'I have the best ghosts, everyone says so' President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim... 'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'

From an Emmy Award-winning writer, witty and hilarious advice to classic literary characters-from Lady Macbeth to Victor Frankenstein-on how to cope with their most arduous, "real-life" struggles. What would happen if your favorite literary characters wrote in to ask for help from an advice columnist? What suggestions would Hester Prynne need to cope with the judgemental neighbors? What if Mrs. Bennett from Pride and Prejudice asked for tips about managing her financial woes? Emmy Award-winning writer Jay Bushman imaginatively considers those scenarios and dozens more as Aunt Antigone, the "agony aunt" who dishes practical advice, along with a fair dose of snark. Grouped by theme, Novel Advice features our favorite and most beloved literary characters from all genres as they write in to Aunt Antigone for help with their "real-world" problems. Discover what Aunt Antigone has to say when Ophelia and Ishmael ask about their dating woes, when Dr. Jekyll searches for the perfect work/life balance, or when Scarlett O'Hara wants tips about the best way to handle stress. Perfect for fans of Texts from Jane Eyre, Tequila Mockingbird, and booklovers everywhere, this book is a hilarious and thought-provoking look at our favorite literary characters seeking help from an advice column with her own dramatic background.

Face it: You were awesome when you were a kid. You feared nothing. You spoke your mind. You tried new things. You had imagination. Now you play by the rules, dress appropriately and choose politeness over self-expression. Well, life's too short for that and this book proves it. Vintage photographs of real kids doing awesome stuff-wearing footie pj's, eating sugar cereal, napping and showing off-accompany witty captions that poke fun at the doldrums of adult life and remind us to unleash our inner kid. With a hilarious dose of 80s and 90s nostalgia, just enough snark and an ultimately uplifting message, I Was an Awesomer Kid is a great gift for all who are young at heart . . . or wish they still were!

'It's a long time since I have enjoyed a novel so much. Fresh, witty and smart it also has a heart.' KATE ATKINSON 'Sizzles with uproarious fun, from its snout to the sting in its tale.' INDEPENDENT 'The perfect tonic for testing times.' GUARDIAN We all know politics is absurd. But could a Republican be brought down by a stuffed aardvark? Republican congressman Alexander Paine Wilson is determined that nothing will stop him in his campaign for re-election. Not the fact that he is a bachelor, not the fact that his main adversary Nancy Beavers - married, with children - is rising in the polls. Nothing. That is, until one hot day in August, he receives a large parcel via FedEx. Inside is a gigantic taxidermied aardvark. This aardvark has a surprising history - from the Victorian naturalist who discovered it to the taxidermist who deemed it his finest creation. But for Wilson, the entrance of the aardvark sets off a chain of events that threaten to ruin his entire career. Constantly surprising, brilliantly comic and piquantly provocative, Enter the Aardvark is a tale for our times, a biting satire with a tender underbelly. ____________________________________________ 'Sometimes, a paragraph near the start of a novel is so perfect and funny that you read it over and over, laugh every time, and know you're in for a treat...I'm loving this. Completely insane but utterly hilarious'. JOHN BOYNE 'Spry, slim, clever...the inventiveness is impressive and the story has heart' THE SUNDAY TIMES 'What begins as a topical takedown of the American political system deepens into a hugely enjoyable romp through history.' OBSERVER 'Fresh, astute and mouthwateringly sharp, this is a rare thing; a political satire that tugs on the heartstrings in unconventional ways.' IRISH TIMES 'Sharp, inventive and very funny, it's an entertainingly bizarre political satire.' TATLER 'Part 21st-century political satire, part unexpectedly affecting 19th-century love story...It's every bit as strange as it sounds, and yet somehow it works' DAILY MAIL 'Old, dead creature brings down flash, vain senator... Out in front as the most fizzing and amusing novel of the year.' STRONG WORDS magazine 'A blisteringly innovative and outrageous novel.' NY OBSERVER 'Weird, wonderful, and very much of the moment, Enter the Aardvark is a landmark political novel of the Trump era...With heart and humor, Anthony expertly skewers our current political climate.' ESQUIRE 'Inventive and darkly funny...as Anthony connects characters from today with those from 19th-century England, she offers an original and unsettling lens through which to view male power as it has evolved over time.' TIME 'Enter Jessica Anthony. With her highly inventive, ever attentive, and morally serious (as all great comedy must be) Enter the Aardvark, she estranges all over again our deplorable political moment, and thereby helps make it bearable.' JOSHUA FERRIS 'Mischievously zoological and darkly satirical - a brilliant novel' JOHN IRONMONGER, author of NOT FORGETTING THE WHALE 'A feverish, rollicking beast of a book. Totally assured, completely unpredictable, Jessica Anthony has created a true original.' SIMON WROE, author of CHOP CHOP and HERE COMES TROUBLE

A hilarious (and mock) insight into the weird and wonderful world of the Premier League's most endearingly eccentric player

""He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us--well, maybe not Gary Neville--but the rest of us most definitely." --Noel Gallagher"

Mario Balotelli is one of the most talked-about footballers in the Premier League: from his on-pitch talent to his off-pitch mishaps, he is one of those rare players whose fame has spread beyond "Match of the Day" and reached the watercooler. Everyone wants to know just what Super Mario will get up to next. Here, for the first time, fans are invited to take a glimpse into the "private ponderings" of the man who is famously unable to put on a bib without help, who set off fireworks in his own bathroom, who went to the store for cleaning products and came home with a trampoline and a Vespa, and who is rumored to be allergic to grass. Just what, exactly, is going on underneath that fabulous chicken hat? A must for all football fans, this book will have even Man U fans laughing out loud.

These days there are rules for everything and terrible consequences for disobeying them. Find out how easy it is tie yourself in knots with Red Tape . . . 'Your call is important to us,' says the lady on the help-line. The call is important because it is currently making the company 48p per minute.' __________ 'Sam has forgotten her password so she cannot access her e-mail account. She can reset her password using a memorable name, but she has forgotten her memorable name too, so the account locks. Sam automatically receives a link so she can reset her password. It is sent to her e-mail account.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The Sicke, The Meeting, The Zombie Apocalypse, and more.

You may take my balls
But I will lick what remains
And then, dear, your face

Imagine if your dog could talk to you. Better still, imagine if it could express its innermost feelings in poetic form.

This hilarious, insightful book confirms what we've all long suspected - that inside every dog is the soul of a poet. From retrieving sticks to rivalry with cats; from cold winter walks to endlessly chasing tennis balls, no stone of a dog's life is left unturned.

With a delightful photo alongside every haiku, this is the perfect gift for any dog lover.

THE PERFECT GIFT for the Do-Gooder in your life. (Don't you just hate them?) _________________________________________________ The do-gooder does all sorts of crazy things. It can be something as easy as running a marathon, or as difficult as dressing up. To make this eccentric behaviour seem less like a cry for help or the beginnings of a substantial personal crisis, the do-gooder does it for charity. _________________________________________________ Vernon has a job as a street fundraiser for the R.N.L.I. He wears a high-visibility jacket, a high visibility and high visibility trousers. Everybody on the street still pretends they cannot see him. _________________________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who spends Christmas Day counting the minutes until the Boxing Day sales start. __________________________________ 'There are two important days at Christmas. There is Christmas Day, when everyone is jolly and hungry and very pleased to see each other. And there is Boxing Day' __________________________________ 'Jonathan and Oriane have gone for a Boxing Day walk with Transformers the dog. Walking is healthy. It will help them digest their dinner. And by the time they get home, Jonathan's father might have finished being racist and fallen asleep in his liquorice allsorts.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

The perfect companion for those extremely hardworking colleagues, who like to pull sickies . . . 'Lawrence and Ben are enjoying a bout of imaginary food poisoning. Food poisoning is always good because it's over quickly and nobody likes to hear stories about toilets.' __________ 'When Jesse gets home from a very big party, he phones his manager and leaves a message. Now he does not have to get up early to call in sick. 'Calling the office at 3:07am is exactly what someone with a real cold would do,' Jesse thinks to himself as he falls asleep on his stairs with a kebab for a pillow.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The Red Tape, The Meeting, The Zombie Apocalypse, and more.

Written by bestselling author Boris Starling, Teenagers is one of the first titles in the brand new Haynes Explains series. A light-hearted and entertaining take on the classic workshop manual, it contains everything you'd expect to see including exploded views, flow charts, fault diagnosis and the odd wiring diagram. It takes the reader through all stages of teenage life, giving them all the hints and tips needed to keep them running smoothly.

"This does indeed deserve comparisons with Blackadder" Radio Times "A knockabout, well-researched take on the working and domestic life of Shakespeare." The Guardian It's the 1590s. William Shakespeare - brought to life on screen by the inimitable David Mitchell - is at the start of his career. But no one is taking him seriously. In London, he is mercilessly mocked by his rivals and at home in Stratford he is belittled by his sullen teenage daughter. Yet he is determined to find an ending for his newest creation Romeo and Juliet. Luckily, inspiration is forthcoming. The trials and tribulations of his closest friends and family reveal the plot twists he'd been missing. And not only for this famous tragedy but for many of his finest plays. With sparkling wordplay, hilarious gags and his trademark wit, Ben Elton celebrates the great William Shakespeare and reveals the startling stories behind the playwright's best-known plays.

The perfect guide for those spending a little too much time in the shed . . . Using your shed as an office is called shedworking. Bunny works from his shed. He is a freelance cow-whisperer. At least, that's what he tells his wife. Bunny is unemployed. __________ 'Michael and Gwen are looking for the placemats Gwen's mother bought them for Christmas. 'Quick,' says Gwen. 'She will be here in twenty minutes!' 'I bet we hid them in here,' says Michael, closing himself inside the quiet shed. Michael says he will not give up looking for the mats in the shed, even if it takes him all day.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The People Next Door, The Zombie Apocalypse, The Meeting, and more.

The PERFECT GIFT for your long-suffering wife or prospective bride. Or, for any fool of a husband or seriously deluded groom-to-be who hasn't yet understood what he's signed up for. -------------------- Tina is getting married. It is the best day of her life. Next year, she will claim that becoming a mother was the best day of her life, but only because she was on some very strong drugs. Neither is true. The best day of her life was on her eighth birthday, when she got a yellow bike. -------------------- The wife likes surprises. Her favourite sort is a surprise birthday party. It is the husband's job to organise this surprise for her, and to keep her informed of every detail about it. -------------------- This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

The PERFECT STOCKING FILLER for anyone who has been having the same argument since 2001 or who no longer has ANY of their own clothes left, i.e. someone who is, or has ever been a sister. 'This is a sister. Wherever you go, whatever you do, a sister will always be there. Which can get really annoying.' _____________ 'Over the years, Gareth has bought his sister Kelly every possible birthday present he can find related to the film he remembers her enjoying in 1989. Kelly has had to come to terms with the idea that though they spent half their lives together, Gareth was not really paying attention for most of it.' This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who not only loves watching their favourite TV series over and over, but also enjoys reading online forums about their favourite TV series over and over. __________________________________ 'This is a nerd. He has a PhD and works in the biochemistry lab of a university hospital. But this is not what makes him a nerd. His catalogued and indexed collection of over 6,000 empty crisp packets does that.' __________________________________ 'These nerds have paid money to see a film they think is terrible and have seen at least thirty times before. They are having the most fun they can possibly have.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister How it Works: The Baby The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star A Ladybird First Grown-Up Picture Book Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

The PERFECT GIFT for anyone who has ever broken up with someone or ever been broken up with, or is about to take a trip to Break-up City, population you. 'Ah well,' thinks Martin. 'At least she left me a packet of cigarettes and a little bicycle made out of pipe cleaners.' _____________ Rocco paid a fortune for the website getdianeback.com but it failed to get Diane back. So Rocco built a new Diane in his shed. The Diane runs on a 1kW motor, can run most Android apps, and will probably not run off with Rocco's brother. This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist

This easy-to-follow-through guide lifts the lid on toilet marks and unlocks the secret of your secretions. A divination guide for bowel-on-bowl action, this book will develop your innate intuition skills and reveal the mysteries of symbolics. But this is not just symbolics; this is some really deep shit. Sifting through the crap to the find the sweetcorn of truth, this is an illustrated guide to the meaning of that which comes from our souls. Say it loud. Our souls. Our souls. Our souls. Crap Divination is the turd-teller's Tarot, the butt-bean favomancer's friend, the smelly-pebble pessomancer's pamphlet and is your guide to the dark art of reading dark marks. "It's a load of shite if you ask me. Not the book. The book's alright." S. Mears "I once did two turds and one spooned the other. What does this mean?" [review does not meet the criteria for verification. Send it on to Clive in Accounts though as I'm sure he did a spooner once] About the author: Dingleberry Marx knows he's shit. He also knows his shit.

'Hilarious and thought-provoking, the Man Who Has It All highlights the ridiculousness of the patronising advice thrown at working mums every day by reimagining it with dads in mind.' The Unmumsy Mum While women are bombarded with advice about how to be the perfect mum, how to have a successful career and have glowing skin all at the same time, men have been left floundering. Thank God, then, for From Frazzled to Fabulous, which for the first time shows men how they, too, can have it all. As well as giving essential tips for career men and busy working dads, From Frazzled to Fabulous isn't afraid to address the big questions. Can curvy dads ever be truly happy? Can you be a dad and still feel sexy? This hilarious and eye-opening book, drawn from the hugely popular Twitter and Facebook accounts of the Man Who Has It All, offers men helpful advice about what your face shape says about your parenting skills, why staying hydrated will improve your career prospects and how dressing in your 'wow' colours will get you heard around the boardroom table. Seizing the stories we hear and throwing them back at us with a twist, the results are funny, unsettling and surprisingly revolutionary.

Compiled from the notes of four zombie gnome experts (among them a Van Helsing-like zombie gnome hunter and a gardening columnist), this guide includes a detailed study of zombie gnome habits, hiding places, and offensive tactics, as well as an intimate history of the zombie gnome rise and eventual war with humanity. Empty-eyed, shambling, and hungry for human ankles, the zombie gnome population is on the rise, infesting the backyards of suburbia and attacking innocent lawn ornaments everywhere. While chances of human survival are minimal, readers can arm themselves with The Zombie Gnome Defense Guide to combat their tiny, undead enemies. Offering strategies for defense against a zombie gnome invasion, the book provides an extensive list of essential weapons and DIY home-fortification tips. Rare illustrations of zombie gnomes in their natural habitat and a priceless collection of never-before-seen photos (housed in an envelope in the back of the book) make this the go-to guide for survivalists in a zombie gnome-infested world.

It's closing time at the brewery. While the moon rises, the brewery crew-including three little otters (in charge of the water), a wort hog, and a hops wildebeest-introduce us to the brewing equipment, ingredients, and styles of beer. Join this fanciful crew as they close down for the evening and say goodnight to the brew kettle, barley and yeast, hops and mash, saison, porter, IPA, and much more. Befuddled about beer ingredients? Puzzled about the brew process? Can't remember the difference between an ale and a lager? Don't miss the brew infographics that follow the story! This humorous parody of a children's literature classic is a "pitcher book" for grown-ups. It's a besotted bedtime story for beer lovers everywhere!