This easy-to-follow-through guide lifts the lid on toilet marks and unlocks the secret of your secretions. A divination guide for bowel-on-bowl action, this book will develop your innate intuition skills and reveal the mysteries of symbolics. But this is not just symbolics; this is some really deep shit. Sifting through the crap to the find the sweetcorn of truth, this is an illustrated guide to the meaning of that which comes from our souls. Say it loud. Our souls. Our souls. Our souls. Crap Divination is the turd-teller's Tarot, the butt-bean favomancer's friend, the smelly-pebble pessomancer's pamphlet and is your guide to the dark art of reading dark marks. "It's a load of shite if you ask me. Not the book. The book's alright." S. Mears "I once did two turds and one spooned the other. What does this mean?" [review does not meet the criteria for verification. Send it on to Clive in Accounts though as I'm sure he did a spooner once] About the author: Dingleberry Marx knows he's shit. He also knows his shit.

Have you ever looked a bird dead in the eye and wondered what it was thinking? With Effin' Birds, the most eagerly anticipated new volume in the noble avocation of bird identification, you can venture into nature with confidence. This farcical field guide will help you identify over 200 birds, but more importantly, for the first time in history, it will also help you understand what these birds are thinking: The vainglorious grebe is acutely aware of its own magnificence. The hipster pelican thinks the world is a shitbarge. The overbearing heron wishes you better luck next time, fucknuts. The counsellor swallow wants you to maybe try not being a dickhead... and many, many more. Alongside beautiful, scientifically accurate illustrations and a whole lot of swearing is incisive commentary on modern life and the world we, as humans, must navigate. Or maybe it's just some pictures of effin' birds, okay?

When a bomb explodes in front of Dawson on a sunny June morning, he is lucky to escape with his life, certainly luckier than the man he is following. However, waking up several hours later in the bilges of a ship apparently heading for the Baltic Sea is quite depressing as it wasn't how he'd planned to spend his weekend. Who was the man assassinated by the bomb? Who has kidnapped Dawson, and will Lucy Smith find him in time? What is happening deep underground in leafy Surrey and rural Estonia? Is there a double-agent in MI6? Who are the tantalising Sesks twins really working for? Can Dawson and Lucy distinguish Wright from Rong? And can Dawson avoid being bored to death? Praise for A Very Important Teapot Not all writers can carry off a sense of humour in their books; for want of trying it's easy to go over the top. Steve Sheppard, however, nails it just right. His central character, Dawson, lands himself purely by accident in a job with indistinct connections to British Intelligence, and gets shunted off to Australia in search of... he isn't really told. But part of the build-up lies in the arrival of a tea-set, of which the teapot catches his attention. Well, it would, wouldn't it? This is a thriller, a chase, a buddy story, a mystery (certainly for Dawson, who starts out off the back foot but manages to survive several rugged encounters), all smoothly told with hugely engaging characters, and rips along at a hectic pace. If you like some smiles, even chuckles, with your reading, this is great fun but doesn't dissolve into slapstick. Adrian Magson, prolific crime and spy thriller author, including Hostile State A curiously magical thriller with suburban subterfuge and sparkle. Helen Lederer, author of Losing it, comedian and Founder of the Comedy Women in Print Prize My goodness! What a hilarious, energetic and entertaining roller-coaster of a read this is. The pace never lets up. Dawson (for he is our hapless hero - and never was a man more lacking in hap) starts off in the UK, hops over to Australia and there is chased by a colourful collection of Germans and Russians, Brits and Aussies. Some are goodies, some baddies, and some lurk in the grey area in between. All are intent on solving the mystery of the eponymous teapot, or preventing others from doing so. It's as clever and witty as its title. I certainly enjoyed the ride! Sue Clark, author of Note to Boy To Australia and back again, with a large cast of unusual characters descending, eventually, on the folk festival at Yackandandah. The reader is drawn into a merry dance of international spies, assassins, shady underworld hoodlums and beer. Our hero, the unassuming and unknowing Dawson, would rather be in the pub or pursuing the fragrant Rachel at the Grayfold am-dram's Christmas panto, but instead encounters every known espionage thriller trope (and some not yet invented) as he weaves his way across the outback, trailing cops, robbers and agents behind him. And then there's the teapot lid and the lovely Lucy. There is never a dull moment in this rollicking and hugely enjoyable tale. Julie Anderson, author of Plague and Oracle This is the perfect holiday read ... a spy thriller with a difference - a comedic spoof. When times are heavy we all need a laugh. What I like about this Tom Sharpish /Ben Eltonish novel is that the female characters are the equal of the men. Sylvia Vetta, author of Brushstrokes in Time and Sculpting the Elephant A very entertaining read that kept me guessing all the way through. I needed to have my wits about me as there is a large cast of characters and the chapters switch rapidly back and forth between them, but this only added to the book's fast pace. Steve's skilful storytelling and sense of fun made this a rollicking good read. Imogen Matthews, author of the Hidden Village and Hidden in the Shadows