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Freedom at last! The world of singledom, independence and wild abandon beckons! But if you're going to last out there on your own you'll need survival skills: Prepare yourself for: The heady joy of having the whole bed to yourself. Reassure yourself: If your marriage lasted more than 24 hours, you can tell yourself you made a decent go of it. This mischievous little book will help to see you through your divorce with tongue-in-cheek advice and hilarious illustrations.
'Never allow your spouse to leave the house with anything on their face apart from the look of a deeply sated lover.' Good heavens! Beneath the surface, the Victorians were a rather saucy society. This little book gathers together some of their full-frontal frankness in matters romantic, marital and sexual. Prepare to have your eyebrows raised and your ribs tickled by this extraordinary and unashamed advice.
For more than a decade, Derek Philpott and his son, Dave, have been writing to pop stars from the 1970s and 80s, to take issue with the lyrics of some of their best-known songs. But then, to their great surprise, the pop stars started writing back... Dear Mr Pop Star contains 100 of Derek and Dave's greatest hits, including correspondence with Katrina and the Waves, Tears for Fears, Squeeze, The Housemartins, Suzi Quatro, Devo, Fairground Attraction, Nik Kershaw, T Pau, Human League, Eurythmics, Wang Chung, EMF, Mott the Hoople, Heaven 17, Jesus Jones, Johnny Hates Jazz, Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine and Chesney Hawkes.
From the author of the bestselling Snark series comes the premiere guide to satire, sneering, jeering, and mockery in their finest forms. A surviving knight of many a verbal joust, Larry Dorfman has become an expert at backhanded sass and cathartic banter. Featuring life lessons from the master himself, as well as quotes and quips by some of history's sarcastic greats, The Sarcasm Handbook teaches readers how to deflect stupidity and express their inner dissatisfaction with a keen sensibility, hushing subtlety, and wisecrack wit. Included in these invaluable teachings are chapters on achieving the right tone, sarcastic bastards in history, as well as scenarios depicting some of the greatest moments in sarcasm. So pick up your copy today and start learning the art of disparagement through passive aggressiveness!
We know him best for his unforgettable roles on Monty Python - from the Flying Circus to The Meaning of Life. Now, Eric Idle reflects on the meaning of his own life in this entertaining memoir that takes us on a remarkable journey from his childhood in an austere boarding school through his successful career in comedy, television, theatre and film. Coming of age as a writer and comedian during the Sixties and Seventies, Eric stumbled into the crossroads of the cultural revolution and found himself rubbing shoulders with the likes of George Harrison, David Bowie and Robin Williams, all of whom became dear lifelong friends. With anecdotes sprinkled throughout involving other close friends and luminaries such as Mike Nichols, Mick Jagger, Steve Martin, Paul Simon, Lorne Michaels, and many more, as well as the Pythons themselves, Eric captures a time of tremendous creative output with equal parts hilarity and heart. In Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, named for the song he wrote for Life of Brian and which has since become the number one song played at funerals in the UK, he shares the highlights of his life and career with the kind of offbeat humour that has delighted his audiences for five decades. The year 2019 marks the fiftieth anniversary of The Pythons and Eric is marking the occasion with this hilarious memoir chock full of behind-the-scenes stories from a high-flying life featuring everyone from Princess Leia to Queen Elizabeth. Written and read by Eric Idle (p) Orion Publishing Group 2018
Pedantic about punctuation or scrupulous about spelling? You'll love this hilarious and definitive guide to 21st century language from grammar-guru Gyles Brandreth. 'Brilliant, clear, entertaining, very funny and often outright silly. Brandreth excels . . . in all his linguistic joie de vivre' Guardian __________ Why, like, does everyone keep saying 'like'? Why do apostrophe's keep turning up in the wrong place? Why do we get confused when using foreign phrases - and vice versa? Is it 'may be' or 'maybe'? Should it be 'past' or 'passed'? Is it 'referenda' or 'referendums'? FFS, what's happening to our language!? Our language is changing, literacy levels are dwindling and our grasp of grammar is at crisis point, so you wouldn't be alone in thinking WTF! But do not despair, Have You Eaten Grandma? is here: Gyles Brandreth's definitive (and hilarious) guide to punctuation, spelling, and good English for the twenty-first century. Without hesitation or repetition (and just a touch of deviation) Gyles, the Just A Minute regular and self-confessed grammar guru, skewers the linguistic horrors of our time, tells us where we've been going wrong (and why), and reveals his tips and tricks to ensure that, in future, we make fewer (rather than 'less') mistakes. End of. (Is 'End of' alright? Is 'alright' all right? You'll find out right here . . . ) 'Best thing ever, laugh-a-lot, spanning everything. Great book, I'm loving this' Chris Evans, BBC Radio 2
Finally, you're a proper grown-up! But between the paunch and the mortgage, you're starting to wonder if this is what you really want. You need midlife crisis survival skills: Stop calling it a midlife crisis and start calling it Teenagehood part 2. Do go to the gym occasionally. Don't train to join the Olympic weightlifting team. This mischievous little book will help you enjoy your second youth with tongue-in-cheek advice and cheeky illustrations.
“The Vagina Book is an essential guide packed with invaluable
information about sexual health that everybody should know, but might
be too afraid to ask.”
William McInnes, one of Australia's best-known storytellers and actors, has turned to a subject that is close to his heart. Fatherhood is about family, about memories of his father and the memories he's creating as a dad himself, with his own son and daughter. Warm, witty and nostalgic, these tales are just like a friendly chat over the back fence, or the banter of a backyard BBQ. They will stir your own memories: of hot summer days and cooling off under the sprinkler while Dad works in the garden with the radio tuned to the sports results; that time Dad tried to teach you to drive - and then got out of the car and kissed the ground; or taking your own kids on a family road trip. Fatherhood is full of memories: the happy, the hilarious, the sad, bad, and the unexpectedly poignant moments. You will laugh, you may even cry - but you will recognise yourself and those you love somewhere in these pages.
An inspiring, hilarious memoir about learning to resist the pressures of conformity, love yourself for who you are, and unlock your true potential. Now cohost of Fox's The Real and SiriusXM's Caf? Mocha, Loni Love hasn't taken the typical path to becoming America's favorite straight-talking girlfriend. She was not the child of Hollywood legends and she never wore a size 00. Rather, she grew up in housing projects in Detroit, more worried about affording her next meal than going on a diet. When she moved to Hollywood after college, seeking to break out in the entertainment world, there was nothing that would convince her to eat the kale salads and quinoa bowls that her colleagues introduced her to, which looked to Love like 'weeds my grandma used to pay me a dollar to pull from her yard.' Still, despite the differences that set her apart in the status-driven world of entertainment where being thin, young, blond and bubbly is sometimes considered a talent, Love spent years trying to fit in -- styling her hair just so, dieting, dating the men she thought she was supposed to be with. In this book, she tells the uproariously funny story of how she overcame the trap of self-improvement and instead learned to embrace who she was. As Love writes, 'There's a saying a lot of people live by: 'Fake it till you make it.' For me, it's always been 'fake it, and then have the whole thing blow up in your face.'' I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To explores all of the embarrassing mistakes, terrifying challenges, and unexpected breakthroughs that taught her how, by committing ourselves to our own path, we can take control of our destiny.
There are many ways civilisation could end, even with wise, benevolent leaders like Kim Jong-un, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin watching over us. Now, in this fun interactive story of global doom, YOU decide how humanity perishes. Will we be turned to grey goo by Elon Musk's nanobots? Driven collectively insane by Russia's most potent memes? Or smashed to atoms by someone sitting on the wrong button in North Korea? In this book, YOU will meet the leaders with the future of civilisation in their hands. And YOUR wits and judgement will decide how we all inevitably die. Or then again, maybe, just maybe, with a little positive thinking, YOU will find a way to keep us all safe long enough to expire of old age and global warming instead. Just don't get too hopeful. On every page of Choose Your Own Apocalypse with Kim Jong-un & Friends, the end of your choice is most definitely nigh.
Nobody thought Rory O'Connor would make it - written off as 'thick' at school he struggled to find a career he felt he could succeed in. When a hot tip led to a win on the horses it was the beginning of a dangerous spiral into a gambling addiction that gnawed away at his self-esteem even further. How did the man who thought he had nothing to live for go on to become a stand-up comedian selling out venues around Ireland and reaching 800,000 people through his social media platforms? This is Rory's Story. Told with his trademark humour, this straight-talking memoir is a book for anyone who wants to be inspired by an ordinary man's mental health journey.
The new profanisaurus celebrating Viz's 40th Anniversary. Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, first published in 1869, is rightly lauded as one of the greatest achievements of world literature. Indeed no less an authority than John Galsworthy thought it "...the best novel that had ever been written." But does that monumental book contain, anywhere amongst its half-million words, exhaustively cross-referenced definitions for the thick end of 20,000 four-letter-words, obscene expressions and disgusting turns of phrase? Does it bollocks. This book, War and Piss, does. It brings together for the first time every single entry from Roger's Profanisaurus, the constantly-growing dictionary of swearing that is updated every five weeks in Viz Comic, Britain's third or fourth funniest magazine*. *Fifth if you include Practical Caravanning Completely revised and updated, War and Piss is an epic romp through the foulest sewers of the English language. Inside its pages, you will find * Over 200 witty things to say before breaking wind * Over 300 witty things to say after breaking wind * 150 words for that bit of skin between your clackerbag and your nipsy So if you need to describe something that you just did in the toilet, something you just did while your significant other nipped to the shops, or simply need something to shout after dropping a car battery on your foot, remember ... There's a word for that in War and Piss.
Do you think you know your partner more than they know you? A relationship isn't about point-scoring, but a little competitiveness never hurt anyone, right?!* In this book you will find a variety of quizzes, testing you both on the likes and dislikes, personal history and future goals of your loved one to see exactly who is the better half! *Disclaimer: the publisher cannot take responsibility for any arguments or break-ups that are caused by the content of this book. WARNING: this book contains rude content and is for adults only.
An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's DOs and DO NOTs from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka The Merse .
When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.
Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game - and the tabloid front pages - with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.
His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.
The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.
The DO NOTs include: DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentorDO NOT share a house with GazzaDO NOT regularly place 30,000 bets at the bookie'sDO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played inDO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)
How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story."
A New York Times bestseller. From the author of the bestselling book everyone is talking about, THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF NOT GIVING A F**K. The no-f**ks-given, no-holds-barred guide to living your best life. Ever find yourself snowed under at the office - or even just glued to the sofa - when you really want to get out (for once), get to the gym (at last), and get started on that daunting dream project you're always putting off? Then it's time to get your sh*t together. In THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF NOT GIVING A F**K, 'anti-guru' Sarah Knight introduced the joys of mental decluttering. GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER takes you one stop further - organizing the f*cks you want and needto give to help you quit your day job and move abroad, balance work and fun - and save money while you're at it - or simply get out of the door for happy hour, every day. What everyone is saying about our favourite anti-guru Sarah Knight: 'Life-affirming . . . The key practice she advocates is devising for yourself a "fuck budget" . . . It's a beautiful way of streamlining your psyche' Guardian 'The best book I have read recently . . . Absolutely blinding. Read it. Do it.' Mail on Sunday 'Genius' Cosmopolitan 'I love Knight's book before I even start reading it' Sunday Times Magazine 'The anti-guru' Observer ALSO AVAILABLE from Sarah Knight: YOU DO YOU: how to be who you are and use what you've got to get what you want
Goodbye tension, hello pension Combining retro photographs with witty captions and quotes, this little book is the perfect way to celebrate your glorious retirement.
Did you hear about... The Tennessee student who jumped into a laundry chute that was actually a trash compactor? The Swiss statesman butchered by an axe-wielding bear? The ancient Greek playwright struck by a tortoise falling from the sky? Over the ages, death has come in some very unpredictable forms. This irreverent little book gathers together some of the most peculiar and outrageous ways that people across the globe have met their untimely ends. Whether shocking or silly, these true stories are proof at least that the grim reaper has a strange sense of humour.
Combining retro photographs with witty captions and quotes, this little book is the perfect way to celebrate becoming Officially Old.
Combining retro photographs with witty captions and quotes, this little book is the perfect way to celebrate becoming Officially Old.
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