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There is a young fellow named Mick Who's adapted the old limerick To cover, with mirth The whole history of Earth And what made its characters tick. There Was An Old Geezer Called Caesar is 100 lively and humorous limericks that take us back to before the beginning of time itself and right up until yesterday evening when you were probably making your dinner. Covering everyone's favourite history lessons (and a few suprising ones too!), Mick Twister has cleverly raided the tomes of the past, picked at the bones of the world's greatest figures, moments and events and condensed the most complex of human activities into five funny rib-tickling lines for your amusement. Who ever said that history was boring, had clearly never read this book!
"365 Things That Make Ya Go Hmmm - Wisdom & Wit by William" are thoughts, expressions, sayings, and humor that William has shared with his celebrity clients who simply needed someone to put a smile on their face. William Murrell is the limo driver to the stars. They love him, they trust him and they visit him time and time again to laugh at his wisdom & wit.These thoughts often originate from others - many from the celebrities who have sat in his backseat. We do not claim originality, we only claim they will lift your heart, speak to your soul, and make you Happy. Like William, please share these uplifting and humorous thoughts with others.
What's the worst that can happen? Are there aliens out there somewhere? What happens when I die? In Do You Know What?, our favourite sportsman-turned-comedian-slash-leftfield-thinker Freddie Flintoff expels an eclectic and entertaining smorgasbord of anecdotes, impressions, reflections, ruminations, musings, cogitations, observations, rants, confessions and pearls of wisdom on all aspects of life's rich tapestry. As a prolific philosopher of life's most unfathomable questions, Freddie uses his own inexplicable experiences - from the sublime: giving up booze, shopping in Poundland with his family, exploring the wonders of the universe with his mates; to the ridiculous: wrestling with WWE's finest, singing in a musical on the West End, pranking teammates - to help us all gain the comfort of his life mantra: What's the worst that can happen? Do You Know What? is an unexpectedly helpful, occasionally silly and absorbing brain dump on life and everything it holds, from one of Britain's most-loved national treasures.
Dress up your favorite princesses with magnets of Elsa and Anna and an assortment of magnetic clothing and accessories to mix and match. Also including a full-color sticker book, Frozen: Dress Me Up Elsa and Anna provides tons of fun with a wardrobe fit for a queen. Ages 4 and up.
An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's DOs and DO NOTs from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka The Merse .
When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.
Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game - and the tabloid front pages - with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.
His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.
The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.
The DO NOTs include: DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentorDO NOT share a house with GazzaDO NOT regularly place 30,000 bets at the bookie'sDO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played inDO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)
How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story."
A crotchety old man decided to wash his sweatshirt. He threw it in
the washing machine and yelled to his wife, "What setting do I
use?" His wife asked, "What does it say on the shirt?" He yelled
back, "University of Texas."
Desktop Strongman is based off the beloved carnival game and includes everything you need to become a high striker! Kit includes: - Rail - Pellet - Bell with sound - Hammer - 32-page book with history, techniques, and the rules of the game
'TOM PHILLIPS IS A VERY CLEVER, VERY FUNNY MAN' Greg Jenner This is a book about TRUTH - and all the ingenious ways, throughout history, that we've managed to avoid it. We live in a 'post-truth' age, we're told. The US has a president who openly lies on a daily basis (or who doesn't even know what's true, and doesn't care). The internet has turned our everyday lives into a misinformation battleground. People don't trust experts any more. But was there ever really a golden age of truth-telling? As the editor of the UK's leading independent fact-checker, Tom Phillips deals with complete bollocks every day. Here, he tells the hilarious story of how we humans have spent history lying to each other - and ourselves - and asks an important question: how can humanity move towards a truthier future? PRAISE FOR HUMANS: A BRIEF HISTORY OF HOW WE F*CKED IT ALL UP: 'This book is brilliant. Utterly, utterly brilliant' Jeremy Clarkson, author of The World According to Clarkson 'F*cking brilliant' Sarah Knight, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck 'Very funny' Mark Watson, author of Eleven 'In dark times, it's reassuring to learn that we've always been a bunch of clueless f*cking nitwits' Stuart Heritage, author of Don't Be a Dick, Pete 'A light-touch history of moments when humans have got it spectacularly wrong... Both readable and entertaining' Telegraph
Do the words: 'Put some wood behind the arrow', 'Run it up the fiagpole and see if anyone salutes' or 'Think outside the box' mean anything to you? If they do, then the chances are you have a working knowledge of, or are possibly even a fluent speaker of 'corporate management speak'. This strange dialect spoken only behind desks and within the confines of boardrooms is bursting with gems of pure comic genius. Office Wit and Wisdom allows us all to 'sing from the same hymn sheet' and enjoy the linguistic somersaults performed by those dark horses of comedy: your Line Managers. With a dictionary giving suitably dry definitions of american-style office speak, the book also includes definitions of common office stereotypes such as the 'Thruster' or 'Whooper', translations of such job title prefixes as 'Executive' or Senior', and highlights the pitfalls of emails and browsing the internet at work. Office Wit and Wisdom will not only amuse and entertain, but might actually help you to understand those boardroom meetings a little better...
A prince is in a tangle... Rapunzel to the rescue! What if Rapunzel saved the prince? You might think this story is one that you know. Rapunzel - the girl in the tower? But no! In this terrific twist on a much-loved fairytale, a prince with magical hair is saved by the gutsy Rapunzel. With laugh-out-loud moments and beautiful illustrations, this is the perfect picture book for a new kind of hero!
Refreshed, renewed, reloaded! Readers can discover all the foul facts about WICKED WORDS, including: how to be very rude ... without anybody knowing, some murky Medieval jokes and what to say if someone calls you mundungus, hackum or Jabbernowl. With a heap of extra-horrible bits, these bestselling titles are sure to be a huge hit with yet another generation of Terry Deary fans. With shiny foil cover
A beautifully written insight into the stresses, strains and successes of working for the London Ambulance service. Is there anyone who hasn't wondered about the state of the occupant of an ambulance, screaming along with its sirens on and blue lights flashing? Have you? And have you wondered about the other people inside the ambulance, maybe fighting to save the patient's life? Or have you considered that the ambulance may be another 'maternataxi' ordered by a woman who can't be bothered to book a real cab and who then complains she can't smoke on the way to hospital? And that the medical technician inside might just be desperate to get back home from a busy shift, to have a cup of tea and catch up with his blog? Meet Tom Reynolds. Tom is an Emergency Medical Technician who works for the London Ambulance Service in East London. He has kept a blog of his daily working life since 2003 and his award-winning writing is, by turn, moving, cynical, funny, heart-rending and compassionate. It is never less than compelling. From the tragic to the hilarious, from the heartwarming to the terrifying, the stories Tom tells give a fascinating - and at times alarming - picture of life in inner-city Britain, and the people who are paid to mop up after it.
Fake News is a humorous guide to the world of fake news and alternative facts. In the post-truth world we live in, fake news is increasingly a part of our everyday lives. Fake News is both a funny examination of where the phenomenon came from and a manual to teach you how to exploit fake news to profit in your own life! With a mixture of jokes and one-liners alongside longer, hilarious articles and guides, this is the #1 Joke Book of the Year!* *Alternative Fact
You can be little, and you can be old, but that doesn't mean you have to be a little old lady.
We've all seen her. She's hunched forward, her blue hair is tucked neatly under a plastic rain bonnet, she's clutching expired coupons, and she's discussing her latest health problems over lunch. She's a little old lady . . . and she's coming your way at 2 m.p.h.
Little old ladies have elastic waistbands on all their slacks. They save rubber bands, remember 15-cent McDonald's hamburgers, and have never seen a public rest room that was clean enough.
"How Not to Become a Little Old Lady "is for any woman who is proud to have escaped little old ladyhood, and it's the perfect, lighthearted gift to give women in danger of slipping into those awful little old lady tendencies. The charming illustrations from Adrienne Hartman perfectly capture the senior syndrome. Say good-bye to little old ladies who pass off their liver spots as beauty marks and say hello to this fresh and fun gift book.
October 2019 marks the fiftieth anniversary of the first broadcast of Monty Python's Flying Circus on BBC Television. This humorous Monty Python's Big Red Book contains lots of silliness - including the manifesto for The Silly Party, the Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bong Song and The Lumberjack Song - and lots of illustrations.
What makes a man, a man?
For centuries, being a man meant living a life of virtue and excellence. But then, through time, the art of manliness was lost.
Now, after decades of excess and aimless drift, men are looking for something to help them live an authentic, manly life?a primer that can give their life real direction and purpose.
This book holds the answers. To master the art of manliness, a man must live the seven manly virtues:
Each chapter covers one of the seven virtues and is packed with the best classic advice ever written down for men. From the philosophy of Aristotle to the speeches and essays of Theodore Roosevelt, these pages contain the manly wisdom of the ages?poems, quotes, and essays that will inspire you to live life to the fullest and realize your complete potential.
Learn the art. Change your life. Become a man.
Mats & Enzo are the toilet etiquette experts who brought you the bestselling, prize-winning How to Poo at Work. Not content with this outstanding contribution to the development of the human race, they bring you How to Poo Your Way to the Top. This new book develops the themes of the original, and makes sure you maximize your advance knowledge of pooing in the workplace not just to get by, but to enhance and advance your career! With this book you will gain all the knowledge you need to advance through the ranks and stand out from all the others in the cubicle! Filled with essential advice, handy diagrams and fill-in charts, How to Poo Your Way to the Top will help you float to the top of the pile!
All you want is a decent cup of tea. But oh no, modern Britain doesn't want to give you that. It wants to sell you a fancy Dan coffee in a mug the size of a popcorn bucket, complete with double cream, chocolate sprinkles, and no change from a five pound note. And that's just for starters. Everywhere you look, modern life has turned common sense completely on its head. Call centres keep you on hold from three different continents. Train doors close thirty seconds before departure. And as if there wasn't enough cheese on your pizza already, they're now stuffing it into your crust as well. From speed cameras to organic vegetables, mobile phones to celebrity idiots, this hilarious new book lays bare the sheer lunacy of modern living. One Grump or Two is for everyone who has ever found Great Britain is starting to grate, and dreams of a world where football matches start at 3 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, the top forty is full of songs you can whistle in the bath, and cafes still serve you a proper cup of tea.
Paul Stewart has returned to Scotland to continue his successful career. His agent and girlfriend, Gloria, has arranged for him to write The Philosophy of Food in Six Easy Chapters, a project he relishes but that will have to be delivered in six months. It is not going well, as Paul finds his domestic circumstances unsuited to concentrated hard work: Gloria has now moved in with him (not specifically invited) and has brought with her two extremely vocal and demanding Siamese cats. The cats give Paul no peace. Beginning to worry that The Philosophy of Food will never be written Paul calls on the aid of his cousin, Chloe, who suggests a radical course of action. She has taken a six-month lease on a house in a French village not far from Poitiers and invites him to join her there and get the book finished in peace. He needs no second bidding and it is not long before he escapes to France. Once there, however, Paul finds his fortunes tangled up with the fate of one eating establishment in the village: the infamous Second Worst Restaurant in France ...
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