THE TAKING TREE (the unauthorized parody that is absolutely, positively, completely not THE GIVING TREE) is a hilarious twist on the Shel Silverstein classic. This humor book is no touching salute to goodness and generosity. Instead this laugh-a-minute satire is a scathing indictment of those who just take and take and take. That means you, trees

Not all Superhero Teams are the same, and when it comes to the zany adventures of The Mysterious Minute-Men, the differences are all part of the fun! Funnier than a barrel of monkeys - and probably just as powerful! Minute-Man's powers are so Mysterious, even he doesn't know their full range! With Great Soda comes Great Responsibilities and that is what leads him to try to keep the city safe from evil. He and the other heroes who make up The Mysterious Minute-Men vow that Metro City (and Stan's Donut Shoppe!) will always be protected. Collecting all the serials that make up the history of The Mysterious Minute-Men in one collection, this Omnibus sets the stage for the long-awaited, novel-length sequel.

As indicated by the title, this sequel to "NUNS ON A CHAIN GANG ," is a listing of over 300 wacko/humorous(sometimes irreverent) "stuff" that you NEVER- EVER see -- for example: BUTTERFLIES WITH BAD BREATH All entries are the author's original and creative concepts. Illustrations are purposely not included, as the author encourages the reader to imagine/ visualize each entry through their own mind's eye, thus making this an interactive, witty, tongue-in-cheek experience.

Meticulously researched and vigorously detailed this important survival manual is the most detailed and up-to-date book you will find to keep you and your family safe during the Zompoc (Zombie Apocalypse). This book is unique in its coverage of all Zombie strains from the viral infected fast zombies through to the shambling re-animated undead. All subjects from zombie identification, first-aid, escape techniques, household defence, combat techniques and raiding through to bartering, supplies, vehicle modification, weapons and convoy structure are all covered in great detail. With this book you can prepare for the day the Zompoc strikes and be ready to fight back and eradicate the Zombie menace from our streets. This book is illustrated throughout and even contains full plans and instructions for a post-Zompoc rebuilding of civilisation!

Twain: Tattered, Trounced, Tortured and Traumatized is a unique collection of twenty classic Mark Twain short stories and anecdotal sketches that have been creatively rewritten and satirized into adult parody form featuring adult content and language. When author Jay Dubya was a New Jersey public school English teacher, he often enjoyed teaching and reading Mark Twain's "influential literature" to his sometimes-enlightened middle and high school academic students.

Poe: Pelted, Pounded, Pummeled and Pulverized is a unique collection of eighteen classic Edgar Allan Poe short stories that have been creatively rewritten and satirized into adult parody form featuring adult content and language, and the work is the thirty-fifth book of author Jay Dubya (John Weissner). When Jay Dubya was a New Jersey public school English teacher, during his thirty-four-year classroom career, he often enjoyed teaching and reading the influential literature of Edgar Allen Poe to his sometimes-enlightened middle and high school students. Even though Poe (1809-1849) had died at a very young age, he still managed, remarkably, to write and publish more than nine-hundred pages of imaginative short stories and awe-inspiring poems. In addition to being a superb writer, Poe was also an excellent editor and literary critic, and is widely regarded as one of the most important authors in American literature. The now-esteemed writer is often referred to as "the father of the American short story" and as "the inventor of the detective story." Edgar married his thirteen-year-old cousin Virginia Clemm and made a very modest living as a writer and as a newspaper journalist. Poe had a nasty temper, took drugs as painkillers, and because of his mercurial disposition was unable to keep a job for any length of time. In 1847 Virginia died of tuberculosis and Poe, underfed, pale and gaunt-looking, passed away two years later. Poe's detective stories "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and "The Purloined Letter" made him famous in addition to his classic horror tales "The Pit and the Pendulum," "The Masque of the Red Death," "The Cask of Amontillado," and the popular but eerie epic "The Tell Tale Heart."

Twain: Tattered, Trounced, Tortured and Traumatized is a unique collection of twenty classic Mark Twain short stories and anecdotal sketches that have been creatively rewritten and satirized into adult parody form featuring adult content and language. When author Jay Dubya was a New Jersey public school English teacher, he often enjoyed teaching and reading Mark Twain's "influential literature" to his sometimes-enlightened middle and high school academic students. Remarkably, Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910) was both born and died the same years that Halley's Comet had made its seventy-five year revolution around the solar system. Clemens acquired his pen name "Mark Twain" from Mississippi River steamboat terminology of "twain" being a water depth of two fathoms (twelve feet), the allowable safe level for a riverboat to navigate over a reef or shoal, and the depth was measured by a leadsman who threw a heavy lead weight overboard and then after lifting it out of the river, would mark the twain. Clemens became a successful riverboat pilot under the direction of a captain named Horace Bixby, but after the Civil War broke out, the Mississippi River was closed down to commercial traffic. Being unemployed, Sam Clemens journeyed out west to try his hand at gold prospecting in Nevada and then at newspaper journalism in California. The writer gained international recognition with the publication of his classic humorous short story "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," first published in 1865. Mark Twain is generally regarded as a humorist but he is also understood by literary critics as being a serious philosopher and an astute analyzer of the antebellum and post Civil War American society of his time. Twain's most famous novels are The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Prince and the Pauper and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. Other important Mark Twain works are the books: Roughing It, Life on the Mississippi and Innocents Abroad, and some short literary sketches from the last mentioned three books have been used in organizing this outrageous satire/parody. Twain: Tattered, Trounced, Tortured and Traumatized is author Jay Dubya's thirty-sixth published book.

How do you fight a zombie if you are armed with only a shovel and are being pursued down a street? How can you raise a body of like minded individuals to defend your territory or to expand during the Zompoc? What is the Zompoc and what is a zombie? This book was written to answer these questions and much more. Many books recommend particular weapon types but they are always described by those with no experience of these items. As well as providing information we think is important we also offer more specific advice and guidance based upon the many questions we received from the readers of our first book. In Zompoc: How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse (HTSAZA) we covered all the key areas that would be of concern with regards to survival, basic combat and overall strategies for the apocalypse. Some of the most popular parts of the book were the sections on long term survival and on the specifics of weapons and tactics when fighting zombies. It was with these points in mind that we produced this new additional to the Zompoc library.

Do you think that you know "The Situation"? Take the quiz and find out.Here's how to get your situation up to the level of the Situation
Listen, dawg. You're probably hitting the gym, doing your tanning, and picking up fresh laundry every day. And maybe you've had some success beating up the beat and creeping on chicks in the club. But do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro.
This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable, given your physical limitations (because we can't all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off). We start with GTL-the bedrock of life itself. And then we hit the GTL Remix-the rules for getting your personal grooming did. From there it's my guide to the Jersey Shore, battle plans for the club, a primer on grenades and wingmen, and tips for ridding yourself of all levels of clinger. Then I look at the big picture: how to cook the perfect lasagna, how to find a life partner, and how to deal with being one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.
This is the bible for Situation Nation. Read it, live it, and crush it.

Do you want to be rich? Really rich? Like, Tom Selleck rich? Buy this book and we guarantee a lifetime of obscene wealth---or your money back *
The Florida Panhandle's most renowned top-gun entrepreneurs, The Dollar Bills, will teach you all the tricks of the trade to get rich fast and look great doing it:
--Learn "The 5 Cs of Credit" (Cancun, Convertibles, Cognac, Chinchilla Coats, Cuticles)
--Invest in exotic pets and floating assets (i.e., cigarette boats, pontoon boats, and other personal watercraft)
--Get to know Freddie Mac, and learn why he should be respected (he was the hard-hitting, two-time Pro Bowl safety for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers during the mid-'80s)
"Loaded : Become a Millionaire Overnight and Lose 20 Pounds in 2 Weeks, or Your Money Back" shares all these hot tips, and many, many more--from the investing pair with the Midas touch Turn your life---and your bathroom fixtures---to 24-karat gold with The Dollar Bills

*We're never giving you your money back.

O. Henry: Obscenely and Outrageously Obliterated is a collection of eighteen classic William Sidney Porter "surprise ending" short stories/novellas that have been imaginatively rewritten and satirized into adult parody form featuring adult content and language. This extremely humorous book is author' Jay Dubya's 34th published work. When the writer was a New Jersey public school English teacher for thirty-four years, he often enjoyed teaching and reading O. Henry's "influential literature" with his sometimes-enlightened middle and high school students. Even though O. Henry (1862-1910) had died at a very young age, he still managed to remarkably write over five hundred short stories and anecdotal sketches. W.S. Porter's fiction often occurs in familiar U.S. environments and settings that he had known well during his short tenure on this planet, particularly New York City, Southern Texas, the mountains of Tennessee, Central America and the post Civil War American South. Most interestingly, many of O. Henry's terrific short stories were authored while he was in jail. In 1892 Porter moved to Texas and soon became a teller at an Austin bank where the institution's officials accused him of illegally manipulating funds into his own account. Porter fled to Central America but upon returning to the states after his wife became very ill, the on-the-lam short story author was captured and then convicted. Thus, one of O. Henry's most famous stories "A Retrieved Reformation" involves safecracker Jimmy Valentine getting out of prison and in a geographical sense, the writer's humorous stories "Shoes" and "Shoes and Ships" both take place in Coralio, an imaginary seacoast village in Central America. It is widely believed that the unique writing name "O. Henry" had been conceived in honor of a certain security guard named Orrin Henry, who had been employed at the federal penitentiary where the literary genius William Sidney Porter had been serving his bank felony sentence.

You don't know how lucky you are. You have a Computer Geek in your realm. You have that Special Someone who is always there for you, for free, to fix, well, just about anything and everything that happens to your computer. They are your personal "always-on-call" computer "fixers;" your personal helper with All Things Computer.

"The definitive guide for injecting humor into the workplace. This is the ultimate step-by-step manual, designed to give you control over your work culture. With humor, laughter, and play, you can create a work environment that will attract the very best people and coax the very best performances out of them." KARYN BUXMAN, President, Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, and Publisher, The Journal of Nursing Jocularity. This is your manual for infusing humor into your business, corporation, college, or university to create a fun work environment. You are probably laughing right now and thinking: Fun in my organization? You must be kidding. You do not know the people I work with. They end sentences with prepositions all the time. It is written expressly for corporate leaders, such as HR directors, managers, and trainers, and college administrators and faculty. Unlike available books on the topic, this one reveals 45 tips that are critical to the success of humor in the workplace and in the classroom, K-college: choosing the right stuff, delivering humor like a pro, practicing your performance, considering the most important characteristics of your audience, and creating an atmosphere conducive to fun. The author presents specific guidelines for setting standards for appropriate humor and also out-of-bounds offensive humor, such as put-downs, sarcasm, ridicule, and sexual content and innuendo. In these turbulent financial times, can you afford to ignore the bottom line? Humor can boost productivity, increase retention, improve recruitment, decrease absenteeism, improve morale, and decrease stress, tension, and anxiety, plus 20 other individual and relational benefits. It is a WIN-WIN proposition. A BONUS CHAPTER is also included on how to create TV, movie, and Broadway parodies you can use in meetings, workshops, team-building exercises, and teaching and training.

Humorist and wordsmith extraordinaire Matthew Goldberg shares over two hundred and fifty fake words for others to learn and use as they attempt to heal themselves from "carpool tunnel syndrome, " battle strange hankerings for good old-fashioned "Talibanjo" music, and watch helplessly as their dogs conk out from "barkolepsy."Goldberg was unintentionally born into a family that has always used words creatively and he relies on his internal artistic fire to share both one-word and multiple-word entries, called wordapods. While introducing such words and phrases as "boredello, anthropomurphic, " and "hit-and-shun" accident, Goldberg includes definitions, sample sentences, ways to master the word, and trivia that will both entertain and inform. Goldberg interviews dozens of fascinating characters that help define the words including Vegestarian Mars Greenman, Pastafari Scholar Tosh Kingsmon, and baseball fan and original "boob bird" Clara Heatley.Meant for the creative word enthusiast, the budding "semantician, " and for anyone with a good sense of humor, "Wordapodia: Volume One" provides a unique compilation of new words, fun facts, and observations. So, hold your breath, grab on to your "caribooster seat, " and get ready for a wild ride through one man's imagination.

Imagine an ordinary life, neither very happy nor particularly miserable until "a simple gift" changed everything. Now you are never able to buy regular gasoline without paying high-test prices. This happened to me, and I had to uncover the secret behind this gypsy curse. This is my life... I hope it is never yours

An unabridged, illustrated edition of Mark Twain's classic, to include over 50 drawings by Lester Ralph

This genuine imitation of Sarah Palins diary, fabricated by a bona fide satirist, reveals spurious behind-the-scenes happenings with all your favorite mavericks from the extended Palin familyTodd, Bristol, Piper, Willow, Trig, Levi Johnston, John McCain, and Joe the Plumber. Theyre all here and more! Inside youll find the ersatz adventures of Americas favorite hockey mom, including such fallacious details as . . . How Bristol revealed her little secret. Going rogue with Joe the Plumber. Books the former Governor would love to ban. How to speak Maverick. Why John McCain chose to run with Miss Wasilla. Waterboarding Tina Fey. What happened to all those ritzy clothes. The concession speech she never gave. Campaign slogans for 2012. Will this laugh-out-loud lampoon of Sarah Palins intimate story give you an enlightening peek inside the most astonishing mind in American politics? You betcha! About the Author: Joey Green, a former contributing editor to the National Lampoon, is the author of dozens of books, including Selling Out, The Zen of Oz, Monica Speaks, You Know Youve Reached Middle Age If..., The Jolly President (or Letters George Bush Never Read), and Famous Failures. He has appeared on Good Morning America, The View, and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and he has been profiled in the New York Times and People. He lives in Los Angeles.

Uncensored.

Unrestrained.

Un-politically correct.

It's a little-known fact that President Bush -- known to his Instant Messenger buddies as "Kickass43" -- has logged almost as much time chatting online as he has clearing brush at Crawford.

Now this hilarious collection of imaginary online correspondence between the POTUS and pals sheds light and empathy on W's tumultuous second term in office. Whether it's dodging Harriet Miers after the fallout of her Supreme Court nomination, hosting a live online chat with the nation's schoolchildren to disastrous effect, or the surprising late-night alliance with Bill Clinton ("Ladeezman42") because both wish to keep Hillary out of the White House, you'll never look at politics the same way again.Gleefully poking fun at political figures on both sides of the divide, "The President's Secret IMs" is wickedly clever, deliciously irreverent, and in the words of Kickass43, "ttly awesum" and "gr8." Srsly.

Were there not some amid all that fashionable throng in whom ideals of purity and true womanhood lived-- some who cared enough for the sacredness of real love to cry upon this hollow mockery that was being used to ensnare the simple, honest soldier? There was only one, and she was at that moment entering the drawing room for the purpose of being presented to the general. Need I name her.

What if...William Shakespeare had written "The Big Lebowski"?
The Dude has met the Bard--and he doth abide.
Join "The Knave" and Sir Walter on a wild tale of mistaken identity, kidnapping, bowling, and a rug that, in faith, really tied the room together--in a sidesplitting Shakespearean comedy of errors and ninepins, told in five glorious acts of iambic pentameter and impeccable period prose.
Already a theatrical hit and a worldwide viral phenomenon, "Two Gentlemen of Lebowski "comes alive anew in this definitive and lavishly illustrated edition, featuring recently discovered historical engravings, scholarly annotations, and a revelatory afterword from the author.

Sportsman. Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But ten years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland's most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures. His accomplishments on the rugby field - and in the bedroom - remain the stuff of legend, but the truth about him remains hidden by the accretion of myth. Now, for the first time, the lid is lifted on the enigma that is South Dublin's most eligible married man. In more than a hundred interviews with his family and friends - those who've loved him, hated him and slept with him - the first ever composite portrait of the Celtic Tiger's most famous cub emerges. From the mother who didn't want him to the father who wanted him too much, from the friends who shared his misadventures to the women who shared his bed - or, failing that, a back alley or bus shelter - this searingly honest biography fills in all the blanks in the life of the self-styled Cock of Foxrock. 'One-liners are as sharp as ever' Irish Independent 'You'll look at Ross O'Carroll-Kelly in a whole new light ... highly enjoyable' Sunday Tribune 'Always a funny, sharp and humane writer' Irish Times

This cleverly titled BLANK BOOK is a perfect gift for tickling funny bones of believers and skeptics alike The 8 1/2" x 5 1/2" trade paperback features 90 pages of quality white paper completely uncontaminated by printing (Save for headers and footers.) It's perfect for doodling, making notes, folding origami, or ranting about the other side. In emergencies, it also doubles as toilet paper. (Softness and efficacy not guaranteed for this use ) As an added bonus, if you buy today, you will receive an extra 7 pages of blank white paper bound in with the rest Ninety-seven blank pages in all (Along with three pages of pesky titles and legal information, for a not-so-grand total of 100 pages.) The book comes complete with a glossy, full-color cover suitable for framing. The back cover features sarcastic copy sure to drive home the paperback's satirical intent. Be sure to look for other BLANK BOOKS in the From the Secret Files... ser

As indicated by the title, "NUNS ON A CHAIN GANG ," this is a listing of over 300 wacko/humorous(sometimes irreverent) "stuff" that you NEVER- EVER see -- for example: "Preparation H" gift certificates All entries are the author's original and creative concepts. Illustrations are purposely not included, as the author encourages readers to imagine/ visualize each entry through their own mind's eye, thus making this an interactive, witty, tongue-in-cheek experience.