The real guide to pregnancy, birth and beyond. I'm assuming you've picked up this book because you're either curious about having kids, you're currently up the duff, or you're stumbling through the early days of parenthood with a mattress-sized sanitary towel between your legs wondering what the hell has just happened. That, or you're killing time in WHSmith, waiting for your flight to Ibiza. You lucky bastard. Either way, this book is your pregnancy, birth and postpartum BFF. Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches is your one-stop, no-filter guide to everything from swollen vulvas and dinner-plate areolas; from shitting in labour to the horror of postpartum haemorrhoids; from mindless sleep deprivation to salvaging a sex life when your pelvic floor has hit the floor. But mainly, it's a reassuring reminder that feeling slightly (or shockingly) out of control with a newborn baby human is entirely normal...we promise.

A hilarious gift book to help Remainers cope in the run-up to the fateful Brexit moment.

'So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu

Adieu, adieu, to EU and EU and EU'

So sing the 16,141,241 of us who voted Remain on 23 June 2016 as we career head first into the oncoming traffic of independence from the EU sometime soon. March 2019 is the cursory date for exit and the story of Brexit will continue to rumble on, as will disgruntled Remainers and smug Leavers.

The Brexit Souvenir Treasury will take you back to the Good Old Days where £100 would get you €145, enough to get to Calais and back with four cases of wine and still have enough left over for a croque-monsieur and a café au lait. With activities and fun games aplenty, with this old-school treasury you can put on your blue-and-yellow-tinted glasses and lose yourself in the warm glow of the European dream for at least the next 30 years, after which another EU referendum might give us the opportunity to return to the European fold.

Features:

- Collectable Brexit Cigarette Cards: Get the lowdown on all the big-hitting Brexit superstars

- Cut-out-and-keep Remainer bunting

- Now That's What I Call Brexit classic playlists

- Dreamy Macron poster

and much, much more.

Called a "comedic Godsend" by Conan O'Brien and "the Stephen King of comedy writing" by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with New Teeth, his funniest and most personal collection yet. Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents' annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper "The Big Nap," a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of "a world gone mad." Equal parts silly and sincere, New Teeth is an ode to growing up, growing older, and what it means to make a family.