THE FIRST THING THEY PRONOUNCE YOU IN LIFE IS "HUSBAND AND WIFE." THE NEXT THING IS "DEAD."
Up till now, preparing for marriage was a lot like preparing for death: You didn't know what was ahead and there was nothing you could do about it anyway LIFE SENTENCE changes all that with honest, guy-to-guy advice and counsel. Think of it this way: It's like getting your grubby hands on the other team's playbook before the big game. Which is why it's the one book they -- girlfriends, fiancees, and divorce lawyers -- don't want you to read. You'll gain valuable insights into:
BEING ENGAGED: It's the romantic equivalent of being in cyberspace. The ring is like signing a lease with an option to buy.
FIDELITY: If you think that fidelity is a raw deal, remember that she made the same deal. With you. You're the last guy she gets.
GOLF: Never, ever play with her.

Set in the Star Trek universe, this Hidden Universe travel guide explores all that Vulcan--Spock's home planet--has to offer in an interactive guidebook. Plan your next trip to the planet Vulcan! Find restaurants that serve the best fried sandworms and Vulcan port. Take a trip to the Fire Plains or experience spring break at the Voroth Sea. Learn all about the native Vulcan people and their unusual customs. Discover how to correctly perform the traditional Vulcan salutation (you really don't want to get this wrong). Learn key Vulcan phrases such as Nam-tor puyan-tvi-shal wilat: "Where is your restroom?" Find out what to do if you suddenly find yourself host to a katra--a Vulcan's living spirit--at an inconvenient moment. All this and more can be found within the pages of this essential travel guide to one of the most popular--and logical--destinations in the known universe. This Hidden Universe travel guide draws on 50 years of Star Trek TV shows, films, and novels to present a comprehensive guide to Spock's iconic home world. Modeled after real-world travel guides, the book will explore every significant region on Vulcan with fascinating historical, geographical, and cultural insights that bring the planet to life like never before. Also featuring a dynamic mixture of classic Star Trek imagery and original illustrations created exclusively for the book, Hidden Universe Travel Guide: Star Trek: Vulcan is the perfect way to celebrate 50 years of Star Trek and will thrill pop culture fans and hardcore Star Trek fans alike.

Any sports fan can yell offensive and stupid things at anyone else. But only the best are true hecklers, game-changers as valuable in their way as LeBron James is to the Cavaliers or Tom Brady to the Patriots. The Official Heckler Handbook is the essential book for and about hecklers and for all fans ready to make a real difference on behalf of their teams and their players. Packed with outrageous illustrations, can't-miss sidebars, real-life anecdotes, and expert advice, this book breaks down: * Great moments in heckling history * The best hecklers of all time * Heckling in baseball, football, basketball, hockey, and more * The most effective lines of attack * Strategic heckling locations * Verbal and nonverbal heckling * And much, much more So, turn around and read this book with your good eye! And learn how to be among the best in the boo-bird business.

'This book is brilliant. Utterly, utterly brilliant. Apart from the epilogue, which is idiotic' Jeremy Clarkson 'F*cking brilliant' Sarah Knight AN EXHILARATING JOURNEY THROUGH THE MOST CREATIVE AND CATASTROPHIC F*CK-UPS OF HUMAN HISTORY In the seventy thousand years that modern human beings have walked this earth, we've come a long way. Art, science, culture, trade - on the evolutionary food chain, we're real winners. But, frankly, it's not exactly been plain sailing, and sometimes - just occasionally - we've managed to really, truly, quite unbelievably f*ck things up. From Chairman Mao's Four Pests Campaign, to the American Dustbowl; from the Austrian army attacking itself one drunken night, to the world's leading superpower electing a reality TV mogul as President... it's pretty safe to say that, as a species, we haven't exactly grown wiser with age. So, next time you think you've really f*cked up, this book will remind you: it could be so much worse... FURTHER PRAISE FOR HUMANS: 'Very funny' Mark Watson 'A light-touch history of moments when humans have got it spectacularly wrong... Both readable and entertaining' The Telegraph 'Chronicles humanity's myriad follies down the ages with malicious glee and much wit ... a rib-tickling page-turner' Business Standard 'A timely, irreverent gallop through thousands of years of human stupidity' Nicholas Griffin, Ping-Pong Diplomacy: The Secret History Behind the Game That Changed the World

From Sam Jordison, author of the bestselling Crap Towns series, comes I-SPY for Grown-ups. The I-SPY concept is very simple: it's like the 'I spy with my little eye' game, only instead of all the tedious stuff about 'something beginning with', there are pictures and descriptions and genuine opportunities to use your sleuthing skills to discover interesting things. This can be alarming - but when turned into a sport, it's also fun. The United Kingdom of Wales, England, Scotland and Northern Ireland isn't very united anymore. Great Britain isn't very great. Or so say the wrong-headed doubters who want to talk us down! But where else can you see Morris Dancers, men in kilts, weirdly neat gardens and aggressively jovial village fetes? Nowhere else. And this guide helps you add to these great joys by awarding you points for seeing them. Isn't that the pip?

Tidy the F*ck Up is a funny, down-to-earth parody of Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, where you'll be handed the most useful tools for keeping your crap clean and organized without all the pressure. In this book, you'll discover useful ways to figure out what to do with your sh*tpiles in an approachable, care-free way, and you'll say farewell to the hair-pulling stress of marathon cleaning. Tossing all your junk in a closet doesn't make it any less of a clusterf*ck, but approaching it little by little and making use of some helpful hints can do a world of wonders for all your sh*t, the comfort of your space, and your general sanity. With this hilarious guide, you'll learn how to: Become a decision-making bad*ss Get rid of the sh*t you don't need and keep the sh*t you do Live life after a clusterf*ck! And more! With a lighthearted tone that the finest sailors would admire, Tidy the F*ck Up will help you make your house a f*cking home.

Against all odds, the Donald doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. In fact, Trump's chances of continuing to lead the Republican field remain strong with each passing week, and it's scary as hell. In PRESIDENT TRUMP, the special collector's edition magazine, readers will uncover the full range of President Trump's plans (such as they are) for the nation's highest office. From the Inauguration to the new Cabinet of highly inappropriate members; and the repurposing of the White House, to hot topic issues such as immigration, readers will quickly learn why the hardest and scariest words in the English language are: "Elected!"

Did Silence of the Lambs leave you reaching for a smooth bottle of dry red wine? After reading The Shining did you have an unaccountable urge to sip a red rum concoction? And did Bram Stoker's Dracula induce a craving for... well, perhaps the less said about that the better. If so, fear not - you are not alone! Chilling Cocktails is a creepy compendium of 50 drinks inspired by the most frightening horror stories ever written. Each delicious recipe is accompanied by dark and compelling facts and anecdotes about the inspiring story, certain to get you in the mood for a cool refreshment. What's more, if you can keep your appetite after reading the grisly details, a selection of complementary snack ideas are also sprinkled throughout. Try pairing 'Dracula's Kiss' with some 'Night of the Living Dead Cheddar Bites'. Or 'Carrie's Prom Punch' with 'Paranormal eggtivity Deviled Eggs'. The perfect gift for the horror and booze fan in your life, Chilling Cocktails is all you need to get the party started for your next horror movie night or Halloween party - just make sure the doors and windows are locked first!

Ambrose Bierce once wrote a review that should be posted in every publisher's office: 'The covers of this book are too far aprt.' Described as 'an eccentric who remains wickedly quotable', Bierce was one of the most celebrated reporters of his eara. He bu8ilt his literary reputation partly on The Devil's Dictionary, a satiric lexicon first published as The Cyni's Word Book in 1906, and later reissued under the author's preferred titled in 1911. The barbed definitions that Bierce began publishing in the Wasp, a weekly journal he edited in San Francisco from 1881-1886 brought this 19th century stock form to a new level of artistry. Bierce lampooned social, professionsl, and religious convention as in his definitions for bore-'A person who talks when you wish him to listen'; architect -'One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money',; and saint-'A dead sinner, revised and edited.'

History, n. an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. Self-Esteem, n. An erroneous appraisement.

These caustic aphorisms, collected in The Devil's Dictionary, helped earn Ambrose Bierce the epithets Bitter Bierce, the Devil's Lexicographer, and the Wickedest Man in San Francisco. First published as The Cynic's Word Book (1906) and later reissued under its preferred name in 1911, Bierce's notorious collection of barbed definitions forcibly contradicts Samuel Johnson's earlier definition of a lexicographer as a harmless drudge. There was nothing harmless about Ambrose Bierce, and the words he shaped into verbal pitchforks a century ago--with or without the devil's help--can still draw blood today.

It’s been the year of living dangerously, a year of being acknowledged, and it will be the year of the long-awaited court case. The national conscience has been hard at work in this, Zapiro's latest collection, But Will It Stand Up In Court?

Zapiro has been tackling the state of the nation, and what a state it’s been in!

President Zuma launched a R5 million court case against Zapiro. This, combined with the ANC’s court action against Brett Murray, informs the title of this year’s collection.

Written by bestselling author Boris Starling, Festivals is one of the new titles for 2020 in the Haynes Explains series. A light-hearted and entertaining take on the classic workshop manual, it contains everything you'd expect to see including exploded views, flow charts, fault diagnosis and the odd wiring diagram. It takes the reader through all areas of festival-going, giving all the hints and tips needed to make the entire experience run smoothly and mud-free.

The autobiography every true American has been waiting for: a shockingly candid and raw confessional from a national treasure.
From his humble beginnings in a desolate Iowa coal mining town, his years at Our Lady Queen of Chewbacca High School to his odds-defying climb to the dizzying heights of becoming America's most trusted and beloved television News Anchor, Ron Burgundy pulls no punches in Let Me Off at the Top
In his very own words Burgundy reveals his most private thoughts, his triumphs and his disappointments. His life reads like an adventure story complete with knock down fights, beautiful women and double-fisted excitement on every page. He has hunted jackalopes with Bobby Kennedy and Peter Lawford, had more than his share of his amorous exploits, and formed the greatest on-air team in the history of televised news. Along the way, he hobnobbed with people you wish you knew and some you honestly wish you didn't -- celebrities, presidents, presidents' wives, celebrities' wives, dogs, and, of course Veronica Corningstone, the love of his life. Walter Cronkite, Barbra Streisand, Katie Couric, the list goes on. Who didn't Mr. Burgundy, or "Ron" as he is known to his friends, rub elbows with in the course of his colorful and often criminal life?
This may well be the most thrilling book ever written, by a man of great physical, moral and spiritual strength and not surprisingly a great literary talent as well. This book deserves a real shot at a Pulitzer Prize. In fact if it doesn't win one then we will finally have proof that the Pulitzer is rigged.
Ron Burgundy has taken the time to write a book. We owe it to him, as honest Americans, to read it.

'Funny, despite bloody everything' - Charlie Brooker An indispensable handbook to see the nation through lockdown, breakdown and meltdown. As Britain enters a period of tremendous upheaval, your government has requested that everyone immediately undertake a series of life-style changes that may test the nation's resolve. Most of it is simple common-sense, but common-sense may be new to you, especially if you are young, wistful or an imbecile. Indeed, it should be noted that much of what is to come in the weeks and months (and months) ahead will be new to us all. But let us remember that, not so long ago, the same was true of pesto. We must not lose heart. With stoicism, courage and a substantial supply of alcoholic fortification, we will pull through this together and emerge from it a stronger (or weaker but more experienced) nation. Sir Clement Apricot-Wilson, Permanent Secretary The Department of Unforeseen Circumstances

Turtle, **** stars: Came with super cute case, not the fastest, but outlasts every comparable unit. Dropped into a pond and still works perfectly. Otter, *** stars: Sturdy build, totally winter-ready and waterproof. Only comes in brown. Launched by the Oregon Zoo and quickly picked up by zoos, aquariums, scientists, and the funny people of Twitter, #rateaspecies is a global, viral hit, and a chance for people to honestly - and hilariously - review the animal kingdom. In Rate A Species, the Association of Zoos and Aquariums has crowd-sourced 150 of the best entries, the majority of which are new to the book, from their 233 member zoos and aquariums. Packed with adorable photographs of every animal and laced with wit and humour, Rate A Species is the perfect gift or self-purchase for animal lovers of all ages.

THE PERFECT GIFT for the lonely, the deluded and the desperate. __________________________________ It is Barney and Leigh's wedding day. They have certainly come a long way from their first date. They have learned to supress their personalities and pretend they want the same things, so they will be able to put up with each other for several years. Everyone is happy for them. Their story is over. __________________________________ Marcus and Fiona have had three dates. Fiona knows this means she will either end up spending the rest of her life with Marcus, or eventually have to break up with him, horribly. Both of these ideas are terrifying to Fiona. Tomorrow Fiona will fake her own death and join Cirque du Soleil. __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

We've all been there. It's late. Maybe you've had a few drinks. You've decided against taking the subway and instead, to call an Uber. The app says it has arrived, but . . . where is it? Where is your Uber? Are You My Uber? is a direct parody of the 1960 P.D. Eastman children's book Are You My Mother? The scene is set as a young woman steps off the midnight bus at Port Authority. Her name? Unknown. Her goal? To find her Uber, an elusive Ford Taurus. Lost and alone in a new city, she steels herself and begins by passing right by the very object of her search. Hilarity ensues: the girl proceeds to knock at the doors of an off-duty cab, a hearse, a halal cart, and other vehicles increasing in their absurdity, willing to try anything to find her Uber. Paired with illustrations by Hilary Fitgerald Campbell, co-illustrator of Feminist Fight Club, Sarah Dooley's hilarious imagined story is parody at its best, offering readers humour and solidarity -- maybe even a little social commentary -- through an increasingly universal experience.

THE PERFECT STOCKING FILLER for anyone that has ever had a brother, is a brother or has ever thought about murdering one. Aisling has a butterfly book. Ryan has a book about fish. Ryan has decided this is not fair for a reason that will become no clearer over the next six days of his going on and on about it. _____________ Music-making is easy when you are brothers like these Everly Brothers. Phil knows what Don is thinking. Don knows what Phil is thinking. Don is thinking, 'I hate you'. Phil is also thinking, 'I hate you'. Two brothers in perfect harmony. This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

Jack Dee has been very busy during lockdown and would like to update everybody on what he's been up to. While the nation has been baking bread and clearing out cupboards, Jack has retrained online as a psychotherapist and is now open for business. After FOUR HOURS study, he has a certificate of completion from The Ruislip College of Advansed Learning [sic]. If you have an emotional, relationship, work or other issue that you need help with, or if you've just totally lost your sh*t and can't take it anymore, then he would love to hear from you. This book will be a rich compendium of your problems along with Jack's unique, very professional, advice.

A compact, comprehensive, and very silly field guide featuring more than 200 of the rudest birds on earth—from the creator of the Webby Award–winning hit Instagram account!

Effin’ Birds is the most eagerly anticipated new volume in the grand and noble profession of nature writing and bird identification. Sitting proudly alongside Sibley, Kaufman, and Peterson, this book contains more than 150 pages crammed full of classic, monochrome plumage art paired with the delightful but dirty aphorisms (think “I’m going to need more booze to deal with this week”) that made the Effin’ Birds feed a household name. Also included in its full, Technicolor glory is John James Audubon’s most beautiful work matched with modern life advice.

Including never-before-seen birds, insults, and field notes, this guide is a must-have for any effin’ fan or birder.