Hurt me!' she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over the workbench. 'Very well,' I replied, 'You've got fat ankles and no dress sense.' Colin Grey's life was happy and simple until the day everything changed - the day his wife read THAT book. Suddenly, he was thrust head-first into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. Fifty Shed of Grey is the story of one man's struggle against a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire and of the greatest love of all: the love between a man and his shed. WARNING: This book contains graphic shed-based images. Please don't look if you are easily offended. Follow the phenomenon @50ShedsofGrey

In a world filled with trolls, we all need to live life more like a goblin. What does it mean to "live life like a goblin"? It means to give no fucks, but also all the fucks in the world at the same time. It means to be constantly anxiety ridden while also eternally optimistic. A goblin's heart, specifically John Goblikon's, is filled with love, joy, angst, constant quandary, Chili's Southwestern Egg rolls, metal, and empathy. Through the goblin eyes of being an internet-celebrity-insurance-salesman-rock and roll-mascot for the Goblin Metal outfit NEKROGOBLIKON, we learn about life, death, business, food, music, travel, culture, dating, school, drinking, compassion, and much more! John walks readers through crucial life steps, from becoming internet famous, to getting dates with special someones, to even correct ordering techniques for the perfect meal at Chili's. Have a problem? John Goblikon assumes he knows how to help you solve it...all in this new, for-sure-to-be-a-New-York-Times-bestseller-and-win-like-a-hundred-awards debut book: John Goblikon's Guide to Living Your Best Life.

**THE PERFECT GIFT FOR OUR TROUSERLESS TIMES** Office workers of the world, unite! (remotely.) You have nothing to lose but your trousers. Working from home has liberated many of us from the annoyances of office life. We no longer need to queue for the photocopier, we don't have to endure long commutes and - best of all - we don't have to wear any trousers. But it's not all sunshine and trouser-free happiness at home. We have to stay awake during endless virtual meetings, our after-work pint in the pub has become an online company quiz night and if the milk runs out there's no one to blame but ... well, you know who. I'm Not Wearing Any Trousers is here to cheer your WFH days, with tips on how to recreate the fun of a sweaty train commute, how to cope with children/animals photobombing your presentation to the board and how to maximise productivity (for al least five minutes, anyways). So roll up your sleeves, take off your trousers and zoom through these pages!

'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw FEATURES ILLUMINATING NEW MATERIAL about the original Partygate: a boozy shindig Boris threw while Eton was in the grip of a flu epidemic. Read on for deeper insight into Johnson's psychology, and the hubris and hedonism that would characterise his premiership. Unfortunately for Britain, the teenager isn't too different from the man... ___ 'My dearest, darling, dapper, dashing Diary, What ho! 'Tis I, the man of the moment (and, indeed, of every moment), Boris Johnson. Today was a balmy summer one, and so your devoted diarist opted to recline upon the bank of the Thames, reflecting on glories of the previous twelvemonth. Naturally, my second year at Eton has been an unbroken string of victories and vindications. I outwitted my rivals, wrote every essay at the last moment, and snuck a metric tonne of Curly Wurlies from the tuck shop. And I only expect to achieve more in the coming year. To paraphrase that fine Olympic slogan: Citius, Altius, Fortius, Borius!'

For the first time ever YouTube personality Miranda Sings is sharing her life lessons and tutorials on paper, full of her own illustrations and photos. In it you'll find Miranda's instructions on all you need to know in life, from how to get a boyfriend (wear all black and carry a fishing net) to performing magic tricks (magic is lying). This is a self-declared lifesaving book, and if you don't like it..., well as Miranda would say... 'Haters, back off!'

In a culture dominated by gym fail memes, sweat patches, and a bit too much grunting, the fitness world is embarrassing enough without not knowing what to do, how to act or what to say. Whether holding your own in a fitness discussion with a high-intensity gym 'bro', or nervously stepping onto the treadmill for the first time, The Bluffer's Guide to Fitness is for everyone who wants to make fitness a part of their daily life. Fitness bluffers of all ages and genders will appreciate the hints, tips and no-nonsense advice on how to bluff your way around a gym, park run or swimming pool; how to pre-empt - and even counter-offer - fitness advice; how to safely break fitness etiquette to your advantage; and how to look and sound fitter than you actually are. Covering a broad spectrum, from weightlifting and gym classes to home gyms and street fitness, The Bluffer's Guide to Fitness is essential reading for bluffers wanting to survive a trip to the gym; for bluffers wanting to emerge victorious in a conversation with a fitness expert; and for anyone who has flirted with the idea of fitness after realising 'cuddly' isn't actually a compliment.

Struggling to realize your full procrastination potential? Finally, a primer for procrastinators has arrived. Not Now is an illustrated instruction manual that teaches novice and advanced procrastinators how to dally, dawdle, and lollygag their way to expert-level procrastination. Starting with simple exercises, such as "sit" and "pace," instructions gradually advance in complexity and futility---"learn how to write in your non-dominant hand," "color coordinate your bookshelves to look like a Pantone color guide"-and eventually reach master level: "learn a new language by correspondence course, pack your bags, and move to another country."

Celebrity chef Stuart O'Keeffe and comedian Amy Phillips razz the Real Housewives in this gorgeous cookbook filled with recipes inspired by iconic moments in the franchise's rich history. With a foreword by Andy Cohen. "Cook It, Spill It, Throw It is an immersive, one-of-a-kind experience in a world we can't escape (but let's face it, we don't want to!)." -from the foreword by Andy Cohen Trends come and go, but watching rich women drink and catfight is forever. Which is why after more than a decade of airing, the Real Housewives phenomenon continues to reign supreme in the pop culture stratosphere. Week after week, season after season, loyal fans watch the thrilling drama-the backstabbing, the gossiping, the screaming, the table flipping, the wine tossing-unfold. Cook It, Spill It, Throw It is a cookbook created specifically for Housewives fans. Chef Stuart O'Keeffe and comedian Amy Phillips-long-time devotees themselves-have dreamed up an inviting menu served with a side of delicious snark. Inspired by the series and its stars, the dishes and drinks evoke familiar moments of chaos from the franchise. Whether you're looking to make Ponytail Pulled Pork, or you want to comfort a friend in the Caicos with Eggs a Lu'Francais, there's a meal for you-and there are definitely plenty of drinks (including Henny-thing Can Happen and the classic Singer Stinger Sipper). Featuring gorgeous original photography and equally gorgeous recipes, Cook It, Spill It, Throw It is the must-have cookbook and companion for every Housewives addict.

'Uncannily accurate ... a total page-turner.' ED MILIBAND 3 May 2015: 'Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice - stability and strong government with me, or chaos with Ed Miliband' David Cameron 7 May 2015: David Cameron (Conservative) defeats Ed Miliband (Labour) in the United Kingdom general election, winning by 330 seats to 232. As Mr Cameron predicted, the following years for the UK were a period of incredible stability, growth and common-sense thinking, with very little bad news to report. Mr Miliband was not so lucky. In Chaos With Ed Miliband, we follow the main news stories and issues that have arisen since that election, in stark contrast to the turmoil, hardship, and downright anarchy that has occurred in Ed's life. From returning his overdue books to the library (GBP1.22 fine, paid in full), to drinking an espresso at 9.39pm at a dinner party to be polite (he was still awake at 2.13am), and visiting three different branches of Waitrose to find the right type of balsamic for his favourite nicoise dressing, I'm sure you'll agree, we can all be very thankful that Mr Cameron helped secure this period of stability and rock-solid government, and that we were all spared from what can only be described as chaos with Ed Miliband...

Welcome to the jungle... When you've grown up thinking your twenties are all about working hard, playing hard and trying not to get pregnant, life comes at you fast when you go from hump to bump. So you thought adulthood would mean a high-flying career and a luxury lifestyle, but instead have ended up with a Lycra-based wardrobe and a deep fear of what lies at the bottom of the ball-pit in soft play? Join comedian Sophie McCartney as she voyages deep into the uncharted territories of mating, birthing, feral offspring, mums overdoing it at the watering hole, and the perilous viper's nest of the school WhatsApp group. With laugh out loud humour and eye-watering honesty, Sophie shows how whether you've had a day full of whining or a night full of wine, there's joy to be had in the perfectly imperfect wild ride into parenthood.

Life isn't easy when you have to learn all the ins and outs of joining the royal family. From brushes with the law to disastrous shooting outings, discover all the things that probably didn't happen when Harry met Meghan but would have been funny if they had. What were they doing behind those closed royal doors that caused so much confusion and how did Meghan try to impress the Royal family and adopt British behaviour? Could you really blame her when things didn't work out as planned and she wore the wrong clothes for the occasion and was confused about strange eating habits, driving rules, speaking manners and the importance of personalized toilet seats. No doubt Meghan will shine and prove her shooting skills during her first Christmas at Sandringham . . . well, maybe.

The greatest moments in sporting history in inglorious technicolour, from the 'artists' known as NO SCORE DRAWS 'Genuinely upsetting.' David Squires 'Repulsively ugly.' Seamas O'Reilly An Unofficial World Cup Hall of Infamy, featuring the worst fouls, best goals, most questionable refereeing decisions, dodgiest barnets, mintest kits and a host of 'Where were you when?' moments. This is the first (and, let's face it, probably only) book from the multi-untalented team behind moderately successful Twitter account @CheapPanini, bringing mild bemusement to the world through the medium of wonky hand-drawn stickers. You can't fault them for effort, even if they still can't do hands, so dive into these pages like Roy Keane into a tackle.

The world of Westminster laid bare in cool, understated prose brimming with irony and complemented by Martin Rowson's sharp, satirical drawings.A brief guide to how democracy works, or fails to work. The big answers to all the questions you should have asked, but never did-but here it is: your guide to democracy, elections, referendums and what lurks in cyber space. The hilarious joint creation of Bob Marshall Andrews, author, barrister, former Labour MP for Medway, thorn in Tony Blair's side and multi award winning cartoonist Martin Rowson.

Jerm Warfare represents the sharpest, most vicious, most outrageous, wittiest cartoons by Jerm, including those that got him fired for being ‘too political’.

With revealing notes on the history of some cartoons, this is more than a book of fierce and funny pictures.

In addition to the political cartoons, Jerm Warfare also features some of Jerm’s sindicated strip cartoon The Biggish Five and other occasional silly delights from one of the most original public commentators at work in South Africa today.

Your girlfriend dumped you, your car broke down, your boss passed you up for the big promotion. Life’s not fair, but there is one sure-fire way to ease your pain–laughing at someone else who had an even worse day than you did.

• Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid 25 cents to get fired.
  
  
• Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain.
  
  
• Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 Playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold.
  
  
• Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said “That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream.”

Spanning everything from ironic twists of fate to down-right shameful moments, F My Life’s squirm-inducing stories are schadenfreude at its finest. So today, take solace in knowing that at least you’re not that guy. There now, don’t you feel better?

From hairstyles to heartbreak, sisters are jolly spiffing and this tip-top collection of retro photos and frightfully funny captions captures everything to love about the trials and tribulations of having a sister. The Wit and Wisdom of... is a series of terrifically humorous books for adults brought to you by the rip-roaringly funny folks behind the best-selling On-the-Ceiling greetings cards Also available: The Wit and Wisdom of Brother The Wit and Wisdom of Grandma The Wit and Wisdom of Grandad The Wit and Wisdom of Mum The Wit and Wisdom of Dad The Wit and Wisdom of the Wife The Wit and Wisdom of the Husband The Wit and Wisdom of Beer The Wit and Wisdom of Wine The Wit and Wisdom of Prosecco The Wit and Wisdom of Gin

Following the success of the Unofficial Jeremy Corbyn Annual 2018 comes another hilarious spoof annual, featuring a rather different man: Donald J. Trump.

It would be fair to say that 2018 was quite a year for the Donald, and what better way to commemorate his rise to glory than with the Unofficial Donald Trump Annual 2019. Spoofing the highs and lows of the Annual genre from yesteryear, this hilarious read will refresh parts other slightly ironic political gift books cannot reach.

Features include:

- 'Wrestling with His Destiny' photo story

- Dear Donald agony column

- Collectable and hilarious 'Trump's Gang' cards

- Pin the Quiff on the Donald game

- Donald's Hair Flair haircare tips

- Fun Steaks and Ladders game for all the family

- Cut-out-and-keep Trump masks to scare your children

plus quizzes, tips, puzzles, posters and much, much more. Smart!

In Nothing Is Wrong and Here Is Why, acclaimed The Washington Post satirist Alexandra Petri offers perfectly logical, reassuring reasons for everything that has happened in recent American politics and culture that will in no way unsettle your world view. In essays both new and adapted from her viral columns, Petri reports that the Trump administration is as competent as it is uncorrupted, white supremacy has never been less rampant and men have been silenced for too long. Q-Anon makes perfect sense! At the centre of the book is a virtuosic account of the past four years, a history as surreal and deranged as the Trump administration itself. This Panglossian venture into the swampy present will soothe- and terrify readers.