We all know the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, but what happened after Christmas morning? Humorist Michael Gerber follows up his million-selling parodies of Harry Potter and Narnia with a delightfully skewed take on Dickens' beloved Christmas tale.

Can anything be poetic in the politicking of Washington, D.C.? Is there poetry in the morning's headlines and in tonight's news tickers? Or, as Seely paraphrases Dr. Seuss, Do W's troubles trouble you, too? America's pundit poet laureate, the man who channeled the poetry of Donald Rumsfeld and Phil Rizzuto, now offers the perfect metaphor for the inside-the-beltway bubble: it's a nursery. Using the beneficent spirit of Mother Goose, he has fashioned hilarious nursery rhymes hidden amid the photo ops and filibustering. "John Kerry backed Iraq, John Kerry took it back," making him "a very airy, wary hara-kiri." Bill Bennett, "independent, Kept a hidden secret muse. He would clutch his lucky pendant, Praying, 'Papa needs new shoes!'" As for Iraq, "When you lose, you lose, and when you win, you win, and when you can't tell win from lose, best stop the war you're in." No one is safe from Seely's wicked muse: Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, virtually every news anchor, and a good portion of the Hollywood elite are skewered unforgettably by Seely's Mother Goosequills in this irreverent and hilarious collection.

This cleverly titled BLANK BOOK is a perfect gift for tickling funny bones of believers and skeptics alike The 8 1/2" x 5 1/2" trade paperback features 90 pages of quality white paper completely uncontaminated by printing (Save for headers and footers.) It's perfect for doodling, making notes, folding origami, or ranting about the other side. In emergencies, it also doubles as toilet paper. (Softness and efficacy not guaranteed for this use ) As an added bonus, if you buy today, you will receive an extra 7 pages of blank white paper bound in with the rest Ninety-seven blank pages in all (Along with three pages of pesky titles and legal information, for a not-so-grand total of 100 pages.) The book comes complete with a glossy, full-color cover suitable for framing. The back cover features sarcastic copy sure to drive home the paperback's satirical intent. Be sure to look for other BLANK BOOKS in the From the Secret Files... ser

Originally published in 1978, this anthology includes facsimile reprints of three novel-length parodies of H. Rider Haggard's fantasy tales: "King Solomon's Wives; or, The Phantom Mines, by "Hyder Ragged" (pseud. of Henry Chartres Biron), 1887; "King Solomon's Treasures," by John De Morgan, 1887; and "Bess: A Companion to Jess," by John De Morgan, 1887.

Who can cut right to the chase of real life situations? Who can define the boundary necessary, knows no fear, creates choices, and refuses to accept the status quo, all in her own unique and refreshing way? Bertha can and never messes up her pedicure in the process.

The Devil's Food Dictionary is a full-blown culinary dictionary parody. Uniquely loony, edgy, and funny, it boasts nearly 1,100 entries, 250 footnotes, an extensive phony bibliography, and 26 illustrations. This is the most creative food writing being done anywhere, either in print or online.

"The Devil's Dictionary," by Ambrose Bierce, is a satirical book first published in 1911. It offers reinterpretations of terms in the English language which lampoon cant and political double-talk. "The Devil's Dictionary" has inspired many imitations both in its day and more recently. Recent examples include "The Computer Contradictionary" and "The Devil's Dictionary X."

You are what you watch! What if classic TV could heal your inner child? No, really, we're serious. It's possible if you understand what your programming choices say about you! In this delightful send-up of self-help books, author Dr. Will Miller asks: Did you love Lassie, the cross-dressing canine hero who saved little Timmy from raging rivers and mine shafts? It could be a sign of co-dependency and an impulse for self-sacrifice. What does your devotion to Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie say about your marriage and your view of gender? Why do men love the Three Stooges? Why do women loathe them? Do you have an inner Moe, Larry or Curly? And do you know why you must kill your inner Gilligan? Is it really possible for the nation to be emotionally healed by viewing The Brady Bunch? The answers to these questions will surprise and thrill you. Dr. Will Miller, the founder of the revolutionary science of teletherapy, reveals all these truths and more in this groundbreaking book that explains Why We Watch! In a matter of moments, you'll be watching your way to wellness! Really.

Is chivalry close to being extinct? Author Roger Smith thinks so. And "The Gentlemen's Guide: A Quick Reference" is the solution In defining "gentleman," Smith does not cater to the definition of a tuxedo-wearing, Ferrari-driving, multilingual man ala James Bond. Instead, he believes a gentleman is defined in terms of behavior that is courteous, mannerly, and poised. Smith believes the average man can easily increase his manners by making simple changes. Excellent manners and thoughtfulness have virtually disappeared in our current culture. But it doesn't take much for a man to restore himself to the good graces of his significant other Among the suggestions Smith has compiled to help men improve their relationships with wives or girlfriends are the following: Hold her-that's one thing your arms are for Make her lunch-she may not like a sardine and guacamole sandwich, but it's the thought that counts Walk with her-remember it's together time, not a race Kiss her-do not burp before or after Take this opportunity to find the gentleman inside-your other half will thank you for it

Russia, Winston Churchill said, is an enigma wrapped in a riddle buried in a mystery. But no longer In his own words, one of Russia's billionaire businessmen, fertilizer tycoon Oleg 'Oli' Garkhov, takes us inside contemporary Russia and explains everything you ever wanted to know about this vast and confusing country. Learn how to raise children and catch tigers, understand the difference between the rule of law and dictatorship of the law, see why transparent corporate governance is irrelevant, observe the beginning of the anti-Putin youth movement, savor new Russian interior design, and master the secret of being a famous lover to beautiful Russian girls. Oli Garkhov takes us on an inside tour of life in Russia's political, business and social scenes. While searching for a suitable new wife, who can mix successfully with the smart set (there's something not quite "class" enough about lap-dancers), and wrestling with the problems of his children, Boris (Old Etonian - but is he a drug dealer or an up and coming businessman?) and Masha (why is she obsessed with overthrowing President Putin and is she really a lesbian?), Garkhov confronts the everyday challenges of keeping his business empire, aided by his faithful chief executive, Misha (you'd be grateful too, if you'd been rescued from Safanova) while hampered by his American adviser on corporate governance, Mike (did he learn nothing of value at all at Harvard?). At least he can count on the dedicated service of his murderous head of security, Pavel (or can he, now that Pavel thinks he is a reincarnated poodle?). Along the way learn why the Russian government is paralyzed, why you don't have to be a spy to be a spy, and why Gorbachev's failure to understand fertilizers led to the collapse of the Soviet Union. This is the remarkable account of one man's chaotic life.

Behold the first tech-version of "The Onion" (actually, they've been ripping us off for years). Contained herein are all the AcmeVaporware press releases, TorpoPhysical Bulletins, supersecret communiques, meeting notes and general colonic errata associated with a torpo-decade under the influence, to include the latter half of The Roaring Nineties, and on into the crappy and dangerous Force-vector Zeroes, not to mention one BROBDINGNAGIAN run-on sentence that doesn't seem to know when to stop, or where, or how. Phew. As you well know, corporate press releases in general are a big stupid archaic waste of time -- and our corporate press releases are no exception. The TORPOMETRONOMICON represents the ULTIMATE in IT/networking bathroom reading.

James Pinocchio wakes up in the back of a New York City taxi with a combination lock piercing his left ear and no idea how it got there, or what the combination is.

The following day, his wealthy parents decide they've had enough, and they send him off to Sleepy Hollow, the famous rehab facility in Upstate New York. While there, Mr. Pinocchio meets all sorts of Fascinating Characters, one more Unbelievable and Amazing than the next, and they challenge him to confront his Deepest, Darkest Fears. The experience leads Mr. Pinocchio to the very edges of despair, but at a critical juncture he finds hope in the arms of a Bad Woman.

The love affair ends tragically, alas, and, like many parts of Mr. Pinocchio's story, stretches credibility to the breaking point, but the harrowing adventure -- which involves a great deal of pain, a smattering of dirty sex, and endless amounts of girlish crying -- eventually leads to Redemption and Healing. But not for Mr. Pinocchio

Have you ever wondered what was the name of the band Michael J. Fox played with in Back to the Future? Or how to tell if a band is really fake? (One hint - it's made of clay!) Or which fake bands had real Top Ten hits? The Rocklopedia Fakebandica has all the answers. Based on a successful and popular website, this hysterical, witty, and irreverent book contains over 1000 entries (more than 500 of which are all new) covering such pop-culture staples as: Spinal Tap; Conrad Birdie; Schroeder; The Monkees; The Partridge Family; The Blues Brothers; The California Raisins; Eddie and the Cruisers; Gemini's Twin; Kids Incorporated; Wyld Stallyons; Josie and the Pussycats

In 20 years, what smoker will legitimately be able to claim that he or she didn't know cigarettes were harmful or addictive? And how shocked will a jury really be when it hears that a tobacco executive in the 1960s knew about the addictive nature of cigarettes? There's no real evidence that telling kids not to smoke really works. Indeed, studies have shown that it can often have the opposite effect. Children, by their very nature, love to defy authority, and spending millions on advertising to vilify the cigarette could ultimately serve to enhance its appeal. The cigarette is and will continue to be forbidden fruit. Even though the films of Hollywood's Golden Age once portrayed smoking as a normal activity, smoking no longer enjoys such popularity-and for good reason. An estimated 3.5 million people worldwide still die each year from smoking-related illnesses. Through the use of factoids and cartoons, author Gilbert M. Silva illustrates his belief that smokers are victims of what is essentially a ridiculous and deadly activity. the use of tobacco products are indisputable, and they deserve serious consideration. Your body will appreciate it, don't you think?'. This is certainly an important topic, and I want to congratulate you on an entertaining and well-produced book. - Diane Scott-Lichter, publishing director, the American Cancer Society.

Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II is adult literature satirizing classic children's stories and the work is written in the spirit of its predecessor Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces. The new work FFFF&FF Part II features adult language, adult content and adult satirical humor.
Author Jay Dubya goes right to work corrupting familiar children's stories The Three Scruffy Gruffy Billy Goats, The Gay Tailor Who Became King, Petey Rabbit, Thumbilisa Thumbilina, The Emperor's Invisible Clothes and Goldie Lox and the Three Ursas. Several British legends are re-invented with hilarious adult renditions of St. George Slays the Dragon and Arthur Becomes King of England. Greek myths are imaginatively sabotaged with comical presentations of Daphne's Daft Daffiness, Bellerophon's Marathon Adventure, Baucis and Philemon, Psyche and Stupid Cupid and Atalantas's Last Race.
Other popular children's stories that are put into adult parodies are Pinocchio's Personality Problem, The Wolf and the Seven Lame Lambs, The Sorcerer's Un-resourceful Apprentice and Peter Pansy Does Kensington Gardens. Finally Author Jay Dubya presents very amusing renditions of the classic tales Alice Visits Wonderland and Aladdin's Little Lamp. Fractured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II is definitely not written for or to be read by children.

A celebration of the diffference between men and women, how they think and how they behave.

A Dishy Tell-All Memoir from the Great Ape A funny thing happened on the way to the Empire State Building...and now, for the first time since his 1933 debut, King Kong, thelegendary ape of the big screen, tells his fascinating story. In My Side, he answers: What was his romantic lead Fay Wray covering up? Not much, according to the wonderful and frank creature who sneaked several good peeks. For which great power was on-screen nemesis Bruce Cabot a secret agent? Don't ask. Read. How did Kong -- a serious and trained actor -- refuse to parrot his lines, unlike some of his costars, and get into character? Kong also offers anecdotes and memories of David O. Selznick, Frank Sinatra, Bill Cosby, Stalin, and many more luminaries from his long and storied career. Gritty and powerful, this 132-foot simian's story will take you from the darkest jungle to atop the highest skyscraper of the day, but always keep you laughing with his hilarious side of the story.

"Teachings of the Cat Zen Masters," by Sheryll Dahlke, is a collection of quotes by famous cats, such as T. Furball, Oscar Wildecat, and many others. Felix Waldo Emerson, for instance, says: "There is a cat-like quality in everything God has made." In these pithy sayings, cats live totally in the moment with full awareness. Like a contradiction, they study the Self to forget the Self. They are centered in balance and in time, completely within the activity of the moment--whether playing with a stone or a butterfly. "This little book is a joyous read. You will be given the powerful, loving freedom for you to be yourself."--Juanita "Catastrophe" Tobin, Poet--Blowing Rock, NC."The enlightened cat is a beautiful thing. We humans can learn a few things from "Teachings of the Cat Zen Masters." Enjoy!"--Rita Bayron, Faithful Feline Follower--Coppell, TX.

Now more than ever, Americans are troubled by questions. As sweaty modernity thrusts itself upon us, the veil of ignorance that cloaked our nation hangs in tatters, tattered tatters. Our "funny bones" are neither fun nor bony. Glum is the new giddy, and the old giddy wasn't too giddy to begin with.
What can be done to stop this relentless march of drabbery? Nothing. But perhaps this book can be used to dull the pain. Included herein:
The Ten Worst Films of All Time, as Reviewed by Ezra Pound over Italian Radio
Unused Audio Commentary by Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky, Recorded Summer 2002, for "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring" DVD (Platinum Series Extended Edition), Part One.
How Important Moments in My Life Would Have Been Different If I Was Shot in the Stomach
My Beard, Reviewed
Circumstances under Which I Would Have Sex with Some of My Fellow Jurors
Words That Would Make Nice Names for Babies, If It Weren't for Their Unsuitable Meanings
As a Porn Movie Titler, I May Lack Promise
Ineffective Ways to Subdue a Jaguar
Eleven Lunch Meats I Have Invented
Four Things I Would Have Said to Sylvia Plath if I Had Been Her Boyfriend
And much, much more, including 20 brilliant new lists . . .

Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Low Fat, or the ever-present South Beach all promise the same things-starvation, deprivation, self-denial, unhappiness, irritation, and most importantly, failure as you seek the elusive and unattainable emaciation of Hollywood stars.? Why go that tragic route when now you CAN have it all-doughnuts, milkshakes, double meat and cheese burgers, and best of all deep fried snickers bars on the brand new North Beach Diet?? Author Kim Bailey, the poster child of this groundbreaking new food plan, says it best...? "I gained 145 pounds, became emotionally insulated, and allowed food to control every aspect of my life?now you can too!"

This parody of the ubiquitous South Beach Diet celebrates the joys of sugar, butter, and all things carbohydrate. This high-fat, high-salt, real sugar movement is the perfect backlash to the overwhelming barrage of diet plans that dominate bookstore shelves and bedside tables. It is filled with helpful tips, including . . .Slower is always betterAlways use food as an emotional outletStressed spelled backwards is desserts

Exercise is all virtual in this innovative "Body-By-Cake" program with routines such as: Pie-laties, NordicSnack, and Cap'n Crunches.

The "Robust Gourmet" section of the book is one of its best features with over 60 high calorie recipes made with lots of real butter, refined sugar, white flour, and chocolate.? You'll be entertained by a few of these like the Battered Fried Twinkies, Biscuits and Chocolate Gravy, and the 7-Layer Nabisco English Trifle, and delighted by most, as you enjoy the sumptuous comfort-food offerings of Cognac Braised Short-Ribs, Buttermilk Vidalia Onion Rings, and Sweet PotatoPie.

At his popular Internet Web site, author Bill Stockton uses piercing satire and zany humor to take on everything from George W. Bush and Washington's neoconservatives to the danger of global warming caused by bovine methane emissions. In "Is That True or Did You Make It Up? Cosmic Ruminations from Bill Stockton's Satirium.com," the author has assembled the funniest articles from his satirical cyber-hangout, www.satirium.com, including:

Telepathic Parrot Caught Monitoring Karl Rove's BrainIs Death Final? Debate Riles Obituary WritersCastoff Armani Launches Homeless Man's Lobbyist CareerLatest Terror Worry Is Radioactive Horse Manure"Lord of the Rings" Plunges Fan into Six-Day ComaNeocon Identity Card Theft Alarms Beltway Insiders

The author, an editor at "The New York Times" for two decades, learned the hard way that nothing is ever what it seems. "Is That True or Did You Make It Up?" provides a witty and irreverent road map to a new world order viewed from behind the looking glass. Be warned: this book could cause you to shriek helplessly and roll around on the floor.

Moving South? Feeling a little out of place? Craving pizza from home and faking a passion for sweet tea? Not generating much Southern hospitality? Wondering if you'll ever fit in?

Well, honey, here's your complete guide to living in Dixie, providing migrating Yanks with tips on living, eating, greeting, driving, walking, talking, and what food to bring to a funeral. From his 'n' her Southern Hair Dos (and Don'ts) to The A to Z Dixie Dictionary, Suddenly Southern includes everything you need to know about living south of the Mason-Dixon Line, including:

• Recipes that range from mint juleps and hoppin' john to recipes for disaster
• "Know Your Bugs by Their Mugs," a handy identification chart
• 10 ways to say, "Now that's ugly" in Dixie
• How to walk from the store to the car without dying, a Fun-in-the-Sun Survival Kit
• 100 Southern Things Worth the Trip

From Southern tailgate food (deviled eggs and cheese straws) to minding your BBQs, from pronouncing pecan to knowing when your cat's a true Southerner, from knowing when you're fittin' in to knowing when you're not, this is the ideal guide for anyone moving, planning a move, or just plain ol' interested in this fascinating American region. With this book on your shelf, they'll never be able to say "Yankee, go home" again.

Have you ever wondered: --How to perform an appendectomy? --How to rob a bank? --How to take a bullet? --How to deliver a baby in a manger? --How to summit Mt. Everest? --How to mend a broken heart?