These days there are rules for everything and terrible consequences for disobeying them. Find out how easy it is tie yourself in knots with Red Tape . . . 'Your call is important to us,' says the lady on the help-line. The call is important because it is currently making the company 48p per minute.' __________ 'Sam has forgotten her password so she cannot access her e-mail account. She can reset her password using a memorable name, but she has forgotten her memorable name too, so the account locks. Sam automatically receives a link so she can reset her password. It is sent to her e-mail account.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The Sicke, The Meeting, The Zombie Apocalypse, and more.

This long awaited volume finally brings to light several cases of the world's most renowned detective originally suppressed to avoid causing scandal and embarrassment to the Crown, to public figures, or to Sherlock Holmes himself. Now, finally, the truth is revealed about Holmes' exploits involving such figures as Ida Tarbell, Consuelo Vanderbilt, P.G. Wodehouse, and James McNeil Whistler. Related by diverse hands, including Watson, Inspector Lestrade, and Holmes himself, detailing untold incidents involving the Titanic, Holmes' rematch with Irene Adler, the childhoods of both Holmes and Watson, and one unfortunate result of Holmes' facility with disguise, this cornucopia of Sherlockiana will delight fans young and not-so-young.

Erma Bombeck has learned a few things about children and family over the years--and in a way that is uniquely and wonderfully her own, she shares everything she knows with her readers. Whether it's cleaning up after the kids and him, or expendable mothers-in-law, Erma Bombeck gets to the heart of the matter and makes us laugh through our tears.

The ultimate meditation book, not to be grandiose...
Take a hilarious, healing journey with Stuart Smalley as he careens down the road to Recovery. For one entire year Stuart recorded an affirmation a day...except when he had taken to his bed (but that's Okay)...and the result is the most entertaining and indispensable meditation book ever.
From program wisdom (Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt! December 1) to survival tips (When I Go Home to Visit My Family I Will Stay in a Motel! September 26) to some good sound practical advice (I am entitled to file for an Extension on my Income Taxes! April 15th), Stuart's affirmations will empower you!
Work, Friendship, Love, Spirituality, Codependency, Self-Esteem, Acceptance...Stuart deals with it all. And as you share his ups and downs, his triumphs and shame spirals, you will come to see the ultimate truth of Stuart's March 21st affirmation: Today I Will Laugh--At Least Once!

A fascinating and hilarious gallop through twentieth-century British history, by comedian Al Murray. An awful lot has happened in the last 100 years or so. In fact, when you look at how much went on in the 20th century, it's amazing it didn't take longer than that. And what have we learnt? A few obvious lessons include: megalomaniac men with moustaches in charge of countries tend to turn out to be BAD; anyone who thinks they can explain let alone sort out the Middle East is WRONG; France simply cannot be relied upon; America may or may not be the cause of everything GOOD and BAD in the world (depending on who you ask). This isn't your bog-standard history book. We all know that history books (Which Shall Not be Questioned because they ARE ALL TRUE according to our History Teachers of Yore) are dry and dull, and they go on as if there's only ONE version of history (spoiler: it's all about perspective). Enter Al Murray, alter-ego of everyone's favourite Pub Landlord. Al knows his way around 20th century Britain, and he's good enough to illuminate it for you. From the Big Bang of the 20th Century, DOUBLEYOUDOUBLEYOU ONE, to the eve of the new Millennium (when all the computers in the World DIDN'T stop working and the Queen had to do the Hokey Cokey with Tony Blair) and all the forgotten tales in between, this is a brilliantly funny, irreverent and eye-opening whistle-stop tour of Britain since 1914.

Learn all about the different kinds of meetings - brainstorms, catch-ups, face-to-face, virtual, unattended - and how to avoid them completely . . . 'People at work spend a lot of the day in meetings. Meetings are important because they give everyone a chance to talk about work. Which is easier than doing it.' __________ 'Rudd attends meetings remotely from his home office. He has three telephones, two Swiss desk intercoms, a fax machine and a wall-mounted theremin. Sometimes nobody speaks to him for days.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The People Next Door, The Sickie, The Zombie Apocalypse, and more.

The PERFECT GIFT for that superhero, saint, figure of worship or, if none of those apply, your plain dear old dad. 'Shawn has set up his own firework display in the garden. "Those big displays are rubbish," he tells his son. "You can't see a thing." When Shawn's son has seen the firework, they will go back indoors. Fireworks are more expensive than Shawn expected.' _______ '"What does a hippopotamus eat, dad?' asks Philip 'Children who ask for stuff in the gift shop,' says his dad. Being a dad is brilliant.'" _______ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' STYLIST

The perfect guide for those spending a little too much time in the shed . . . Using your shed as an office is called shedworking. Bunny works from his shed. He is a freelance cow-whisperer. At least, that's what he tells his wife. Bunny is unemployed. __________ 'Michael and Gwen are looking for the placemats Gwen's mother bought them for Christmas. 'Quick,' says Gwen. 'She will be here in twenty minutes!' 'I bet we hid them in here,' says Michael, closing himself inside the quiet shed. Michael says he will not give up looking for the mats in the shed, even if it takes him all day.' __________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Explore other essential life companions in the Ladybird Books of The People Next Door, The Zombie Apocalypse, The Meeting, and more.

Compiled from the notes of four zombie gnome experts (among them a Van Helsing-like zombie gnome hunter and a gardening columnist), this guide includes a detailed study of zombie gnome habits, hiding places, and offensive tactics, as well as an intimate history of the zombie gnome rise and eventual war with humanity. Empty-eyed, shambling, and hungry for human ankles, the zombie gnome population is on the rise, infesting the backyards of suburbia and attacking innocent lawn ornaments everywhere. While chances of human survival are minimal, readers can arm themselves with The Zombie Gnome Defense Guide to combat their tiny, undead enemies. Offering strategies for defense against a zombie gnome invasion, the book provides an extensive list of essential weapons and DIY home-fortification tips. Rare illustrations of zombie gnomes in their natural habitat and a priceless collection of never-before-seen photos (housed in an envelope in the back of the book) make this the go-to guide for survivalists in a zombie gnome-infested world.

In the grand tradition of The Diary of a Nobody comes the secret diary of the twenty-first century's most unlikely leader: Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn is a committed allotment holder, expert jam maker, dedicated manhole cover inspector... oh, and occasional Leader of Her Majesty's Opposition. When not cycling around his beloved Islington or tending to his courgettes, he spends his time frantically dodging MPs, spin doctors and vicious journalists craving his opinion on Brexit. In these tumultuous times, everyone wants a piece of the beardy firebrand. So who is the man behind the corduroy? The Secret Diary of Jeremy Corbyn plunges readers into a world of dizzying highs, crushing lows, fervent loyalty and bitter treachery - and that's just the section about the Highbury Pottery Club. Readers will be moved, amused and astonished by the wit and insight of politics' greatest outsider: the man, the legend, Jeremy Corbyn.

Jack Dee has been very busy during lockdown and would like to update everybody on what he's been up to. While the nation has been baking bread and clearing out cupboards, Jack has retrained online as a psychotherapist and is now open for business. After FOUR HOURS study, he has a certificate of completion from The Ruislip College of Advansed Learning [sic]. If you have an emotional, relationship, work or other issue that you need help with, or if you've just totally lost your sh*t and can't take it anymore, then he would love to hear from you. This book will be a rich compendium of your problems along with Jack's unique, very professional, advice.

In this "must-read for women everywhere" (Lori Harder, author of A Tribe Called Bliss), the New York Times bestselling authors of I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies and Nice Is Just a Place in France and founders of Betches.com give us a guide on how to thrive professionally, get ahead in the workforce, and basically become the Beyonce of whatever you aspire to do. We get it. You run shit. You can go from being blackout at drunk brunch to being ready to meet your new boyfriend's parents in two seconds. But how do you go from being the boss of your personal life to taking charge of your career? That's where the Betches come in. We are dedicated to making you the most successful, betchiest career woman you can be. After all, we only became Betches after we worked like, really hard. And now we're confident enough to help you become the best. You're welcome. You can thank us later. As New York Times bestselling author Jessica Knoll says, "I only ever want the cold, hard truth from a betch." So whether you're trying to become a CEO, navigate an office hookup, or just save enough money to go to happy hour twice a week, we're here to help. It's time to channel your inner Elle Woods, Miranda Priestly, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Per our last email, you better read this.

Honey Badger is angry because Honey Badger is hungry. In The Very Hungry Honey Badger, you'll witness the angriest mammal in the animal kingdom get into several fights as he searches for food. From scaring off buffalo to battling cobras, Honey Badger will show you he does not mess around when his stomach's grumbling. Someone get him food, pronto! From Kumquat comes the retelling of a classic story through the voracious appetite of the Honey Badger.

Face it: You were awesome when you were a kid. You feared nothing. You spoke your mind. You tried new things. You had imagination. Now you play by the rules, dress appropriately and choose politeness over self-expression. Well, life's too short for that and this book proves it. Vintage photographs of real kids doing awesome stuff-wearing footie pj's, eating sugar cereal, napping and showing off-accompany witty captions that poke fun at the doldrums of adult life and remind us to unleash our inner kid. With a hilarious dose of 80s and 90s nostalgia, just enough snark and an ultimately uplifting message, I Was an Awesomer Kid is a great gift for all who are young at heart . . . or wish they still were!

A hilarious (and mock) insight into the weird and wonderful world of the Premier League's most endearingly eccentric player

""He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us--well, maybe not Gary Neville--but the rest of us most definitely." --Noel Gallagher"

Mario Balotelli is one of the most talked-about footballers in the Premier League: from his on-pitch talent to his off-pitch mishaps, he is one of those rare players whose fame has spread beyond "Match of the Day" and reached the watercooler. Everyone wants to know just what Super Mario will get up to next. Here, for the first time, fans are invited to take a glimpse into the "private ponderings" of the man who is famously unable to put on a bib without help, who set off fireworks in his own bathroom, who went to the store for cleaning products and came home with a trampoline and a Vespa, and who is rumored to be allergic to grass. Just what, exactly, is going on underneath that fabulous chicken hat? A must for all football fans, this book will have even Man U fans laughing out loud.

From the Tea Bag and Donkey Punch to the Rusty Trombone and Cleveland Steamer, "Dirty Sanchez's Guide to Buck Nasty Sex" shows how to pull off the most intimate sex moves like a pro.
Plus, Dirty Sanchez himself provides expert advice on over-the-top positions like the Angry Dragon, Alabama Hot Pocket and Space Docking, as well as his personal collection of never-before-published sex acts, including:
-The Last Unicorn
-The Exorcist
-Vampire Tea Bag
-Pterodactyl
-Kamikaze

Light up and laugh out loud at this adult parody of a favorite children's series. A hilarious gift for your favorite stoner. "If you've ever thought about getting high with a bear, you should definitely read Sam Miserendino's parody, If You Give A Bear A Bong. In fact, you should probably read it even if you've never been tempted to share a bong with a bear, because the bud-loving bear in Sam's book will, no doubt, remind you of someone you know. Maybe even someone you know really, really well (think person in the mirror)." -High Times A humorous play off of the bestselling If You Give a Moose a Muffin, this book tells the story of a bear that had just one too many bong hits. Following the success of other adult-themed parodies of children's books, like Go the F*ck to Sleep, author Sam Miserendino presents a delightful tale that will entertain readers with its charming combination of innocence and lack thereof. Featuring gorgeous full-color illustrations by illustrator Mike Odum that accompany the text, this heartwarming cautionary tale informs readers of the dangers of mixing marijuana and large mammals.

The Mr. Men have been tickling children for generations with their funny and charming antics. The Mr Men for Grown-Ups series now gives adults the chance to laugh along as the Mr Men and Little Miss try to cope with the very grown-up world around them. Featuring Roger Hargreaves classic artwork alongside hilariously funny new text. Mr Grumpy has always been grumpy despite how much he protests otherwise. To top it all, now he has to cope with the challenges of modern fatherhood. Does he manage to nail everything that his family expect of him? The perfect book for anyone who has ever tried to retain a bit of themselves amongst all that parenting throws at them. Also available in The Mr Men for Grown-Ups series: Little Miss Busy Surviving Motherhood, Mr Greedy Eats Clean to Get Lean,Little Miss Shy Goes Online Dating and Mr Happy and the Office Party.

THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone who spends Christmas Day counting the minutes until the Boxing Day sales start. __________________________________ 'There are two important days at Christmas. There is Christmas Day, when everyone is jolly and hungry and very pleased to see each other. And there is Boxing Day' __________________________________ 'Jonathan and Oriane have gone for a Boxing Day walk with Transformers the dog. Walking is healthy. It will help them digest their dinner. And by the time they get home, Jonathan's father might have finished being racist and fallen asleep in his liquorice allsorts.' __________________________________ This delightful book is the latest in the series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. 'Hilarious' Stylist Other new titles for Autumn 2017: How it Works: The Brother How it Works: The Sister The Ladybird Book of the Ex The Ladybird Book of the Nerd The Ladybird Book of the New You The Ladybird Book of Balls The Ladybird Book of the Big Night Out The Ladybird Book of the Quiet Night In People at Work: The Rock Star Previous titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster How it Works: The Student How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse The Ladybird Book of the Do-Gooder

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

Written by bestselling author Boris Starling, Teenagers is one of the first titles in the brand new Haynes Explains series. A light-hearted and entertaining take on the classic workshop manual, it contains everything you'd expect to see including exploded views, flow charts, fault diagnosis and the odd wiring diagram. It takes the reader through all stages of teenage life, giving them all the hints and tips needed to keep them running smoothly.

Late for a meeting, lost your keys or having romance problems? Sometimes we all need a little guidance, and this new series pitches our favourite super-heroes against tricky situations we will all recognise, from battles with body positivity to pacifying office conflict - with often hilarious results. With official Marvel comic-book artwork throughout, and a dynamic design, this is the perfect book for Spider-Man fans who want to see the world through the eyes of their hero.