The line began forming after eight o'clock. Sal, short and heavy-set, kept everyone busy. Neat, in a white shirt and sports jacket, with his grey fedora cocked to the side, his crooked grin made you smile. Without warning the heavy door would swing open and the waiters would come outside to join him. They were dressed in pajamas or prison garb, with hats and horns, and were there to warm up the crowd. Some in line expected this, others were shocked.

The pink polka dot building should have been a warning. Complete strangers in line became chummy, exchanging stories they had heard; toilet seat covers to serve drinks on, microphones in the ladies room, toilet paper for napkins. Most had brought their friends there to be roasted. The line of people varied in age. They all dressed casually because they'd heard you could get a pie in the face or a squirt in the eye. The club's routines were blue in color, but harmless. If you were lucky you might see a "Balls for the Queen" or a "Singing beer." The price was always right for a good time and Warm Beer and Lousy Food was the place to be.

What is the one true secret to weight loss? What is the correct way to make a grilled cheese sandwich? Is the designated hitter rule the salvation of baseball or its undoing? Is it rational to be an optimist? And-the question that haunts us all- should toilet paper unwind over the top of the roll or from underneath?

In his first collection of essays, author Brian Kenneth Swain tackles hundreds of life's questions while exploring a vast array of subjects-from tubas to two year-olds, from field goals to child labor laws, and from high school shop class to the worst round of golf ever played. With an acerbic wit and an honest approach, Swain shares his perspective on such pivotal matters as how to ski without losing a limb or your self-esteem, how to correctly prepare and consume lobster according to Maine standards, and whether marketing ploys hypnotically convince consumers to replace perfectly functioning items without a second thought. Swain encourages a kind of tongue-in-cheek thinking that prompts us to take a second look at the world around us.

"The Curious Habits of Man" shares an amusing glimpse at life as one man contemplates many of our greatest-and smallest-questions.

A selection of essay columns on a variety of subjects from whimsy to political, as the name "Grimm" might suggest. Serious to tongue-in-cheek, written by an acknowledged activist, to be read by all ages. Sometimes shocking in content-labeled as opinionated as that produced by an opinion writer should be, and therefore offensive to certain people-without all the usual four-letter-words so often used to attract attention by the semi-literate or less skilled writer.

?I cherish the fun times/laughs I have with my friend/publicist Holly, who is always so ?Jolley.? Just being in her presence makes me feel comfortable and at home - like I?ve known her a million years. I know her readers are going to feel the same. The way she words and writes things is in such a smart, but understanding way, no matter the age or the maturity level - it always leaves you wanting more.? ?Paul Jolley (American Idol - Season 12, Top 9 Finalist) ?Holly writes truthful and sincere. I know her writing comes from her heart and her experiences just from knowing her. She was the first one to write up an article about me and my hometown. Very excellent writer. Emm Hmmm.? ?Duck Dynasty's Mountain Man Are you tired of ?How-to? dating books? Well, this is not one of them. Holly Marie Tong's Chick Flicks Lie (Sugar-free Accounts of a Positive Pessimist) features laughable and engaging stories which are relative of today's dating world. Deep down, we all want the kind of love that would chase our departing plane down the tarmac and the kind of love that would try to win us back no matter what the cost. However, real life is often a far cry from a chick flick, and there isn't any background music to accompany it. With sharp wit, continual sarcasm, and non-stop humor, Chick Flicks Lie reminds the single crowd that they aren't alone. The empathetic author believes faith mixed with laughter to be the best medicine for lousy dates and failed relationships. This feel-good book will leave singles feeling understood, while giving them a whole new perspective.

Every woman has either dated a jerk, or knows a friend that has dated one. But avoiding the jerks and attracting a decent man is actually a lot easier than you think. Forget watching reruns of "Sex and the City" or chatting with your girlfriends late at night. In this guidebook, a self-professed jerk comes straight out, speaks the truth, and systematically explains how to spot, avoid, and say goodbye to jerks; tell if a guy is wasting your time; deal with players hunt for "good" men (and where to hunt for them). You'll also learn how to avoid common mistakes, such as overrating initial chemistry, inadvertently hurting a man's ego, losing a good guy's interest and much more. Full of witty satire and sarcasm. Get ready to laugh out loud with this hilarious "anti-game." What people had to say about this book: "Hey Willie, this is so entertaining Ha ha you have a great sense of humor, and your statements are so true " - Denise "We all know no one likes a tattletale. Hate the game, not the player. Every girl Tiger slept with knew he was married. Who is worse?" - Steve the player "That was such an enjoyable and enlightening read. I mean it's well written, witty, and one would think some of it is common sense, but sometimes people (i.e. me ) need common sense to slap them in the face " - Cheryl "Willie whistle blower has a nice ring to it. You know someone's going to kick your butt one day? Good work " - A guy Willie no longer parties with "I don't understand you. You go through university, build a promising career. Now you quit your job and write this book? Why would you tell the whole world you're an asshole?" - Willie's mom

Foreword by Milton Jones

What's morality all about? Deciding what's right or wrong has never been more difficult, or more complicated and this little book aims to make the reader think, reflect, and laugh at the different approaches to thinking morally.

In the whimsical tradition he is known for, humorist Dennis Ford once again embarks on an amusing exploration into the captivating worlds of science, literature, history, and popular culture-all without ever leaving the comfy air-conditioned interior of his Saturn Ion.

In the style of his previous work, "Thinking About Everything," Ford shares a medley of new musings on the worries of the world and the unique friendliness of San Antonio as he plays peek-a-boo with a spider, attempts to climb a rainbow, and captures a leprechaun. Ever the helpful humorist, Ford continues on a journey of thoughtful adventures through the mundane and esoteric as he explains how the postal service can mail itself into a profitable future, why fantastical lies can make elections more interesting, and a way through which one can acquire a window seat on the ferry to the Great Beyond. Included are "Excellent Groaners," a compilation of puns, and "Professor Fawcett's Notorious Lecture on Test-Irrelevant Thoughts," a learned presentation on the psychological perils of test anxiety told partly in acronyms.

"Miles of Thoughts" offers an amusing glimpse into one man's upside-down world as he commutes through the beautiful scenery of the New Jersey Pine Barrens and contemplates life.

A first person account of the memoirs of an adult centering around visits to his grandmothers house as a child. The location is a small mining town in western Pennsylvania in the mid to late 1950's. Life lessons are learned, bumps bruises and injuries are acquired, personalities are forged, and the boundries between right and wrong are established.

This is a humorous book on marriage, showing how a guy can live with a woman,by teasing, joking, pulling pranks & small capers, to forever keeping her wondering what-in-the-heck he might do next & usually can get away with it all, as long as he smiles & says "The devil made me do it !".

Come explore another time and place. The coal camps may have been rough and impoverished but the kids that grew up there they were wonderful andexciting. These tales range from playing church and bird funerals, to how chewing tobacco and spitting into the creek became one of Roy's besttattle-tale adventures ever. Learn about the Goings on between the churchgoers and the sinners. Find out if Margie's pet chicken, Gladys ended up inchicken heaven or on the dinner table. Follow the adventures of Bonnie's unexpected ride on the back of a hog. Find out what the trickle of watercoming out from under the Christmas tree really was. You may be surprised that it really did hurt dad more than the kids when he removed his belt topunish the kids. Learn the real meaning behind David's insistence that 'Pocky mokes." Discover who wins when Raymond tangles with Sally the cat.Experience the itch of Larry's mishap in the woods. Find out why Judy isn't wearing any panties. These tales reveal the good and the bad of what lifewas really like for the Coal Camp Kids.

At one time, Razor was a strapping, athletic, and active young man. Now, many years later, he has finally come to the realization that getting older really pisses him off. Now pear-shaped, slow, and forgetful, Razor is convinced he is not a pretty sight. Worse yet, Squatty Body-his lovely, strong-willed wife-is a real pain in his butt. In his first collection of humorous anecdotes and satirical commentary, based on real-life situations and current issues, retired teacher and avid storyteller R. D. Donaldson shares a delightful compilation of musings both hilarious and contemplative that highlight the adventures of Razor and Squatty Body-two characters loosely based on Donaldson and his own wife. Razor was born on the golf course and will do anything to win his opponents' quarters-including verbally slashing the enemy. Squatty Body is a deficient chef who has burned boiling water, screwed up buttered toast, and killed the neighbor's dog with her less-than-desirable cooking. Is the whole world going crazy? After all is said and done, Razor may just prove to everyone that he is the only sane one left standing in the midst of a bunch of nuts.

Dee Quemby's book is not just a wonderfully warm read but a very actual account of the most demanding and difficult life in show business, that of the COMEDIAN! I told Dee many moons ago that she should enter the idiom that is the easiest life in showbusiness, that of the TV drama actor. That of course she has done to grand acclaim. Get the book it's a great read! BILL maynard Deirdre was my first dancing teacher for 13 years and I owe her a great debt. She is a very talented performer in her own right and it would be great to dance with her again. I still think there's something very big around the corner for her! Stephen Mear (Olivier winning choreographer of Mary Poppins) Dee was brilliant as Emmerdale's Lulu Dingle. But if she'd had access to Lulu's crystal ball and been able to see how tough it would be for a mainstream comedienne to get a break in modern TV, would she have persevered? Dee's book is moving, honest and funny. Garry Bushell (tv critic)