Christmas comes but once a year... and in the world of the grumpy bloke, that’s once too often! But turn that frown upside down with the hundreds of jokes and one-liners in this book of festive fun. There’s nothing like a good laugh to chase away the winter blues or cheer yourself up and, let’s face it, some people need it more than others! Make sure the grumpy bloke in your life is well entertained (even when he really doesn’t want to be) by the gags and jokes in this whopping compendium of Christmas funnies from a veritable master of the art, Nick Harris. From Christmas jumpers to sad-sack Santas and from broken tree lights to shocking Christmas dinners, there are jokes aplenty to raise a smile in even the grumpiest bloke ... okay then, a chortle ... the merest hint of an upturned lip ...? Oh, come on, it’s FUNNY!

Quite simply, the greatest compendium of humour ever written! Even bigger and better than ever, The Mammoth Book of Jokes is the ultimate joke book - now revised and expanded to over 7500 entries. This endlessly entertaining collection covers everything you could ever think of, from Birthdays and Dogs to Mothers-in- Law and War. Plus epigrams, limericks, misprints and howlers, shaggy dog stories, politically incorrect jokes, toasts, pick-up lines and put-downs ...Extra new material for this bumper edition includes favourite celebrity jokes - specially chosen by the likes of Bill Clinton, Gordon Ramsay, Dustin Hoffman and Tony Blair - as well as no fewer than 2000 brand new jokes.

THE THIRD COLLECTION FROM THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLERS @DADSAYSJOKES The most followed dad jokes page on Instagram, @DadSaysJokes, returns with another collection of hilariously cringe-inducing gags for you to share with friends and family. @DadSaysJokes is a community-run Dad jokes network on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, with over 5 million followers, inspired by the daily jokes of author Kit Chilvers' dad, Andrew. Every day, followers submit their jokes and the team picks their favourites - or Dad just drops in his own zinger! Kit, a young social networking influencer, started his career at the tender age of 14 when he created his original platform, Football.Newz. He has since added another fourteen platforms, including @PubityPets and monster meme page @Pubity with its 31 million followers. This is his third book. I TOLD MY WIFE SHE SHOULD EMBRACE HER MISTAKES. SHE GAVE ME A HUG.

Funny, fearless and absolutely filthy-nearly 3,000 more uncensored, dirty, sick, and deeply politically incorrect jokes, covering just about every topic imaginable, from adultery to (sex in) Zoos, including an assortment of bad taste lists. A worthy, all-new follow-on to the first bestselling volume.

GOTHAM'S GREATEST GAGS—
BAR NONE!

When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain funniest, the jokes start here—in the saloon capital of the world, New York, New York. Jimmy Pritchard, author and veteran NYC bartender, has heard them all from patrons across the oak. In these comedic cocktails, no one is spared, not the Irish or the elderly, not lawyers or blondes, not the handicapped, not sex-crazed animals, not even God. Jimmy brings you over 400 of the best in the house, stirred, shaken, and served inside this one-of-a-kind collection that is downright intoxicating.

THE ONLY BOOK THAT TELLS YOU...

about two Irishmen who walked out of a bar

what has four legs and chases cats

the difference between a bitch and a slut

how to clear out an Iraqi bingo game

the most popular man in a nudist colony

the most popular woman in a nudist colony

why Viagra is like Disney World

the one about the Polish kidnappers

and hundreds more jokes, riddles, stories, and one-liners

My doctor asked me if I drank to excess. I told him I would drink to anything. What is a bear's favourite pasta? Tagliateddy. How do snowmen get to work? By icicle. If laughter is the best medicine, this colossal compendium is an overdose waiting to happen! With gags grouped into sections ranging from babies and birthdays to marriage and music, there's something for everyone in these jest-packed pages. Side effects may include split sides and a sore jaw.

More wicked humor from the mind of the bestselling author of The Book of Bunny Suicides and The Return of the Bunny Suicides. Cartoonist Andy Riley turns his irreverent wit to another group of small creatures that lurk among us seemingly everywhere: children.From the benign (every ant you meet must be named) to the truly cruel (Ronald McDonald is dead!), each hilarious cartoon has a tall tale to educate children and entertain wicked adults everywhere.

They're all here! the hooker, the drunk, the proctologist, the little old lady, the midget, the travelling salesman, the redneck, Helen Keller, the Jewish mother...Jackie 'The Joke Man' Martling knows them all and more. Here are the gems from the private files of the head writer and cast member of THE HOWARD STERN SHOW, the phenomenally popular radio show from America which was the inspiration for Chris Evans. Infamous for knowing every joke in the universe, Martling has dared audiences to start a joke he couldn't finish. Now he takes no prisoners, spares no ethnic or social group, and exhibits not one ounce of good taste in this wildly offensive, all-inclusive and outrageously funny collection of dirty jokes.

As an openly gay comic, Bob Smith broke barriers with an appearance on "The Tonight Show." Now Smith offers up his own original, whine-free perspective on being grown up and gay.In OPENLY BOB, the acclaimed comedian candidly, and humorously, tackles issues facing grown-up gays as they make their place in an overwhelmingly straight society. From bringing your boyfriend home to your father's funeral, to being the only gay couple at a family wedding, to surviving couples counseling, Smith's decidedly wry spin on the events of our lives resonates with keen observation and hilarious truth."So Mom says to me on the phone, 'Just because you're coming home for your father's funeral doesn't mean we can't have fun!'"Sex education, meteor showers, lesbian ventriloquist dummies, fleamarket shopping, body piercing, pot -smoking drag queens, environmental correctness, Judgment Day, Samuel Beckett, Newt Gingrich, Coco Chanel, Sigmund Freud--nothing and no one escapes Smith's incisive eye in this very human collection of comic essays.

Unleashing the most whimsical wisecracks from The Herald's endlessly silly Diary column, Lorne Jackson presents a brand new collection of jokes to tickle the most discerning of funny bones. Featuring over 300 hilarious jokes and a brain-busting quiz to test your pun proficiency, these weird and wonderful gags include a handy crooner-themed guide to chromosomes, pelican perspectives and Dracula himself! Prepare for the ultimate dose of top-quality quips to induce giggles, groans and guffaws and keep you endlessly amused . . .

Where the Sidewalk Ends turns forty To celebrate this anniversary of Shel Silverstein's outrageous and profound classic poetry collection, the jacket features an eye-catching commemorative red sticker. This special edition, with twelve extra poems, was first published in 2004 and is a timeless bestseller.

Where the sidewalk ends, Shel Silverstein's world begins. There you'll meet a boy who turns into a TV set and a girl who eats a whale. The Unicorn and the Bloath live there, and so does Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout who will not take the garbage out. It is a place where you wash your shadow and plant diamond gardens, a place where shoes fly, sisters are auctioned off, and crocodiles go to the dentist.

Shel Silverstein's masterful collection of poems and drawings is one of Parent & Child magazine's 100 Greatest Books for Kids. School Library Journal said, "Silverstein has an excellent sense of rhythm and rhyme and a good ear for alliteration and assonance that make these poems a pleasure to read aloud."

Shel Silverstein's incomparable career as a children's book author and illustrator began with Lafcadio, the Lion Who Shot Back. In 1964, Shel's creativity continued to flourish as four more books were published in the same year--Don't Bump the Glump , A Giraffe and a Half, Who Wants a Cheap Rhinoceros?, and the beloved classic The Giving Tree. Later he continued to build his remarkable body of work with Where the Sidewalk Ends, A Light in the Attic, Falling Up, Every Thing On It, The Missing Piece, The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, and Runny Babbit.

Supports the Common Core State Standards.

'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

Resign yourself to the great resignation and just say "bye." BYE, I Quit is a blend of satire and encouragement to help you find meaning and humor to get through the workday. If you have had a recent epiphany about quitting your job or know someone who has, this fully illustrated, meme-worthy guidebook offers the inspiration needed to keep your chin up and tap into what really matters in life. (Spoiler: it's not your job). Sample entries include: Affirmations that you are more than just your job Meditations to keep you focused during your 8 a.m. meeting A flowchart to determine if you should send that passive-aggressive email Mantras for when you're burnt out Humorous illustrations of all the little things that bug you at work (seafood in the microwave, anyone?) Step-by-step guides for getting motivated or having a really good Friday Inspirational quotes to help you connect to your true passion and purpose Equal parts hopeful and snarky-okay, fine, it's actually mostly snarky-BYE, I Quit is a great source of inspiration (snarkspiration!) for anyone who dreams of quiet quitting or leaving their job altogether and finding the elusive work-life balance. Also perfect for anyone who just can't stand the hours of nine to five anymore.

If you are looking for jokes that give answers to questions such as: What's the difference between a Kerry wedding and a Kerry wake? Why would Dermot not go to bed on his wedding night? and blessings such as: "May your friends have fine weather for your funeral." and "Better to be a coward for a moment than a dead hero for the rest of your life." then this is it. Irish Jokes provides wit, advice and a lighthearted look at the culture, psyche and society of Ireland and the Irish.

Every week since 2006, the award-winning cartoonist and writer Martin Rowson has been making a fool of himself in The Independent on Sunday by reducing the work of some of the world s best-loved writers to a series of puerile and filthy limericks. Following the success of the first two volumes of The Limerickad (from Gilgamesh to Jane Austen) The Limerickiad volume III lays waste to the literary greats of the nineteenth-century. Rowson mangles Melville, put the boot into the Bront s and defaces the complete works of Dickens. He even finds time to write a limerick in homage to its inventor ( When a runcible fellow called Lear... ).

Wrinklies Worldly Wit & Wisdom is a compilation of over 1500 amusing and insightful quotations from well-known writers, politicians, film stars, artists, musicians and philosophers. Every topic of discussion is covered - from love and marriage, sex and Viagra, to dressing inappropriately, entering retirement, families and the march of technology. Whether you're just getting your grey hairs or you're a venerable member of the golden generation, Wrinklies Worldly Wit & Wisdom is the perfect source of insight and advice.