles a bellman who despises it when people actually use a bell to call him. He chronicles the torture of finding a job before the internet when you had to talk on the phone all the time, and fantasizes, as we all do, about who to tell off when he finally wins an Oscar. As Gary himself says, "These are essays from my childhood and young adulthood about things that still annoy me." Original, brazen, and laugh out loud funny, Do You Mind If I Cancel? is something not to be missed.

NEW FROM THE BESTSELLING AUTHORS OF HOW TO POO AT WORK From the excretion experts who brought you the global phenomenon How to Poo at Work comes Things to Do While You Poo. Specifically written to help those pooing on the job, this book is the ultimate guide to sedentary self-improvement. Expert authors Mats and Enzo share their scientific advice crafted over a lifetime of lavatory investigations to help improve every aspect of your life. From success in your career to a satisfying sex life, from health and fitness to simply earning a bit of extra cash, this book is guaranteed to help you become a better you, eight minutes at a time. Learn how to: * Find the spirituality of your sphincter with meditation * Start a really crap YouTube cooking channel * Become a travel influencer without leaving the stall * Relax with flush-friendly yoga poses * Get a six pack in just 30 days of pooing * Find true loo-ve! With detailed diagrams, expert advice and tried-and-tested testimonials, discover how to squeeze more into your day as you squeeze one out.

A Sunday Times Best Humour Book of the Year 2017 How can you tell if your neighbour is speaking Muslim? Is a mosque a kind of hedgehog? Can I get fries with that burka? You can't trust the media any longer, but there's no need to fret: Don't Panic, I'm Islamic: Words and Pictures on How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Alien Next Door provides you with the answers. Read this book to learn how you too can spot an elusive Islamist. Discover how Arabs (even 21-year-old, largely innocuous and totally adorable ones) plant bombs and get tips about how to interact with Homeland Security, which may or may not involve funny discussions about your sexuality. Commissioned in response to the US travel ban, Don't Panic, I'm Islamic includes cartoons, graffiti, photography, colouring in pages, memoir, short stories and more by 34 contributors from around the world. Provocative and at times laugh-out-loud funny, these subversive pieces are an explosion of expression, creativity and colour. Contributors: Hassan Abdulrazzak, Leila Aboulela, Amrou Al-Kadhi, Shadi Alzaqzouq, Chant Avedissian, Tammam Azzam, Bidisha, Chaza Charafeddine, Molly Crabapple, Carol Ann Duffy, Moris Farhi, Negin Farsad, Joumana Haddad, Saleem Haddad, Hassan Hajjaj, Omar Hamdi, Jennifer Jajeh, Sayed Kashua, Mazen Kerbaj, Arwa Mahdawi, Sabrina Mahfouz, Alberto Manguel, Esther Manito, Aisha Mirza, James Nunn, Chris Riddell, Hazem Saghieh, Rana Salam, Karl Sharro, Laila Shawa, Bahia Shehab, Sjon, Eli Valley, Alex Wheatle.

My fellow irrelevant Australians. Never, in the history of our democracy, has Australian political life been in such a parlous state. There are people living in this country who have never seen true political leadership, having been governed in recent times by the dullest, most sanctimonious, hypocritical choir of patsies. This book will give them a woefully overdue idea of what a real leader looks like. Leadership is not like a can of Popeye's spinach - you have to earn it. And earn it I did. And I am going to tell you how. In The Gospel According to Paul, writer and satirist Jonathan Biggins draws on his award-winning play to harness the eviscerating wit, wisdom and confidence of Keating, showing us the evolution of Paul John Keating, from Bankstown to the Lodge and beyond. Almost the autobiography Keating said he would never write, it is a timely reminder of the political leadership we are sorely missing.

Reading about the slime-covered, non-Euclidean ruins of R'lyeh or the squamous, tentacled deity who slumbers there would make anyone hungry. Starting with puns, Mike Slater and Thomas Roache have summoned forth 50 funny, bizarre and horrible dishes such as: The Deep Fried Deep One, Nog Sothoth, Cthus-Koos, and The Gin and Miskatonic. Like H.P. Lovecraft's Necronomicon, the legendary and forbidden book of the dead that is "alien to all sane and balanced readers", this cookbook contains many dark and delicious secrets. It comes infested with sanity-melting and mouth-watering illustrations as well as annotations full of crazed discoveries and desperate warnings about the recipes that brave readers will undertake.

Otters are some of the most delightful animals on the planet. These long, lean, furry creatures embody pure joy in so many ways - they live for napping, playing, making friends and eating, and forget about the rest. Pretty inspiring, right? In a world that can often seem divided, lonely, and just plain cruel, the otter reminds us of what's important in life. What other animal: * Holds hands with their friends whilst napping so they don't float away? * Communicates in a flurry of whistles, chirps, chuckles, clicks and coos? * Builds a waterslide on a daily basis? * Befriends other species, just because? * Eats food off their tummy while floating peacefully with their pals? These intelligent, adorable, water-dwelling mammals have a lot to teach us about the way we live. So, kick back, grab a pal, dive in and reconnect with your playful side, just like you otter!

The Underachiever's Manifesto is the playfully persuasive pocket guide to living life to the least and loving it. This isn't your average handbook-this is a funny self-help book for our ongoing modern age of overachievement. The book makes the case for just the right amount of effort-a lot less than we've been led to believe-and reveals how mediocrity is the key to happiness at work, in relationships, dieting, exercise, investment, and more. * Contains easy-to-follow advice with gentle humor and genuine wisdom * Addresses issues such as social media stress, FOMO, and the life-draining tragedy of tidying up * Author Ray Bennett is a medical specialist in Seattle and a recovering overachiever This welcome new edition-revised just enough but not going overboard-brings its needed-now-more-than-ever perspective to our new era of fitness tracking, app overload, and tidying up. Turn it down a notch. Don't you feel better already? * Humorous but actually helpful-a rarity for self-help books * Perfect for overachievers, underachievers, anyone looking for a funny, friendly way to take things down a notch * Great for those who loved The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson, Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop, and How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism by Stephen Guise

In it, readers will discover dozens of colourful scrapbook pages that may have been crafted by Trump, himself, highlighting his most impressive attributes and amazing accomplishments, while also targeting his most hated enemies, including the dimwit Democrats who want our country to fail, the fake media, liberal Hollywood hacks, weepy and annoying gold star families, touchy and overly sensitive feminazis, everyone involved with the plan to eradicate Christmas, needy immigrants, lazy Puerto Ricans, and many others - more than we can count, honestly. It's nothing less than a history of hubris and hate. Packed from page to page with clear evidence of ego-fueled, adolescent impulses gone wild, this scrapbook parody perfectly showcases exactly how off the rails our commander-in-chief really is.

From the 15th century royal ban to a game stopped for seven months because of rain, this is the story of golf as it's never been told before!

Any golfers who have pined for their putters, waxed lyrical about their sand wedge, or fondled a five iron will appreciate this fun compilation of sports reports, spoof correspondence, and reminiscences from pros, caddies, playing partners, and armchair pundits. With humorous illustrations on every page, it captures the comedy, controversy, and curious courses that are all part of the game.

Among the stories it tells: Mary Queen of Scots playing a round just after her husband got killed; the origin of the term “birdie”; champion Lee Trevino’s prank with a rubber snake; and a fly-on-the-wall documentary that embarrassed an upscale golf club so badly that the entire board resigned.

Have you ever been ensnared by a Scorpio? Stood up by a Sagittarius? Ghosted by a Gemini? They say that true love is written in the stars, but most of us are emotionally illiterate when comes to the grammar of the galaxy. Never Shag a Scorpio is an amorous adventure through the zodiac. Funny, smutty and embarrassingly accurate, it will teach you how to lure a Leo, turn on a Taurus and impress a Pisces' parents. Complete with full romantic profiles for each star sign, compatibility calculators and handy listicles such as A Sexy Virgo Playlist, Common Libra Lies, and What to get a Cancer for Valentine's Day, this book is your go-to guide to navigating the steamy side of astrology.

In Drink, Play, F@#k Bob Sullivan, a jilted husband, sets off to explore the world, experience a meaningful connection with the divine, and rediscover his passion. His travels lead him from his home in New York City to a drinking bender across Ireland, through the glitz and glamour that is Las Vegas, and to the hedonistic pleasure palaces of Thailand. After a lifetime of playing it safe, Mr. Sullivan finally follows his heart and lives out everyone's deepest fantasies. For who among us hasn't dreamed of standing stark naked, head upturned, and mouth agape beneath a cascading torrent of Guinness Stout? What could be more exhilarating than losing every penny you have because Charlie Weiss went for a meaningless last-second field goal? And what sensate creature could ever doubt that the greatest pleasure known to man can be found in a leaky bamboo shack filled with glassy-eyed, bruised Asian hookers? Bob Sullivan has a lot to teach us about life. Let's just pray we have the wisdom to put aside our preconceptions and listen. Because what Bob Sullivan finds isn't at all what he expected.

Featuring several mass-murdering authors, two fraternal writers at the head of a football-hooligan ring and a poet who crafts his lines in the air with sky writing, Roberto Bolano's Nazi Literature in the Americas details the lives of a rich cast of characters from one of the most extraordinary imaginations in world literature. Written with sharp wit and virtuosic flair, this encyclopaedic group of fictional pan-American authors is the terrifyingly humorous and remarkably inventive masterpiece which made Bolano famous throughout the Spanish-speaking world.

The secret to living a better, deeper, more fulfilling life. Or at least, the secret to chilling out just a tiny bit. Wise, kind, observant and gentle, alpacas are the Dali Llamas of the animal kingdom. Their days consist of quiet contemplation, empathy and sweet-natured interactions with their herd - we have much to learn from them. So take a deep breath, still your mind and rise above the fray, to learn to live life the alpaca way.

A clever satire that adapts the events of the first two years of the Trump administration into a Shakespearean tragedy, loosely modeled on Macbeth, by the best-selling author of the William Shakespeare s Star Wars and Pop Shakespeare series, and a former Obama staffer who publishes historical mash-ups under a well-regarded pseudonym. No one thought MacTrump Lord of MacTrump Towers, Son of New York would ascend to the highest position in the kingdom. But with the help of his unhappy but dutiful wife, Lady MacTrump; his clever daughter, Desdevanka; and his coterie of advisers led by McBannon and McPriebus, MacTrump is comfortably ensconced in the Oval Tower of The White Hold as President of the United States, free to make proclamations to his subjects through his favorite messenger, McTweet. The O Crats, mourning the loss of their cherished leader O Bama, won t give up without a fight. They still remember the disastrous reign of George II and his ill-fated Crusade, and they can see Putain s dark influence on MacTrump even if his foolish councilor, Fooliani, denies it. Their greatest hope is McMueller, who is tasked with investigating the nefarious plot that empowered MacTrump s rise to the throne. As Desdevanka schemes to overthrow her father s councilors, and as Donnison and Erikson trapped in their own buddy comedy prove useless to their father, MacTrump soon realizes he has no true allies. Will he be able to hold onto his throne? Only time will tell in this tragicomic tale of ambition, greed, and ineptitude.

WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR ART LOVERS. PERFECT FOR DOG LOVERS. The Sunday Times bestselling author of Rubbish Pet Portraits presents... Who's a Clever Boy, Then? is a hilarious exploration into the bizarre behaviour of our beloved four-legged friends. Ever considered your pooch to be super smart? Or claimed they are 'actually very intelligent'? Dog whisperer and illustrator extraordinaire @portraitsbyhercule reveals what your dog is really thinking when they are... ... being petted: I'm going to milk this for as long as possible because you haven't seen what I've done in the bathroom yet. ... staring at you adoringly: Put your phone down, Susan, and I'll give you more likes than Facebook ever will. ... giving you evils: I'm not saying it's definitely time to get the hoover out, Kev, but I'm picking up fluff in places I don't want to pick up fluff.

Two leading "Onion" writers and a film producer lampoon the Bush administration, in words and pictures. Loaded with illustrations, pie charts, and informational graphics, this easy-to-read manual will set Americans of all ages on the path of proper patriotic behavior.