Imagine an ordinary life, neither very happy nor particularly miserable until "a simple gift" changed everything. Now you are never able to buy regular gasoline without paying high-test prices. This happened to me, and I had to uncover the secret behind this gypsy curse. This is my life... I hope it is never yours

This genuine imitation of Sarah Palins diary, fabricated by a bona fide satirist, reveals spurious behind-the-scenes happenings with all your favorite mavericks from the extended Palin familyTodd, Bristol, Piper, Willow, Trig, Levi Johnston, John McCain, and Joe the Plumber. Theyre all here and more! Inside youll find the ersatz adventures of Americas favorite hockey mom, including such fallacious details as . . . How Bristol revealed her little secret. Going rogue with Joe the Plumber. Books the former Governor would love to ban. How to speak Maverick. Why John McCain chose to run with Miss Wasilla. Waterboarding Tina Fey. What happened to all those ritzy clothes. The concession speech she never gave. Campaign slogans for 2012. Will this laugh-out-loud lampoon of Sarah Palins intimate story give you an enlightening peek inside the most astonishing mind in American politics? You betcha! About the Author: Joey Green, a former contributing editor to the National Lampoon, is the author of dozens of books, including Selling Out, The Zen of Oz, Monica Speaks, You Know Youve Reached Middle Age If..., The Jolly President (or Letters George Bush Never Read), and Famous Failures. He has appeared on Good Morning America, The View, and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and he has been profiled in the New York Times and People. He lives in Los Angeles.

Uncensored.

Unrestrained.

Un-politically correct.

It's a little-known fact that President Bush -- known to his Instant Messenger buddies as "Kickass43" -- has logged almost as much time chatting online as he has clearing brush at Crawford.

Now this hilarious collection of imaginary online correspondence between the POTUS and pals sheds light and empathy on W's tumultuous second term in office. Whether it's dodging Harriet Miers after the fallout of her Supreme Court nomination, hosting a live online chat with the nation's schoolchildren to disastrous effect, or the surprising late-night alliance with Bill Clinton ("Ladeezman42") because both wish to keep Hillary out of the White House, you'll never look at politics the same way again.Gleefully poking fun at political figures on both sides of the divide, "The President's Secret IMs" is wickedly clever, deliciously irreverent, and in the words of Kickass43, "ttly awesum" and "gr8." Srsly.

Poe: Pelted, Pounded, Pummeled and Pulverized is a unique collection of eighteen classic Edgar Allan Poe short stories that have been creatively rewritten and satirized into adult parody form featuring adult content and language, and the work is the thirty-fifth book of author Jay Dubya (John Weissner). When Jay Dubya was a New Jersey public school English teacher, during his thirty-four-year classroom career, he often enjoyed teaching and reading the influential literature of Edgar Allen Poe to his sometimes-enlightened middle and high school students. Even though Poe (1809-1849) had died at a very young age, he still managed, remarkably, to write and publish more than nine-hundred pages of imaginative short stories and awe-inspiring poems. In addition to being a superb writer, Poe was also an excellent editor and literary critic, and is widely regarded as one of the most important authors in American literature. The now-esteemed writer is often referred to as "the father of the American short story" and as "the inventor of the detective story." Edgar married his thirteen-year-old cousin Virginia Clemm and made a very modest living as a writer and as a newspaper journalist. Poe had a nasty temper, took drugs as painkillers, and because of his mercurial disposition was unable to keep a job for any length of time. In 1847 Virginia died of tuberculosis and Poe, underfed, pale and gaunt-looking, passed away two years later. Poe's detective stories "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and "The Purloined Letter" made him famous in addition to his classic horror tales "The Pit and the Pendulum," "The Masque of the Red Death," "The Cask of Amontillado," and the popular but eerie epic "The Tell Tale Heart."

You don't know how lucky you are. You have a Computer Geek in your realm. You have that Special Someone who is always there for you, for free, to fix, well, just about anything and everything that happens to your computer. They are your personal "always-on-call" computer "fixers;" your personal helper with All Things Computer.

What if...William Shakespeare had written "The Big Lebowski"?
The Dude has met the Bard--and he doth abide.
Join "The Knave" and Sir Walter on a wild tale of mistaken identity, kidnapping, bowling, and a rug that, in faith, really tied the room together--in a sidesplitting Shakespearean comedy of errors and ninepins, told in five glorious acts of iambic pentameter and impeccable period prose.
Already a theatrical hit and a worldwide viral phenomenon, "Two Gentlemen of Lebowski "comes alive anew in this definitive and lavishly illustrated edition, featuring recently discovered historical engravings, scholarly annotations, and a revelatory afterword from the author.

A hilarious parody for anyone who's going to college, been in college, thinking about college, or knows someone in college.

Sportsman. Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But ten years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland's most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures. His accomplishments on the rugby field - and in the bedroom - remain the stuff of legend, but the truth about him remains hidden by the accretion of myth. Now, for the first time, the lid is lifted on the enigma that is South Dublin's most eligible married man. In more than a hundred interviews with his family and friends - those who've loved him, hated him and slept with him - the first ever composite portrait of the Celtic Tiger's most famous cub emerges. From the mother who didn't want him to the father who wanted him too much, from the friends who shared his misadventures to the women who shared his bed - or, failing that, a back alley or bus shelter - this searingly honest biography fills in all the blanks in the life of the self-styled Cock of Foxrock. 'One-liners are as sharp as ever' Irish Independent 'You'll look at Ross O'Carroll-Kelly in a whole new light ... highly enjoyable' Sunday Tribune 'Always a funny, sharp and humane writer' Irish Times

This cleverly titled BLANK BOOK is a perfect gift for tickling funny bones of believers and skeptics alike The 8 1/2" x 5 1/2" trade paperback features 90 pages of quality white paper completely uncontaminated by printing (Save for headers and footers.) It's perfect for doodling, making notes, folding origami, or ranting about the other side. In emergencies, it also doubles as toilet paper. (Softness and efficacy not guaranteed for this use ) As an added bonus, if you buy today, you will receive an extra 7 pages of blank white paper bound in with the rest Ninety-seven blank pages in all (Along with three pages of pesky titles and legal information, for a not-so-grand total of 100 pages.) The book comes complete with a glossy, full-color cover suitable for framing. The back cover features sarcastic copy sure to drive home the paperback's satirical intent. Be sure to look for other BLANK BOOKS in the From the Secret Files... ser

"The definitive guide for injecting humor into the workplace. This is the ultimate step-by-step manual, designed to give you control over your work culture. With humor, laughter, and play, you can create a work environment that will attract the very best people and coax the very best performances out of them." KARYN BUXMAN, President, Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, and Publisher, The Journal of Nursing Jocularity. This is your manual for infusing humor into your business, corporation, college, or university to create a fun work environment. You are probably laughing right now and thinking: Fun in my organization? You must be kidding. You do not know the people I work with. They end sentences with prepositions all the time. It is written expressly for corporate leaders, such as HR directors, managers, and trainers, and college administrators and faculty. Unlike available books on the topic, this one reveals 45 tips that are critical to the success of humor in the workplace and in the classroom, K-college: choosing the right stuff, delivering humor like a pro, practicing your performance, considering the most important characteristics of your audience, and creating an atmosphere conducive to fun. The author presents specific guidelines for setting standards for appropriate humor and also out-of-bounds offensive humor, such as put-downs, sarcasm, ridicule, and sexual content and innuendo. In these turbulent financial times, can you afford to ignore the bottom line? Humor can boost productivity, increase retention, improve recruitment, decrease absenteeism, improve morale, and decrease stress, tension, and anxiety, plus 20 other individual and relational benefits. It is a WIN-WIN proposition. A BONUS CHAPTER is also included on how to create TV, movie, and Broadway parodies you can use in meetings, workshops, team-building exercises, and teaching and training.

John Bull is the personification of Great Britain (or at least of England). He was first created in 1712 by John Arbuthnot, and eventually became a common sight in British editorial cartoons of the 19th and early 20th centuries. John is a sort of British Everyman, endowed with common sense and good intentions, who likes a pint of beer. In his trip to the Fiscal Wonderland, John's frustrations with the bewildering nonsensicality of economic politics are made apparent by the author and illustrator. You don't need to be an expert in early twentieth-century British politics to enjoy John's adventures, though. The story's parody of Lewis Carroll's Wonderland books is still relevant and entertaining even a century later. Today's bankers and politicians seem not to have learned much from history. Regrettable as that is, at least Charles Geake and Francis Carruthers Gould can still make us laugh about it

Get ready for the read of your life. Never before has a single book combined awesome vans, unicorns, Billy Joel, and erotic fiction in such a potent combination. A writing tour de force? Perhaps. A reading experience that will sear itself into your consciousness like a red-hot branding iron? Without question.

Comedian and basic cable superstar Michael Ian Black unleashes the full fury of his astonishing intellect in this collection of short comic essays. "My Custom Van" is a no-holds-barred assault to the funny bone that will literally beat you into submission with hilarity*.

How did he do it? How did he create such a fine anthology? Answer: With love. Michael opened his heart and used the magical power of love to write more than fifty thought-provoking essays like, "Why I Used a Day-Glo Magic Marker to Color My Dick Yellow," and "An Open Letter to the Hair Stylist Who Somehow Convinced Me to Get a Perm When I Was in Sixth Grade."

Maybe you think love is not a substitute for "good writing skills" and "spell check." Bull pucky! When it comes to writing books, love is the most powerful word processor of all.

Sounds pretty great, right? And yet...something is still holding you back from paying the full purchase price of this book. What is it? Perhaps you secretly believe you do not deserve a book this good. Nonsense -- you deserve this book and so much more. In fact, if Michael could have written you all the stars in the sky, that's what he would have done. But he couldn't do that, due to his lack of knowledge in the area of astronomy. So he wrote this book instead.

And this flap copy.

Enjoy.

* Michael Ian Black is not responsible for any actual injuries caused by reading this book.

As indicated by the title, "NUNS ON A CHAIN GANG ," this is a listing of over 300 wacko/humorous(sometimes irreverent) "stuff" that you NEVER- EVER see -- for example: "Preparation H" gift certificates All entries are the author's original and creative concepts. Illustrations are purposely not included, as the author encourages readers to imagine/ visualize each entry through their own mind's eye, thus making this an interactive, witty, tongue-in-cheek experience.

A literary landmark--the original, suppressed draft of the classic novel
Little Women is a timeless classic. But Louisa May Alcott's first draft--before her editor sunk his teeth into it--was even better. Now the original text has at last been exhumed. In this uncensored version, the March girls learn some biting lessons, transforming from wild girls into little women--just as their friends and neighbors transform into vicious, bloodthirsty werewolves
Here are tomboy Jo, quiet Beth, ladylike Amy, and good-hearted Meg, plus lovable neighbor Laurie Laurence, now doomed to prowl the night on all fours, maiming and devouring the locals. As the Civil War rages, the girls learn the value of being kind, the merits of patience and grace, and the benefits of knowing a werewolf who can disembowel your teacher.
By turns heartwarming and blood-curdling, this rejuvenated classic will be cherished and treasured by those who love a lesson in virtue almost as much as they enjoy a good old-fashioned dismemberment.
Includes the original letter from Alcott's editor, telling her not to even think about it

This cleverly titled BLANK BOOK is a perfect gift for tickling funny bones of believers and skeptics alike The 8 1/2" x 5 1/2" trade paperback features 90 pages of quality white paper completely uncontaminated by printing (Save for headers and footers.) It's perfect for doodling, making notes, folding origami, or ranting about the other side. In emergencies, it also doubles as toilet paper. (Softness and efficacy not guaranteed for this use ) As an added bonus, if you buy today, you will receive an extra 7 pages of blank white paper bound in with the rest Ninety-seven blank pages in all (Along with three pages of pesky titles and legal information, for a not-so-grand total of 100 pages.) The book comes complete with a glossy, full-color cover suitable for framing. The back cover features sarcastic copy sure to drive home the paperback's satirical intent. Be sure to look for other BLANK BOOKS in the From the Secret Files... ser

"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him-which I assumed was wildly out of his control-that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. ""
"
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the "Harvard Lampoon"'s hilarious send-up of "Twilight."
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events-Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!-Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, "Nightlight "is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

THREE BOOKS IN ONE A TRIPLE HELPING OF GARFIELD HUMOR
MEANS THREE TIMES THE FUN!
He used to be perfect, but now he's even better! Garfield, the fat cat with the super sized ego, is back in the spotlight, dissing his dimwitted owner Jon - even pilfering his pants. Some cats chase mice; Garfield prefers to take legal action. When down on the farm, the city kitty puts up with-and puts down-Jon and his barnyard brother. No wonder Garfield's often in a bad mood.
But no matter what, he's always in the mood for food!
The GARFIELD FAT CAT 3-PACK series collects the GARFIELD comic-strip compilation books in a new, full-color format. Garfield may have gone through a few changes, but one thing has stayed the same: his enormous appetite for food and fun. So enjoy some super sized laughs with the insatiable cat, because too much fun is never enough!
GARFIELD BEEFS UP
GARFIELD GETS COOKIN'
GARFIELD EATS CROW

America's Master Humorist on Masturbation One evening in Paris, 1879, Mark Twain rose to the podium and tackled the touchiest of subjects: masturbation. His remarks rubbed Victorian society the wrong way, and were censored for a century. Here at long last is Twain's hilarious lecture on The Science of Onanism. This edition includes an introduction and 30 vintage illustrations. Available on Kindle and in paperback from Uncensored Classics.

Second edition enlarged. Dictators pets are too often ignored but no longer They re all here in this hilarious collection of madcap ditties: Lenin s cat, Hitler s dog, Qaddafi s sweet-scented camel, Caligula s horse, Mao s cockroach (he banned real pets), Stalin s spider, and many more. The volume also includes philosophers songs and a Holy Roman opera, Turmoil in Brindisi about a long-forgotten ecumenical council called by Pope Sixtus the Sixth, an equally forgotten pope. Written over a period of 35 years, these jottings are also a record of a lifetime of laughter. Sabrina Ramet's collection of ditties is sidesplittingly hilarious What a great idea to deal with the defining concept or characteristics of world's dictators and their pets and philosophers in poems in a humorous way What is even more important, Ramet with her poems touches us on a deeper level as human beings with universal human traits. -Lea Plut-Pregelj, University of Maryland. This is a unique publication. Professor Sabrina Ramet has shown how humour can (and should) be used to unmask and demystify dictators and dictatorships. Funny and serious at the same time, these ditties include many authentic touches, such as the reference to self-criticism in the ditty about Ceausescu. The philosophers' songs are also great fun, combining witty summaries of some of their major ideas with wild humour. - Knut Erik Solem, Norwegian University of Science & Technology.

An unabridged, digitally enlarged printing to include all dreams, maps, and a glossary -

A spoof of H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds.

We all know the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, but what happened after Christmas morning? Humorist Michael Gerber follows up his million-selling parodies of Harry Potter and Narnia with a delightfully skewed take on Dickens' beloved Christmas tale.

Can anything be poetic in the politicking of Washington, D.C.? Is there poetry in the morning's headlines and in tonight's news tickers? Or, as Seely paraphrases Dr. Seuss, Do W's troubles trouble you, too? America's pundit poet laureate, the man who channeled the poetry of Donald Rumsfeld and Phil Rizzuto, now offers the perfect metaphor for the inside-the-beltway bubble: it's a nursery. Using the beneficent spirit of Mother Goose, he has fashioned hilarious nursery rhymes hidden amid the photo ops and filibustering. "John Kerry backed Iraq, John Kerry took it back," making him "a very airy, wary hara-kiri." Bill Bennett, "independent, Kept a hidden secret muse. He would clutch his lucky pendant, Praying, 'Papa needs new shoes!'" As for Iraq, "When you lose, you lose, and when you win, you win, and when you can't tell win from lose, best stop the war you're in." No one is safe from Seely's wicked muse: Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, virtually every news anchor, and a good portion of the Hollywood elite are skewered unforgettably by Seely's Mother Goosequills in this irreverent and hilarious collection.