THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who not only loves watching their favourite TV series over and over, but also enjoys reading online forums about their favourite TV series over and over. __________________________________ 'This is a nerd. He has a PhD and works in the biochemistry lab of a university hospital. But this is not what makes him a nerd. His catalogued and indexed collection of over 6,000 empty crisp packets does that.' __________________________________ 'These nerds have paid money to see a film they think is terrible and have seen at least thirty times before. They are having the most fun they can possibly have.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister How it Works: The Baby The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star A Ladybird First Grown-Up Picture Book Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

The PERFECT GIFT for anyone who has ever broken up with someone or ever been broken up with, or is about to take a trip to Break-up City, population you. 'Ah well,' thinks Martin. 'At least she left me a packet of cigarettes and a little bicycle made out of pipe cleaners.' _____________ Rocco paid a fortune for the website getdianeback.com but it failed to get Diane back. So Rocco built a new Diane in his shed. The Diane runs on a 1kW motor, can run most Android apps, and will probably not run off with Rocco's brother. This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

This easy-to-follow-through guide lifts the lid on toilet marks and unlocks the secret of your secretions. A divination guide for bowel-on-bowl action, this book will develop your innate intuition skills and reveal the mysteries of symbolics. But this is not just symbolics; this is some really deep shit. Sifting through the crap to the find the sweetcorn of truth, this is an illustrated guide to the meaning of that which comes from our souls. Say it loud. Our souls. Our souls. Our souls. Crap Divination is the turd-teller's Tarot, the butt-bean favomancer's friend, the smelly-pebble pessomancer's pamphlet and is your guide to the dark art of reading dark marks. "It's a load of shite if you ask me. Not the book. The book's alright." S. Mears "I once did two turds and one spooned the other. What does this mean?" [review does not meet the criteria for verification. Send it on to Clive in Accounts though as I'm sure he did a spooner once] About the author: Dingleberry Marx knows he's shit. He also knows his shit.

'Hilarious and thought-provoking, the Man Who Has It All highlights the ridiculousness of the patronising advice thrown at working mums every day by reimagining it with dads in mind.' The Unmumsy Mum While women are bombarded with advice about how to be the perfect mum, how to have a successful career and have glowing skin all at the same time, men have been left floundering. Thank God, then, for From Frazzled to Fabulous, which for the first time shows men how they, too, can have it all. As well as giving essential tips for career men and busy working dads, From Frazzled to Fabulous isn't afraid to address the big questions. Can curvy dads ever be truly happy? Can you be a dad and still feel sexy? This hilarious and eye-opening book, drawn from the hugely popular Twitter and Facebook accounts of the Man Who Has It All, offers men helpful advice about what your face shape says about your parenting skills, why staying hydrated will improve your career prospects and how dressing in your 'wow' colours will get you heard around the boardroom table. Seizing the stories we hear and throwing them back at us with a twist, the results are funny, unsettling and surprisingly revolutionary.

Compiled from the notes of four zombie gnome experts (among them a Van Helsing-like zombie gnome hunter and a gardening columnist), this guide includes a detailed study of zombie gnome habits, hiding places, and offensive tactics, as well as an intimate history of the zombie gnome rise and eventual war with humanity. Empty-eyed, shambling, and hungry for human ankles, the zombie gnome population is on the rise, infesting the backyards of suburbia and attacking innocent lawn ornaments everywhere. While chances of human survival are minimal, readers can arm themselves with The Zombie Gnome Defense Guide to combat their tiny, undead enemies. Offering strategies for defense against a zombie gnome invasion, the book provides an extensive list of essential weapons and DIY home-fortification tips. Rare illustrations of zombie gnomes in their natural habitat and a priceless collection of never-before-seen photos (housed in an envelope in the back of the book) make this the go-to guide for survivalists in a zombie gnome-infested world.

It's closing time at the brewery. While the moon rises, the brewery crew-including three little otters (in charge of the water), a wort hog, and a hops wildebeest-introduce us to the brewing equipment, ingredients, and styles of beer. Join this fanciful crew as they close down for the evening and say goodnight to the brew kettle, barley and yeast, hops and mash, saison, porter, IPA, and much more. Befuddled about beer ingredients? Puzzled about the brew process? Can't remember the difference between an ale and a lager? Don't miss the brew infographics that follow the story! This humorous parody of a children's literature classic is a "pitcher book" for grown-ups. It's a besotted bedtime story for beer lovers everywhere!

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: what exactly is this puzzling scrape referred to as a 'strategy away day'? The Five have gone on their greatest adventure yet - to become an even better team! They are booked into an exciting hotel right next to the jolly motorway services, where the nice (if somewhat nervous and sweating and depressed) man teaches them a number of exercises that will make them work better. But wait! Who's been sneaking messages through the hotel dumb waiter about secret assignations? Is there a smuggler's plot afoot? Or is Shelly from Production shagging Postroom Luke? All will be revealed . . . Ideal for those who are allergic to corporate jargon and will throw a sickie before having to play a trust game with colleagues.

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit? It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature... Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat. Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

From marital bliss to margaritas, wives are awfully wonderful and this tip-top collection of retro photos and frightfully funny captions capture everything to love about marriage. The Wit and Wisdom of... is a series of terrifically humorous books brought to you by the rip-roaringly funny folks behind the best-selling On-the-Ceiling greetings cards. Perfect as a birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day or Mother's Day gift for long-suffering wives everywhere. Also available: The Wit and Wisdom of Dad, The Wit and Wisdom of Mum and The Wit and Wisdom of the Husband.

John Kendrick Bangs (1862-1922) was born in Yonkers, New York, and is known for his work as an author, editor, and satirist. He worked for "Life," a number of "Harper's" periodicals, and "Puck," perhaps the foremost American humour magazine of its day. In "Alice in Blunderland: An Iridescent Dream"-first published in 1907-Bangs makes light of a range of economic issues familiar to his readers-these are quite topical and all-too familiar to today's reader as well. High taxes, corporate greed, bribery, institutional corruption, and governmental incompetence are amongst the themes of the book. Bangs' "Alice in Blunderland" relies more on absurdity than it does on nonsense, and some of the humour is indeed rather American. But Bangs' success is to make his reader smile wryly rather than laugh out loud-for his satire is very much on target.

The truth about English is that it can get pretty boring. Dangling modifiers, gerunds, punctuation marks--it's enough to make you want to drop out of high school. Swearing and sex on the other hand, well, these time-honored pastimes warm the cockles of our hearts. Now, "The Elements of F*cking Style" drags English grammar out of the ivory tower and into the gutter, injecting a dull subject with a much-needed dose of color.
This book addresses everything from common questions ("What the hell is a pronoun?") to philosophical conundrums ("Does not using paragraphs or periods make my thesis read like it was written by a mental patient?"). Other valuable sections include:

-All I've got in this world are my sentences and my balls, and I don't break 'em for nobody

-A colon is more than an organ that gets cancer

-Words your bound to f*ck up

One glance at your friend's blog should tell you everything you need to know about the sorry state of the English language. This book gives you the tools you need to stop looking like an idiot on message boards and in interoffice memos. Grammar has never before been so much f*cking fun.

Got some time on your hands? Then why not make yourself a cup of tea, grab a biscuit and settle down in your favourite armchair to read this unputdownable guide to The Quiet Night In . . . Marianne has been staying in a watching old episodes of Sex And The City for two weeks now. The women in the show remind Marianne of her and her friends. Except that the women in Sex And The City never stay in for two weeks watching old episodes of Sex And The City. __________ There is a pop disco at the community centre tonight, but the word 'community' brings Davey out in a cold sweat. Some people suffer from F.O.M.O., the fear of missing out. Davey is delighted that he has F.O.J.I., the fear of joining in. __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The Shed, The Meeting, The New You, and more.

THE PERFECT GIFT for the music lover. __________________________________ 'This is the rock star. His name is Bob Dylan. Bob is rehearsing with his band. It takes a long time. First the band have to learn all of Bob's famous songs. Then Bob has to think of worse tunes he can sing over all of them.' __________________________________ 'Coldplay's singer Chris Martin has spent weeks working with an important stylist. They have come up with an exciting look for the band's new tour. 'These great clothes make me look really interesting,' thinks Chris as he sits down at the piano to practise another slow, sad song that gets slightly louder at the end.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister How it Works: The Baby The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In A Ladybird First Grown-Up Picture Book Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

The PERFECT GIFT for your long-suffering wife or prospective bride. Or, for any fool of a husband or seriously deluded groom-to-be who hasn't yet understood what he's signed up for. -------------------- Tina is getting married. It is the best day of her life. Next year, she will claim that becoming a mother was the best day of her life, but only because she was on some very strong drugs. Neither is true. The best day of her life was on her eighth birthday, when she got a yellow bike. -------------------- The wife likes surprises. Her favourite sort is a surprise birthday party. It is the husband's job to organise this surprise for her, and to keep her informed of every detail about it. -------------------- This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

An unabridged edition of Swift's 18th century, satirical classic

Perhaps while reading Shakespeare you've asked yourself, "What exactly is Hamlet trying to tell me? Why must he mince words and muse in lyricism and, in short, whack about the shrub?" But if the Prince of Denmark had a Twitter account and an iPhone, he could tell his story in real time--and concisely Hence the genius of "Twitterature."
Hatched in a dorm room at the brain trust that is the University of Chicago, "Twitterature" is a hilarious and irreverent re-imagining of the classics as a series of 140-character tweets from the protagonist. Providing a crash course in more than eighty of the world's best-known books, from Homer to Harry Potter, Virgil to Voltaire, Tolstoy to "Twilight" and Dante to "The Da Vinci Code." It's the ultimate Cliffs Notes. Because as great as the classics are, who has time to read those big, long books anymore?
Sample tweets:
From "Hamlet WTF IS POLONIUS DOING BEHIND THE CURTAIN "
From the "Harry Potter" series: "Oh man big tournament at my school this year PSYCHED I hope nobody dies this year, and every year as if by clockwork. "
From "The Great Gatsby Gatsby is so emo. Who cries about his girlfriend while eating breakfast...IN THE POOL? "

From the Tea Bag and Donkey Punch to the Rusty Trombone and Cleveland Steamer, "Dirty Sanchez's Guide to Buck Nasty Sex" shows how to pull off the most intimate sex moves like a pro.
Plus, Dirty Sanchez himself provides expert advice on over-the-top positions like the Angry Dragon, Alabama Hot Pocket and Space Docking, as well as his personal collection of never-before-published sex acts, including:
-The Last Unicorn
-The Exorcist
-Vampire Tea Bag
-Pterodactyl
-Kamikaze

The Old Testament: but more mad, more merry, more... Milligan! "And God said, Let there be light; and there was light, but Eastern Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected." There have been many interpretations of the Old Testament over the centuries but never one quite like this. Spike Milligan has rewritten, in his own inimitable style, many of the best-known stories of the Old Testament, featuring characters like King "my brain hurts" Solomon, the great oaf of a giant Goliath and the lesser-known crossword clue, Hushai the Archite. Believers and non-believers alike will enjoy this hilarious re-working, where the jokes, jests and jibes tumble over each other from Chapter One, Verse One until kingdom come.

The prevaricating pros who helped students glide through seven years of college in "The CollegeHumor Guide to College" are back to show post-grads how to turn life into an "Easy A" by, well, faking it. From sounding like an MBA to bribing the ma?tre d' to acting sensitive post-sex, here is everything aspiring equivocators need to know to B.S. their way to success in the real world. As the authors remind readers: "The important thing isn't who you are; it's who other people think you are." With this poseur's bible in hand, a generation is poised to go forth and fake it.

pistache (pis-tash): a friendly spoof or parody of another's work. [Deriv uncertain. Possibly a cross between pastiche and p**stake.] From Thomas Hardy's football report to Dan Brown's visit to the cash dispenser, the work of the great and the not-so-great is here sent up with little hope of coming down. Most of these pieces began their life on Radio Four's The Write Stuff, but have been retooled for the printed page. Others, such as Martin Amis's first day at Hogwarts, have been written specially for this collection. Philip Larkin's Lines in Celebration of the Queen Mother's 115th Birthday, first banned, then cut by the BBC, appears in its entirety for the first time. This is not a book for the faint-hearted or the downstairs lavatory. It is a book for the bedside table of someone you cannot live without.