Compiled from the notes of four zombie gnome experts (among them a Van Helsing-like zombie gnome hunter and a gardening columnist), this guide includes a detailed study of zombie gnome habits, hiding places, and offensive tactics, as well as an intimate history of the zombie gnome rise and eventual war with humanity. Empty-eyed, shambling, and hungry for human ankles, the zombie gnome population is on the rise, infesting the backyards of suburbia and attacking innocent lawn ornaments everywhere. While chances of human survival are minimal, readers can arm themselves with The Zombie Gnome Defense Guide to combat their tiny, undead enemies. Offering strategies for defense against a zombie gnome invasion, the book provides an extensive list of essential weapons and DIY home-fortification tips. Rare illustrations of zombie gnomes in their natural habitat and a priceless collection of never-before-seen photos (housed in an envelope in the back of the book) make this the go-to guide for survivalists in a zombie gnome-infested world.

In the grand tradition of The Diary of a Nobody comes the secret diary of the twenty-first century's most unlikely leader: Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn is a committed allotment holder, expert jam maker, dedicated manhole cover inspector... oh, and occasional Leader of Her Majesty's Opposition. When not cycling around his beloved Islington or tending to his courgettes, he spends his time frantically dodging MPs, spin doctors and vicious journalists craving his opinion on Brexit. In these tumultuous times, everyone wants a piece of the beardy firebrand. So who is the man behind the corduroy? The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn plunges readers into a world of dizzying highs, crushing lows, fervent loyalty and bitter treachery - and that's just the section about the Highbury Pottery Club. Readers will be moved, amused and astonished by the wit and insight of politics' greatest outsider: the man, the legend, Jeremy Corbyn.

"This does indeed deserve comparisons with Blackadder" Radio Times "A knockabout, well-researched take on the working and domestic life of Shakespeare." The Guardian It's the 1590s. William Shakespeare - brought to life on screen by the inimitable David Mitchell - is at the start of his career. But no one is taking him seriously. In London, he is mercilessly mocked by his rivals and at home in Stratford he is belittled by his sullen teenage daughter. Yet he is determined to find an ending for his newest creation Romeo and Juliet. Luckily, inspiration is forthcoming. The trials and tribulations of his closest friends and family reveal the plot twists he'd been missing. And not only for this famous tragedy but for many of his finest plays. With sparkling wordplay, hilarious gags and his trademark wit, Ben Elton celebrates the great William Shakespeare and reveals the startling stories behind the playwright's best-known plays.

Jack Dee has been very busy during lockdown and would like to update everybody on what he's been up to. While the nation has been baking bread and clearing out cupboards, Jack has retrained online as a psychotherapist and is now open for business. After FOUR HOURS study, he has a certificate of completion from The Ruislip College of Advansed Learning [sic]. If you have an emotional, relationship, work or other issue that you need help with, or if you've just totally lost your sh*t and can't take it anymore, then he would love to hear from you. This book will be a rich compendium of your problems along with Jack's unique, very professional, advice.

In this "must-read for women everywhere" (Lori Harder, author of A Tribe Called Bliss), the New York Times bestselling authors of I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies and Nice Is Just a Place in France and founders of Betches.com give us a guide on how to thrive professionally, get ahead in the workforce, and basically become the Beyonce of whatever you aspire to do. We get it. You run shit. You can go from being blackout at drunk brunch to being ready to meet your new boyfriend's parents in two seconds. But how do you go from being the boss of your personal life to taking charge of your career? That's where the Betches come in. We are dedicated to making you the most successful, betchiest career woman you can be. After all, we only became Betches after we worked like, really hard. And now we're confident enough to help you become the best. You're welcome. You can thank us later. As New York Times bestselling author Jessica Knoll says, "I only ever want the cold, hard truth from a betch." So whether you're trying to become a CEO, navigate an office hookup, or just save enough money to go to happy hour twice a week, we're here to help. It's time to channel your inner Elle Woods, Miranda Priestly, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Per our last email, you better read this.

Little White Lies film magazine presents a The Flip Side of Jurassic Park, a comic spin on a cult classic. A fleeting yet delightful flipbook experience, The Flip Side of Jurassic Park is the physical embodiment of a one-liner – the perfect gift for the dinosaur-loving fan.  Discover other The Flip Side of… flipbooks by Little White Lies: The Flip Side of Alien and The Flip Side of Pulp Fiction.

A hilarious (and mock) insight into the weird and wonderful world of the Premier League's most endearingly eccentric player

""He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us--well, maybe not Gary Neville--but the rest of us most definitely." --Noel Gallagher"

Mario Balotelli is one of the most talked-about footballers in the Premier League: from his on-pitch talent to his off-pitch mishaps, he is one of those rare players whose fame has spread beyond "Match of the Day" and reached the watercooler. Everyone wants to know just what Super Mario will get up to next. Here, for the first time, fans are invited to take a glimpse into the "private ponderings" of the man who is famously unable to put on a bib without help, who set off fireworks in his own bathroom, who went to the store for cleaning products and came home with a trampoline and a Vespa, and who is rumored to be allergic to grass. Just what, exactly, is going on underneath that fabulous chicken hat? A must for all football fans, this book will have even Man U fans laughing out loud.

Otters are some of the most delightful animals on the planet. These long, lean, furry creatures embody pure joy in so many ways - they live for napping, playing, making friends and eating, and forget about the rest. Pretty inspiring, right? In a world that can often seem divided, lonely, and just plain cruel, the otter reminds us of what's important in life. What other animal: * Holds hands with their friends whilst napping so they don't float away? * Communicates in a flurry of whistles, chirps, chuckles, clicks and coos? * Builds a waterslide on a daily basis? * Befriends other species, just because? * Eats food off their tummy while floating peacefully with their pals? These intelligent, adorable, water-dwelling mammals have a lot to teach us about the way we live. So, kick back, grab a pal, dive in and reconnect with your playful side, just like you otter!

The Mr. Men have been tickling children for generations with their funny and charming antics. The Mr Men for Grown-Ups series now gives adults the chance to laugh along as the Mr Men and Little Miss try to cope with the very grown-up world around them. Featuring Roger Hargreaves classic artwork alongside hilariously funny new text. Mr Greedy loves to eat, but when everyone around him seems to be juicing and exercising, he decides it's time to make some changes. Will Mr Greedy get lean with the help of his friends? The perfect book for anyone who's ever tried to kick start their life with a diet which promises a new improved you. Also available in The Mr Men for Grown-Ups series: Little Miss Shy Goes Online Dating, Mr Happy and the Office Party and Little Miss Busy Surviving Motherhood, Mr Grumpy Nails Fatherhood and Little Miss Lucky is Getting Married.

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who spends Christmas Day counting the minutes until the Boxing Day sales start. __________________________________ 'There are two important days at Christmas. There is Christmas Day, when everyone is jolly and hungry and very pleased to see each other. And there is Boxing Day' __________________________________ 'Jonathan and Oriane have gone for a Boxing Day walk with Transformers the dog. Walking is healthy. It will help them digest their dinner. And by the time they get home, Jonathan's father might have finished being racist and fallen asleep in his liquorice allsorts.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

Written by bestselling author Boris Starling, Teenagers is one of the first titles in the brand new Haynes Explains series. A light-hearted and entertaining take on the classic workshop manual, it contains everything you'd expect to see including exploded views, flow charts, fault diagnosis and the odd wiring diagram. It takes the reader through all stages of teenage life, giving them all the hints and tips needed to keep them running smoothly.

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who likes a glass of red. And a double gin. And a vodka shot. And a flaming tequila. And a candy floss caipirinha . . . and a small Bahama Mama. __________________________________ 'A good hangover should be a total mystery to you. How did this happen? Why do you feel so ill? Pretend to yourself that you drank less than you did. Insist you stuck to beer, forgetting the champagne at the start of the evening and the round of jalapeno tequilas you did for a bet in that club next to the dual carriageway at 2am.' __________________________________ 'What a confusing world it can seem with a hangover. Sit as still as you can. Do not attempt to make any decisions. Look out of the window. Can you recognise simple shapes or colours? Is there a moon or a sun in the sky? What sort of a name might you have? Where might there be bacon?' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

Is your eyesight failing, are you not very good at driving yourself or are you simply blind drunk? These are just a few of the reasons why it would make perfect sense to teach your dog to be your new chauffeur. Here, for the first time, is a complete guide: how to get your dog acquainted with the controls, which breeds are the safest drivers, frequently asked questions; and how to get your dog successfully through their tests. Never again need you wait for a taxi, or make that long motorway drive unassisted. If you are a dog owner and a car owner, then How to Teach Your Dog to Drive will be the most useful book you buy this year, or even this decade . . .

'I have the best ghosts, everyone says so' President Ebenezer Trump is a rich old fool, whose heart is as small as his hands and whose words are as false as his hair. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by three spirits, all intent on changing his evil ways: Bill Clinton, the jovial Ghost of Christmas Past; Barack Obama, the big-eared Ghost of Christmas Present; and the terrifying Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, who shows him how abolishing Obamacare will finish off Tiny Tim... 'This Scrooge is gonna be yooooge...'

As Brexit reaches its final stretch, find a way to laugh through the pain and or celebrate the end with Ladybird's hilarious and essential guide, The Story of Brexit. 'Hilarious' STYLIST ________ '"Leaving was the will of the people" sighs Angelica's father. He voted to leave. Angelica voted to remain, but she feels the same way. "It is the will of the people," she sighs. They stare at the ducks. They like the ducks. Ducks are better than people.' ________ 'Brexit gave us lots of exciting new words, like brextremist, remoaner, bremoaner, remaybe, breprehensible, remaintenance, brexorcist, remaidstone, brex-girlfriend, remange, brextortion, remayhem and bregret. The new words make it harder for foreigners to understand what we are saying. In a tough, new international business world, small advantages such as this can be crucial.' ________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'The latest offering in the hilarious Ladybird for Grown Ups series is a funny mickey-take of the Brexit debate (and boy, do we need some fun)' Sunday Post

Did Silence of the Lambs leave you reaching for a smooth bottle of dry red wine? After reading The Shining did you have an unaccountable urge to sip a red rum concoction? And did Bram Stoker's Dracula induce a craving for... well, perhaps the less said about that the better. If so, fear not - you are not alone! Chilling Cocktails is a creepy compendium of 50 drinks inspired by the most frightening horror stories ever written. Each delicious recipe is accompanied by dark and compelling facts and anecdotes about the inspiring story, certain to get you in the mood for a cool refreshment. What's more, if you can keep your appetite after reading the grisly details, a selection of complementary snack ideas are also sprinkled throughout. Try pairing 'Dracula's Kiss' with some 'Night of the Living Dead Cheddar Bites'. Or 'Carrie's Prom Punch' with 'Paranormal eggtivity Deviled Eggs'. The perfect gift for the horror and booze fan in your life, Chilling Cocktails is all you need to get the party started for your next horror movie night or Halloween party - just make sure the doors and windows are locked first!

_______________________ The autobiography everyone has been waiting for: a shockingly candid and raw confessional from an international treasure. The world's most trusted and beloved television News Anchor, Ron Burgundy, pulls no punches in Let Me Off at the Top! Burgundy tells the tale of his humble beginnings in a desolate Iowa coal-mining town to his years at Our Lady Queen of Chewbacca High School to his odds-defying climb to the dizzying heights of Anchordom. In his very own words Burgundy reveals his most private thoughts, his triumphs - and his disappointments. His life reads like an adventure story complete with knock-down fights, beautiful women and double-fisted excitement on every page. He has hunted jackalopes with Bobby Kennedy and Peter Lawford, had more than his share of amorous exploits and formed the greatest on-air team in the history of televised news. Along the way, he's hobnobbed with people you wish you knew and some you honestly wish you didn't- celebrities, presidents, presidents' wives, celebrities' wives, dogs and, of course, Veronica Corningstone, the love of his life. Who didn't Mr. Burgundy, or 'Ron', as he is known to his friends, rub elbows with in the course of his colourful and often criminal life? This may well be the most thrilling book ever written, by a man of great physical, moral and spiritual strength and, not surprisingly, a great literary talent as well. We owe it to him, and to ourselves, to read it. With never-before-seen photographs. Some in colour!

pistache (pis-tash): a friendly spoof or parody of another's work. [Deriv uncertain. Possibly a cross between pastiche and p**stake.] From Thomas Hardy's football report to Dan Brown's visit to the cash dispenser, the work of the great and the not-so-great is here sent up with little hope of coming down. Most of these pieces began their life on Radio Four's The Write Stuff, but have been retooled for the printed page. Others, such as Martin Amis's first day at Hogwarts, have been written specially for this collection. Philip Larkin's Lines in Celebration of the Queen Mother's 115th Birthday, first banned, then cut by the BBC, appears in its entirety for the first time. This is not a book for the faint-hearted or the downstairs lavatory. It is a book for the bedside table of someone you cannot live without.