'A rollercoaster of glorious, criminal wordplay' - Ian Martin, writer of VEEP, THE DEATH OF STALIN 'Shit Literary Siblings celebrates the mundane figures, and the characters that, until now, were destined to lurk in the wings - Donna Quixote, Todd Gatsby, Hubert Humbert included' - The Face The imagined worlds of books are populated by some of the most loved and recognisable characters we know. But for every famous detective, Victorian heroine and beloved children's character there often exists an overlooked, often rubbish, and frequently downright sh*t sibling. These unfortunate nobodies have never had the spotlight turned upon them. Until now. Meet the likes of... Euston Bear - currently living off Burger King wrapper sandwiches after ending up at the wrong station Walter Wonka - a Kettering dentist with a phobia of dwarves Gandalf the Greggs - beardy, pastry-covered piss wizard who spends long periods of time in the high street bakery chain The Honourable Jeremy Dracula - younger brother of the Count. Vegetarian. And many more. With illustrations to help you spot these oddballs hanging around on the streets, SH*T LITERARY SIBLINGS is a must have slice of humour for the book lover in your life.

'Escape first, talk about politics later!' said George. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! It's a year after the Brexit vote. The four housemates and Timmy are on a visit to see their evil genius cousin Rupert. Rupert owns a chunk of the Jurassic Coast, part of which he has turned into an island and declared independence from Britain. Its fifteenth-century Dorset castle is a tourist attraction, but a computer hack puts the ancient fortifications into lockdown and plunges the Five into peril. Can our intrepid friends escape to the safety of mainland Europe?

Can you tell the Trumpisms from the hot air?!?! The big bad media just keeps on spreading tall tales, but at long last here is a book that can help you hone your skills of fishing the truth from the lies! On each page of this book, you'll find two statements on the same subject matter. One is from the real Trump (i.e. a definitive quote from DJT about happenings in the USA, the rest of the world, people and general wisdom). The other is your average trump (something we made up, fake news, hot air, smoke in the wind, a big fat fart). For example* . . . A) TRUMP: Climate change has happened since dinosaur times, it's happened since cave men walked the earth. And they didn't have cars in the Ice Age. or B) TRUMP: It's really cold outside, they are calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal. Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming! The perfect stocking filler for quiz-hungry politicos this Christmas, TRUMP V TRUMP will keep you entertained for hours. ----- * The Answer is B! Donald tweeted this back on 19 October 2015 - because who isn't wistful for climate change?

The PERFECT GIFT for that special grandparent you know so well and love with all your heart but whom you haven't got a clue what to get her for a present. Not a bloody clue. _______________________________________ Grandparents are versatile. They are babysitters, weather forecasters, mother's helpers, sweet collectors, child-minders, knitwear suppliers, au pairs, curators of G-plan furniture and providers of day-care for the under twelves. Retirement is an exhausting job. _______________________________________ Grandparents spend a lot of time in the garden making everything tidy and pretty, so they have something tidy and pretty to look at while they are doing the gardening _______________________________________ This delightful book is part of the Ladybird series specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. Other titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog The Ladybird Book of the Meeting The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

This easy-to-follow-through guide lifts the lid on toilet marks and unlocks the secret of your secretions. A divination guide for bowel-on-bowl action, this book will develop your innate intuition skills and reveal the mysteries of symbolics. But this is not just symbolics; this is some really deep shit. Sifting through the crap to the find the sweetcorn of truth, this is an illustrated guide to the meaning of that which comes from our souls. Say it loud. Our souls. Our souls. Our souls. Crap Divination is the turd-teller's Tarot, the butt-bean favomancer's friend, the smelly-pebble pessomancer's pamphlet and is your guide to the dark art of reading dark marks. "It's a load of shite if you ask me. Not the book. The book's alright." S. Mears "I once did two turds and one spooned the other. What does this mean?" [review does not meet the criteria for verification. Send it on to Clive in Accounts though as I'm sure he did a spooner once] About the author: Dingleberry Marx knows he's shit. He also knows his shit.

THE PERFECT GIFT for people who ride their Harleys to work while wearing guyliner and winklepickers, even in freezing temperatures. __________________________________ Jason's mid-life crisis started one Sunday morning in B&Q when he spotted a tub of boat varnish. 'I will never own a boat,' he thought to himself. Jason has never wanted to own a boat. But now, not owning one is all he can think about.' __________________________________ 'Sally has tried lots of things to make herself feel younger: running, glamping, Pilates, adult colouring books, a 'mummy make-over,' Bikram planking, Platonic irrigation and having an inappropriate relationship with a rangy twenty-something intern called Zeb, who has three beards and a Lego earring. Sally has given up and is now thinking of joining the National Trust.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

My fellow irrelevant Australians. Never, in the history of our democracy, has Australian political life been in such a parlous state. There are people living in this country who have never seen true political leadership, having been governed in recent times by the dullest, most sanctimonious, hypocritical choir of patsies. This book will give them a woefully overdue idea of what a real leader looks like. Leadership is not like a can of Popeye's spinach - you have to earn it. And earn it I did. And I am going to tell you how. In The Gospel According to Paul, writer and satirist Jonathan Biggins draws on his award-winning play to harness the eviscerating wit, wisdom and confidence of Keating, showing us the evolution of Paul John Keating, from Bankstown to the Lodge and beyond. Almost the autobiography Keating said he would never write, it is a timely reminder of the political leadership we are sorely missing.

Just as Ezra Pound wrote an "Homage to Sextus Propertius" to pay tribute to an important influence, Juli?n R?os offers in his novel an "Homage to Ezra Pound" (as the original Spanish edition is subtitled). On November 1, 1972, news of Pound's death in Venice reaches three Spanish bohemians in London, passionate admirers of "il miglior fabbro" ("the better craftsman," as Eliot called him), who decide to honor Pound's memory by visiting various sites in London associated with him.

Filled with allusions to Pound's life and works and written in a style similar to Finnegans Wake, R?os's word-mad novel features the same characters from his first novel "Larva" the poet Milalias, his girlfriend Babelle, and their mentor X. Reis, each of whom writes part of the novel: Milalias writes the Joycean main text, Reis (as Herr Narrator) adds commentary on facing pages, and Babelle furnishes maps and photos. Together, they compile the "Parting Shots" at the end, dazzling short stories that expand upon incidents in the main text. Sound confusing? No more so than "The Cantos," and R?os is much funnier.

'The iceberg always blinks at the last minute.' - @BorderIrish 'I was living the quiet life, watching the traffic and the sheep go by and then Brexit came along and I listened to people dismissing my importance. I could see the danger coming in the distance, like a cold front on the Tyrone skyline. So I thought, how can an invisible border be heard?' 97 years young, the Irish Border may be a late adopter of Twitter, but with more than 82k followers including Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, Piers Morgan and Alastair Campbell, the Border isn't so invisible anymore.

What is the nature, essence and definition of a fart? What are the consequences and disadvantages of suppressing one? Why is farting considered to be taboo? Swift's The Benefit of Farting argues eloquently, in a forceful a posteriori fashion, that most of the distempers thought to affect the fairer sex are due to flatulences not adequately vented. To complete the excursus into this venerable and age-old human activity, Charles James Fox's Essay upon Wind provides a detailed analysis, classification and history of farting, peppered with wit and curious anecdotes about particularly eminent farters of the past.

**STRICTLY UNOFFICIAL** 'Deliciously funny and highly impudent' - Jon Culshaw The newly discovered diary of Boris Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson, aged 131/4, provides a fascinating glimpse into how Boris, a lazy, bumptious and overweening child, comes to believe he should be Prime Minister. Along the way, we see him hone the techniques and persona that will one day hoodwink a nation. *** Extract from 13-year-old Boris's TEN RULES FOR LIFE: It's not lying if you don't bother to learn the truth. Many people - politicians, for instance - make the mistake of going about laden with facts and statistics. However, when studiously ignorant of the aforementioned, one may argue one's case with total conviction. A friend is just an enemy you haven't yet made. Some say there's no 'I' in 'team'. Well, I say you can't spell 'friend' without 'fiend'. No matter how dear your chum, you never know what sort of treachery they harbour inside. After all, there are many people who consider me a friend!

The PERFECT GIFT for the ones who are yet to know the meaning of the words 'hard work' . . . in other words the back-to-schoolers and the university goers. __________________________________ This is a student. He is leaving home for the first time. By the time he graduates, he will be grown-up: exhausted, hideously in debt and unable to imagine going to bed sober. __________________________________ Reynard has brought everything he needs for his first year. He unpacks his fancy-dress costumes, his four-way extension leads, his pair of pants and all his didgeridoos. By doing front, back, inside-out front, inside-out back, and using Febreze and Imodium, he plans to make his pants last until half term. __________________________________ This delightful book is part of a series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. Other titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of the Meeting The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

Welcome to the weird and warped world of Scarfolk, a town forever trapped in the 1970s... Based on the cult blog, the massive online hit which has over a million page views in a year, this is an illustrated guide to the Lancashire town which brings nightmarish childhood memories relentlessly back to life. Fans of Charlie Brooker, The League of Gentlemen and Brass Eye will love this... WHAT READERS ARE SAYING 'Delicious and hilarious' -- ***** Reader review 'Witty and savage' -- ***** Reader review 'Brutally funny and scarily accurate' -- ***** Reader review 'Marvellously dark and dangerous' -- ***** Reader review *********************************************************************************************** "Scarfolk is a town in north-west England that did not progress beyond 1979. The entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. In Scarfolk children must not be seen OR heard, and everyone has to be in bed by 8 p.m. because they are perpetually running a slight fever..." Part-comedy, part-horror, part-satire, Discovering Scarfolk is the surreal account of a family trapped in the town. Through public information posters, news reports, books, tourist brochures and other ephermera, we learn about the darker side of childhood, school and society in Scarfolk. A massive cult hit online, Scarfolk re-creates with shiver-inducing accuracy and humour our most nightmarish childhood memories. The perfect gift or self-purchase for any forty or fifty-something with a dark sense of humour!

Cinderella and the Beanstalk is a family Christmas pantomime, done the Sleeping Trees way! After writing the script, booking the venue, building a set and hiring a musician, the trio realise they've forgotten one vital component; a cast. The boys have no option but to perform the entire pantomime themselves, with only their dear friend Mark Newnham on piano for compny. A glorious cocktail of your favourite pantomimes! Follow Cinderella on a perilous adventure as the scheming Rumple Stiltskin blackmails the would-be princess into retrieving the coveted golden eggs from the top of the beanstalk. Cinderella must complete her quest in order to recover her glass slipper, but with Prince Charming, the Fairy Godmother and Jack's pregnant cow all doing their best to get in the way, these delicious, oversized eggs may not be so easily sought out... Scrooge & the Seven Dwarves is the second Sleeping Trees pantomime and it enjoyed a hugely successful run over Christmas 2016, selling out over seven weeks at Theatre 503. The show sees a Wicked Witch steal all of the Christmas spirit from Santa Claus, which he needs to power his sleigh. Taking matters into her own hands, Santa's mother decides that there is only one person who can save Christmas from being ruined, the man who hates Christmas most of all, Ebenezer Scrooge... "It's pantomime with a jaunty twist and an intelligent exuberance. Even the biggest pantomime cynic would find enjoyment in this infectiously fun production." - A Younger Theatre