So you want to sleep with an alien?

You're a brave (read stupid) soul, but if you could film your encounter and post it on your porno site and send us a link, we would be eternally busy ... I mean grateful. You'd be providing valuable sights ... insights that is, to science. And hey, you'll be out enjoying the night life and zipping around in a saucer (unless the aliens can't land because they're busy servicing your needs).

Aliens have been sleeping with mankind throughout history.

If you don't believe me, watch the History Channel. However, just because Cleopatra got the clap from some alien dude, doesn't mean you shouldn't reap the rewards of the aliens' many millennia spent studying and satisfying the human race.

But which aliens are the best in bed (or in the woods, or in the saucer, or well, you know...)?

Everyone knows the Gray aliens are masters with power tools, but how are the Nordics in the sack?

What should you never do if you're bent over for Bigfoot?

How do you attract a Mothman, and what do you do if more than one of them arrives looking to hook up with you?

These are some of the most important questions in all of history. Well, in all of today. Well, in all of the time you've spent reading this description.

So if you want to hook up with some horny alien pervs, click the buy button and read about how to turn on an Andromedan.

Don't miss out on your chance to make your missing time into the best times of your life.

Mr. Manners: Proper Etiquette for the Modern Degenerate is a politically incorrect, satirical manual to living right while doing all the wrong things. If you ever wanted to live on the edge but are afraid of the repercussions of societal judgment, just follow Mr. Manners' advice and learn how to cross the line while still being viewed as a gentleman. You will be an upwardly mobile sinner in minutes Embrace your manhood and learn how to pursue all of the higher arts via etiquette. Mr. Manners makes a martyr out of himself so that you may learn from his wisdom. Think that as a white man it's wrong to use the N-word in public? Wrong Mr. Manners shows you the etiquette for overcoming this common misconception. Got a girl pregnant and fear that you are going to lose your freedom? Let Mr. Manners show you how to finagle your way out of this inconvenient bind whilst still maintaining your gentleman-like demeanor. Want to have a threesome with a buddy and a lower-level hussy but don't know how to deal with two bananas and one clam? Let Mr. Manners show you how to remain straight in a gay situation. Think you may have an STD? Don't let traditional medicine dictate your decision making process. Mr. Manners will lead you to homeopathic well being. Ever thought of dating a prostitute but fear occupational hazards? It's not as bad as you think and Mr. Manners shows you that it may be financially rewarding as well Mr. Manners will teach you how to survive a night in jail, how to have rough sex without accidentally murdering your online date, how to drink and drive without getting caught and a plethora of other actions that could be macabre, but are merely by-products of being a gentleman. So curl up with this book and a drink and realize you're not a piece of white trash like the media would have you believe... You are a gentleman

Have you always wished you had a glamorous career? A spouse who worships you? An awesome set of wheels? A fantabulous social life? With The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking, all these goals can be within your grasp. You'll never again fret about your weight, your monthly bills, your love life, or your bank account. This witty and concise how-to book from best-selling author Bonnie Trachtenberg teaches you everything you'll need to know to turn your humdrum existence into a lifestyle others will envy. So delude your way to a happy life-with help from an expert.

"Sharklock Bones: Bug Tails" is the fourth in a series about a shark detective and his trusty sidekick, Dr. Flotsam. They float around in a world of talking fish and animals, a world where everyone talks in puns, anecdotes, jokes and word plays. The stories are written in screenplay fashion to encourage role playing and interaction among readers. The dynamic duo of Bones and Watson take on and solve not-too-difficult mysteries in these stories or "tails." The target audience is ages eight to eighty. In this book "Sharklock Bones: Bug Tails" Sharklock and the Doc solve a kidnapping and then go on to a final confrontation on Mister Rhee Island with their arch enemy, the infamous Devious Dolphin. The first book in the series is "Sharklock Bones: Fish Tails" consisting of two "tails." The first is "Codfather" wherein our heroes stop a kidnapping by Devious Dolphin. The second "tail" is "Hound" and the duo helps Robert Eel Lee (atop a seahorse, of course) capture a giant hound on the Moor. The second in the series is "Sharklock Bones: Zoo Tails," also with two "tails." In "Horse," Sharklock's pony disappears from a locked stall. In "Seafood Restaurant," our boys locate animals missing from the zoo. The third book of "tails" is "Sharklock Bones: Pirate Tails," the "tail" is entitled "Parrots of the Carob Bean." Bones and Flotsam are on the hunt to locate Johnny Depth's missing pirate ship, the Black Twirl. All lots of fun, lots of puns, lots of giggles and more than a few groans. Swim on in and stay tuned for more "tails."

Lots of pomp and circumstance have gone on since Julius Caesar first came, saw and conquered, but this doughty little book heroically captures the true essence of this green and pleasant land in just 106 episodes. This is the story of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales as it has never been told before: a red-white-and-blue compilation of surreal news reports, spoof correspondence and quirky cartoons. From the hooded druids of Stonehenge to the hoodied chavs of the Bluewater Shopping Centre, the nation's towering achievements and darkest hours are amusingly recalled. This updated edition includes the British moments of the past decade, including Bromance, Jezza and bake-offs.